NGL

 I miss writing emo punk songs.........

why is peace always the justification for violence?

 Caitlyn said it and I couldn't agree more. Everything Ambessa brings is nothing but violence. All she ever wants is war and blood. Woah, sounds familiar? Look around, people! They keep you running on a mouse wheel chasing things you don't need while they take everything from you and use it for something you never agreed on. 

I always get tangled up in stupid conversations with people who keep saying that we need to break free from the system but in reality, they are the ones who are stuck in that stupid system. I walked away. I wouldn't say I am completely free from it but I did manage to keep it all at a minimal. Letting go of things that aren't really that important. I have my moments but for the most part, I think I have become a calmer person by not letting the little things get to me.

There are things that are important and there are things that are just wants. I have managed to find the balance in that and I have managed to just calm the fuck down. Hahahaha! Shit don't matter no more. Nothing lasts. 

I also like observing people who carry flags or belong to groups or cults or whatever. They like to run around and push ideologies onto other people and at the end of the day, they don't get anything from it. Their lives are either still the same or worse. Why bother? I have no freakin' clue!

hell yeaasss!!!!!

 

I only do it for one reason but getting there usually requires a lot more so I do it anyways.......And I know that I am most likely a NOOB but...... I'M HERE! 😁

living it

Way before Shu and I were married, I did come over to his house here, in this state. It was my first time ever here and I loved it. It was monsoon and the rain never stopped and water levels rose. It was cold and wet and I was having so much fun. I stayed for about 5 days. I remember thinking to myself that "I could totally live here".

After we married, we only ever came back when we were off or there was an important occasion or a long holiday. His old place was by the river. It wasn't really near the town area and everything seemed far. The internet connections and phone service was a little off. It was not the most ideal time and place to be here.

We came back often coz we were always on the islands. Our kids grew fond of the beach and the ocean. We were always on island holidays without fail. And then, his parents sold the old house and moved closer to the beach area. Shit got so much funner after that. We could just take the bike out to catch the sunrise by the beach. It was so peaceful and nice.

After a few years, we decided to just bite the bullet and moved the family out here. He bought the house from his parents and we moved everyone out here. We haven't looked back. It's been a few years now and our kids have slowly picked up the dialect but our BM is still atrocious. We're working on it.

Today, Shu took me out to the beach just before sunset. We wanted to sea how the waves are doing coz it's supposed to be monsoon season already. Shit's been weird and the weather hasn't been the usual. We just stood there by the beach and watched people fishing. Families having picnics. It was just so nice.

Looking back, I remember talking to some people who thought they knew me. They said I could never live out here. I was born a city girl and I could never leave the city life behind. I did. And I am enjoying every second of it. I do go back to the city to shop and maybe take a look around but I will miss home and the beach. 

I also feel a lot free-er here that there are no traffic and skyscrapers hovering my view of the sky. I can breathe and I have been doing a lot more art and writing ever since we moved out here.

monsters in my head

 do you wanna come play?

I am not......wait......I haven't been living in this world....... *laughs* that's nothing new!

I have been putting off so much writing coz my head just can't fucking work anymore. My head is all about drawing and sketching and images and shit........yeah......

It's so weird but despite the colors I keep seeing, everything I have in my head and my hands are black. I need a new perspective. I really suck at sculpting. *laughs* I really do! My damn turtle looked like a burger! 

I have this fascination with stained glass art but I know fo shizzles I'mma cut myself coz I am one clumsy mofo. I can't even burn my candle without getting my finger burnt! *laughs*

I was and always had been stuck on blood splatter. It's like my niche. My blood splatter artwork are my best works. I don't think it's something everyone else would be comfortable with especially if I had a hoodie with blood splatter designs on it walking around in public. I was being very baseline flat with my Halloween costume this year coz we were at a mall and I didn't wanna start a riot. *laughs*

Here's a free design I made........use it however you want. Make it bloodier........ HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

damn it, Riot Games!

 Last night's episodes were really hitting me hard. I was crying the whole time. Damn you! How could you make it so beautiful and almost perfect just to fuck it all up again. You can't do this to people's feelings! I love Jinx! I love Isha! I love what they and Vi and Vander almost had! Damn you, Jayce! Viktor was onto something! Fuck you, Riot Games! I've been crying so much!

He's your dad too........

stained

 I haven't been so addicted to an entire album in a while and for the longest time, I really did not like listening to Linkin Park. I realized that I was getting a little annoyed at Chester's vocals and I just avoided the band completely. Recently, they released a new album and I have it playing on repeat.

 Stained is definitely a fav of mine.

I find that there is something about the vibes and emotions in this album that speaks to me. Ok, maybe it's Emily. Maybe I like her and her vocals actually sends the messages across to the extent that I could actually feel the songs.

I like it.