My sister started baking and a baking company

 

Gave up on me like I was a bad drug

 It's been a long week. Balancing Yusuf's homeschooling schedule and Ali Imran getting to school by 8am. Shu's been at home so he's getting things organized. I sometimes have trouble getting out of bed coz Safiyya sometimes sleeps really late and she likes to play and talk to me so we'd end up chatting. If things ever get back to last year's schedule I am gonna die. 

I think they are gonna reopen schools soon. Yusuf has 4 classes a day right now. They start at 9am all the way to 4pm. Depending on which classes,the teachers will determine if they'll be having Zoom meetings or Google Classrooms. Ali Imran has been enjoying school since he hasn't gone for almost a year. His new school has more activities and less students. They have each student assigned to a desk so he feels like he has his own space to take care of. His school is also right next to our house. Safiyya still refuses to go to school and is trying very hard to convince me that she can color and write and read alphabets and numbers and count on her own -_-

Anywho, Shu and I have been talking lately about random shit. He said he's been annoyed by people who just asks for things like money and stuff without even trying to work for them. They annoy me too. He was also talking about how people are just stressing themselves out unnecessarily by setting idealistic expectations. I totally get it coz I know for a fact that I used to do that and everytime shit doesn't go according to plan, I'd crash.

He was talking about simple things like financial budgeting. You can't plan your expenditure based on 100% of what you take home. You need to give at least 20% off to unplanned spendings like emergency funds or something. I was thinking more like how life itself doesn't always work out the way we plan. Like how my pregnancies and labor problems occur. I never planned for emergency deliveries or surgeries but it happened and I almost died but I didn't. It's no one's fault. I definitely did not see myself the way I am right now back when I was studying.

That doesn't bother me as much as people who are always wanting to impress and would do anything just so that they can take credit over things that they did not do. My only question is "WHY?" I feel like it's already such a hassle living up to other people's expectations,why go the extra mile just to impress? At what cost? You burn bridges along the way. It's a very childish and unhealthy mindset for an adult to have. If you can't afford it, then you just can't afford it. If you didn't do it then why take the credit? Life isn't just about the spotlight and glamour. Reality isn't. Why get sucked into shit like this?

I digress.........I had a point somewhere along the way..........I am so sleepy...........

This song was in my head...........

I coulda been the one you noticed

I coulda been all over you
I coulda been like all the others
Is that what I'm supposed to do?

It woulda been really stupid,
If I woulda went home with you
To give you everything you wanted
It woulda been way too soon

I try to be sensative
I try to be tough
I try to walk away...
I try to be innocent
I try to be rough
But I just wanna play

You're my daydream, you know that I've been thinking about you... lately
And everytime I look at you
I can't explain I feel insane, I can't get away
You're my daydream

And you know, and you know, and you know, and you know,
You're making me insane
And you know, and you know, and you know, and you know,
You're doing it again

-Avril Lavigne-

I wish someone would have told me before

 The wind--it blows through the trees

Claiming those innocent leaves

And the thunder rolls these crashing seas
Like a tender kiss holds this heart in me

In this lifelong love song
You can love right, you can love wrong
In this love song, you can love wrong
But if you love wrong, it doesn't mean love's gone

Mary was a young girl with a young girl's heart
And all I can remember is I loved her from the start
I was hers forever, she was mine too
But something's wrong 'cause now she's gone
Tell me, what did I do?

In this lifelong love song
You can love right, you can love wrong
In this love song, you can love wrong
But if you love wrong, it doesn't mean love's gone

Oh, and it doesn't mean love's gone
Just because you're feeling low
And it doesn't mean love's gone
'Cause you feel like you want to let go
See, no one wrote in this book of love
That we'd always know
I wish someone would have told me before

We talked about love a million times it seems
The words come out of our lips
Like we forget what it means
And we said we'd be together till death do us part
But we said those words with only half our hearts

In this lifelong love song
You can love right, you can love wrong
In this love song, you can love wrong
But if you love wrong, it doesn't mean love's gone

I wish someone would have told me
I wish someone would have told me before

Happy 8th birthday Yusuf

 Shu managed to make it happen despite the pandemic. Despite the quarantine. No, Ali Imran is not in school just yet eventhough his school started on the 20th. We're not prepared to let him take the risk. Yusuf won't begin school until next week...... I think. Safiyya is still protesting. We can't even say the word "school".

In from the snow, your touch brought forth an incandescent glow...........

 ......Tarnished but so grand.............

I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I was up till about 3am. The wind was blowing so strong that it made an eerie howling sound and made the bathroom door rattle. I have sensitive hearing so if I already have problems sleeping, little things can keep me up.

It gets even worse when I have strange dreams. I hate dreams when there are people in it. People I know. People I don't. Why do they appear in my sleep? I was clearly thinking about a lot of other things at the time. What do they want from me?

I used to dream of wonderful things like flying or snakes. I love dreaming about snakes. Most often at times, I'd dream of being chased by snakes. I once dreamt of being bitten by one. I love snakes. The ones from my dreams are sometimes scary looking but I really like them.

The strangest factor of most of my dreams is that I was almost always at my old grandmother's bungalow back in PJ. I used to spend so much time there when I was kid. I liked that place a lot. It's huge. I remember it being bigger than it probably is when I was little. I could get lost or play hide and seek and no one would be able to find me. I remember seeing a snake once in the backyard. I also befriended a bat who lived on her bedroom window.

There was a huge yard. My step-grandfather used to do a lot of gardening. I swear you could park at least 10 cars in the front yard. There used to be leeches on the tiled patio when it rained. It gets really dark at night because the lights would be turned off one at a time and I would always run upstairs as quickly as possible because I had to go up the stairs and go down the hallways to the other end to go to the bedroom. I never go downstairs if I ever got thirsty at night coz I didn't want to go downstairs alone.

Funny, I grew up to an adult who'd spend so much time alone in the dark in the middle of the night not being able to fall asleep like a regular human being.............  

On January 11th, we headed to Terengganu for a quick rescue mission

 Shu's parents were still there we already anticipated an MCO Lockdown coming up at the time. The problem was Shu's mum was having trouble standing up and Shu's dad isn't strong enough to lift her on his own. Shu told me this and that evening we decided to pack up and leave for the east coast. I wasn't about to let just let them be. We all went. 

It was a slow trip coz it was still raining over in Pahang area and it was getting dark so we didn't want to risk running into floods. We took the AWD coz we needed the more reliable car to get us through anything especially during the monsoon season. We reached Shu's parent's house at about 11pm. The kids were up and awake coz they've been asleep the entire drive.

Shu's parents slept in the room downstairs coz Shu's mum can't climb up the stairs. Luckily, Zairy brought over his dad's wheelchair earlier that day. That helped a lot coz it could get Shu's mum around the house without her having to stand up.

The next morning, Shu's cousins came over to help pack up stuff coz Shu's parents were leaving for KL. Shu and I helped get their things into the car and all. Shu helped clean the house after Shu's parents left. We locked the house up after getting ready and all and headed out. We were supposed to stay behind in case anything happened to Shu's parents on their way back to KL, we'd be coming their way.

However, we did manage to hang around the beach and around town a little. Shu got me Avocado shake over at Pantai Batu Buruk which I love so damn much! It was a quick trip but the kids and I always enjoy ourselves when we go back to Shu's home coz it feels like our home too............

I hope I made his day

 

I sent my dad this yesterday. He said thanks. Growing up, we were never taught or practised being thankful especially to him because we were trained to think that he is fear and we should always be on our toes whenever he's around. He was a pilot so we don't usually see him that much. My memories with him are mostly good ones like helping him fixing the car or bike or doing woodwork. I know tools and woodworking because of him. His dad was a carpenter so woodworking runs in my blood. I hope I'll see him once this lock down is over. He hasn't seen my Hummingbird 😉

People

 I cannot understand why some people just have to be invasive and offensive towards other people. Why can't we just be happy with what we have and take care of the little things that actual matters? It's almost like war is all they ever want and they ever want to do. I also don't understand why and how they have supporters whom at the end of the day would just be forgotten just like everything else. 

Also,there are people out there whom are either stupid or misinformed or both. 

I personally dislike people who window shop just because at times like these when every headcount matters, you really don't need to be where you have no business to be at. It's a waste of everybody's time and space,really. 

If you feel under the weather.......erm......you might wanna stay home. Despite the entire 2020 being an entire year of training us to adhere to new ways of living,some people are just too fucking densed to understand it. They don't know what social distancing is. They don't know what personal space is. Hell,they don't even know how to fucking queue up. 

Some are just dumb as fuck. If you need to write or register at a shop entrance,you need to understand that this is not some stupid log book for you to put in a short name or nickname. How stupid are you to think that this is just an autograph book? If anything happens or if there is a case and you happen to be there,they can contact you and have you checked...........

I guess that's just it. They are the most selfish motherfuckers on the face of the planet. Self quarantine is just something they would never do because it means they'd have to stay in for safety of others and they just won't have it. Doesn't matter if they came back from a red zone but tested negative. Staying in 2 weeks just to be absolutely sure is not an option.

This song is so sad : (

Friends break up, friends get married
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumors fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me
Matches burn after the other
Pages turn and stick to each other
Wages earned and lessons learned
But I'm right where you left me
Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight", I...
I swear you could hear a hair pin drop
Right when I felt the moment stop
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned up hair
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me, you left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?
Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it
She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy
How it was supposed to be
Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?
Breakups happen every day, don't have to lose it
She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy
And you're sitting in front of me
At the restaurant when I was still the one you want
Cross-legged in the dim light
Everything was just right, I...
I could feel the mascara run
You told me that you met someone
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on
Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight", I...
I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned up hair
I'm sure that you got a wife out there
Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware
Cause I'm right where
I cause no harm
Mind my business
If our love died young
I can't bear witness
And it's been so long
But if you ever think you got it wrong
I'm right where
You left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever

¡Bienvenidos, amigos!

 As the earth completed its circulation around the solar system, we were down south in Desaru Coast. Shu and I wanted to just kick back and rock out to live music. 

I brought my Hummingbird and Shu rented a humbucker stratocaster coz he wanted to try playing Franz Ferdinand songs. The kids wanted to go swimming so we got the duplex with a private pool. That way, I'd have my space and the kids have their space upstairs.

We discovered that we earned the Rock Royalty privilege so we had access to the lounge and that also meant that we don't have to pay a deposit for guitar rentals. The Roxity Kids Club now charges 20 bux per kid for an hour. The place was packed.

We did however managed to enjoy Arjuna (the band) live on new year's eve and the night after that. I swear to God, its either the stage sound system or just the sound engineer but they sound awesome every damn time. And the vocalist this time around was this awesome woman with this awesome powerful voice.

Anywho, we had some weird shit happening on our first night there. Then, we watched Annabelle Comes Home on the second night. The next day, the kids wanted to splash in the pool so we did a lot of that. 

Erm....... Ali Imran accidentally fell into the pool one time and I dove in to get him and I didn't even take my phone out of my back pocket. He's fine. He needs to learn how to swim. 

Anywho, it hasn't stopped pouring. This year there is definitely some serious shit happening around the South China Sea region. We had to take a different route on our way out from Desaru Coast coz the road we took on our way in was completely flooded. 

Lounge

This was good Lamb Rack. I highly recommend. 

I recommend the spa too....... 

This is Brad Paisley's Road Tour guitar