People ask and tell me that Shu and I need to space out a little away from eachother from time to time.I think we do give eachother space.The only reason I don't want to be away from him is because I keep thinking that life is short and that I don't want to be apart should anything happens to either one of us.I think the pain of going through life knowing that I wasn't there with him at the last second of his life or vice versa scares me a lot.
4 hours at the emergency room at the hospital was more than enough to know what it's like to not know what's gonna happen in the next second eventhough we were right next to eachother.We are after all,mortals.This very fact kills me.
Sunday, July 05, 2009
hantaran
It is a concept.A very cultural ritual.About giving and recieving things.Related to marriage.It took me so long to fully understand what it is about.Not that I have.I'm just trying to get this all through alive with Shu.
We have been listing and re-listing and re-listing what we want and need for the hantaran.It's weird coz I am not the type of person to want things.The things that I want cannot be bought.I do not shop.I do.Not as much as a regular person would.I am the worst person to go shopping with.I can never answer the question "What do you want?" whenever we're at a shopping mall.
Anywho,I have about 1 or 2 items short from the hantaran list and I seriously cannot think of anything I want.I know that I'd like to get a laptop for Shu.That's the only thing I really want to do now.And I want Kecik to snap out of his miseries and pain and just be himself again.The crazy kitten he used to be........
The one person I shouldn't ask regarding this whole hantaran issue would be my sister but I do talk to her about it anyways coz I like talking to her.Right now is not the best time.She's going through a major sugar rush and she keeps asking things she doesn't wanna know.
My only concern right now is the period of time I have to go through before marrying Shu.I doubt if I can survive.I have no idea how people can go on being in a relationship while living so far away from eachother.I can't.My life have shifted so much that I don't know what it's like anymore to wake up knowing that I won't see him the moment I step out from my room.
We have been listing and re-listing and re-listing what we want and need for the hantaran.It's weird coz I am not the type of person to want things.The things that I want cannot be bought.I do not shop.I do.Not as much as a regular person would.I am the worst person to go shopping with.I can never answer the question "What do you want?" whenever we're at a shopping mall.
Anywho,I have about 1 or 2 items short from the hantaran list and I seriously cannot think of anything I want.I know that I'd like to get a laptop for Shu.That's the only thing I really want to do now.And I want Kecik to snap out of his miseries and pain and just be himself again.The crazy kitten he used to be........
The one person I shouldn't ask regarding this whole hantaran issue would be my sister but I do talk to her about it anyways coz I like talking to her.Right now is not the best time.She's going through a major sugar rush and she keeps asking things she doesn't wanna know.
My only concern right now is the period of time I have to go through before marrying Shu.I doubt if I can survive.I have no idea how people can go on being in a relationship while living so far away from eachother.I can't.My life have shifted so much that I don't know what it's like anymore to wake up knowing that I won't see him the moment I step out from my room.
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