core memory

 A friend of mine experienced one of the worst things in her life. Yesterday, she and her family were driving and as they got to a toll booth, there was a black Vellfire in front of their car. Suddenly, out of nowhere, came an Indian guy with tattoos approaching their vehicle. She said it felt like they were about to get robbed in broad daylight. The worst part was, when the guy approached their driver's window to speak to her husband, she started freaking out. No one from the toll House came out to check if everything was OK. She said that despite whatever that guy was telling them, they drove to the police station to be safe and then further carried on their discussion there. She felt safer there because the police were armed.

I don't know what people know about this country but safety is highly questionable. It's all over the news that people get mugged in broad daylight here. I grew up in a place where so called people with money live and no one is safe. Like seriously. Houses get broken into within minutes. My grandma got mugged at noon while waiting at the traffic lights. It's almost like they just say there's a safety protocol but it's not for the civilians. We are just collateral waiting for the wrong place and time..... 

Losing track of time

 My mind is everywhere and somewhere at the same time. It's hard to explain but I think some parts of my brain had been awakened by my suppression of activities. I think that instead of going down the depression route, I made a sound decision to pull myself away from there and focused on things that could take me elsewhere regardless if it's a happy place or not.

Now, I am pumped with creative thoughts which is currently being put into words, designs and music. It's fun. Sometimes it does make me unsatisfied from not being able to express it fully but that's what drafts are for. I have room for improvement and revision.

I have always found joy in writing with pen and paper and after all these years, it still feels that way whenever I pick a pen and paper to write. It's different from making art.

Also, I found myself a good playlist of songs and music to set the tone.

I was telling Shu about the good old jamming studio days. It was not just a jamming studio. It's a place where random people from random places who come together to play music and to appreciate the music of others. It's just a feel good place and time. 

I miss that sometimes....... 

I'm not really feeling like myself today

 I just want to lie on my back and close my eyes. I'm so bored but my back is killing me. It's not the workout. I think my stress level has something to do with my period cycle skipping an entire month. I have been in so much pain in the last couple of days. At least I'm not pregnant :)

I think the weather is also affecting my mood..... Somewhat........ It's been gloomy. I like gloomy considering how hot it's been.

We went to the beach yesterday. The waves were quite strong. I wonder if the weather has changed drastically in the past year or so. Predictions had been off. I think I need a break from the routine.

Or..... Maybe I'm just sleepy......and possibly hungry coz I sometimes forget to eat. Sometimes, I pass the 12 hours mark on my daily intermittent fasting routine. I sometimes fast up to 15 hours coz I just want to sleep in. It's probably not the best thing to do but food isn't something I prioritise for myself. It never was.

I need to sleep -_-