I want to drive away with you

I want your complications too
I want your dreary Mondays

Wrap your arms around me, baby boy

Meetings with Eeno gets funnier and stranger everytime. He'd usually starts the conversations about things pertaining the family like problems with my mum and my sister. I am aware of the things he speaks of but I cannot go beyond certain boundaries for many reasons. For instance, it's not my reception my mum is planning for. It's his. And as much as I agree with a lot of the things we stand for when it comes to many things, I don't think I can push for a confrontation. I can suggest things but he's gotta tell it how he wants it to be.

Family is just complicated. I stay away for many reasons and I am aware that I am always the last person they contact when it comes to anything (coz my mum calls Shu more than she'd ever call me). It's never bothered me. I am also aware that they think Shu is a successful person and that I am just married to him. Again, it doesn't bother me. Just don't tell me how to live my life. Don't tell me how to raise my kids and don't tell me things I already know because if it's a problem, I'm working on it and if it's not, it's just not.

I have also come to a point in my life whereby planning ahead means planning what I wanna do with Shu and the kids. It basically doesn't concern anyone else and I like to just make a decision and pack up and just go for some random road trip somewhere. I don't need to tell anyone what I'm doing or where we're heading.

Anywho, I've been doing a lot of arts and craft in the studio. I have only managed to clear out the floor today. I think I've been going through a mental block. Can't seem to do anything creative these days. Not sure if it's stress. If it is, I am unaware of what the source of my stress is.

I miss looking at snakes. They make me so happy.

Lately, I've been a beacon for bugs. Like random bugs. Sometimes, they'd bite me and my blood reacts very strangely. Sometimes it looks like I am bleeding under my skin. Sometimes, it swells up. Sometimes it itches for weeks. A lot of bugs like to hang around me too. Like that time when we went to the park in Cyberjaya, there was a tiny moth that followed me all the way to the car. It wanted to stay on my arm. When I am at the dining table at home, usually after dark, there's been several occasion whereby this tiny green bug would sit on my leg or my arm. It doesn't do anything. It just sits there.

After so long, Shu decided to take us to a mall we haven't been to in a long while. Actually, he needed to get a couple of pairs of jeans and I needed to get stuff from La Senza. There was a huge Hamley's store and Safiyya found herself a huge singing Princess Petals pony -_- I found a Joker figure to add to my collection. It was fun.

I've been gathering footages from 2016 about how our boys grew up in The Royale Chulan Damansara hotel. It's so funny. We spent almost the entire year there and if we were to accumulate the amount of money we spent living there, we could actually pay for a downpayment for a house! Hahahaha!!!! Good times!   

I wish to know

 The fatal flaw that makes you long to be

Magnificently cursed

I get a lot of assumptions about my body weight and physical size...... I'm not always thin and I'm not super healthy. I'm just running on a feelgood mode. I sometimes forget to feed myself and I sometimes crave random things.

I'm also not a fitness trainer. I just know myself and my capacity. It's taken me quite some time to get here mentally and physically but I find that I'm happy with what I'm doing. I am aware that I tend to go overboard from time to time so I'd take a step back and readjust and I'm back on track.

I was at the store the other day trying to get a pair of pants. Leggings. Jeans. One of those..... And I usually wear an M but I felt like I I've lost quite a bit of weight so I decided to get another pair in S. 

Since it's a pandemic, the fitting rooms are not opened for use. Funny how the sales guy said that he's got a measuring tape in case I wasn't sure. I got both pairs anyways. Shu said the smaller one fit me nicer 😊

Shu is the smartest person I know and everytime we chat, I'd always learn something new about anything. Historical facts mostly. It's interesting. I'm more of a culture and language person.

Anywho, during lunch today, Yusuf asked me why I speak English a lot. My reply was

 انا لا اتكلم العربية

😁

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

 Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

Is it just me or the people who is against vaccination just strange? It's understandable if you are charged for each vaccine or if that you have concerning medical conditions that work against the survival of your health and life but....... Just declining it? It offends them if I used the "A" word (anti-vaxxers) and they insist on not anti but delaying. 

Why? I don't know. They say it's coz they have no need to travel. OK. Whatever, man. I mean, you got kids and you don't care I guess.

I woke up this morning and started crying to Shu coz I had a bad dream about losing Safiyya. I think I was overthinking about yesterday when she ran off behind the car as we were loading the car and I was starting the engine. It's my fault for not getting my priorities straight. I always make sure the kids are seated in the car before doing anything else.

Anywho, we were driving around and the plan was to get lunch. Shu wanted the kids to have a dine-in experience since it's been so long since they actually went anywhere than just being in the car. He called up our usual spot and they said the other hotel was opened. As long as we have completed our 2-doses of vaccines and have passed the 14-days quarantine post vaccination, we are allowed to dine-in.

It was strange for the kids coz they are still not used to being out and about but at the same time wanted to go to the mall. It's still off limits to kids btw......Malls.......Just dining in is allowed.

I think it's good to know that shops are taking precautions in making sure that we are vaccinated and check our digital certs at the same time before letting us in.

Our last holiday was in January and every other holiday or trips we've booked or planned after that had to be canceled. It's kind of a bummer but we also wanna protect the kids. I'm OK with staying in and watching the world from a distance. I just need some sunlight from time to time. 

Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine"

 How's your heart after breaking mine?

I was on the couch listening to Taylor Swift's new lyric video Mr. Perfectly Fine while Shu and Safiyya were just hanging out on the other side of the couch. Suddenly, Shu said he kinda like the song. I was like "Oh!" He sometimes likes Taylor Swift songs that I listen to or play on the guitar from time to time like Sparks Fly or Cornelia Street.

I know that he really likes this song

But the very next day, Shu came back from work and picked up the guitar and started playing Mr Perfectly Fine. I was shocked coz I didn't know he really liked the song that much. 

The other Taylor Swift he really likes is No Body No Crime.

I started listening to Taylor Swift even before we got married. I was into the album Fearless. And then, my all time favourite was the album Speak Now. I was listening to Red a little here and there. Then her other albums like 1989 and Reputation and Lover along the way not in the order they were released coz I wasn't into her singles from those albums at the time.

But then, I realized that I know a lot of songs from her 1989 album. So weird.

Gave up on me like I was a bad drug

 It's been a long week. Balancing Yusuf's homeschooling schedule and Ali Imran getting to school by 8am. Shu's been at home so he's getting things organized. I sometimes have trouble getting out of bed coz Safiyya sometimes sleeps really late and she likes to play and talk to me so we'd end up chatting. If things ever get back to last year's schedule I am gonna die. 

I think they are gonna reopen schools soon. Yusuf has 4 classes a day right now. They start at 9am all the way to 4pm. Depending on which classes,the teachers will determine if they'll be having Zoom meetings or Google Classrooms. Ali Imran has been enjoying school since he hasn't gone for almost a year. His new school has more activities and less students. They have each student assigned to a desk so he feels like he has his own space to take care of. His school is also right next to our house. Safiyya still refuses to go to school and is trying very hard to convince me that she can color and write and read alphabets and numbers and count on her own -_-

Anywho, Shu and I have been talking lately about random shit. He said he's been annoyed by people who just asks for things like money and stuff without even trying to work for them. They annoy me too. He was also talking about how people are just stressing themselves out unnecessarily by setting idealistic expectations. I totally get it coz I know for a fact that I used to do that and everytime shit doesn't go according to plan, I'd crash.

He was talking about simple things like financial budgeting. You can't plan your expenditure based on 100% of what you take home. You need to give at least 20% off to unplanned spendings like emergency funds or something. I was thinking more like how life itself doesn't always work out the way we plan. Like how my pregnancies and labor problems occur. I never planned for emergency deliveries or surgeries but it happened and I almost died but I didn't. It's no one's fault. I definitely did not see myself the way I am right now back when I was studying.

That doesn't bother me as much as people who are always wanting to impress and would do anything just so that they can take credit over things that they did not do. My only question is "WHY?" I feel like it's already such a hassle living up to other people's expectations,why go the extra mile just to impress? At what cost? You burn bridges along the way. It's a very childish and unhealthy mindset for an adult to have. If you can't afford it, then you just can't afford it. If you didn't do it then why take the credit? Life isn't just about the spotlight and glamour. Reality isn't. Why get sucked into shit like this?

I digress.........I had a point somewhere along the way..........I am so sleepy...........

In from the snow, your touch brought forth an incandescent glow...........

 ......Tarnished but so grand.............

I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I was up till about 3am. The wind was blowing so strong that it made an eerie howling sound and made the bathroom door rattle. I have sensitive hearing so if I already have problems sleeping, little things can keep me up.

It gets even worse when I have strange dreams. I hate dreams when there are people in it. People I know. People I don't. Why do they appear in my sleep? I was clearly thinking about a lot of other things at the time. What do they want from me?

I used to dream of wonderful things like flying or snakes. I love dreaming about snakes. Most often at times, I'd dream of being chased by snakes. I once dreamt of being bitten by one. I love snakes. The ones from my dreams are sometimes scary looking but I really like them.

The strangest factor of most of my dreams is that I was almost always at my old grandmother's bungalow back in PJ. I used to spend so much time there when I was kid. I liked that place a lot. It's huge. I remember it being bigger than it probably is when I was little. I could get lost or play hide and seek and no one would be able to find me. I remember seeing a snake once in the backyard. I also befriended a bat who lived on her bedroom window.

There was a huge yard. My step-grandfather used to do a lot of gardening. I swear you could park at least 10 cars in the front yard. There used to be leeches on the tiled patio when it rained. It gets really dark at night because the lights would be turned off one at a time and I would always run upstairs as quickly as possible because I had to go up the stairs and go down the hallways to the other end to go to the bedroom. I never go downstairs if I ever got thirsty at night coz I didn't want to go downstairs alone.

Funny, I grew up to an adult who'd spend so much time alone in the dark in the middle of the night not being able to fall asleep like a regular human being.............  

This song is so sad : (

Friends break up, friends get married
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumors fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me
Matches burn after the other
Pages turn and stick to each other
Wages earned and lessons learned
But I'm right where you left me
Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight", I...
I swear you could hear a hair pin drop
Right when I felt the moment stop
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned up hair
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me, you left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?
Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it
She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy
How it was supposed to be
Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?
Breakups happen every day, don't have to lose it
She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy
And you're sitting in front of me
At the restaurant when I was still the one you want
Cross-legged in the dim light
Everything was just right, I...
I could feel the mascara run
You told me that you met someone
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on
Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight", I...
I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned up hair
I'm sure that you got a wife out there
Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware
Cause I'm right where
I cause no harm
Mind my business
If our love died young
I can't bear witness
And it's been so long
But if you ever think you got it wrong
I'm right where
You left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever

The more that you say, The less I know, Where ever you stray I'll follow

 I was looking back at our photos throughout the year 2020. Despite the pandemic, we had a pretty good time. My prayer was somewhat answered. I wanted to homeschool our kids and now they are and I know that I cannot cope. Not fully.

We visited Legoland 3 times. Usually, it's just in January coz it's Yusuf's birthday and that is his happy place. The 2 babies have now caught on and everyday they beg to go to Legoland. Luckily, they had a promotion going on coz of the pandemic and lack of tourists so we bit the bullet and got the annual passes for all 3 parks. Honestly, we don't ever go to the waterpark anymore coz the kids enjoy the theme park and doing activities at the hotel lobby. Oh yeah,we totally danced at the hotel lobby with the pirates twice! we managed to join in the zumba one afternoon. The kids love it so much ^_^

We also, managed to hangout at Redang Island twice this year. Ok, once was before the pandemic lockdown but we did manage to celebrate our late anniversary in July. Spent an entire week there. We need that length of stay everytime we visit now coz I can't imagine rushing for a 3 days 2 nights stay anymore. We brought our guitars along this time around.

We were in Hard Rock Penang. Full board stay and rented a guitar. Everytime we visit Hard Rock regardless Penang or Desaru, we usually rent guitars. This time, Shu rented me the Alex Kapranos touring guitar. I was ecstatic! I have never played a Telecaster before. I will never get used to Fenders but seriously, I liked it so much! I mean, come on, Alex Kapranos! I was crazy about him and Franz Ferdinand throughout my uni years!

Speaking of Hard Rock, we did stay over at Hard Rock Desaru too this year...........I am pretty sure we were there twice this year. The second trip was awesome coz we were practising social distancing so we booked the duplex room with a private pool and brought our own guitars. I kinda think I like that room so much better than the standard room. Maybe it's coz our kids are bigger now and we need space. They need space too.

Our last trip to Legoland was fun coz we booked the Kingdom Suite so everyone had space. The room was meant for 4 adults and 4 kids but since there's only 5 of us, we had ample space to move around.

Earlier this year, I was going crazy trying to put up with the kids' school schedule coz it was also supposed to have been Safiyya's first year of school. Then, the homeschool began. I found myself sitting in for Mandarin classes with the babies and then Arabic classes with Yusuf. Erm, Safiyya was not up for neither of it (school and homeschool). Shu was handling most, if not , all of Yusuf's homeschooling coz I was taking care of the babies. There was no way in hell I would have been able to keep up with Yusuf's classes. He had 4 classes a day towards the end of the year.

We moved..........Shu and I started writing songs........well, I started writing songs again but I managed to get Shu onboard with it. We have a proper studio now for all our guitars and our inspirations and my nonsense...........

Oh yeah, I started working out this year. Now, it's a routine and I am able to keep track of my weight. Finally! Shu and I also started changing our diets. Less carb. I especially enjoy cooking with Shu at home coz we won't have this time to do this otherwise.

I hope Shu's plan to retire early or taking a break from work comes through. I look forward to doing random things with him when the kids are at school just like we used to do when we were dating ^_^

Just like a folk song, Our love will be passed on

And I've been meaning to tell you
I think your house is haunted
Your dad is always mad and that must be why
And I think you should come live with
Me and we can be pirates
Then you won't have to cry
Or hide in the closet

Nadiah gave birth yesterday. The baby looked cute and healthy ^_^ 

I have been trying to write lyrics for the 2 new song samples I recorded the other day. I've got nothing. 

That series we've been watching on Netflix (You) is giving me mixed feelings about a lot of things. I usually don't care much for settings as such. I am more of medieval or epic type movies......shows.......with the exception of American Horror Story and Ratched. Ok, I am also a fan of The Haunting of Hill House and The Haunting of Bly Manor.

I really should just put on Hocus Pocus or The Nightmare Before Christmas just to get into the mood of Halloween. I have a look in mind.........

I am kinda obsessed with this right now............

Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it, my love

 

I I I I, I I I I
I I I I, I I I I
I I I I, I I I I, I I

You stand with your hand on my waist line (I I I I, I I I I)
It's a scene and we're out here in plain sight (I I I I, I I I I)
I can hear them whisper as we pass by (I I I I, I I I I)
It's a bad sign, bad sign (I I)
Something happens when everybody finds out (I I I I, I I I I)
See the vulture circling dark clouds (I I I I, I I I I)
Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out (I I I I, I I I I)
It could burn out (I I)
'Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes (I I I I, I I I I)
And guns, they are the hunters, we are the foxes (I I I I, I I I I)
And we run

Baby I know places we won't be found and they'll be
Chasing their tails tryin' to track us down
'Cause I, I know places we can hide, I know places
I know places

Lights flash and we'll run for the fences (I I I I, I I I I)
Let them say what they want, we won't hear it (I I I I, I I I I)
Loose lips sink ships all the damn time, not this time (I I I I, I I I I, I I)
Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it (I I I I, I I I I)
My love, they are the hunters, we are the foxes (I I I I, I I I I, I I)
And we run

Baby I know places we won't be found and they'll be
Chasing their tails tryin' to track us down
'Cause I, I know places we can hide, I know places
They are the hunters, we are the foxes
And we run
Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it
My love

Baby I know places we won't be found and they'll be
Chasing their tails tryin' to track us down
'Cause I, I know places we can hide, I know places

They take their shots, but we're bulletproof
I know places
(I) And you know for me it's always you
I know places
(I) In the dead of night, you're eyes so green
I know places
(I) And I know for you it's always me
I know places

I never grow up It's getting so old

 

Combat, I'm ready for combat
I say I don't want that, but what if I do?
'Cause cruelty wins in the movies
I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

Easy they come, easy they go
I jump from the train, I ride off alone
I never grew up, it's getting so old
Help me hold onto you

I've been the archer
I've been the prey
Who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?

Dark side, I search for your dark side
But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?
And I cut off my nose just to spite my face
Then I hate my reflection for years and years

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost
The room is on fire, invisible smoke
And all of my heroes die all alone
Help me hold onto you

I've been the archer,
I've been the prey
Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?
(I see right through me, I see right through me)

'Cause they see right through me
They see right through me
They see right through
Can you see right through me?
They see right through
They see right through me
I see right through me
I see right through me

All the king's horses, all the king's men
Couldn't put me together again
'Cause all of my enemies started out friends
Help me hold onto you

I've been the archer
I've been the prey
Who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?
(I see right through me, I see right through me)
Who could stay?
Who could stay?
Who could stay?
You could stay
You could stay
You

Combat, I'm ready for combat

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

 

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January
This is our place, we make the rules
And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear
Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out, and take me home
You're my, my, my, my lover

We could let our friends crash in the living room
This is our place, we make the call
And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you
I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)
You're my, my, my, my lover

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?
With every guitar string scar on my hand
I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover
My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue
All's well that ends well to end up with you
Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover
And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me
And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover

Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)
You're my, my, my, my
Oh, you're my, my, my, my
Darling, you're my, my, my, my lover

To kiss in cars in downtown bars was all we needed

 You drew stars around my scars and now I'm bleeding

The Lakes

 

Is it romantic how all my elegies eulogize me?
I'm not cut out for all these cynical clones
These hunters with cell phones

Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die
I don't belong and, my beloved, neither do you
Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry
I'm setting off, but not without my muse

What should be over burrowed under my skin
In heart-stopping waves of hurt
I've come too far to watch some name-dropping sleaze
Tell me what are my Wordsworth

Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die
I don't belong and, my beloved, neither do you
Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry
I'm setting off, but not without my muse

I want auroras and sad prose
I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet
'Cause I haven't moved in years
And I want you right here
A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground
With no one around to tweet it
While I bathe in cliff-side pools
With my calamitous love and insurmountable grief

Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die
I don't belong and, my beloved, neither do you
Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry
I'm setting off, but not without my muse
No, not without you

I cannot get this song out of my head

 

We were in the backseat
Drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar
"I rent a place on Cornelia Street"
I say casually in the car
We were a fresh page on the desk
Filling in the blanks as we go
As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead
Leading us home

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name
And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

Windows swung right open, autumn air
Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours
We bless the rains on Cornelia Street
Memorize the creaks in the floor
Back when we were card sharks, playing games
I thought you were leading me on
I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street
Before you even knew I was gone

But then you called, showed your hand
I turned around before I hit the tunnel
Sat on the roof, you and I

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name (city screams your name)
And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

You hold my hand on the street
Walk me back to that apartment
Years ago, we were just inside
Barefoot in the kitchen
Sacred new beginnings
That became my religion, listen

I hope I never lose you
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
Oh, never again

And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name
And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

I don't wanna lose you, hope it never ends
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I don't wanna lose you, yeah

"I rent a place on Cornelia Street"
I say casually in the car

My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift

 [Verse 1]

We gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room

And if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe

All the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you

'Til my dying day

[Chorus]

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And you're the hero flying around, saving face

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

[Verse 2]

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean

Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you

But what a ghostly scene

You wear the same jewels that I gave you

As you bury me

[Chorus]

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

[Bridge]

And I can go anywhere I want

Anywhere I want, just not home

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood

But you would still miss me in your bones

And I still talk to you (When I'm screaming at the sky)

And when you can't sleep at night (You hear my stolen lullabies)

[Chorus]

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain

Crossing out the good years

And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

Delicate

This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink

Dive bar on the East Side, where you at?
Phone lights up my nightstand in the black
Come here, you can meet me in the back
Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you
Oh damn, never seen that color blue
Just think of the fun things we could do
'Cause I like you

This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
Yeah, I want you
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink

Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Delicate

Third floor on the West Side, me and you
Handsome, your mansion with a view
Do the girls back home touch you like I do?
Long night, with your hands up in my hair
Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs
Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share
'Cause I like you

This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
Yeah, I want you
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink

Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Delicate

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep
Are you ever dreaming of me?
Sometimes when I look into your eyes
I pretend you're mine, all the damn time
'Cause I like you

Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Yeah, I want you
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
'Cause I like you
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Yeah, I want you
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Delicate

epiphany

Keep your helmet
Keep your life, son
Just a flesh wound
Here's your rifle

Crawling up the beaches now
Sir, I think he's bleedin' out
And some things you just can't speak about

With you, I serve
With you, I fall down
Down
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out
Out

Something med school
Did not cover
Someone's daughter
Someone's mother

Holds your hand through plastic now
Doc, I think she's crashin' out
And some things you just can't speak about

Only twenty minutes to sleep
But you dream of some epiphany
Just one single glimpse of relief
To make some sense of what you've seen

With you, I serve
With you, I fall down
Down (Down)
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out
Out

With you, I serve
With you, I fall down (Down)
Down (Down)
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out (Out)
Out

Only twenty minutes to sleep
But you dream of some epiphany
Just one single glimpse of relief
To make some sense of what you've seen

Everytime I am away from home after a long period of time

I always feel the need to unload and unpack especially emotional and mental baggage. It's strange because sometimes it takes me a long time to actually find stability especially when I don't have enough time to unwind and routine picks up almost immediately.

I sometimes find myself going through a mental block. Sometimes, it is so taxing that it breaks me down and makes me cry. I would sit in quietness and stillness and try to find what or who my focus is on in that moment. It gets a lot at times.

However, I discovered that when I returned, Taylor Swift released a new album. As I was listening to the tracks, I found a certain relief in myself. It was as though some of her songs were the damper I needed to slow things down for me instead of crashing down and break.

I got bored