obsession....

 I tend to get myself fixated on something for weeks.....sometimes months.....and then.....I just....disappear from the face of the Earth completely.....I think it started with me trying to distance myself from the world as I continue creating my own little world. I didn't wanna associate myself with certain people anymore coz I just think it's a complete waste of time. I can't relate to whatever it is they are talking about anymore or their thoughts just don't resonate with me anymore......so I just decided to move on.....

It's a very enlightening journey coz the less I speak to people the less problems I seem to have. I'm not saying I am completely disconnected from what is happening around the world,I just want to focus on things that matter to me and not waste my time and energy on things that don't matter to me. It's hard to explain without sounding like I am completely abandoning everyone else but it kinda is that way right now. I find myself getting more and more absorbed into something and not care about anything else anymore.

The best thing about being in the current state of mind I am in right now is that nothing affects me. I'm not doing whatever I do to make money or to gain anything. I just love doing what I do. It makes me happy. Not many people understand that and I don't blame them. I grew up in a household constantly pressuring me into doing something so rigid to achieve a certain type of goal. I can do that. Rigidity is simple to do. It bores me though. But I can work like a robot if you asked me to and for as long as I don't have to deal with another human being, I can work. What I cannot do is trying to explain myself and the things that bring me joy to people who don't have a hobby or anything to do other than socializing. 

I never understood socializing and I never enjoyed it much. It drains my energy and the noise is deafening and distracting.