Death.......

I had always been fixated on the one experience that we shall all go through some time in our lives. It bugs me that no one is able to tell the tale. We know it will come. It's just a matter of time. We don't know when. We don't know how.

As a Muslim, we have been warned and reminded over and over. The stages of death from the moment we are no longer alive right up to the judgement of heaven and hell.

Lately, I have been having trouble sleeping. Not because of the people I have lost. Not because of the very fact that I will someday lose the people I love. But it's more of what will become of me. Or rather, when the time comes, what state would I be in when I die.

Will my body be found, cleaned and buried properly? Or will I die where no one will find me? What if I won't even have the honor of being buried? Will I die in one piece? Will I be cleansed and prayed for?

It's not a scary thought. It just keeps me up. I keep telling myself over and over that if it's gonna happen, then it will.

It's almost like me telling myself that I may not survive giving birth because I don't know what's gonna happen.