death

On Sunday night,on our way back from my aunt's place in Subang,we stopped by for some food at some gas station. All of a sudden, my husband received a call from one of the guys at work. He asked where my husband was and what he was doing at the time. He asked if my husband had read the WhatsApp message he sent. It turned out that one of the boys at his workplace had passed away that evening.

It was a shocking news to not just my husband but to me as well.I still remember my husband's reaction at the time. He was out of words. He may not have been the best of friends with the boy who died but I could tell that he couldn't accept the news very well.I may not know this boy but everytime my husband comes home and talks about work,he never fails to mention this boy regardless if its a negative or a positive note.

He was only 23. He rode on his superbike on Saturday night on his way back from dinner with his friends. The accident happened on Jalan Mahameru.It was reported that a white Myvi ran into him and drove off.It was a nasty accident as the Myvi's bumper broke and one of the half of the bumper was on the road.The impact was so hard that the boy was thrown on to the road on the other side where the traffic was heading from the opposite direction. He failed to get off the road coz another  car crashed into him.

His injuries was irreparable. His right leg almost came off. His internal organs were not working that what ever the medical officers tried to put into his system did not get through.His body rejected everything-water,blood,medication.At the time,the boy remembered his father's phone number. He was taken to HKL. He couldn't survive and at almost 7pm on Sunday,he died.

Yesterday,my husband and his manager went over to see his parents and returned all of the boy's belongings. My husband said his parents were still crying.It was even sadder when his mom saw the box with her late son's name on it.I cannot imagine the pain she was going through.It was a sad,sad moment and I can't help but feel like his death was not a justified death. I know that as a Muslim,we must accept fate but I am sad.Truly sad for what's happened to the boy.

being parents

My husband once said "Usually,whenever I walk in a mall and I see parents....they're always doing weird things.But now that I am a dad,I am doing just the same weird things........." And then,when we were on the hunt for the right stroller for Yusuf,we began to realize that there are just so many kids on strollers being pushed around the mall. My husband once accidentally pushed Yusuf and his stroller into a pillar coz he was too busy looking at this one chomel baby in a stroller. What's even weirder was that I was walking ahead of them at the time and I too was looking at that same chomel baby.

Haha.........

Having a baby is like a dream.The pregnancy seemed like forever and when we (Yusuf and I) finally meet,it's like we've been the best of friends since forever.We have our own way of communicating.We understand eachother and now that Yusuf is beginning to see his surroundings,it's hard to not look at his reaction to everything.It's hard to be apart when I spend my every waking (and sleeping) moment with him.My whole world has changed from my sleeping and waking hours to my decision with work.I am constantly looking out  for him and listening extra careful (whenever I am outside while he is asleep in the bedroom) to him just to make sure he is alright.

This is by far the biggest responsibility I have ever had to carry and honestly,I've never been much of the type of person who is up for any form of responsibilities.Seriously, I am like fixated on Yusuf.I wonder if most parents are like this with their first baby.

planning ahead

We've been having a lot of talks about a second child.Well,I am in the mode of preparing myself for a second child.Not in the near future but we know for sure that Yusuf cannot be an only child.It won't be fun.

Anywho,we're praying for a girl.We already have a name for her.But in case we get a boy,we've ruled out a few names for him too ^_^

It's April!

I've recently sent in my resignation. I did it coz I can't seem to get the hang of things with my baby just yet. He needs me an awful lot and I can't seem to get as much milk out of myself as he requires if that makes any sense at all. Well,the deal is,in order for me to be away from him in long hours is that I need to have some milk pumped and stored for him till I get home and I can't seem to do that. He drinks a lot. A LOT.

People tell me coz baby boys just are that way. I can't say really coz he's only my first child.Anywho,I'll be jobless for a few months or so until I am able to get things under control. In the meantime, I am using up all my leaves.I mean ALL of it.

The other reason for my leaving is that my account is closing.It's actually more technical than that but to put it into casual words,it is closing down.That would mean that all of us shall be deployed into other accounts since it is the company policy.Having said that,it would and could mean that I might have to go back into shifts which isn't really a problem. My only concern is that I won't be able to work night shifts anymore after this.My son is my priority.

So,the best thing for me to do is to leave.

On that note,I've also began to realize a lot of things having to do with the people I work with or rather,their mentality.I don't know if my husband and I are the only 2 people I know who sees this but when we go to work,it really is just work and nothing more.But the people I work with are a bit strange in the sense that they feel like if we work together,we are considered friends.

Haha........seriously? I may have very few friends but I have my reasons.So anyway,these so called people I work with would have activities I keep having to decline invitations to coz my off days are spent with my family and that is how I like it.It's nice of them to keep me in the loop but really,I have my family.

Sometimes there would be a slight fuss about why I never join in.After a while,I guess it stops.Then,something unexpected happens.I started working a different time doing different things.Yet again,that caused another inconvenience I guess since my job no longer had anything to do with the rest of the team.I began to be the spot of bother to the mass.

Most people began speculating as to what my job role was and why I was doing what I was doing and not doing what I was doing before and so on.The best part is when they'd start complaining.It starts with A complaint. Then,it turns into a huge whining session. "Why haven't I been called up to work at this other department?" "Why doesn't the manager let me transfer?" "Why?" "Why haven't I bothered trying for the post the department is offering?"

WHY?WHY?????

Because........you guys are fucking idiots.Do I look like the manager to you?!Do I look like I am the right channel? DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR BLOODY COUNSELOR?!

I've been dealing with my manager directly all this while and I have gotten the answers I was looking for regardless if they were what I wanted to hear.......or not.At first, I played the nice person who would just sit back and listen.After a while,it gets really tiring.Same shit over and over.I kept asking why they wouldn't just go to the right people to talk about this.Hah! The answer(s) to that question would be along the lines of "Oh they won't listen" or "They'd just turn it back around against us"

Wow! I am quite surprised that I managed to put up with all that for 2 whole years! So yes,I am resigning for the sake of my son and my sanity.It's not about the money,it's not about what I do.It's the people I have to put up with.No wonder my husband almost went crazy the first day he had to deal with managing people! Of course,he is a much stronger person than I am and he is not the type to be all diplomatic about things.

I just wish I had the guts to tell them all that the answer to all of their WHY questions was "becoz.........YOU SUCK" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!