memories

I was cleaning up the stuff in my room,clearing the floor a little.Been having books and papers lying around all over for the longest time.Took out that big old box file where I'd usually stuff whatever papers I can't put elsewhere.Then,I came across a folder full of cards people gave me over the years.Birthday cards mostly.Most of them were dated the year 2002 onwards.I never thought I'd find what I found after all these years.Haha!I found cards from Shu!

The first card he sent me was a birthday card.I was only 16 at the time.My brother,Eno,was in KYSM and he used to mail me cards and stuff.He sent me a birthday card and he made my other brothers sign the card as well.Somehow,there was one signature whose name I never knew of.The message was "Happy 'Bird'day" and the name written under the signature was Shuhairi.It was weird coz apart from Eno,I don't recall anyone else I knew from that particular school.

Anywho,among the other cards I found was a Hari Raya card where he signed as ShuHellree.Must be the Metallica influence......or something........hahahaha!Oh!On my 18th birthday,he sent me a card with a picture of us standing in front of the school hall (KYSM) If I remember it correctly,I performed there that night.I think I sang an acoustic cover of Michelle Branch's All You Wanted.Hahahahaha!!!!!

Oh yeah......there was also a good luck card for SPM and a get well soon card.He pasted medicines in white packets in the card so that I'll get better!He also sent me a Harry Potter bookmark and a couple of handmade cards,one with a picture of Michelle Branch pasted on it.And lastly,there was an anniversary card.It's so chomel!

And about 4 years later...........I got a few more cards from him!Yey!

Kecik!Dah Maghrib!Bangun sembahyang!

Hahahahaha!That kitten's been sleeping since afternoon!Earlier in the day,he'd be running around the house with Fei Mao and the other cats.About 2 nights ago,he found Shu sleeping on the floor in the lounge and he comfortably made his way on top of Shu's tummy and slept till morning.

I am sick.I've been having this sore throat for over 3 weeks now but I haven't got time to get myself to a doctor coz it would cost me time and cash.Couldn't get up for the morning class today.Shu and my mum insisted that I go to the clinic immediately after breakfast.I did and I was told my tonsil is swollen.

*damn it!that so means no more ice blended mochas for me for at least the next few weeks*

Anywho,I've been sleeping and almost throwing up every now and again.Shu left at about 5pm-ish coz he has an exam tonight.

Meanwhile,Rashid is lost somewhere in Tanjung Malim.I have no idea wtf happened.I think his bandmate Azim forgot to mention that he's not at the main campus is Gombak but at the matriculation center over in PJ and my brother drove all the way to Gombak and got lost on his way here.

look,cry,think,take action,get sick.......etc.......

Everyone's been commenting about how tired I look these days.Truth is,I am.Classes are killing me.I admit it.Especially Arabic classes.Lina said that the intensity of the class tends to get me (as well as most other people) a little bit on the not-so-sane side.Shu said this to me the first time I went to get him after a dose of Arabic class.

Apart from that,I have Kecik to worry about.I discovered an unknown lump on the bottom side of his body and it worries me.He's not even 4 months old.

I have yet to hear (and see) my bandmates-Kamal and Ayie.The last text message I got from Kamal was about Ayie's dad having lung cancer.Therefore,the jamming sessions (as well as band meetings) for the weekend was off completely.I was at UKM at the time.

Reality check,I have tonnes to say about how I feel regarding the big event that has not yet taken place but everyone is praying that it will.Let's get real.It has NOT taken place so ANYTHING can happen from now till then.I'm not saying that I have doubts about him or this whole thing.I'm just not the type of person to think that far ahead regarding big decisions about my future.

Honestly speaking,it scares the shit outta me.And yes,it is one of the many things that's been keeping me up at night.I have been kinda distant these days.Spacing out ever too often.

I love him but I don't think that is enough to comfort me now.Then again,love was said the one thing that is strong enough to rescue us all.Who ever said that was wrong.The world is still at war.Fucking human beings!Fucking idiots!

thanks for your food!

Kecik has been taking trips with Shu and I whenever we go driving around town.We were at my sister's apartment over at Shah Alam with Kecik.My sister's housemate-Jaz-has a kitten of about 6 months old and she's been very lonely.Kecik was one helluva company.He actually hissed at Bird (Jaz's kitten) and Bird was following Kecik around and he kept growling at her with one paw up.Weird!He also ate some of her food.Luckily,she didn't mind.

Speaking of felines,there's this black male cat that's been hanging around the house.I don't mean outside.He'd actually lie on the front porch as though he lives here!WTF?!My dad calls him Drac (short for Dracula) My cats don't like him.Kecik just wants to run around chasing the dude.

Perpustakaan Tun Seri Lanang,UKM

Spent the evening at the library in UKM.Was trying to find books and stuff.Unfortunately,I am NOT a student there.Therefore,book loans are a big NO NO.Tried to make copies of pages,chapters and articles.Got loads of it but not enough.I'll be heading over to the library over at IIUM tomorrow after class......AGAIN.If I fail to get what ever it is I'm looking for there,I shall and will get my ass back to UNITEN and UKM.

Libraries and FidZy has never quite balance in an equation so this whole journey about me visiting libraries would be something new.

On the sidelines,I have my personal studies on symbols and meanings.I am on to something and this one has a strong hook on me.I've also been preaching about my research in hopes to find more answers.It's crazy.I can't even sleep at night coz I can't stop thinking about all the theories in my head.

I also am aware of the lives of innocent people being killed halfway across the world from where I live and I am not very happy with it.I'm hoping that with enough proof,I can make people see that we can live without some of the things we tend to spend cash on and that we still have what it takes to change the world...........we just need some will power.A LOT of will power.

moderately speaking

Everyone has feelings and everyone has every right to speak up and express themselves how ever and whenever they want.You are no exception.Especially to me.Always know that I will listen even when I can't be much help or even if I can't say anything at all.

snip snip!

Got up early this morning<---isn't that what I always do?Hahahahahaha!

Anywho,got up this morning and the first thing Shu and I did before going for breakfast or what ever was getting our hair cut.Well,he just got his trimmed.I cut my hair short coz I am done with the length and the whole Gabriel Garcia look.Hahahaha!!!!!

This may sound a wee bit shocking and probably no one has heard or know about this but Shu and I actually sat down for breakfast and made our guest list.Yes,THE list.And we're probably gonna have the reception by end of this year.The officiall occassion will probably happen earlier in the year......at home.........

I am nervous......and excited........afraid.....waiting makes me anxious..........

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I accidentally stepped onto Kecik today.Didn't see him on the floor.He has this tendency to just appear out of nowhere.I'd freak out everytime someone opens the house gate or reverse the car out or even leave the tiny gate out front.Kecik is small and pretty quiet especially when he's playing around so we can't see him and we can't predict what he's up to next.

happy new new year

Was online with a friend from school.She just got married.I asked her what's it like to be married.She said it's weird eventhough she's been living-in with her boyfriend for a while.I just didn't like the part when she started telling me all the negative things about being married.She makes simple things sound complicated and hard to resolve.

I know it's weird now that people are actually talking about Shu and I getting married and all.At some point in the minds of those whose known me for a while,I may still be a child.Reality check.I'll be 24 next year.I've passed the age limit as an adult for about 3 years already.I know I may sound a little kid-ish when ever I talk about animes and drawings and music.The thing is,growing up is an ongoing process.Just because I am childlike and love things which may seem kiddish doesn't mean I am not matured in other ways.

Shu and I have talked about a lot of things and we have roughly sketched out our life plans.My sister was telling me about obsessions and how it may cause a tragic ending to the fairy tale I've built.I am aware of such things.I am also aware of drawing the line between reality and the adventure of life I have laid out in my head.I think my sister forgot the part whereby eventhough there are and will be many obstacles and that at some point dreams will end and I'd have to wake up,I can still put in a whole lot of effort in balancing reality and my little fairytale and have best of both worlds if I want to.

kat tails

The story of Kecik and Fei Mao never ends.
Fei Mao can't really accept Kecik.
Kecik still loves chasing Fei Mao (along with the other 2 cats) around the house.
Shu and I are still Kecik's official parents and we are trying so very hard to make him grow a little more coz he is too damn skinny.
Kecik is officially spoiled just like Fei Mao and the other cats in the house.

All the mimsy were the borogroves

And the momeraths outgrabe

I've had a rather tiring week.Waking up early in the morning just to get to class only to find out the lecturer didn't turn up.Getting even more lost looking for classrooms which are hidden in a completely different realm.It's like looking for platform 13 1/2!WTF?!Of course,the drive to campus with fucking idiots behind wheels with absolutely no freakin' idea wtf the rearview mirror is for!

*sigh*

I've also had a rather long 24-hour.With endless emotions running through my head and my heart all at once.Tears and tears and pain deep inside.Never again will I want to go through that again!We are good.I love what we have and sometimes I just need a little reminder and motivation in finding faith again.

Shu got me a Mr. P lamp!KOOLNESS!Yeah,it does look a little disturbing.......erm,mum said it's obscene.Hahaha!It's Mr. P!WTF did you expect?!Shu also got me a white Swatch!It's superpretty!I think I'll only wear it to class coz it looks and feels fragile.Also,I wouldn't wanna wreck it!

My sister is already in Ireland.There was quite an episode yesterday.Naim is funny!

Kecik had been stealing the limelight for weeks now.Every other person whose been over to my place would not fail to play with him.And he is ever so manja!

Shu and Kecik surprised me with a little picnic breakfast after my class this morning.It was so chomel coz our plan was to take Kecik to SPCA for a vaccine shot.Since I had a 50-minute class in the morning,Shu and thought we should just go ahead and take Kecik with us to campus and then we'd head over to SPCA.

What happened instead was when I was in class,Shu headed over to some shops nearby to get food and drinks.When I got out from class,he waited for me and pretended that he missed the exit.And then,he drove the 3 of us to the campus rugby field.Weird,I often hear about that place from Shu but I've never actually been there.

So there we were,Shu,Kecik and I having a little picnic breakfast

fading

I have often thought that free-ing your mind would lead to a better life and would at least cut down the problems in your life.I was wrong.It brings out even more stupid arguements to which there are no solutions.Well,it's stupid!How the hell is it supposed to make sense to begin with?And the moment I ignore it only coz it is a waste of time to me,it makes people angry.WTF?!If it's a stupid arguement then it's just like having no arguements at all so why bother expecting a reaction from me?

Honestly,the only reason I have not been talking lately is because I tend to trigger anger instead of opening the eyes and minds of people around me.What I do and the decisions I make as well as what I think are all just insanity streaks to people.What I believe in and what I don't.Whether I like something or not or even if it's just an opinion.Sometimes,I do feel as though people only want to impose their ideas and beliefs onto me but refuse to see things from my point of view.How the hell is that justified?!

you'll bring honor to us all

I have no idea how the hell this site works but I'm gonna try anyways.

I am worried and bothered about a lot of things.Most of my worries are about the audition for my band.As much as I do want to nail the audition,I don't have that much confidence looking at our jamming session tonight.Maybe we were all tired.Maybe we were so sick of the equipments at the studio that kept failing halfway through the songs we played.Maybe all we need is more practise.

*sigh*

I am missing Shu so badly.

I have other things keeping me up at night like my folks bothering me about getting engaged and stuff.In case they fail to realize,I have no say in this culture/religion I am trapped in.I could always just runaway or not show up at my wedding or something but we all know where that would take me.It's not that big of a problem actually if you think about it.I'd probably just have to cut myself off from my family.......or something........

I have a new cat!Sarah and I and Aaina and her sister went to Bangsar (Aaina's sister's friend's apartment) to get some cats (one for Sarah and one for me) Sarah took the cat with the long-ish fur.I took the one that looked like one of the cats I've lost some years ago named LB.Anywho,I have a new cat now.It's more of Shu's and mine.I'm gonna change her name but we haven't decided on anything yet.Fei Mao was talking to her a while ago.I don't think she has a problem with the newcomer.

I am just supertired!

This entry is meant for my xanga blog!

I took my shoes off.Then my watch.I emptied my pockets and stuffed everything into my shoes.Slowly,I made my way to the edge of the swimming pool.I stood there for a while glancing back at Tasha who was standing behind me,contemplating to jump.She just stood silenty,afraid to know what was going through my head at that very moment.As I looked back down at the pool,I felt an impact from behind and the next second,everything was blue and I was inhaling water.I was in the swimming pool.Someone pushed me into the pool.I made my way up to the surface of the water and saw people looking at me.I was in my cargos and t-shirt and I was all wet,inside out.Tasha was still standing at the same spot she was a few seconds before I got soaked.She had this shocked look on her face.She couldn't have pushed me.My cousin Anas (Anis) wasn't anywhere in sight.He couldn't have pushed me.As I looked around for suspects,I saw my tiny,7-year old cousin running away.It all made sense as people started asking "Arif!You tolak Kak Long masuk kolam ke?!"
It was funny.I was just looking for a reason to jump into the pool and my beloved cousin just gave me a very good reason to stay in the water.I was in shock as I pulled myself out from the pool.Everyone kept looking at me.They kept asking me if I was OK.I was.I enjoyed myself very much.I looked back at the pool and before anyone could ask me anything anymore,I dove right in again.It felt good.Water all around making me feel so weightless.

Interesting....

I actually got the Incubus ticket.I thought it would have been sold out by now.