dash

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

so this is how it feels to let it go to let it fall apart

Here's the truth about everything that's been going down in the last couple of months.I am slowly deteriorating.Very soon,I might just self destruct.I can't do this anymore.It's hard to talk to myself or to talk to Kecik for that matter.He doesn't say anything.He probably doesn't know what's been happening.

I am not paying attention in classes.Well,except for Arabic coz its a language subject.I can't think of writing my EAP paper eventhough I already have an outline with drafts and stuff.I am failing some subjects for midterms and quizzes.I have trouble paying attention especially to stuff which aren't really comprhendable.

I am alone and I don't know where I'm going.I wish to say goodbye for good.I can't stand this world I live in.There's too much pain and I cannot do anything to stop it.I can't even make my own pain go away.I too am counting down the days till this world finally breaks apart.I hope I won't live long enough to have to live through that.I have enough on my back as it is.

I don't know why I keep trying so hard at a lot of things.I can't do it.I should have known.I am not as strong as I thought I was.I am not as smart as I always hoped to be.I can't keep up.I keep getting stuck and talking to other people makes me feel like I am speaking a different language altogether.One that no one understands.

project total annihilation

I often wonder why is it that I despise human beings so much.I am ashamed to say that I am one.It's annoying coz for a being designed.......created with a lot of advantages,we pretty much messed up BIG TIME.

Firstly,we can't live in peace with one another.Always finding eachother's faults and flaws and killing eachother and always trying to make the other person fall.We are a whole bunch of destructive creatures living together.When we're done destroying one another,we'd destroy Mother Earth until there's nothing left.

Yesterday,my lecturer said he doesn't like rain because it causes flood and destroys a lot of things.There is absolutely nothing wrong with rain.It's what people have done to nature that causes flood and stuff.It's called nature for a reason.Duh!

Apart from being destructive and all,we can't help but not progress in life.We become less and less intelligent as time goes by.I think the minds of people in general are deteriorating.There's no advancement at all.Because we are shallow in thinking,we only look at progress in the light of physical development and nothing more.

The mind is a very powerful tool.We tend to forget that.So instead of thinking of issues that matters where living is concerned,we think we are being advanced by building and creating things which doesn't benefit us much.Most of the time,it just costs a lot.Yeah you'd probably feel a wee bit more intelligent.Truth is,you're not that far ahead in life.

We are human beings.We destroy.