rant: just telling them bitches to fuck off 😂

 It's so funny that the more people I meet, the more random shit gets, the further I feel from where I've been and everything I used to know seems so far away now. It's like my daily life right now is basically meeting every goal I set for myself. It's not always a win and the goals I set can sometimes be challenging for me to just get it all done at once. The challenges are what makes it fun.

I somehow feel like I cannot ever talk to my family back in KL anymore because it seems as though they live under a rock. They sound like people who watch and believe everything they see on TV. If there was anything they'd ever mention about ever being elsewhere than where they are, it's most likely memories from 10-20 years ago. It's so weird. It's like talking to a bunch of people who never knew the existence of a world outside of where they live.

Everything I have ever done had never made sense to a lot of people just because I like to do what I like and a lot of people don't understand that we are not the same and our goals are different. I don't enjoy doing what they do but I never bothered to say anything about it because I feel like everyone is entitled to their own shit. I do what I like and they can do what they like and we don't have to like the same things just because.

Also, I find a lot of people who "think" that they belong in a certain financial group/category like to "act" in a certain way just to keep up with the Joneses. They don't really have everything they want and they just don't want to have to admit it and shit gets piled up real quick and then, they'd get into a massive depression. It's funny to a certain extent. I'm not laughing coz I think I'm better. I just think they need to get in touch with reality and if they do realize it, no one actually gives a shit about you or what you think or do. 

People say shit. People always say shit. People who don't know you especially, loves saying shit about you and what you do. Nothing ever satisfies them. If you are doing great, it's not good enough. If you're not doing great, you probably are not doing it the "right" way. Not to them, at least. They probably don't even know what the fuck you are actually talking about or what you are going through. But they wanna give their fucking 2 cents anyways coz they think it's worth something.

Honestly, nobody gives a shit about what they think. It's just an opinion. Like those fuckers who'd say shit like "thoughts and prayers". What the fuck does that mean? A psychological telegram that would magically make problems disappear? No, bitch! You gotta work to make it disappear.

So yeah, I chose to set goals and work my way towards checking them off my list and adding more goals later. I don't know what those other people are up to but quite frankly, I don't quite care what ever the fuck they wanna do with their lives 😂 I like to do things that make me happy 😁

14th year anniversary

 Shu and I had been needing an island getaway for sometime now. The school holidays were never a good time for us to go anywhere because there are people everywhere. We like less people and less hectic coz we just wanna play in the sea and enjoy the beach. As soon as the school holidays were over, we packed up our kids and headed out.

The kids enjoy open air boats now as opposed to being on closed up ferries and our drive makes the boat ride quicker to the island by about an hour. We've been doing this quite a bit lately. Also, all 3 of our kids are now able to go snorkeling so our island trips are a whole lot funner now. We spent most of our time in the water fish watching. 

Our trip this time around was fun because the beach was right at our doorstep. The corals were close and we spotted a lot of anemones with clownfish in them. There were other coral reef fish too. We even spotted a couple of baby black tip coral reef sharks. We are all super burnt now 😂 The sunblock lotion couldn't save us no matter how much we use.

I got a lot of bug bites. For some reason, sandflies really like me. There were also tiny, green caterpillars that would drop down from this huge tree near the restaurant area. I was screaming so much coz that mofo fell onto my arm and I was getting sick 🤢 Not from the bugs but I think it was something I ate........

Anywho, our next door neighbour was a Japanese lady. She was travelling alone. Next to her chalet was a chinese couple. Shu said that guy was super excited to get into the water that he was up all night waiting for the right time to go snorkeling. It was so funny. On the other side was an old chinese lady and her daughter. They were headed to Penang after the island.

It was fun. We ended up helping the Japanese lady named Miho get her bus tickets sorted out. Shu thinks she may have gotten her plan mixed up so instead of heading to the Besut Jetty, she ended up back at Merang Jetty. She was trying to get to the airport in Kota Bharu coz she was gonna catch a flight to Kota Kinabalu the next day.

It was so funny. She can hardly speak English and her accent made it very difficult for people to understand. We communicated mostly using Google Translate. We took her out to lunch coz we were all starving and the bus ticketing counter wasn't gonna open till about 2:30pm-ish so we had time. She ended up taking my phone number and I took hers in case she ever was back here and needed help with anything. We got her a bus ticket for 4pm. Hopefully, she made it to the airport tonight.

I think we had so much fun this time around. Ali Imran didn't wanna leave but we had to coz the weekend was coming and people were starting to come in. It would have been too crowded for our liking. We're already planning our next island trip in this next month ^_^ 

Och uti gröne Lunden där dansar ett par

 Den ena var vännen den andra var Jag

This song had been playing over and over in my head. I was working on a new book. Story. What ever you wanna call it. I was getting too overwhelmed with my current book because it was about to get violent and I wasn't in a violent mood. Not yet. I have it all written out in my head. I've been brainstorming too. I kinda know what is going to happen. I just cannot bring myself to write it all out......yet.......

My mind is elsewhere. I think I am distracted or I just have been distracting myself a little too much.

I was creating music on some sound pad thingy. I have to perfect the timing. The songs need to be redone and refined. I've also been reading too. I usually read classics or non-fictions but lately, it's been Lemony Snicket. I spent the entire day yesterday doing art in the studio because it hasn't been as hot as it usually is.

Again. I am distracted and distracting myself. 

I don't know if I need to get away physically or I am just too far away in my head.

I always told my mum that I cannot bring myself to mentally live in this world because it is too depressing and it makes me want to die. I think I have been creating too many worlds in my mind that I have been jumping from one world to the another and now, I am trying to write them all out just to make some space for me to think about the new things that I intend on learning. One of them being blacksmithing. I have yet to build a furnace. 

It's so weird to think that I am going through the same thing I have been going through as a teenager. It's almost as though nothing has changed but yet, everything has. It's so fucking weird.

It's hard to be a social person

 When every damn time someone texts in or calls and starts a conversation with "Hey, how are you?" or "How are the kids? You guys ok?" , they never really mean or care about how you really are. They would sometimes just start a small conversation heading towards wanting to borrow money. It wouldn't be a problem if they were regularly in contact with us. They usually aren't. 

It gets worse when they want to borrow money from you and it usually isn't a small amount and they'd get all aggressive. Making it look like you are a bad person for not wanting to help. It's so weird!

What's even weirder is that they have never been nice to you or your family ever. They'd ask for money like the only people with problems is them. And when you refuse to help (because you too have your problems to deal with), they'd act like you are the enemy. That is the only thing that they'd remember you for. Not all those other times you've helped them.

So yeah, I don't think I like socializing very much. I honestly think that if they'd wanna sell you something is still not half as bad as just asking for money. Believe me, they say borrow but they never pay you back. Like ever. It's so sick to think that people made this a norm. 

I am not on anyone's favourite person list and I really don't care. I like spending my money however I want and if you fucked up your finances because you couldn't fucking control your shit, that is NOT my problem.

Had a little get-together today

 It wasn't for our friends. Shu and I don't have a social life. Our kids do. At the very last minute, they decided to invite their friends over for a Hari Raya gathering. Shu and I had to look for last minute food and drinks. Safiyya invited her best friend from kindergarten with her family over. Yusuf had a friend over. Ali Imran had a friend over who came over with his mum and brother and sister. Yusuf's friend and Ali Imran's friend stayed till 5pm-ish. Everyone else left. We had a lot of leftover food so we gave them to our neighbours coz there was no way we could finish them all.

It was good. Safiyya's friend's parents kinda know us so we were chatting for a bit. We got to know Ali Imran's friend's mom. It was fun. Short but fun.

My mind wandered into the world of chibis while Shu is going to have to prepare more paperwork for upcoming projects. Being adults is fun but not like gaming fun ^_^

Geng Raya 2024

 I think despite everything that's been happening, we've had a pretty successful Ramadhan and Eid. It's been so hot back at home but for some reason, everything had been very smooth sailing for us. We've been taking it easy and things had been pretty laid back for us. We had no problems overcoming minor problems which was close to nothing and everyone whom we thought would cause us problems haven't been causing problems. We kept things simple and we had a happy month ^_^

I've always hated travelling by car to KL but things had been really great. We went shopping. Got all the things we needed. We met everyone we set out to meet this year. It's been a blast! I think we've checked off our list of things to do and all there is left to do is to head home and move forward. I need to get my studio back in shape. I also need to work on courses. Hopefully, I can get my resume together and soon, I can have a new schedule. 

I try to set goals as I go along and so far, I just need to cross the marks in fulfilling those goals because it's just about waiting for the time to arrive. Everything else I should have done in order to get there has already been done. It's just about waiting now. 

Oh yeah, I need to see how our car is doing in the workshop. I really like our old car. Sure, it's a 3.7 litre 4WD but the leather seats with built-in heating and the sunroof and the subwoofer surround sound is just something I don't think I can get from the newer cars today. Also, I hate having to adjust myself to new dimensions of driving new cars. I don't even like driving.

the funny thing about people

 Sometimes.......I spend time and energy giving advice. Usually, whenever I do, it's not for the immediate time and space........I am usually told to just not be useful or helpful because things weren't as bad.......and then, a few years down the road, shit gets bad. I mean really bad.........and for some reason, I still bother to give advice because.....I dunno......I'm just stupid. And it never sticks and they still choose to do something stupid and random........I refuse to be part of it now. If you can cast me aside back then, I am pretty sure I am still viewed as such now..........I refuse to lift a finger to help. That's my stand. You can suck it! 😂 All of you! 😜😄😁