While the rest of me is trying to get by
I've been having issues with trying to understand why I cannot seem to fit in...........Well,I've never fit in anywhere all my life and usually it doesn't bother me but lately, it's been very strange. I seem to not be able to relate to more and more people I meet,people I see, people I know. I was talking to Shu about this some nights ago.
It's like I'd see or read people talking or complaining about the simplest things like traffic jams and I am like "why"? Shu thinks that maybe it's coz I don't really live in this world so going out once in a while is as much as it is for me when it comes to relating or interacting with the world outside. People complain or are bitter for a variety of reasons but how they got there is the reason why they are. I am beginning to understand it.
For the longest time, I felt like usually if something is bothering my mind or clouding my thoughts, I'd write them out. It could be either in a journal entry form. It can be written out in a song or poem..........or a blog entry............but I just couldn't do it. I thought it was lack of inspiration. I thought I needed to go out. I thought I needed human interaction.
I just needed a new perspective. I don't fully have one. Not yet. But I am beginning to understand other people and the world outside which is news to me but I am slowly embracing the world for what it is.
Shu and I live in the same house but our worlds are completely different. He has a world outside the house which he interacts with on a day-to-day basis. He has human interaction eventhough it isn't personal. On the road with other drivers. In the shops with other people. He told me I needed to start doing more human activities like driving.
So, I drove yesterday. It was daunting at first but I got the hang of it. To think that I used to drive to class everyday from home and then to UNITEN and then back home. I have lost my muchness......... Today, I did some banking because it was one of those situations again whereby my presence was required..........I survived.........it was funny.
