Hobbies are expensive. When are they not? But knowing me,my dad once told me that I was rather expensive with my choices and he is absolutely right. I always have specific things that I want or prefer and I don't usually allow myself to settle for things I don't want or like. It's a complete waste of time and energy and money if I am settling just coz. Yes,shit gets super fucking expensive and I am fully aware of it. That is why,my head is constantly planning on the time and place for everything.
Shu said Ali Imran follows this. I have no doubt about it. He is my son after all. Hahahaha.....He is on his way to becoming an architect.....I am aware he is 11 years old but I always feel like you have to set out the path properly. Right now, he and I are alike on so many levels. We don't shop just coz. We buy things we actually want.....in most cases, they are usually not within reach or.....not doable or....super expensive. But the way I see it is I would rather spend money,time and effort on things I want rather than spending less on something that I don't want.
Shu said if I do wanna pursue in this new brilliant idea of mine, I will have to make weekend trips to KL. That in itself is already requiring a lot of trips. Time and energy included.
*sigh*
I miss sailing and just being out in the open sea on my own. It's a very terrifying feeling to be out there so far away from everyone and yet,I have to call my own shots to determine whether or not I make it back to the mainland. I think psychologically, it has a lot to do with my upbringing. All my life, people tell me what I should do,what I should wear,where I should go. I don't get to do what I want and whenever I do, I am considered a rebel. It sounds stupid now that I am all grown up but when you are 12....or 15.....or 17.....Shit adds up and it messed me up pretty badly.
I was never good enough for anything coz I was not doing or dressing or behaving the way I was told. Nevermind that I was not always anyone's first choice. It didn't bother me much coz trying to fit in was never something I liked doing much. Having my decisions made for me was always something I had to deal with growing up. I don't like doing it much. I like how despite Shu let's me be myself and do what I want,he will always be my point of reference when it comes to major decisions. Especially when it involves our household.
Speaking of decision making, Shu and I were talking about Yusuf and how he is 13 and trying to socialize IRL and online. My stand had always been the same. Prioritize. His main job right now is to stay in school and finish his studies. Everything else is secondary. We can't stop him from socializing and the best we can do is monitor and advice. Shu has some really interesting pointers for him though. We were laughing so hard in the car the other day coz Shu spent most of his life managing people and reading people. He knows how to spot red flags and it never fails to amuse me 😂
