the thin line between born to die and yolo

 I always believed that we were all born to die. It's just a matter of when and where. Not that it matters at all anyway because it will happen. We just don't know it. I also believe that because we can die at any given time, we should live our lives to the fullest. We should do what we want to do because we want to do it and not because we are expected to do it. We live in a society where we make decisions based off of people's expectations and judgements. People will always judge. Doesn't matter whether you do something good or something bad. We do something new or unusual or uncommon and we would get feedbacks and reactions. 

What they don't realize is that it really doesn't matter what they think. I would have done it anyway. Even if it's something I am new to or I am not good at. I can try and try again. I also find that people who are always pessimistic towards anyone else's decisions to doing anything at all are people who don't even try to do anything at all. They don't create. They don't produce. They don't even try anything new and yet, they have the cheek to post a remark or a comment. Our challenge is to ignore them completely. It is a challenge because we live in a day and age where people think they need to comment on every single thing even if they don't know anything about it. Especially when don't know anything about it. 

I just do what I want and I think it's been going great. What ever I decide to do has already been decided. I would do it anyways regardless what you think. The outcome varies and it's not always rainbows and butterflies but I am happy that I tried. Imagine if I didn't. I'd live my entire life wondering. That would suck.

Married To The Mob

 It is a code of conduct. When we first had a quick family meeting due to a sudden change in circumstance within the house, he quickly learned the ways of the mob and how to stay within the mob based on loyalty. It was funny because he's old enough to understand why certain things had to be done in such a way and he was laughing. It's funny until the time comes for you to know why this matters. I have been married long enough to know when not to open my mouth 😂 Some things just are better kept within the mob.

Anywho, I have been researching on guns because my writing has come to this and I realized that I don't know shit about SMGs and Semi-Autos....... -_-  I was learning about recoils and gauge and range and some other things like bullpups and accurizing....... I know, it's like trying to learn knots when I first started sailing last year all over again......It's a bit overwhelming at this point but I need to learn fast because I cannot delay any more chapters.....

I also decided to look like an anime this year. Kinda resolution..... but not really..... I have a specific anime in mind and she's not that much different looking than myself. I need to work on the hair which is quite difficult to do when it comes to anime hair.

I also got carried away with Canva. It's fucking insane! I am loving the new movie-like book cover I made today ^_^

Ta Dang

 I find that I am mostly attracted to people who have hobbies or skills because they have a passion for the things they love. People who  don't have hobbies or skills bore the living shit out of me. I usually just know that I am about to walk away with absolutely nothing precious to take with me and that I had wasted time. 

I say this because people who have hobbies usually are very focused. They are passionate about what they do and they have gone through the trials and errors enough to tell you how to do it right. That right there is precious information especially if it is something I have never done. 

Sometimes, talking to people like these would evoke a sense of curiosity in me into wanting to try something new. I am not the sharpest tool in the shed and some things are just a bit confusing for me compared to most other people. I do however feel like if I could find a different angle to look at something I really wanna learn, I could actually find a way to acquire such knowledge. 

Anywho, I find myself wanting to spend time with people who are actually interesting rather than people who'd just sit and talk about other people. That isn't something I gravitate towards and I certainly do not care what other people do with their lives and time. 

I have set out a bunch of things I want to do in the next coming months and I hope I have the time and energy and possibly the right people to be able to achieve such things. I'll admit that it's just mostly bucket list stuff but I think if I am gonna die, I might as well die doing something I love.

아프다

 I can't get that song out of my head. I have been writing so many chapters and my song playlist had been on replay and I think today, I woke up wanting to listen to something new. I just need to shift my mood a little because new things are happening and I didn't want to bring the same vibe moving forward. 

I am currently not even at home. Fucking electricity company decided to fuck shit up so I am here but not here. We are getting on with our lives but remotely. We should all just live off-grid by now. Make everything available without having to depend on private companies. It's achievable. We just need to learn a little more about getting it all done. Coz fuck capitalism,right? 

Hahahaha!

We pay for services we're not even getting. What in the actual fuck right? From mobile phone services to basic necessities. It's like nothing works anymore in this country! Tell me why I should pay for shit?