hell yeaasss!!!!!

 

I only do it for one reason but getting there usually requires a lot more so I do it anyways.......And I know that I am most likely a NOOB but...... I'M HERE! 😁

living it

Way before Shu and I were married, I did come over to his house here, in this state. It was my first time ever here and I loved it. It was monsoon and the rain never stopped and water levels rose. It was cold and wet and I was having so much fun. I stayed for about 5 days. I remember thinking to myself that "I could totally live here".

After we married, we only ever came back when we were off or there was an important occasion or a long holiday. His old place was by the river. It wasn't really near the town area and everything seemed far. The internet connections and phone service was a little off. It was not the most ideal time and place to be here.

We came back often coz we were always on the islands. Our kids grew fond of the beach and the ocean. We were always on island holidays without fail. And then, his parents sold the old house and moved closer to the beach area. Shit got so much funner after that. We could just take the bike out to catch the sunrise by the beach. It was so peaceful and nice.

After a few years, we decided to just bite the bullet and moved the family out here. He bought the house from his parents and we moved everyone out here. We haven't looked back. It's been a few years now and our kids have slowly picked up the dialect but our BM is still atrocious. We're working on it.

Today, Shu took me out to the beach just before sunset. We wanted to sea how the waves are doing coz it's supposed to be monsoon season already. Shit's been weird and the weather hasn't been the usual. We just stood there by the beach and watched people fishing. Families having picnics. It was just so nice.

Looking back, I remember talking to some people who thought they knew me. They said I could never live out here. I was born a city girl and I could never leave the city life behind. I did. And I am enjoying every second of it. I do go back to the city to shop and maybe take a look around but I will miss home and the beach. 

I also feel a lot free-er here that there are no traffic and skyscrapers hovering my view of the sky. I can breathe and I have been doing a lot more art and writing ever since we moved out here.

monsters in my head

 do you wanna come play?

I am not......wait......I haven't been living in this world....... *laughs* that's nothing new!

I have been putting off so much writing coz my head just can't fucking work anymore. My head is all about drawing and sketching and images and shit........yeah......

It's so weird but despite the colors I keep seeing, everything I have in my head and my hands are black. I need a new perspective. I really suck at sculpting. *laughs* I really do! My damn turtle looked like a burger! 

I have this fascination with stained glass art but I know fo shizzles I'mma cut myself coz I am one clumsy mofo. I can't even burn my candle without getting my finger burnt! *laughs*

I was and always had been stuck on blood splatter. It's like my niche. My blood splatter artwork are my best works. I don't think it's something everyone else would be comfortable with especially if I had a hoodie with blood splatter designs on it walking around in public. I was being very baseline flat with my Halloween costume this year coz we were at a mall and I didn't wanna start a riot. *laughs*

Here's a free design I made........use it however you want. Make it bloodier........ HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

damn it, Riot Games!

 Last night's episodes were really hitting me hard. I was crying the whole time. Damn you! How could you make it so beautiful and almost perfect just to fuck it all up again. You can't do this to people's feelings! I love Jinx! I love Isha! I love what they and Vi and Vander almost had! Damn you, Jayce! Viktor was onto something! Fuck you, Riot Games! I've been crying so much!

He's your dad too........

stained

 I haven't been so addicted to an entire album in a while and for the longest time, I really did not like listening to Linkin Park. I realized that I was getting a little annoyed at Chester's vocals and I just avoided the band completely. Recently, they released a new album and I have it playing on repeat.

 Stained is definitely a fav of mine.

I find that there is something about the vibes and emotions in this album that speaks to me. Ok, maybe it's Emily. Maybe I like her and her vocals actually sends the messages across to the extent that I could actually feel the songs.

I like it.

rant: just telling them bitches to fuck off 😂

 It's so funny that the more people I meet, the more random shit gets, the further I feel from where I've been and everything I used to know seems so far away now. It's like my daily life right now is basically meeting every goal I set for myself. It's not always a win and the goals I set can sometimes be challenging for me to just get it all done at once. The challenges are what makes it fun.

I somehow feel like I cannot ever talk to my family back in KL anymore because it seems as though they live under a rock. They sound like people who watch and believe everything they see on TV. If there was anything they'd ever mention about ever being elsewhere than where they are, it's most likely memories from 10-20 years ago. It's so weird. It's like talking to a bunch of people who never knew the existence of a world outside of where they live.

Everything I have ever done had never made sense to a lot of people just because I like to do what I like and a lot of people don't understand that we are not the same and our goals are different. I don't enjoy doing what they do but I never bothered to say anything about it because I feel like everyone is entitled to their own shit. I do what I like and they can do what they like and we don't have to like the same things just because.

Also, I find a lot of people who "think" that they belong in a certain financial group/category like to "act" in a certain way just to keep up with the Joneses. They don't really have everything they want and they just don't want to have to admit it and shit gets piled up real quick and then, they'd get into a massive depression. It's funny to a certain extent. I'm not laughing coz I think I'm better. I just think they need to get in touch with reality and if they do realize it, no one actually gives a shit about you or what you think or do. 

People say shit. People always say shit. People who don't know you especially, loves saying shit about you and what you do. Nothing ever satisfies them. If you are doing great, it's not good enough. If you're not doing great, you probably are not doing it the "right" way. Not to them, at least. They probably don't even know what the fuck you are actually talking about or what you are going through. But they wanna give their fucking 2 cents anyways coz they think it's worth something.

Honestly, nobody gives a shit about what they think. It's just an opinion. Like those fuckers who'd say shit like "thoughts and prayers". What the fuck does that mean? A psychological telegram that would magically make problems disappear? No, bitch! You gotta work to make it disappear.

So yeah, I chose to set goals and work my way towards checking them off my list and adding more goals later. I don't know what those other people are up to but quite frankly, I don't quite care what ever the fuck they wanna do with their lives 😂 I like to do things that make me happy 😁

14th year anniversary

 Shu and I had been needing an island getaway for sometime now. The school holidays were never a good time for us to go anywhere because there are people everywhere. We like less people and less hectic coz we just wanna play in the sea and enjoy the beach. As soon as the school holidays were over, we packed up our kids and headed out.

The kids enjoy open air boats now as opposed to being on closed up ferries and our drive makes the boat ride quicker to the island by about an hour. We've been doing this quite a bit lately. Also, all 3 of our kids are now able to go snorkeling so our island trips are a whole lot funner now. We spent most of our time in the water fish watching. 

Our trip this time around was fun because the beach was right at our doorstep. The corals were close and we spotted a lot of anemones with clownfish in them. There were other coral reef fish too. We even spotted a couple of baby black tip coral reef sharks. We are all super burnt now 😂 The sunblock lotion couldn't save us no matter how much we use.

I got a lot of bug bites. For some reason, sandflies really like me. There were also tiny, green caterpillars that would drop down from this huge tree near the restaurant area. I was screaming so much coz that mofo fell onto my arm and I was getting sick 🤢 Not from the bugs but I think it was something I ate........

Anywho, our next door neighbour was a Japanese lady. She was travelling alone. Next to her chalet was a chinese couple. Shu said that guy was super excited to get into the water that he was up all night waiting for the right time to go snorkeling. It was so funny. On the other side was an old chinese lady and her daughter. They were headed to Penang after the island.

It was fun. We ended up helping the Japanese lady named Miho get her bus tickets sorted out. Shu thinks she may have gotten her plan mixed up so instead of heading to the Besut Jetty, she ended up back at Merang Jetty. She was trying to get to the airport in Kota Bharu coz she was gonna catch a flight to Kota Kinabalu the next day.

It was so funny. She can hardly speak English and her accent made it very difficult for people to understand. We communicated mostly using Google Translate. We took her out to lunch coz we were all starving and the bus ticketing counter wasn't gonna open till about 2:30pm-ish so we had time. She ended up taking my phone number and I took hers in case she ever was back here and needed help with anything. We got her a bus ticket for 4pm. Hopefully, she made it to the airport tonight.

I think we had so much fun this time around. Ali Imran didn't wanna leave but we had to coz the weekend was coming and people were starting to come in. It would have been too crowded for our liking. We're already planning our next island trip in this next month ^_^ 

Och uti gröne Lunden där dansar ett par

 Den ena var vännen den andra var Jag

This song had been playing over and over in my head. I was working on a new book. Story. What ever you wanna call it. I was getting too overwhelmed with my current book because it was about to get violent and I wasn't in a violent mood. Not yet. I have it all written out in my head. I've been brainstorming too. I kinda know what is going to happen. I just cannot bring myself to write it all out......yet.......

My mind is elsewhere. I think I am distracted or I just have been distracting myself a little too much.

I was creating music on some sound pad thingy. I have to perfect the timing. The songs need to be redone and refined. I've also been reading too. I usually read classics or non-fictions but lately, it's been Lemony Snicket. I spent the entire day yesterday doing art in the studio because it hasn't been as hot as it usually is.

Again. I am distracted and distracting myself. 

I don't know if I need to get away physically or I am just too far away in my head.

I always told my mum that I cannot bring myself to mentally live in this world because it is too depressing and it makes me want to die. I think I have been creating too many worlds in my mind that I have been jumping from one world to the another and now, I am trying to write them all out just to make some space for me to think about the new things that I intend on learning. One of them being blacksmithing. I have yet to build a furnace. 

It's so weird to think that I am going through the same thing I have been going through as a teenager. It's almost as though nothing has changed but yet, everything has. It's so fucking weird.