I wish to know

 The fatal flaw that makes you long to be

Magnificently cursed

I get a lot of assumptions about my body weight and physical size...... I'm not always thin and I'm not super healthy. I'm just running on a feelgood mode. I sometimes forget to feed myself and I sometimes crave random things.

I'm also not a fitness trainer. I just know myself and my capacity. It's taken me quite some time to get here mentally and physically but I find that I'm happy with what I'm doing. I am aware that I tend to go overboard from time to time so I'd take a step back and readjust and I'm back on track.

I was at the store the other day trying to get a pair of pants. Leggings. Jeans. One of those..... And I usually wear an M but I felt like I I've lost quite a bit of weight so I decided to get another pair in S. 

Since it's a pandemic, the fitting rooms are not opened for use. Funny how the sales guy said that he's got a measuring tape in case I wasn't sure. I got both pairs anyways. Shu said the smaller one fit me nicer 😊

Shu is the smartest person I know and everytime we chat, I'd always learn something new about anything. Historical facts mostly. It's interesting. I'm more of a culture and language person.

Anywho, during lunch today, Yusuf asked me why I speak English a lot. My reply was

 انا لا اتكلم العربية

😁

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

 Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

Is it just me or the people who is against vaccination just strange? It's understandable if you are charged for each vaccine or if that you have concerning medical conditions that work against the survival of your health and life but....... Just declining it? It offends them if I used the "A" word (anti-vaxxers) and they insist on not anti but delaying. 

Why? I don't know. They say it's coz they have no need to travel. OK. Whatever, man. I mean, you got kids and you don't care I guess.

I woke up this morning and started crying to Shu coz I had a bad dream about losing Safiyya. I think I was overthinking about yesterday when she ran off behind the car as we were loading the car and I was starting the engine. It's my fault for not getting my priorities straight. I always make sure the kids are seated in the car before doing anything else.

Anywho, we were driving around and the plan was to get lunch. Shu wanted the kids to have a dine-in experience since it's been so long since they actually went anywhere than just being in the car. He called up our usual spot and they said the other hotel was opened. As long as we have completed our 2-doses of vaccines and have passed the 14-days quarantine post vaccination, we are allowed to dine-in.

It was strange for the kids coz they are still not used to being out and about but at the same time wanted to go to the mall. It's still off limits to kids btw......Malls.......Just dining in is allowed.

I think it's good to know that shops are taking precautions in making sure that we are vaccinated and check our digital certs at the same time before letting us in.

Our last holiday was in January and every other holiday or trips we've booked or planned after that had to be canceled. It's kind of a bummer but we also wanna protect the kids. I'm OK with staying in and watching the world from a distance. I just need some sunlight from time to time. 

Happy Birthday Shu!

 

We will always be 16.............

I Love You! 💟

There was something gloomy about how the day started...........

 I was up early because I had an appointment for a haircut at 10am this morning. As usual, I never want to be late. The kids were up early. Had breakfast. I was asleep last night till about 6:15am this morning when my alarm went off. I realized it was raining,still........since yesterday afternoon. It's been cold. I didn't check my phone till about 9am-ish coz I never know where my phone is at these days.

I was supposed to double check with the hair salon about the text messages we exchanged the day before just to be sure but instead, I saw a message from my sister. She asked for Lin's phone number. Her dad passed away the night before. My mind just went into a slight shock. I needed to get some breakfast and get ready but at the same time I wanted to call my cousin to know if she's ok.

The week had been very.........strange but not sad entirely. Well, I discovered that a friend of mine who lives in JB was tested positive for Covid. She and her in-laws. So they were quarantined themselves in a separate house away from her husband and kids who tested negative. I prayed so hard for her and her in-laws to recover because I can't bear to know her kids had to be separated from her for so long. I think that night, I received a text message from Ali Imran's school principal about their security guard who died from Covid,leaving behind his wife and kids. That was devastating news.

The next few days went by and my friend told me she was soon returning home to her kids. That's about the same time I discovered that my other friend who lives in KL/Selangor region had her kids and husband tested positive for Covid. I texted her to see what was happening. She said they were just staying in and quarantining themselves at home. Together. Around that same time, my cousin mentioned something about her parents being in the hospital.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't a Covid thingy at first. They had some difficulty breathing. Then, she said her mom recovered and was sent home. Her dad was left behind. Battling alone. He did contracted the virus but he wasn't able to breathe on his own. I texting my cousin a lot. I really thought he was gonna make it. I really thought he was gonna be okay and go home.

Uncle Lan is my dad's cousin. He's always happy and smiling as far as I can remember. There was nothing negative you could say about him. Lin and I are like good friends. She's younger than I am but we'd hangout whenever we can. I got married and she had her thing going on. We live in different states but I remember making a point to go see her and her parents this one time we were down south. It was a short visit but it was way before the pandemic. 

Anyways........I finally called my cousin after I came home from the salon and after taking a shower and all. She was crying. A lot. I cried too. And I cried some more after that.......and then, Shu told me.......Kamal sent him a text message........he said Ayie passed away.........From lung complications.......

Ayie was in our band. He was on the bass guitar. He was writing songs with us. He set up the band. It was the 4 of us. I am still trying to understand this........I cannot grasp the very thought........

A kaka what?!

 My sons (strange but entertaining) asked me if I had seen the bird Kakapo. Ali Imran said that he's been spawning these birds in his Minecraft game. He said if you look at the pictures on Google, it's buruk.......

Heh...... Sirocco, is it? I am not good with birds.

So, here I am with another episode of how I injured myself today........ This time, with shampoo......... Seriously, FidZy never learn......

For those who are curious, I was not aware of how runny my shampoo was and when I pressed the pump down it squirted vigorously onto my palm and ricochet into my left eyeball. For some reason, my right eyeball got itchy so I decided to go ahead and rub it with the back of my right hand. Congratulations to me, now I have bits of shampoo in both my eyeballs. Did I mention it's minty?

That wasn't the end of this horrific experience of mine. I was left squinting because my eyes were somewhat burning and after a while, I developed a headache from squinting too damn hard.........

*sigh*

I was telling my dad about Safiyya and her doodles and my dad was telling me about how I used to be growing up. He then proceeded to tell me how he and my mom used this technique called "Human Potential Development" Basically they'd talk to us like adults when we were still in the womb. So when they said "be whatever we want to be and they will support us", they have incorporated some constraints to avoid surprises......... 

😑

Don't ask me wtf I just wrote........ I basically became....... What ever I wanted, whenever I felt like it........ Haha........ 

So I decided to do this.............

 On the 7th, I decided to join a virtual run......only because I thought the medal was AWESOME looking! 

Yes......it's a 75 km run............I was trying to be realistic about it so I set myself to complete this run in 42 days.........I haven't run since........since.........before I got pregnant with Yusuf.......he's 8 this year.........

This postcard was sent out when I hit the first checkpoint. It's pretty cool and I really like it ^_^

Anyways,this is my progress so far........I had about 1% more to go to hit that 40% Plant-A-Tree mark but I couldn't do it. Oh yes, since it's quite dangerous to go out and about and that I am terrified of leaving the house, I can do other things like HIIT Workouts or walks or whatever and convert the timing using a chart they provided..........

I haven't taken a break since I started this and the number of days I have vs the amount of kilometers I have left is always going to bug me. Shu said that this is good motivation for me since I usually workout to maintain a certain weight, now I have an actual goal set for myself. 75 km is hard work. At least for me it is..........

How I Got Here.......

 I am blessed with unconditional support from Shu no matter how crazy my ideas sound sometimes. He always proves my family wrong when it comes to things they don't think I am capable of doing myself. I guess it's coz he's got great supportive parents whose always praying for us not matter what we have planned.

I always feel like you can do whatever you want just as long as you know the way or even if you don't know the way, there is always ways to learn. We learn new things everyday. We also relearn things that we have long forgotten. I've come to a point in life whereby I have accepted the fact that I cannot change people and their ways of thinking but I can change the way I see them instead and that changes how I would react to whatever they say.

I always tell myself (and Shu) about how I need to stay focused and on-track so that I wouldn't get caught up in the small stuff. There are a lot of things out there that annoy me or just things that I wish I could change for the better but in reality, I can't do much about it. So, I change the things that I can which makes a difference to me instead.

I'm not like super crazy happy and bubbly like it's all butterflies and rainbows everyday but I've learned that I have to give credit to myself more. I may not be able to do a lot of things but there things that I can do which most other people can't do. I count my blessings everyday and it makes me happy to know that whatever I have makes me happy.

People (family) will talk. They will always say things like you need a bigger house or you need to get a job or your kids need to learn this and that........believe me, try walking in my shoes and you'll know why I sometimes just shut myself off from the world. I like to see my kids happy doing whatever it is they like to do. I like watching Shu conquering one mountain after another from learning things that he likes and I let him do what he wants to do coz it makes him happy.

I am opened to accepting people for what they like and not judge them coz you do you!

the curious case of the pink vibrator

 Strange things happened in such a short period of time but yet, they entertain me ever so...........

For example......the title itself........I'd rather not talk about it........

On Friday night as I was forcing myself to get some sleep to get us ready for the event on Saturday, a friend of mine texted me multiple text messages. Hearing so many chimes from my cellphone charging on the chest of drawers, I got up and looked to see if it was any form of emergency. 

She wrote "I am sorry to hear about your mother......"

My reply was "What happened to my mum?"

It turned out that someone in Taman Tun who also went by the same name as my mother who also happened to live on the same road as my mother was reported to have been diagnosed with Covid.

I called my mom and my dad picked up. It was around 11:30pm at the time. My dad asked what was up because my mom was praying. I asked him if she was alright and told me what my friend told me. He laughed and said "Oh yeah.....about that. She's been getting calls all day about it......she's fine......."

So I cleared it up for my friend whom apparently got the information from her aunt who lives in Taman Tun.

On Saturday morning, we had to get up early because we were scheduled for the second dose of vaccination. Prior to that, we told Yusuf to pray that Shu and I make it through safely. It's actually a prayer I say everytime I have to leave the kids. He got sensitive and worried so he prayed and prayed for us.

The vaccination went on very quickly. Our appointment was at 10:30am but we decided to head in at about 10:15am-ish. There was a quick briefing and then we queued for our turn. The guy at the first counter asked if I got myself tested in the last 24 hours. I did. Apparently, he said that I should have done the swab test instead of the spit test because it is more accurate. That wasn't good information to find out right before getting the shot. It was a negative anyways but I took the chance to get the shot done and over with because I refuse to have to schedule for another appointment.

Due to some clothing complication with one of the ladies before Shu, I was asked to get my shot first. We were done by 10:27am. Shu had the time to video call Ali Imran's teachers for his year-end school review before getting our numbers called to complete the waiting period and sign off as completed.

We received our completed digital certificates at 10:32am. We headed out and got some coffee and food before driving home.

We got home.Took our clothes off and washed them and showered before heading over to Shu's sister's house to get the kids. We are currently trying to ground ourselves indoors for the next 14 days. 

I did not get a fever. I was tired yesterday so I slept early but I got up this morning and felt fine so I decided to workout because I've skipped 2 days. It wasn't super important but I had energy from all the food I have been consuming the day before since I got super hungry and decided to ditch my diet. I didn't do a full on high intensity workout routine (although all my routines are high intensity). I did the routine with minimal intensity just to get back on track.

So far, I am ok. Shu is ok too.