Well.....back in the day,I had a counselor to thrash (and cry) at.Yes,I did have sessions with a counselor only because I had trouble sorting out the shit I have.Nowadays,I no longer have that advantage.The problem is,my depression issues hasn't resolved much.Instead,it's beginning to get out of hand.
I can't explain what being depressed feels like coz if and unless you are depressed will you know how painful this is that to a certain extent you become too numb and immune to everything around you.At that point,I would either resort to inflicting external pain onto myself just so I can feel again.........or ignore it.Sleep through it or what ever.That would not be the best thing to do coz eventually it would resurface and create a worst outburst later on.
I've tried letting it out in different ways but everything fails.This causes insomnia which I have been having lately. *extensive use of concealers!* The best thing about being depressed is that I would lose weight easily from loss of appetite.I'd usually go on for days without food and to a certain extent,I'd start to hallucinate.Its kinda fun to hallucinate coz I'd see things in a whole different level.Most of which I cannot tell if they are real or not.
*I know,why can't I just get freakin' high on marijuana?!*Well.......I have issues dealing with runners.Also,when I have the cash,they don't have the goods.It's all just bad timing,really.......
My other option would be to overdose myself with random things.Now I know what taking too much paracetamols could do to ya ;) so I'd try other drugs........in forms of medications.I haven't done this in a long while.Not sure if its a good thing.
Sometimes I think I just need to sleep a little more.And stop thinking too much!God DAMN IT!
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