Saturday, January 24, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I just wanna scream and lose control
Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and runaway
I am trying so hard to get by this but I can't.I'm gonna have to face it.If not now,maybe later.I can't keep running away like this forever.I can't keep avoiding from having conversations or discussions regarding this matter.I AM PART OF IT.This is big.Especially for my folks.I don't know why I am so afraid.Maybe I'm just nervous.The clock is ticking and a lot of things need to be done.Maybe I just can't cope with the pressure.All I did was make a really huge decision and now,I have more little decisions to make.And it is all accumulating into one huge lump and it is causing me a whole lot of headache!
Forget about everything and runaway
I am trying so hard to get by this but I can't.I'm gonna have to face it.If not now,maybe later.I can't keep running away like this forever.I can't keep avoiding from having conversations or discussions regarding this matter.I AM PART OF IT.This is big.Especially for my folks.I don't know why I am so afraid.Maybe I'm just nervous.The clock is ticking and a lot of things need to be done.Maybe I just can't cope with the pressure.All I did was make a really huge decision and now,I have more little decisions to make.And it is all accumulating into one huge lump and it is causing me a whole lot of headache!
Monday, January 19, 2009
at a kopitiam somewhere in Bangi.......
Take a WILD guess which kopitiam I'm at lah!Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!
I doubt if I have fully recovered from my fever.Turned up for Arabic class and Hariz was making us all laugh out loud.My lecturer didn't.He actually asked if Hariz found the Arabic language funny and he said yes.I'm still doing alright in that class.I think Dr. Wejdan kicked Raqib out.I pity the dude (Raqib).He's gonna graduate and he's having all these problems still.
I am counting the scratches on my hands and legs (maybe even my neck!).Thanks to Kecik,I was screaming out loud when Shu sprayed the anticeptic onto the cut on my finger coz the pain went all the way down to the nerves.Shit!That was painful!
I doubt if I have fully recovered from my fever.Turned up for Arabic class and Hariz was making us all laugh out loud.My lecturer didn't.He actually asked if Hariz found the Arabic language funny and he said yes.I'm still doing alright in that class.I think Dr. Wejdan kicked Raqib out.I pity the dude (Raqib).He's gonna graduate and he's having all these problems still.
I am counting the scratches on my hands and legs (maybe even my neck!).Thanks to Kecik,I was screaming out loud when Shu sprayed the anticeptic onto the cut on my finger coz the pain went all the way down to the nerves.Shit!That was painful!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I know this sounds strange.......
......but we just had to do it.Our kitten is not even 4 months old and his world had always been within the house compound.He knows nothing beyond the walls.He's seen my other cats climb over to the world outside.The one he only gets to see through the little hole through the gate or those window-like grills out front.
The reason Shu and I won't let him out is because he hasn't quite figured out his sense of directions and knowing Kecik,he has this tendency to just jump out to nowhere which is dangerous coz cars tend to drive by really fast in front of my house.We're just worried if he jumps out and a car comes out of nowhere unable to break in time.
So what we did was,we hooked him up to the harnest we got him some weeks ago and took him out for a walk just to get him used to the road outside.I know he was a little irritated by the strap around his body and all but we can't afford to lose him.He has this habit of running into holes or under parked cars.It scares the shit outta me whenever he does that.
Of course,the other thing that scared me today was leaving Kecik at home with my niece and nephew.They are not even 6 years of age and eventhough they love cats,from the looks of how they were "playing" with Kecik,I had this horrifying picture of them getting a little too rough for Kecik.
Fine.Call me paranoid.I can't help it!
Oh yeah,met Fadzrul over at the gas station.I was at the counter with Shu and I was laughing out loud at something at the counter when suddenly,I heard a familiar voice saying "Tengok tuh......bukan nyer dia perasan pun kita......" Damn!And it was his birthday too!I know!It totally slipped my mind!The reminder alarm went off this morning but I think I must have shut it off coz I was sleepy.He said he too would be getting married by end of this year.Hopefully,our dates won't clash.....not with Ili's wedding either!
The reason Shu and I won't let him out is because he hasn't quite figured out his sense of directions and knowing Kecik,he has this tendency to just jump out to nowhere which is dangerous coz cars tend to drive by really fast in front of my house.We're just worried if he jumps out and a car comes out of nowhere unable to break in time.
So what we did was,we hooked him up to the harnest we got him some weeks ago and took him out for a walk just to get him used to the road outside.I know he was a little irritated by the strap around his body and all but we can't afford to lose him.He has this habit of running into holes or under parked cars.It scares the shit outta me whenever he does that.
Of course,the other thing that scared me today was leaving Kecik at home with my niece and nephew.They are not even 6 years of age and eventhough they love cats,from the looks of how they were "playing" with Kecik,I had this horrifying picture of them getting a little too rough for Kecik.
Fine.Call me paranoid.I can't help it!
Oh yeah,met Fadzrul over at the gas station.I was at the counter with Shu and I was laughing out loud at something at the counter when suddenly,I heard a familiar voice saying "Tengok tuh......bukan nyer dia perasan pun kita......" Damn!And it was his birthday too!I know!It totally slipped my mind!The reminder alarm went off this morning but I think I must have shut it off coz I was sleepy.He said he too would be getting married by end of this year.Hopefully,our dates won't clash.....not with Ili's wedding either!
Friday, January 16, 2009
I was built with GPP
You can tell can't you?......
I thought I was gonna end up spending another day under the sheets this morning.I had a slight temperature and my head hurt.Nope.That didn't happen.
Shu finished to get his work done.He's been working on it all night and he needed to get it to his supervisor's room by 5pm today.I went ahead to UNITEN with him since I needed to return a book and extend the period of some books I borrowed from the library there.Also,Shu managed to get some books on Islamic Banking from his economics lecturer for me ^_^ I think she used to work at IIU.
Anywho,had dimsum for dinner and we managed to get home just before 7:30pm.
The cool thing about long drives is that the both of us manage to drive ourselves crazy by singing silly tunes or coming out with crazy ideas........like gate crashing our own wedding!SUH-WEET!
I thought I was gonna end up spending another day under the sheets this morning.I had a slight temperature and my head hurt.Nope.That didn't happen.
Shu finished to get his work done.He's been working on it all night and he needed to get it to his supervisor's room by 5pm today.I went ahead to UNITEN with him since I needed to return a book and extend the period of some books I borrowed from the library there.Also,Shu managed to get some books on Islamic Banking from his economics lecturer for me ^_^ I think she used to work at IIU.
Anywho,had dimsum for dinner and we managed to get home just before 7:30pm.
The cool thing about long drives is that the both of us manage to drive ourselves crazy by singing silly tunes or coming out with crazy ideas........like gate crashing our own wedding!SUH-WEET!
scratches
If you look closely,I have scratches in my arms.Some on my legs.Maybe some on my neck or even my face.Having a kitten who is completely oblivious to the strength he has when it comes to playing,I'd just have to put up with all these scratches.It worries Shu sometimes coz he'd always come running with some antibacterial cream or spray everytime I get scratched.This morning,I was scratched so much more by Kecik's hind-legs coz it was his first time taking a bath and he was shocked by the shower and the fact that he's all soaked.Yup,these scratches are definitely painful.So much more than the ones I used to get.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
had dinner with mum and Qarim and Azim and Shu today.....
We had a really weird and not-very-pleasant topic of discussion while eating.My mum and how much she hates my step-grandpa.I understand why she hates the dude.I'm not very fond of how he treats my grandma too.Well,the thing about my mum is that she got kicked out from the house while she was in university all those years ago........erm........alongside other things.......I just hate it that my grandpa doesn't give my grandma cash (eventhough she's working) when he actually has millions invested in banks outside the country.
Like Raqib said,the men in my family tree just never seem to be on the right side<---I wonder what the left side is like........
*sigh*
Ok,back to here and now.I have been avoiding my mum whenever she asks me to go look at wedding dresses and stuff.Seriously,my mind thinks as far as 2 weeks ahead.There's no saying what will happen tomorrow.What more a few months?I'm just saying that I am not about to scout around for something that isn't really 'here' yet.
As far as I am concerned,I am in love with him.Always had been all this while.He proposed and I said yes.As far as both of us are concerned,we are engaged.That's what we tell everyone anyways.No,we are not married.Not yet.If everything goes well then we shall marry by end of this year (or something).What ever that happens in between which is beyond my control cannot be helped.
Anywho,Kamal called me to tell me the plans for this weekend's meeting and jamming session.He wants to try get us started on the demo recording already.I'm gonna have to work harder at recovering ASAP.Also,he told me about some dude from a tv show who is interested to check out our band page over at myspace.Erm.........well,good luck with that.The page is pretty empty as far as I know.Unless Kamal or Ayie or Rashid posted some stuff up already which I never knew of.
Hahahaha!I am ever so nervous about our upcoming performance!But like they say,the show must go on!This one is for the late Izwan Ikmal Arif!You are forever remembered :/
Like Raqib said,the men in my family tree just never seem to be on the right side<---I wonder what the left side is like........
*sigh*
Ok,back to here and now.I have been avoiding my mum whenever she asks me to go look at wedding dresses and stuff.Seriously,my mind thinks as far as 2 weeks ahead.There's no saying what will happen tomorrow.What more a few months?I'm just saying that I am not about to scout around for something that isn't really 'here' yet.
As far as I am concerned,I am in love with him.Always had been all this while.He proposed and I said yes.As far as both of us are concerned,we are engaged.That's what we tell everyone anyways.No,we are not married.Not yet.If everything goes well then we shall marry by end of this year (or something).What ever that happens in between which is beyond my control cannot be helped.
Anywho,Kamal called me to tell me the plans for this weekend's meeting and jamming session.He wants to try get us started on the demo recording already.I'm gonna have to work harder at recovering ASAP.Also,he told me about some dude from a tv show who is interested to check out our band page over at myspace.Erm.........well,good luck with that.The page is pretty empty as far as I know.Unless Kamal or Ayie or Rashid posted some stuff up already which I never knew of.
Hahahaha!I am ever so nervous about our upcoming performance!But like they say,the show must go on!This one is for the late Izwan Ikmal Arif!You are forever remembered :/
u-huh?
War is the reciprocal and violent application of force between hostile political entities aimed at bringing about a desired political end-state via armed conflict. -Wikipedia-
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/war
–noun
1.
a conflict carried on by force of arms, as between nations or between parties within a nation; warfare, as by land, sea, or air.
2.
a state or period of armed hostility or active military operations: The two nations were at war with each other.<---I think only one nation is at war and the other is just the victim
3.
a contest carried on by force of arms, as in a series of battles or campaigns: the War of 1812.
4.
active hostility or contention; conflict; contest: a war of words.
5.
aggressive business conflict, as through severe price cutting in the same industry or any other means of undermining competitors: a fare war among airlines; a trade war between nations.
6.
a struggle: a war for men's minds; a war against poverty.
7.
armed fighting, as a science, profession, activity, or art; methods or principles of waging armed conflict: War is the soldier's business.<---It becomes the soldier's business only in defense mode.
8. Cards. a. a game for two or more persons, played with a 52-card pack evenly divided between the players, in which each player turns up one card at a time with the higher card taking the lower, and in which, when both turned up cards match, each player lays one card face down and turns up another, the player with the higher card of the second turn taking all the cards laid down. b. an occasion in this game when both turned up cards match.
9. Archaic. a battle.–verb (used without object)
10. to make or carry on war; fight: to war with a neighboring nation.
11.
to carry on active hostility or contention: Throughout her life she warred with sin and corruption.
12.
to be in conflict or in a state of strong opposition: The temptation warred with his conscience. –adjective
13.
of, belonging to, used in, or due to war: war preparations; war hysteria.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/war
–noun
1.
a conflict carried on by force of arms, as between nations or between parties within a nation; warfare, as by land, sea, or air.
2.
a state or period of armed hostility or active military operations: The two nations were at war with each other.<---I think only one nation is at war and the other is just the victim
3.
a contest carried on by force of arms, as in a series of battles or campaigns: the War of 1812.
4.
active hostility or contention; conflict; contest: a war of words.
5.
aggressive business conflict, as through severe price cutting in the same industry or any other means of undermining competitors: a fare war among airlines; a trade war between nations.
6.
a struggle: a war for men's minds; a war against poverty.
7.
armed fighting, as a science, profession, activity, or art; methods or principles of waging armed conflict: War is the soldier's business.<---It becomes the soldier's business only in defense mode.
8. Cards. a. a game for two or more persons, played with a 52-card pack evenly divided between the players, in which each player turns up one card at a time with the higher card taking the lower, and in which, when both turned up cards match, each player lays one card face down and turns up another, the player with the higher card of the second turn taking all the cards laid down. b. an occasion in this game when both turned up cards match.
9. Archaic. a battle.–verb (used without object)
10. to make or carry on war; fight: to war with a neighboring nation.
11.
to carry on active hostility or contention: Throughout her life she warred with sin and corruption.
12.
to be in conflict or in a state of strong opposition: The temptation warred with his conscience. –adjective
13.
of, belonging to, used in, or due to war: war preparations; war hysteria.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
memories
I was cleaning up the stuff in my room,clearing the floor a little.Been having books and papers lying around all over for the longest time.Took out that big old box file where I'd usually stuff whatever papers I can't put elsewhere.Then,I came across a folder full of cards people gave me over the years.Birthday cards mostly.Most of them were dated the year 2002 onwards.I never thought I'd find what I found after all these years.Haha!I found cards from Shu!
The first card he sent me was a birthday card.I was only 16 at the time.My brother,Eno,was in KYSM and he used to mail me cards and stuff.He sent me a birthday card and he made my other brothers sign the card as well.Somehow,there was one signature whose name I never knew of.The message was "Happy 'Bird'day" and the name written under the signature was Shuhairi.It was weird coz apart from Eno,I don't recall anyone else I knew from that particular school.
Anywho,among the other cards I found was a Hari Raya card where he signed as ShuHellree.Must be the Metallica influence......or something........hahahaha!Oh!On my 18th birthday,he sent me a card with a picture of us standing in front of the school hall (KYSM) If I remember it correctly,I performed there that night.I think I sang an acoustic cover of Michelle Branch's All You Wanted.Hahahahaha!!!!!
Oh yeah......there was also a good luck card for SPM and a get well soon card.He pasted medicines in white packets in the card so that I'll get better!He also sent me a Harry Potter bookmark and a couple of handmade cards,one with a picture of Michelle Branch pasted on it.And lastly,there was an anniversary card.It's so chomel!
And about 4 years later...........I got a few more cards from him!Yey!
The first card he sent me was a birthday card.I was only 16 at the time.My brother,Eno,was in KYSM and he used to mail me cards and stuff.He sent me a birthday card and he made my other brothers sign the card as well.Somehow,there was one signature whose name I never knew of.The message was "Happy 'Bird'day" and the name written under the signature was Shuhairi.It was weird coz apart from Eno,I don't recall anyone else I knew from that particular school.
Anywho,among the other cards I found was a Hari Raya card where he signed as ShuHellree.Must be the Metallica influence......or something........hahahaha!Oh!On my 18th birthday,he sent me a card with a picture of us standing in front of the school hall (KYSM) If I remember it correctly,I performed there that night.I think I sang an acoustic cover of Michelle Branch's All You Wanted.Hahahahaha!!!!!
Oh yeah......there was also a good luck card for SPM and a get well soon card.He pasted medicines in white packets in the card so that I'll get better!He also sent me a Harry Potter bookmark and a couple of handmade cards,one with a picture of Michelle Branch pasted on it.And lastly,there was an anniversary card.It's so chomel!
And about 4 years later...........I got a few more cards from him!Yey!
Kecik!Dah Maghrib!Bangun sembahyang!
Hahahahaha!That kitten's been sleeping since afternoon!Earlier in the day,he'd be running around the house with Fei Mao and the other cats.About 2 nights ago,he found Shu sleeping on the floor in the lounge and he comfortably made his way on top of Shu's tummy and slept till morning.
I am sick.I've been having this sore throat for over 3 weeks now but I haven't got time to get myself to a doctor coz it would cost me time and cash.Couldn't get up for the morning class today.Shu and my mum insisted that I go to the clinic immediately after breakfast.I did and I was told my tonsil is swollen.
*damn it!that so means no more ice blended mochas for me for at least the next few weeks*
Anywho,I've been sleeping and almost throwing up every now and again.Shu left at about 5pm-ish coz he has an exam tonight.
Meanwhile,Rashid is lost somewhere in Tanjung Malim.I have no idea wtf happened.I think his bandmate Azim forgot to mention that he's not at the main campus is Gombak but at the matriculation center over in PJ and my brother drove all the way to Gombak and got lost on his way here.
I am sick.I've been having this sore throat for over 3 weeks now but I haven't got time to get myself to a doctor coz it would cost me time and cash.Couldn't get up for the morning class today.Shu and my mum insisted that I go to the clinic immediately after breakfast.I did and I was told my tonsil is swollen.
*damn it!that so means no more ice blended mochas for me for at least the next few weeks*
Anywho,I've been sleeping and almost throwing up every now and again.Shu left at about 5pm-ish coz he has an exam tonight.
Meanwhile,Rashid is lost somewhere in Tanjung Malim.I have no idea wtf happened.I think his bandmate Azim forgot to mention that he's not at the main campus is Gombak but at the matriculation center over in PJ and my brother drove all the way to Gombak and got lost on his way here.
Monday, January 12, 2009
look,cry,think,take action,get sick.......etc.......
Everyone's been commenting about how tired I look these days.Truth is,I am.Classes are killing me.I admit it.Especially Arabic classes.Lina said that the intensity of the class tends to get me (as well as most other people) a little bit on the not-so-sane side.Shu said this to me the first time I went to get him after a dose of Arabic class.
Apart from that,I have Kecik to worry about.I discovered an unknown lump on the bottom side of his body and it worries me.He's not even 4 months old.
I have yet to hear (and see) my bandmates-Kamal and Ayie.The last text message I got from Kamal was about Ayie's dad having lung cancer.Therefore,the jamming sessions (as well as band meetings) for the weekend was off completely.I was at UKM at the time.
Reality check,I have tonnes to say about how I feel regarding the big event that has not yet taken place but everyone is praying that it will.Let's get real.It has NOT taken place so ANYTHING can happen from now till then.I'm not saying that I have doubts about him or this whole thing.I'm just not the type of person to think that far ahead regarding big decisions about my future.
Honestly speaking,it scares the shit outta me.And yes,it is one of the many things that's been keeping me up at night.I have been kinda distant these days.Spacing out ever too often.
I love him but I don't think that is enough to comfort me now.Then again,love was said the one thing that is strong enough to rescue us all.Who ever said that was wrong.The world is still at war.Fucking human beings!Fucking idiots!
Apart from that,I have Kecik to worry about.I discovered an unknown lump on the bottom side of his body and it worries me.He's not even 4 months old.
I have yet to hear (and see) my bandmates-Kamal and Ayie.The last text message I got from Kamal was about Ayie's dad having lung cancer.Therefore,the jamming sessions (as well as band meetings) for the weekend was off completely.I was at UKM at the time.
Reality check,I have tonnes to say about how I feel regarding the big event that has not yet taken place but everyone is praying that it will.Let's get real.It has NOT taken place so ANYTHING can happen from now till then.I'm not saying that I have doubts about him or this whole thing.I'm just not the type of person to think that far ahead regarding big decisions about my future.
Honestly speaking,it scares the shit outta me.And yes,it is one of the many things that's been keeping me up at night.I have been kinda distant these days.Spacing out ever too often.
I love him but I don't think that is enough to comfort me now.Then again,love was said the one thing that is strong enough to rescue us all.Who ever said that was wrong.The world is still at war.Fucking human beings!Fucking idiots!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
thanks for your food!
Kecik has been taking trips with Shu and I whenever we go driving around town.We were at my sister's apartment over at Shah Alam with Kecik.My sister's housemate-Jaz-has a kitten of about 6 months old and she's been very lonely.Kecik was one helluva company.He actually hissed at Bird (Jaz's kitten) and Bird was following Kecik around and he kept growling at her with one paw up.Weird!He also ate some of her food.Luckily,she didn't mind.
Speaking of felines,there's this black male cat that's been hanging around the house.I don't mean outside.He'd actually lie on the front porch as though he lives here!WTF?!My dad calls him Drac (short for Dracula) My cats don't like him.Kecik just wants to run around chasing the dude.
Speaking of felines,there's this black male cat that's been hanging around the house.I don't mean outside.He'd actually lie on the front porch as though he lives here!WTF?!My dad calls him Drac (short for Dracula) My cats don't like him.Kecik just wants to run around chasing the dude.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Perpustakaan Tun Seri Lanang,UKM
Spent the evening at the library in UKM.Was trying to find books and stuff.Unfortunately,I am NOT a student there.Therefore,book loans are a big NO NO.Tried to make copies of pages,chapters and articles.Got loads of it but not enough.I'll be heading over to the library over at IIUM tomorrow after class......AGAIN.If I fail to get what ever it is I'm looking for there,I shall and will get my ass back to UNITEN and UKM.
Libraries and FidZy has never quite balance in an equation so this whole journey about me visiting libraries would be something new.
On the sidelines,I have my personal studies on symbols and meanings.I am on to something and this one has a strong hook on me.I've also been preaching about my research in hopes to find more answers.It's crazy.I can't even sleep at night coz I can't stop thinking about all the theories in my head.
I also am aware of the lives of innocent people being killed halfway across the world from where I live and I am not very happy with it.I'm hoping that with enough proof,I can make people see that we can live without some of the things we tend to spend cash on and that we still have what it takes to change the world...........we just need some will power.A LOT of will power.
Libraries and FidZy has never quite balance in an equation so this whole journey about me visiting libraries would be something new.
On the sidelines,I have my personal studies on symbols and meanings.I am on to something and this one has a strong hook on me.I've also been preaching about my research in hopes to find more answers.It's crazy.I can't even sleep at night coz I can't stop thinking about all the theories in my head.
I also am aware of the lives of innocent people being killed halfway across the world from where I live and I am not very happy with it.I'm hoping that with enough proof,I can make people see that we can live without some of the things we tend to spend cash on and that we still have what it takes to change the world...........we just need some will power.A LOT of will power.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
moderately speaking
Everyone has feelings and everyone has every right to speak up and express themselves how ever and whenever they want.You are no exception.Especially to me.Always know that I will listen even when I can't be much help or even if I can't say anything at all.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
snip snip!
Got up early this morning<---isn't that what I always do?Hahahahahaha!
Anywho,got up this morning and the first thing Shu and I did before going for breakfast or what ever was getting our hair cut.Well,he just got his trimmed.I cut my hair short coz I am done with the length and the whole Gabriel Garcia look.Hahahaha!!!!!
This may sound a wee bit shocking and probably no one has heard or know about this but Shu and I actually sat down for breakfast and made our guest list.Yes,THE list.And we're probably gonna have the reception by end of this year.The officiall occassion will probably happen earlier in the year......at home.........
I am nervous......and excited........afraid.....waiting makes me anxious..........
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I accidentally stepped onto Kecik today.Didn't see him on the floor.He has this tendency to just appear out of nowhere.I'd freak out everytime someone opens the house gate or reverse the car out or even leave the tiny gate out front.Kecik is small and pretty quiet especially when he's playing around so we can't see him and we can't predict what he's up to next.
Anywho,got up this morning and the first thing Shu and I did before going for breakfast or what ever was getting our hair cut.Well,he just got his trimmed.I cut my hair short coz I am done with the length and the whole Gabriel Garcia look.Hahahaha!!!!!
This may sound a wee bit shocking and probably no one has heard or know about this but Shu and I actually sat down for breakfast and made our guest list.Yes,THE list.And we're probably gonna have the reception by end of this year.The officiall occassion will probably happen earlier in the year......at home.........
I am nervous......and excited........afraid.....waiting makes me anxious..........
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I accidentally stepped onto Kecik today.Didn't see him on the floor.He has this tendency to just appear out of nowhere.I'd freak out everytime someone opens the house gate or reverse the car out or even leave the tiny gate out front.Kecik is small and pretty quiet especially when he's playing around so we can't see him and we can't predict what he's up to next.
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