so......I have come to terms with this.......

 I need to get myself straightened out and get my shit together. I keep having to remind myself why I started writing and writing songs and doing art. I was doing it all because I really like doing it. It's about the satisfaction of creating and being creative, whatever form it may be.

I can't please everyone and it's not always about views or numbers. It's nice to be discovered because it just shows that maybe there are people out there who understands me and what I make or create but.....for the most part.....it's basically the satisfaction of just creating. 

Also, I am not entirely here most of the time........I mean.......I am always thinking about something and then, I end up adding more things in my list of things I wanna learn or do. That is usually how my bucket list continues......like it's never-ending. I am just lucky that I have time, with that, I try to use my time to keep learning and being creative.......I just think that everything else would be a waste of time.....

I am not getting any younger and with whatever time I have left, I really feel like there is just so much to learn and discover in this world. Also, I am constantly trying to keep up with my 3 kids. They are growing up fast and their time is definitely not like mine when I was their age.

They have access to all the things I never had back when I was a kid and their vocabulary is just so out there that I keep having to ask Shu or Google the things they say. It's like living in an entirely different century 😂

let me go

 

The lyrics are me. That is why I wrote is as such. I also like the music style.......It's so.......emo......

Hahahahaaa.........

I am currently at a stage in my life where I am just doing things that I like. I am doing things that brings me so much joy and I am not even getting paid for any of it and it doesn't bother me. I wanted to do what I like and therefore it is what I do. 

People can hate what I make or produce. People can like them. People have opinions. I cannot control them. 

It's just so peaceful to be able to make and create and produce and not think about anything else.

The temperature drop has made is such that my art pieces are not drying properly and it's been about 2 days and the paint is still wet -_- I have paint on my hands now 😂

monsters in my head

 do you wanna come play?

I am not......wait......I haven't been living in this world....... *laughs* that's nothing new!

I have been putting off so much writing coz my head just can't fucking work anymore. My head is all about drawing and sketching and images and shit........yeah......

It's so weird but despite the colors I keep seeing, everything I have in my head and my hands are black. I need a new perspective. I really suck at sculpting. *laughs* I really do! My damn turtle looked like a burger! 

I have this fascination with stained glass art but I know fo shizzles I'mma cut myself coz I am one clumsy mofo. I can't even burn my candle without getting my finger burnt! *laughs*

I was and always had been stuck on blood splatter. It's like my niche. My blood splatter artwork are my best works. I don't think it's something everyone else would be comfortable with especially if I had a hoodie with blood splatter designs on it walking around in public. I was being very baseline flat with my Halloween costume this year coz we were at a mall and I didn't wanna start a riot. *laughs*

Here's a free design I made........use it however you want. Make it bloodier........ HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Och uti gröne Lunden där dansar ett par

 Den ena var vännen den andra var Jag

This song had been playing over and over in my head. I was working on a new book. Story. What ever you wanna call it. I was getting too overwhelmed with my current book because it was about to get violent and I wasn't in a violent mood. Not yet. I have it all written out in my head. I've been brainstorming too. I kinda know what is going to happen. I just cannot bring myself to write it all out......yet.......

My mind is elsewhere. I think I am distracted or I just have been distracting myself a little too much.

I was creating music on some sound pad thingy. I have to perfect the timing. The songs need to be redone and refined. I've also been reading too. I usually read classics or non-fictions but lately, it's been Lemony Snicket. I spent the entire day yesterday doing art in the studio because it hasn't been as hot as it usually is.

Again. I am distracted and distracting myself. 

I don't know if I need to get away physically or I am just too far away in my head.

I always told my mum that I cannot bring myself to mentally live in this world because it is too depressing and it makes me want to die. I think I have been creating too many worlds in my mind that I have been jumping from one world to the another and now, I am trying to write them all out just to make some space for me to think about the new things that I intend on learning. One of them being blacksmithing. I have yet to build a furnace. 

It's so weird to think that I am going through the same thing I have been going through as a teenager. It's almost as though nothing has changed but yet, everything has. It's so fucking weird.

Better late than never

 Happy New Year!

It's been a while since I posted anything. To be honest, I haven't really been doing anything. OK, I've been doing a lot of art. Random art. 

Oh yeah! Just before the end of 2021, Shu and I decided to have lunch over at our usual spot (Royale Chulan Damansara) and then walked over to IPC coz there's a Toys 'R' Us there and we wanted to see if they carried any Ghostbusters toys. They did. Yes, we spent....... Money.......

The boys got themselves a PKE meter each. Yusuf added on the Podcast Plasma Series figure. Safiyya got herself a Kindi Kids thingy...... Shu got me the Ecto-1 😁 The. Kids. Were. So. Jealous. Of. Me. 

Anywho, we've had 2 weekends in a row watching Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2. This weekend, we decided to take the kids out. 

It's monsoon season in KL right now. That means rain. Lots and lots of rain. Some areas are flooded and people have died. It's no joke. 

On top of the weather factor, it's the school holidays. I am not a fan of taking the kids out on holiday somewhere while the whole country is on holiday coz I have trouble getting through crowds...... Erm....... I don't deal with it very well. 

But today, Shu told me he's got a plan when we got up before sunrise. By the time I got ready, it turned out that the boys had already been up and they were all ready to go. 

We headed south. Shu said the weather wasn't gonna be super sunny but we could still have a good time. We arrived at the PD Ostrich and Animal Farm. The kids were so psyched to see animals. They always are. 

After that, we had to find some lunch but it started pouring so we drove around for a bit. Finally settled on a shop by the road. 

Actually, the dish to eat when in Negeri Sembilan is masak lemak cili api but my tummy can't take foods that are too hot so I ate asam pedas instead. It was good 😊