Lost in a concrete jungle

These past couple of years had been very strange for me. I seem to find myself trying to fit in all over again. It's as though I cannot understand why things are the way they are here where I live. It feels as though I am out of place in a place where I have been living all my life. Does this even make sense?

There is like a sense of longing somewhere which is not here. I have tried being myself and I have tried not being myself just to see which version of me appeals most to the people I interact with. It sounds like a social experiment but I have not been interacting with many human beings.

I feel like a child on his first day of school. Trying to be nice to everyone but my efforts go unnoticed because I am somewhat afraid to just be myself. I would like to think that freedom is the feeling when you are drenched in the pouring rain but it makes you so happy that you dance and jump and run because you feel alive. This behavior is not common for people who perceives me the way they think they know me.

I would sometimes close my eyes and take a deep breath just to let myself be somewhere else for a little while. Then I'd open my eyes and I am here where I was before.

Why do people think quality living is living in a vertical space in a crowded place where there are pollution and destruction and chaos but by having things such as extra parking spaces and infinity pools and gymnasium and saunas,you are essentially living the ultimate city life. People own cars which cost the price of a house which can go really fast without realizing the roads are broken and cracked and full of holes and cars.

What is "prime" location? The only meaning it brings to me is congestion and hectic. Unnecessary cost of pretty much everything and nothing is quality. They label things as organic and healthy but all you are paying for is something that could cost a fraction of the price. It makes no sense.

There is no kindness or politeness or manners. Everything and everyone is fast moving.Everything must be here and now. Whenever the car slows down in heavy traffic,you could see the different types of plants that grow naturally and healthy. They make me happy. Children doing weird quirky things make me happy. I do not have many adult friends and it probably is for a good reason considering I grew up with most of my friends being felines.