Women From The Generation Of Delulu 😂

 

there are a lot of things in this world that i disagree with....

 ...there are also a lot of things that I agree with.....

Not that my opinion or POV matters coz I am just a rando in the system. I am aware that just like everyone else, I too am collateral. 

I just sometimes wish that things were more efficient. In many ways. But there is corruption. I the system. In humans. Human error. Shit like that.

I grew up in a household that made me believe that women were constantly being oppressed and that we need to "equip" ourselves before getting into shit like relationship and stuff. None of those were ever true. I was stuck with some women who are just fucked up. They have their own problems and weren't able to compartmentalize it and throws their shit around. 

Well, an example of it all is how they think we should have a "relationship" the moment we get into secondary school. It wasn't an idea that sat well with me. I had shit to deal with. Puberty. Hormones. Grades. Getting a boyfriend was definitely NOT on my priority list. Also, I was never a people person. I like my own time. I like doing things on my own without having to confirm or reconfirm with other people who can't keep track of time.

And then, I was told that as women, we had to "prepare" certain things before marriage. I am not talking about physical appearances. It was more on like the financial aspect of things. And then, the same people who kept pestering me about all this shit on having a job and securing finances weren't even working to begin with. Then, I began to wonder why the hell was I constantly being pushed to work and earn when my husband said it was fine if I didn't wanna work coz we're good.

So, there's the whole "you have to work and contribute to your family" bullshit alongside the whole "you gotta take care and raise your kids coz you're a woman" bullshit. I do not oppose either of these ideas. I just think it is strange coming from someone who never worked and constantly pushing me to work and then, they'd ask for money from me.....and....the fact that I don't have a problem with my husband and they seem to have a problem with it.....

It's very confusing but this is the shit I keep having to explain and re-explain everytime someone brings up the whole "why are you not in contact with your family". I have shit normal people don't deal with and I have a POV unlike the taboo. 

This is has a lot more to it....especially now that Yusuf is old enough to want to know and understand a lot of things, our conversations are usually very honest but very uncommon to the society. He understands it and he was asking why I was treated as such when I was growing up. 

*sigh* 

I always wanna keep it a 100 with my kids coz I grew up in a household where shit was constantly getting swept under the rug when trying to keep up with the Joneses.  

Do you ever wanted to do a million and one things all at once?

 And then, you don't have enough time in a day or enough energy in a day to do it all.....That's kinda me right now. I am constantly thinking about new things and new ways and new whatever to create or write or make. It's driving me crazy. I need sleep. And I am not getting enough of it. It's not healthy and I finally got my ass to a hair salon today to get a haircut after almost 2 years of not cutting my hair. I was just....not giving myself the time to get a haircut. 

Also, I tried out this hairspa thingy the other day. I need to commit to getting it done at least once a month. It's not like that Balinese spa I love so much in Cyberjaya but it's hair treatment and relaxation. I miss it. And today, the hair stylist pointed out that I haven't been there in a long while and that I need to get some vitamins added into my daily routine to keep my hair and scalp healthy. Good idea. I'll do that if I can remember to do it when I get around to doing it.

At the back of my mind right now is.....should I get a costume for the upcoming cosplay event I am going with the kids or should I just show up as myself? I found a shop that sells cosplay contact lenses and I LURVE them all!!! But.....I can't just show up with contacts with no context.....right? I had always loved Enma Ai but......I don't think I have enough time to come up with a costume......

Damn!

Selamat Hari Raya.....

 It's late...I know.....but it's been one helluva ride....

The last 10 days of Ramadan had been super hectic. Yusuf had a lot of school activities and I hardly slept like a normal human being. Every Ramadan, I would be the human alarm for everyone to wake up for sahur and this year, we did not miss a single day of sahur. In fact, there are nights when I didn't even sleep at all coz my human clock had practically messed up completely.

For some strange reason, I was awake on Eid itself and followed through the entire day's events without falling asleep. Maybe it was coz we were all at that villa by the beach and I spent most of my alone time walking along the beach......regardless the time of the day,in my kebaya.....yeah....it was my therapy coz I miss the ocean.....

I need to get my ass back into the sea soon......

often times, I'd lose faith in humanity.....

 Like why things are happening and why we are ignoring certain matters......it does bring me down. I am not immune to it all. I just......feel helpless....

And then, something would happen.....maybe not to me,but to someone I don't know personally....and then, people come together to help.....and then, I'd find my faith in humanity once again. It's not about who you are or what you have, it's the things you do, things you can do......for others.....

Yusuf is growing up and we'd have a lot of chats about social interactions and how we'd go about it. I always tell him how it's been with me growing up. I never try to be someone I'm not. Not when it comes to my kids. I tell them how it is. So now, he understands why I am like this and why I do what I do and why my upbringing was different from Shu's.

I would always remind our kids to always lookout for one another which includes their friends and schoolmates. Especially kids coz they don't know any better and if the adults don't help them, no one would.

Shu said he was watching a movie about this couple.....

 The baseline was that the girl left the guy coz she said he's poor but that was not the real reason. He was constantly whining and not doing anything about it. So Shu said, that is the problem he has with people today. They want everything but they just whine and rant and complain about it but not actually doing anything about it. My stand is clear. I usually ghost people who refuse to help themselves. I feel like it's a waste of my time and energy trying to help someone whose only goal is to rant and complain but not doing anything to change their situation.

Life is not easy. Nothing is. But if you just go on and on about how someone else should spend their money or time that has nothing to do with you,you should probably change something in your life and make that shift. I was once told about it's better to teach a man to fish rather than giving him fish. Well, that's exactly what I do now. I won't give you just coz. If people can hustle and do multiple jobs at once trying to make a better living, so can you.

And the whole social situation about girls saying "I will only marry rich guys" is getting out of control. I can only say, good luck with that. Coz these days, the guys are also looking to marry rich girls only. So.....yeah.....there it goes.....my last flying fuck.....Hahahaha......There is no more hope in humanity 😂

it's official!

 Designated Chaos has finally joined Spotify and YouTube Music and ETC.....

Designated Chaos Spotify

To think that 2026 started with us getting sick......and then the flight delays......and the horrible accident (thanks to my clumsiness) I scraped my arm on a door hinge which sucked coz it hurt like hell......and then....I got assaulted by my own feathered pillow -_- sometimes I wonder if I am actually living a life based on someone's writing on what they think is fuhney......

But then, someone commented on our YouTube channel,saying that we should get our music onto Spotify.....so we did......

hola 2026!

 I'm late coz I haven't been at home.....also.....I've been moving around too much.....eventhough I have all of my shit with me (laptop,iPad,phones,watercolor) I still haven't had the time to do anything much. We were doing way too much shopping. WAY. TOO. MUCH. Shu wanted to take us to Lalaport in KL......I found the Gundam I wanted......so....I bought it.....it's a huge ass box and I have been lugging it around everywhere....and then.....we were in Berjaya Time Square......there was an XL-Toy shop there.....I found a figure I had been looking for.....it wasn't listed on their site.....so I got it.....and then....oh yeah, we were at IOI mall,the New Year's Eve Astro concert was held there....even though we never went for the actual concert, we got to see Alley Cats doing a sound check which was AWESOME!!!!Daymn! They sound good.....

Anywho, managed to use the tub one night and I accidentally forgot to put in a little more cold water into the tub so I uh.....burnt myself 😑 Um.....yeah....Shu booked me a spa sesh and it was pretty good.....I've always like Balinese massages. I've been distracted....too distracted....

The Bambu Lab A1 Mini arrived a few weeks ago. I've been 3D printing shit...getting used to STL files and stuff....learning threshold supports....stuff....Shu got me 400 bux worth of filament and I made quite a lot of things......I've been loving my Sakura Koi watercolor paint set so much that I have been painting a lot on the go. It really is nice to be able to paint again. 

At this point, we are already used to airport security checks that everything is planned ahead. If I am gonna be out of town for more than 3 days, I would usually bring along my laptop so....the security checks is a bit messy coz I have to take my laptop out....but at this point, I usually take everything like my phones and watch and put it into my backpack and I would take out my laptop and iPad out before getting scanned. The process is quick. 

Now, I am currently at the lounge coz our flight had been delayed from 3pm to 8:30pm. YEAAAAAAAAAAAH........I took out all of my shit and starting camping out here 😶‍🌫️

It's been.......

 A hot mess.....

Apart from flying back and forth to KL and back here,coz I refuse to drive....also, the kids prefer taking the plane,we have also been trying to fix the house. A roof leak problem. It's not the best time to do it either coz it's monsoon season already. I was worried if one day, we'd come home to our kitchen ceiling completely gone.....

The last couple of days had been.....hectic....the air-cond installation guys are hacking walls......the wiring and electrical guys were installing new power points. The guys who came today to install the washer dryer tower was the worse,thank God there were 4 of them. I swear,the builder who originally built this house was completely oblivious to the concept of space. We have tried doing everything we could to maximize the space we have but somethings just can't be changed unless we do a huge renovation.

The thing about starting a renovation, a major one,is that we have to consider living elsewhere while it is all happening and we may also be in and out of town. This is hard but not completely impossible. It's not like a huge problem either. We have been living here after all.

I miss the beach and being in the sea.

i'll tell you who ain't forgiving.....

 Moi.....hahahaha......

I had always felt like people only look for me when they want something from me. It had always been that way. Especially, with my family. I've come to a point where I have just stopped giving a shit. People can say whatever but I know what I feel and it had always been this way. There is no sense of gratitude or humility. It's always just talking shit and then, they want something from me and the phone calls starts coming in. How are you? How are the kids? Really? It's NEVER the real reason. 

What annoys me even more is the way they think they have the right and entitlement to just take but not pay for anything. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? You are a fucking freeloader. You always had been. Your life haven't changed for the better coz you couldn't give a shit to think and work. Fuck this. I have already decided and I do not wanna do this again. I ought to just change my number at this point......yeah.....that's kinda a good idea.....I mean..... my socials are all out there.....my email address is still there.....I could just keep it all......on a surface level.....

slaying as I laugh

 I am far from those whose minds are closed off,living under a rock and their only source of info is a TV. The fact that they believe every single thing on TV and the internet is beyond my comprehension. The world is huge and there is so much to see and explore but these cave dwellers still think I am too much for them. Of course I am. It's called being AWESOME....hahahaha......

Nah, I just don't think and dive straight in head first. If I am curious about something, I would go ahead and explore. I don't like people who contemplate too much. They slow things down and while they are trying to decide, I am already gone. It's either a yes or a no. You can sit here and contemplate or weigh decisions whatever......years would have gone by and you are still where you were.

It's funnier when the people who hasn't done ANYTHING in their lives starts giving you advice. It's so fucking hilarious. It's like they see or read something online or on TV and they start talking like they know the real thing. I've spent too much of my time just brushing these people away and sometimes, I think it's time I tell them in their faces about they are still stuck in the same spot they were all these years just to knock some sense into them in terms of time frame.

Nah....it's a waste of time and energy.....

Hahahahaaa.......

FuhNey Fo Shizzles!

 My daughter (8yo) has friends and her friends really like hanging around with me. They think I am more of her cool older sister rather than her mom. We do all of the secret handshakes and stuff when we meet. I make stickers for them. It's all good.

Earlier, before they got to know me.......her friends thought I was like this stuck up, fierce chick with sunglasses all the time and I act all cool and shit. OMFG! When they finally speak to me, I am practically a walking talking anime! Fo Shizzles!

Shu's sister used to say the same thing about me when I first married into the family. She thought I was this high maintenance,stuck up girl from the city.......😂 Me? I have my particularities and preferences but.....I am a silly goofball.......and I don't live in this real world.....

recovery took a whole lot longer than expected

 So......I got sick for like......3 weeks......and then.....I began to enjoy living life. Just doing art, sewing, drawing, painting.......stuff like that.....and then.....I realize that I really live a blessed life. I had been. Getting sick just reminds me that I have all the time and energy in the world to do what I want and when I am so sick and in bed, I couldn't do any of it.

I live my life doing things I love because I love doing it. I don't need any validation from anyone, I don't need anyone to tell me if I am not good enough because I love doing whatever I do. Also, being able to do it all as a hobby truly is a blessing. I don't worry about deadlines or anything that requires anyone else's attention because I love doing it all. I just got burnt out halfway when I got caught up in the world of the internet and social media. That's all they ever care about. The validation of others.

Just live. It's funner. Just breathe and try doing things you've never done before.....

Speaking of which, I managed to try sailing the Hobie Wave for the first time. It was FUN! I was sailing alone and the instructor told me I got it.....haha.....I had no phone on me or anything that could have indicated if I ever capsized. Damn! I was having a blast....and now, I want one.....Yay!

Shu had been wanting to get me a car but I hate driving. The new cars come with a lot of bells and whistles and I really am more or a mechanical, basic type of gal. I want a boat. A 470......and a Hobie Wave  ^_^ Besides, I have a car.....one that I already am familiar with. No complicated systems telling you how close you are to the curb or the other cars. None of those with a sensor that turns your engine off automatically.......

the world today

 I don't know if I should laugh or cry at this point. 

There's been an ongoing uproar about AI and all of its capabilities in the world today. They create lies. They do. They are not some form of intelligence you should rely on though. GPT was made to collect data online. Any form of data.

The whole AI art creation was not made to be monetized. It was made for fun. Just good fun. Making things you can laugh about and move on with your life. Not making art and claiming it to be something you made like artists do. They create things that are not real. Things that are borderline lies,fictional just for fun. So, artists are having a hard time with these so called AI claiming themselves as "art". It's not. It's made for fun. Shit gets annoying when you put something online and it gets stolen and used without your knowledge. That's just downright plagiarism. There is no control over it. Once you put it out there, who knows who finds it and if you are lucky, you will be able to track it all down and send in a C & D. If you don't, you will never know.

It gets worse with music too. The creation of Voice Cloning has opened up a whole new world of problems. People saying things they don't. It's crazy. Again,there is no control over it.

Deepfake has created a new problem now too. Big ass production companies no longer care to have actors come in as cameos anymore coz they can AI generate the actor's faces into the film now. The actors are definitely throwing a fit about it. It ain't my problem though. I like to filter through what i watch. Most of the time, mainstream shit don't interest me one bit.

So yeah, welcome to a whole new world of problems. It's not a major problem but shit gets out of control when fallen into the wrong hands. Again, people create lies now with absolutely no control whatsoever.

People also have stopped having fun and just taking it all as humor.

Movie Trip: Jurassic World Rebirth

 Right off the bat, I think the movie was just NOT good. Honestly, I wasn't sure if it was the direction of the entire cast or the film editing or the storyline but.....yeah...the referencing were all there....tributes to all of the previous characters and iconic scenes but......but.....but......*sighs* what the fuck is a D-Rex? I could tell you what the D stands for...but let's not go there right now.....that alien looking 4-legged 2 tiny hand crap was.....well.....uh.....um......let's just say that if they went on some free AI generator online and typed weird ass made up dino shit, that's kinda what you see in the movie......I totally get the part where these are all mutated experimental dino that went south but.....ya know like that time when the guy in Jurassic World said "they should just let the sponsors name the dinosaurs at this rate....."......well, imagine that but visually too....so....uh....yeah.....take whatever shit you have ever read about Paleontology studies and throw it out the window and go forth with AI dinos with no limitations whatsoever...... 

my brain is flooded and my thoughts are crowded

 I need to get a lot of things out of my system but I don't know how. I don't know why things happen and turned out the way it did and all I can think of are the adults who are at fault on so many levels. Why? 

The main theme that's been going on throughout this past few months are youths who are neglected by the adults who should be protecting them but failed. Now, the kids will suffer.  If you don't give a shit about your kids, you shouldn't have them. Period. 

I was dealing with teens on bikes without helmets and getting into collisions. FUCK. I am still suffering from the traumatic account,having to witness such stupidity that occured with seconds. FUCK.

And then, recently......the whole shit showdown with the school.....my kids are in the damn school. It's supposed to be a good school. Fuck all of your reputation and standards. Kids are injured and kids are being neglected because the fucking adults could not make proper decisions in trying to get the fucking situation under control. I blame the adults. ALL OF THEM.

The right call could have been made. What if someone died? What if the injuries are incurable? What kind of moron would try to fucking sweep shit like this under the rug? The adults are at fault. They always are. These are underage kids we're talking about. Yes, they should know right from wrong but someone HAS TO TEACH THEM. They aren't robots you can just update with new programs.

You wanna talk about corruption? This is fucking IT! They should all burn down and fucking go to hell. The kids are suffering because of these fucking adults.

I wrote this song with Shu in mind❤️

 

I love you so much, baby 😘

Shu introduced me to this band.....and now....I can't stop listening to them.....

 Full of color on the outside

But I only see in black and white
I'm desperate for some light in the corners of my mind
Having hope but not enough
Reaching out to find no one
Am I the only soul to have lost all control?

It gets hard to breathe
Stuck in between on what has become my fake reality
And there's no escape from the voice in my head
It's driving me crazy!

Nobody understands
My sanity's not going to last
And I'll smile on through the night
Everyone will think I'm alright
But nobody knows what I'm dragging along
When I'm alone
When I'm alone

I'm about to tear off this page
But it's something I can't erase

I wish I could rewrite the story of my life
What I hide every day behind the mask there's pain
They say I'm not alone
But do they even know?

It gets hard to breathe
Stuck in between on what has become my fake reality
And there's no escape from the voice in my head
It's driving me crazy!

Nobody understands
My sanity's not going to last
And I'll smile on through the night
Everyone will think I'm alright
But nobody knows what I'm dragging along
When I'm alone

Nobody understands
My sanity's not going to last
And I'll smile on through the night
Everyone will think I'm alright
But nobody knows what I'm dragging along
When I'm alone

And every day I'll try
To keep my feelings hidden inside
But nobody knows 'bout the hole in my soul
When I'm alone
When I'm alone

you know how when you witnessed something......

 .......and it haunts you a litte?

Well, something happened today. As we were on our way home from getting the kids from school, there was a motorbike in front of us with 2 school boys on it and there was a car ahead of them. The car ahead of them was slowing down and these 2 boys must have been surprised by the sudden stop so they swerved to the side to avoid it as a reaction, they collided head on with another boy on a motorbike.

I witnessed all 3 of the boys flying off their bikes and to make it worse, neither of them were wearing helmets. I was in so much shock as we pulled over, one kid was bleeding so much in the head, the other 2 kids were walking but had severe memory lost. We waited for the ambulance and so many people stopped by to help,we drove one of the boys to a nearby clinic to get immediate medical help while the other 2 boys waited with some people for the ambulance.

I was in so much shock and I was constantly praying so hard for the boys to be ok. They must be about 16 years old. I was just telling Shu this morning that the kids from the secondary school nearby has a lot of kids going to school on motorbikes and none of them bother to wear helmets whatsoever.

I am still a little shaken from witnessing the whole thing and I will never forget their faces. I was crying a little as I waited for Shu at the clinic when he took that boy in. I was praying so hard for them to be ok. I hope they are ok. I told the boy who wasn't as injured to call his parents coz he was walking around like he was trying to figure out what to do. 

5 hotels in 2 weeks

 We were stranded in KL/Selangor for about 2 weeks. It was supposed to be us heading down there for Hari Raya. It was supposed to be 1 week tops and in was like an in and out situation like most Hari Rayas are.......but no this time. Nope.

We headed there during Ramadan and joined in Shu's family for a buka puasa sesh. From there, Safiyya got sick, she picked up the Influenza B. Fuck population density, right? We were doing just fine before heading over there coz we've been at home the whole month through.

Anywho, Influenza B sucks like shit. Safiyya got sick and we immediately moved into a hotel to isolate her from Shu's parents. I got sick right after that. I spent most of my quarantine days in DoubleTree Putrajaya coz that was our home for about a week.

To make it worse, we had a Legoland trip planned just as well. Let me tell you how fucked up the southbound trip this time around. We were getting sick one person at a time and we were heading south.

I couldn't stand being among so many people so we spent a night in Legoland hotel and then we moved to a hotel in JB. I swear to God, i have no idea wtf was going on but none of the shops were opened late enough for us to have a decent meal. Mind you, we have been throwing up so much at this point and i was actually at the hospital on drips for at least an hour.

The fucking drive back to Selangor/KL was so fucked up, we spent 7 hours on the road. It usually takes us 3 hours tops to get to KL from JB. Something was definitely up. I do NOT wanna go south anytime soon. No thank you.

We ended up back in Putrajaya that night after the long ass drive. We spent 2 nights in Moxy hotel. It was kinda nice but not the kind of hotel I would like to spend so much time at. The mall access was very convenient but when you are half ass trynna recover and there are so many people, shopping becomes a little challenging.

We finally decided to leave KL for good and drove home. I didn't have a Hari Raya at all coz i was quarantined for most of the trip. I saw Shu's parents on the 3rd day of Raya I think, and I saw my parents just before leaving for home. My mom was crying, thinking that I left without seeing her. I swear to God, this time around made us all miss home so damn much.

We don't wanna leave home. Not yet. I miss my usual coffee shops and routines.