Suffocate me so my tears can be rain

I will water the ground where I stand

So the flowers can grow back again

Safiyya wanted to go to the playground in Cyberjaya and she wanted the ice-cream from the ice-cream man there so we stayed over at Le Meridien Putrajaya for 2 nights just so that we can be closer to the park. I also wanted to take the kids to Smiggle to get backpacks. 

This is our second time at this hotel in just a matter of a week. The kids love the hotel coz we took a connecting room. Shu and I need our privacy. Also both rooms have bathrooms with bathtubs. Coincidentally, I got some bath bombs from Lush so they coz to fizz away in glitter.

This time around, I brought my workout gear coz I don't like to skip my routines. The best part was when I decided to join the kids swimming at the pool downstairs. I managed to do laps. Later on, we came back to the room for lunch and then Yusuf had classes till about 4pm. I did a 20-minute workout routine. After that, we headed off to the park.

It's always nice to be back in Cyberjaya once in a while. Yusuf grew up there. Shu and I bought our first house there. Now, Safiyya loves the park. It was a good quick getaway. On the day we checked out, we decided to have lunch at El Cantina in Taman Melawati coz it's been a while since we've been there. Also, we managed to teach the kids a game of pool. It was fun.

Today, Shu and I decided to move some furnitures around the house and did some major cleaning. Also, today is my cardio workout day. I am tired!

Hope

It's all I have
For the people I know
For the people I don't

For the people I may know

For the people whom have crossed my path 

I hope things get better

I hope you are well 

I hope you are recovering

I hope you are keeping safe 

Shits getting weirder as the days go by. We're like stuck in a purgatory just waiting. I don't know what we're waiting for. Our boundaries are broader now but not really. Planning is still difficult. We've basically scraped off all of our holiday plans till end of the year.

OK, maybe not. There's Halloween. I am still hoping that we'll be able to do something elsewhere, other than home. I've been working on something but I doubt if I'll ever get it done by October.

Oh yeah! My books arrived!

I've been stuck in another realm from time to time. I've also been doing a lot of art. Just random stuff here and there. PVA glue, papers, boxes,paint.

I have also developed a form of fixation on clouds. Usually, I'm attracted to plants but since we're mostly driving around, it's clouds. I'm loving the rain.

Recently, I have come to a realization that I miss painting........... 

Took the kids to the park today

 In Cyberjaya. We haven't been there in a while and the kids love the park. It's a huge park with a lake and a tiny island you can walk to over a bridge. The playground is big. It was a hot, sunny day. We had a lot of fun.

Of course, the ice cream man was there so we had ice cream and did some cycling and running and working out. Played bubbles. It was so much fun.

Then, we decided to have early dinner over at Padi House. Yusuf grew up in Cyberjaya and we used to eat there all the time. The kids loved the pond with planks you can cross over to Oldtown kopitiam on the other side. Safiyya and Ali Imran were excited to see the fish and tortoises swimming around.

It started to rain as we were dining. I miss the smell of the rain. I miss the sound of the leaves being blown away by the wind. I miss looking at flowers in bloom. I miss being in the sun. The best part of today is that I got to experience all that. I want to do this again 😊

what feels wrong but shouldn't?

 Being happy.......when everyone seems stressed or unhappy.........

It's weird coz what ever I am experiencing is not the same with or for everyone else but I sometimes let it affect me and I shouldn't coz we all have different levels of problems and maybe there are times when I am down or unhappy but other people are happy and that's ok.

Anyways.....the struggle is always there........

Finally took the kids out yesterday. They were so happy we were shopping together after so long. We also had lunch together outside. My tummy isn't having it coz it's been hurting today. I haven't been eating non-homecooked food for so long that my tummy can't take it. Maybe I shouldn't eat store bought stuff. I can't help it. We're always on the move and for the longest time, we've been at home and we decided to just cook our own food and it was the best thing ever.

I am trying to still keep my routines in check so that my body won't get into a shock or just.....ya know, fall into a form of laziness which I cannot cope with especially when it shows physically.

We visited Shu's parents today and the kids had a blast coz they really get carried away when playing with Shu's dad. They were running and screaming and laughing. It was fun.

Taking a break from home

 The kids thought we were going to the beach or the island. We can't. We'll, actually we can but I don't want to. Not yet. People are going to crowding and I am still practicing social distancing. I always had been. When the excitement dies down and everyone is at work and school, we'll go.........

I was having a conversation with Eeno about how a certain family member (or rather, a couple of members) are refusing to get vaccinations. I totally get it if you are afraid or not ready but I am against the idea of you not only mocking the act of getting vaccinated but deliberately defying the law by going around freely as though you are not putting other people at risk.

Eeno is upset that my parents are not putting a say in this. I am too. A little but not to the point of going against my parents. I set my limitations to how they set the rules for their house and I set the rules for mine. I've made it clear about me taking the kids over and stuff. I'm doing my part and I'm trying to protect my kids.

There's a lot more going on especially with Eeno but I told him to try to move out ASAP and get married and you'll deal less with issues pertaining to these sort of things. 

I've lost a lot of people from this pandemic. Some people I know, other I don't. I also happen to have a brother-in-law who is married to a doctor. She is putting herself at risk every single day. I've seen a picture of her going to work on her birthday in full PPE. She has a baby daughter less than a year old waiting for her at home every single day. Don't these people see the sacrifices other people are doing for the sake of the masses?

Fucking irresponsible! 

Mass in motion

 It bugs me to see and know that there are quite a number of drivers out there who has no clue as to why it's dangerous to overtake a 16-wheeler trailer or massive lorries at a very close range ESPECIALLY when they are moving downhill. How are you unaware of the catastrophic outcome that might bring?

Anywho, I am a professional overthinker...... Especially, before bed. I was asking Shu about the physics and mathematical equation of momentum. After that, I was asking about the difference between ammonium and sodium because......... I was trying to understand shampoos better.

That lead to another discussion pertaining to chemistry about something unstable can easily react as opposed to something that is stable. For example, oxygen, carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide. Of course, this lead to a discussion of the nuclear and the atomic bombs.

Containing something so unstable and then introducing a catalyst to create a reaction that eventually can longer be contained.

Welp, last night's discussion was fun. A few nights ago we were talking about feminists and all of the other nonsense concerning human psychology. Alpha and beta males and all the nonsense modern fictions are obsessed with. That was actually based on a photographer's obsession with wolves. Then he corrected it about what the leader of the pack actually does contrary to popular belief.

I believe that men can take better care of their offsprings alone compared to women. This triggers a lot of women. I'm not saying all women are not able to do it. I've seen some awesome women do it.

It's a simple statement like "when we (wives) die, our husband can marry another" Growing up, this triggered a lot of married women in my life. Logically, you are dead. Whether or not you approve the marriage is beyond your capability. I don't understand why you'd be concerned about the life you've left behind anymore at that point.......

Anyways, the discussion about human psychology was far longer and so much less interesting because we live in a clown world 🤡

Waiting for books from Book Depository is like......

..... Waiting....... And waiting........ And more waiting....... And they don't give you a tracking number. They just give you an estimate of arrival date. You calculate the days yourself. And if you think that you should have already gotten the books but you haven't, you can email them a query and they'll just give you an estimate date 😑 The keyword is "patience"

I wanted to read those books and it's been a month..... The reason I am in this particular position is because I couldn't find those books anywhere else online and we were in one of those lockdown modes at the time.

I'm also waiting for something from the States and it's from FedEx. They have a tracking number but the site is only updated once a week and even then, I sometimes get a tracking number for someone else's package...... And I clicked on the active link with the tracking number of my package.........

*sigh*

I seriously am holding on to the saying "good things come to those who wait" 😂

I am one of those people who truly believe in the wisdom behind things that happen.

We made plans to go back to Terengganu coz Shu and I are in need of a different place to think. Yeah, they just announced that they are opening up the islands and stuff. To be honest, I don't think we'd be going to the islands coz it's gonna be packed and even though Shu and I have completed our vaccination, I'm not gonna risk the kids.

What's funny was that the fact that the police told us that they weren't going to allow us to cross state borders still and blah blah blah..... We discovered that the burst pipe issue is still being fixed. The house is covered in pigeons and their nests and poop and....... God Damn It! I was at war with Pigeons back in our old house in Cyberjaya for the longest time.

It would have been a major problem for us anyways coz the water pressure for the pipes at the house was not gonna work properly.

So yes, we are still here....... Waiting.......

BTW, I've been having issues with some really irresponsible mofos but I won't get into that now...... 😑