the big 4

 So........I'm 40 today........😂 It feels so funny saying that out loud coz......I'll be honest, I never expected to live this long.......also.......I feel like I am still the teenager who is still so eager and curious about so many things. I've been trying to do as many new things as possible in the last couple of years. It's like me trying to fulfill my bucket list.....sort of. So far, I think I've done quite a lot. I still have a lot more things to try and learn.

I decided to slow down on working out too much. In fact, I haven't been doing so much HIIT workouts as I used to do. Not anymore. I think I'm gonna start doing more cardio. I've also been learning a lot of digital art in the last couple of months. I've been trying to learn coding but I think I need to clear up my head space for that.

Oh yeah, I've been writing a lot. Songs mostly. It's so liberating to be able to write songs again after so long. I started a Japanese music channel too called Eternal Hearts........coz......me and Japanese had always been inseparable.......So, Designated Chaos is my main channel and I have Eternal Hearts on the side. It's not as well received as Designated Chaos coz of the language, I think......but it doesn't matter. Not everyone listens to every music genre out there anyways.

I need to finish up at least 2 of my books.........coz I haven't been in the right headspace..........I need to get my ass into the sea coz I think it's been a hot minute since we last had an island trip. The last monsoon season sucked coz it barely rained. We were expecting a lot more rain pour but......oh well.....

This morning, Shu got me the wrap I have recently began liking from Family Mart and we spent the morning having coffee and breakfast by the beach. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

had to be done

 

I had to do it. I always wanted to do it and it didn't fit Designated Chaos so.....here is Eternal Hearts......❤️

so......I have come to terms with this.......

 I need to get myself straightened out and get my shit together. I keep having to remind myself why I started writing and writing songs and doing art. I was doing it all because I really like doing it. It's about the satisfaction of creating and being creative, whatever form it may be.

I can't please everyone and it's not always about views or numbers. It's nice to be discovered because it just shows that maybe there are people out there who understands me and what I make or create but.....for the most part.....it's basically the satisfaction of just creating. 

Also, I am not entirely here most of the time........I mean.......I am always thinking about something and then, I end up adding more things in my list of things I wanna learn or do. That is usually how my bucket list continues......like it's never-ending. I am just lucky that I have time, with that, I try to use my time to keep learning and being creative.......I just think that everything else would be a waste of time.....

I am not getting any younger and with whatever time I have left, I really feel like there is just so much to learn and discover in this world. Also, I am constantly trying to keep up with my 3 kids. They are growing up fast and their time is definitely not like mine when I was their age.

They have access to all the things I never had back when I was a kid and their vocabulary is just so out there that I keep having to ask Shu or Google the things they say. It's like living in an entirely different century 😂

just gonna post it here......

 I've been working on Designated Chaos for a while now.........I started the channel slightly over a month ago.....on YouTube...... Designated Chaos YouTube 

I've been writing songs and there's a whole bunch of songs there......Youtube is a whole different world and despite having the same issues I've been having from being a songwriter for so many years already, we still have the whole distributor and monetization problems......I managed to get the ISRC sorted out to my songs have copyrights now but......marketing is something I am still learning to do......

It's been a lot of analytics and algorithms........just a lot of numbers to work with.....but I try to keep it light......I have some goals I need to meet this year anyway so I can't really just lose myself completely to Designated Chaos........

I hope people like what I've put out and I hope it makes people happy just listening to the music ❤️

why I do the things I do

Why I behave this way

I don't need a reason to be me

I do what I want

-Anyway by Designated Chaos-

I'd say this was a song I wrote solely for myself 😂

It had a lot of Avril influence but hey, I grew up listening to her. It's not the best performing song on the channel but I do what I want and I write how I feel so, I can't please everybody 😉

let me go

 

The lyrics are me. That is why I wrote is as such. I also like the music style.......It's so.......emo......

Hahahahaaa.........

I am currently at a stage in my life where I am just doing things that I like. I am doing things that brings me so much joy and I am not even getting paid for any of it and it doesn't bother me. I wanted to do what I like and therefore it is what I do. 

People can hate what I make or produce. People can like them. People have opinions. I cannot control them. 

It's just so peaceful to be able to make and create and produce and not think about anything else.

The temperature drop has made is such that my art pieces are not drying properly and it's been about 2 days and the paint is still wet -_- I have paint on my hands now 😂