I miss dancing and playing in the rain. I also miss sunshine and the beach. I miss the sea breeze. I miss driving anywhere with a takeaway coffee and just chatting away with Shu while the kids fall asleep in their carseats. I miss watching the kids practising for their Sports Day or School Year End performances.
But now take me home
Take me home where I belong
I can't take it anymore
I miss jamming in a studio with actual drums and a bunch of goofy people who'd play anything and sing anyhow we can sing. I miss taking off in the middle of the night and just drive away into a different state and do whatever and then come home some days later with Shu and the kids.
Yesterday was Eeno's birthday. We wished him via text messages and voice messages. I haven't seen him in a long while. I haven't seen my parents in a long while. I haven't been back to TTDI in a long while. The most I've been doing is video calls with my sister and my mum. Sometimes, my aunty is around and would join in. Mostly, it's my kids goofing around with Wani's kids. I haven't seen my brothers in a long while.
The only thing I keep thinking of everytime they announce an MCO extension is the next time I'd go on a holiday. Shallow. I know. But a change of environment or ambience or air is good every once and a while.
I need a focal point. A muse. An inspiration to write. I told myself I am not writing dark,depressing lyrics anymore although that is my easiest genre. I am pushing for something upbeat and some sunshine.........Rainbows and butterflies are far beyond that..........but I wouldn't mind.
I was talking to Shu the other night. About me being an adult and that how people are always just sheltering me from real numbers. My entire life had been just that. "Don't worry about it, it's nothing......." Maybe I should worry? I know that I am not the most human person out there when it comes to interacting with real people in the real world but I can try. I can worry when I need to. I can also lose my shit when I should.........And not lose my shit..........
I've been doing a lot of doodling and art. I lack supplies because I am still trying to figure out materials but I am getting somewhere. The color I seem to want is red and I need to figure out some measurements...........I also need some black...........
