hantaran

It is a concept.A very cultural ritual.About giving and recieving things.Related to marriage.It took me so long to fully understand what it is about.Not that I have.I'm just trying to get this all through alive with Shu.

We have been listing and re-listing and re-listing what we want and need for the hantaran.It's weird coz I am not the type of person to want things.The things that I want cannot be bought.I do not shop.I do.Not as much as a regular person would.I am the worst person to go shopping with.I can never answer the question "What do you want?" whenever we're at a shopping mall.

Anywho,I have about 1 or 2 items short from the hantaran list and I seriously cannot think of anything I want.I know that I'd like to get a laptop for Shu.That's the only thing I really want to do now.And I want Kecik to snap out of his miseries and pain and just be himself again.The crazy kitten he used to be........

The one person I shouldn't ask regarding this whole hantaran issue would be my sister but I do talk to her about it anyways coz I like talking to her.Right now is not the best time.She's going through a major sugar rush and she keeps asking things she doesn't wanna know.

My only concern right now is the period of time I have to go through before marrying Shu.I doubt if I can survive.I have no idea how people can go on being in a relationship while living so far away from eachother.I can't.My life have shifted so much that I don't know what it's like anymore to wake up knowing that I won't see him the moment I step out from my room.