It's hard to be a social person

 When every damn time someone texts in or calls and starts a conversation with "Hey, how are you?" or "How are the kids? You guys ok?" , they never really mean or care about how you really are. They would sometimes just start a small conversation heading towards wanting to borrow money. It wouldn't be a problem if they were regularly in contact with us. They usually aren't. 

It gets worse when they want to borrow money from you and it usually isn't a small amount and they'd get all aggressive. Making it look like you are a bad person for not wanting to help. It's so weird!

What's even weirder is that they have never been nice to you or your family ever. They'd ask for money like the only people with problems is them. And when you refuse to help (because you too have your problems to deal with), they'd act like you are the enemy. That is the only thing that they'd remember you for. Not all those other times you've helped them.

So yeah, I don't think I like socializing very much. I honestly think that if they'd wanna sell you something is still not half as bad as just asking for money. Believe me, they say borrow but they never pay you back. Like ever. It's so sick to think that people made this a norm. 

I am not on anyone's favourite person list and I really don't care. I like spending my money however I want and if you fucked up your finances because you couldn't fucking control your shit, that is NOT my problem.

Had a little get-together today

 It wasn't for our friends. Shu and I don't have a social life. Our kids do. At the very last minute, they decided to invite their friends over for a Hari Raya gathering. Shu and I had to look for last minute food and drinks. Safiyya invited her best friend from kindergarten with her family over. Yusuf had a friend over. Ali Imran had a friend over who came over with his mum and brother and sister. Yusuf's friend and Ali Imran's friend stayed till 5pm-ish. Everyone else left. We had a lot of leftover food so we gave them to our neighbours coz there was no way we could finish them all.

It was good. Safiyya's friend's parents kinda know us so we were chatting for a bit. We got to know Ali Imran's friend's mom. It was fun. Short but fun.

My mind wandered into the world of chibis while Shu is going to have to prepare more paperwork for upcoming projects. Being adults is fun but not like gaming fun ^_^

Geng Raya 2024

 I think despite everything that's been happening, we've had a pretty successful Ramadhan and Eid. It's been so hot back at home but for some reason, everything had been very smooth sailing for us. We've been taking it easy and things had been pretty laid back for us. We had no problems overcoming minor problems which was close to nothing and everyone whom we thought would cause us problems haven't been causing problems. We kept things simple and we had a happy month ^_^

I've always hated travelling by car to KL but things had been really great. We went shopping. Got all the things we needed. We met everyone we set out to meet this year. It's been a blast! I think we've checked off our list of things to do and all there is left to do is to head home and move forward. I need to get my studio back in shape. I also need to work on courses. Hopefully, I can get my resume together and soon, I can have a new schedule. 

I try to set goals as I go along and so far, I just need to cross the marks in fulfilling those goals because it's just about waiting for the time to arrive. Everything else I should have done in order to get there has already been done. It's just about waiting now. 

Oh yeah, I need to see how our car is doing in the workshop. I really like our old car. Sure, it's a 3.7 litre 4WD but the leather seats with built-in heating and the sunroof and the subwoofer surround sound is just something I don't think I can get from the newer cars today. Also, I hate having to adjust myself to new dimensions of driving new cars. I don't even like driving.

the funny thing about people

 Sometimes.......I spend time and energy giving advice. Usually, whenever I do, it's not for the immediate time and space........I am usually told to just not be useful or helpful because things weren't as bad.......and then, a few years down the road, shit gets bad. I mean really bad.........and for some reason, I still bother to give advice because.....I dunno......I'm just stupid. And it never sticks and they still choose to do something stupid and random........I refuse to be part of it now. If you can cast me aside back then, I am pretty sure I am still viewed as such now..........I refuse to lift a finger to help. That's my stand. You can suck it! 😂 All of you! 😜😄😁

“Everything you can imagine is real.” ― Pablo Picasso

It's true and I truly believe it. That is why this world is depressing and I live in a world of my own. This world lacks imagination. That's why everything you see is monochromatic. It lacks color. It lacks vibrancy. It lacks imagination. Cars. Buildings. Roads. Everything. We have been programmed to follow what is said to be "acceptable". 

They tell me sea monsters aren't real. They say nymphs aren't real but they believe in ghosts. Imagine, something that has already died coming back to life. They believe in zombies and the living dead.

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Hello world! This is present FidZy saying hello to the past FidZy who posted the above paragraphs. I have not been blogging because my head is not here at the mo. I am currently lost somewhere in the eastern region of the planet. There are Greek twin brothers with green eyes with me and a former bodyguard who is wise and badass. Endless black limos........

Nope, FidZy is not here.......

Goodbye world!

the thin line between born to die and yolo

 I always believed that we were all born to die. It's just a matter of when and where. Not that it matters at all anyway because it will happen. We just don't know it. I also believe that because we can die at any given time, we should live our lives to the fullest. We should do what we want to do because we want to do it and not because we are expected to do it. We live in a society where we make decisions based off of people's expectations and judgements. People will always judge. Doesn't matter whether you do something good or something bad. We do something new or unusual or uncommon and we would get feedbacks and reactions. 

What they don't realize is that it really doesn't matter what they think. I would have done it anyway. Even if it's something I am new to or I am not good at. I can try and try again. I also find that people who are always pessimistic towards anyone else's decisions to doing anything at all are people who don't even try to do anything at all. They don't create. They don't produce. They don't even try anything new and yet, they have the cheek to post a remark or a comment. Our challenge is to ignore them completely. It is a challenge because we live in a day and age where people think they need to comment on every single thing even if they don't know anything about it. Especially when don't know anything about it. 

I just do what I want and I think it's been going great. What ever I decide to do has already been decided. I would do it anyways regardless what you think. The outcome varies and it's not always rainbows and butterflies but I am happy that I tried. Imagine if I didn't. I'd live my entire life wondering. That would suck.

Married To The Mob

 It is a code of conduct. When we first had a quick family meeting due to a sudden change in circumstance within the house, he quickly learned the ways of the mob and how to stay within the mob based on loyalty. It was funny because he's old enough to understand why certain things had to be done in such a way and he was laughing. It's funny until the time comes for you to know why this matters. I have been married long enough to know when not to open my mouth 😂 Some things just are better kept within the mob.

Anywho, I have been researching on guns because my writing has come to this and I realized that I don't know shit about SMGs and Semi-Autos....... -_-  I was learning about recoils and gauge and range and some other things like bullpups and accurizing....... I know, it's like trying to learn knots when I first started sailing last year all over again......It's a bit overwhelming at this point but I need to learn fast because I cannot delay any more chapters.....

I also decided to look like an anime this year. Kinda resolution..... but not really..... I have a specific anime in mind and she's not that much different looking than myself. I need to work on the hair which is quite difficult to do when it comes to anime hair.

I also got carried away with Canva. It's fucking insane! I am loving the new movie-like book cover I made today ^_^