bakara PEKOPON!

Couldn't get to class this morning.The roads were closed.I think it was because of the stupid Le Tour crap.Just because a bunch of people are competing over something that hardly makes a difference in the lives of other people,a whole bunch of other people who has to go to work or school are held up on the roads coz the traffic police closed almost every single exit.WTF?!

Oh yeah,Shu and I are gonna give Kecik a piece of our minds later!He ran to the roadside and almost got knocked down by a car.......or some cars for that matter.Cars move really2 fast on the road opposite my house and for Kecik to pull a stunt like that,he was lucky that the first car slowed down coz he would have been gone.Shu and I shall put up a signboard on the roadside that says "PLEASE SLOW DOWN.CATS CROSSING"

attention world!

SPCA has loads of new kitties up for adoption!Very chomel too ^_^ Please go check them out and give them a proper place to live.They really3 need your support.It doesn't take a lot to help save a life.Also,they'd make good company ;)

http://www.spca.org.my/locations.htm

seeing shades of sakura pink

It's such a beautiful flower and it is definitely the perfect theme!

I've been designing......thingys........invitation cards.......rings.........haven't gotten around to the clothes yet............

Fell asleep on my bedroom floor in the afternoon.I've been supertired and supersleepy.I am getting a bit sick of campus these days.Finally picked up the acoustic guitar and worked on some new tunes.

Shu's friends told him they enjoyed our performance and our songs the other night.That's good.We've been wanting to hear what people have to say about our songs rather than watch us perform only coz we're playing music.WE NEED a BLOODY DEMO!Actually,I was thinking of getting an EP out but our songs are a wee bit too hard to choose in order to be put into an EP coz every song is different.We'll sort that out later in the week.

I am on duty to look after the automotive skill booth on Saturday.8am-1pm.Since we only have 2 time slots to choose from,I figured that Sunday nights are always meant for jamming sessions.It's good enough that we were given a choice.I'm really trying to help out my mates.I just don't get those who'd use midterms as excuses.WTF?!Everyone has midterms and important things to do as well!

jakun FidZy!

Yey!So this is what Mazlan was talking about when he said getting wired to the university network in my car on campus!How cool is that?!Well,cool but not cool coz only some parts of the campus grounds has good signals......

I haven't been getting enough sleep and I am constantly doing research on something pertaining to the huge bulk of assignments I have get done ASAP!

Joke of the week:(introducing my bandmates on stage while performing the other night)On lead guitar,Kamal.......Rashid on the drums.....both are from UiTM.......only Shu is from UNITEN........and I am from........(long pause) somewhere........

In-sanity person/cat of the week:Still Kecik........

I need to get my head straightened out today.Can't go on like this.I have a month and a half more till the semester ends!Damn it!

sometimes......everything is just too much to take......

For me it is.I feel like the things that I wanna do in life are simple.The fact that they intertwine with other things.......related things which supposedly we could do without in order to not make things complicated exist and that we may have to depend on it coz we're made to do so just fucking pisses me off.

I am talking about a very specific thing here.Still,it could be applied to most other things we go through.

I'm sick of crying and still unable to make things better.I try so hard to just brush them aside and pretend that it doesn't bother me but I can't.Coz it does bother me and for as long as I cannot just learn to adapt and compromize,I can't move from this spot.It kills me.A lot.I can't imagine what it's gonna be like after this.

I don't want to take action over something really huge just because I have to.I wanna do it coz I want to.Right now,I know I want to but there's just so many things I would have to consider........and probably reconsider.

Is this what growing up does to a person?Drives them mad coz of things which cannot be avoided?

Mazlan's class never fails to make me laugh

I was on the verge of skipping his class today but Lina said I shouldn't coz I had no reason to do so.True.I was just exhausted beyond words.Haven't slept properly since yesterday coz I kept thinking about homework and midterms.Then again,Mazlan-san never fail to amuse me and that keeps me going.Just as we handed in our assignment,he gave us our second assigment which I must say......is rather difficult to comprehend.Lina and I already see ourselves heading over to his office every other day we can (with or without anything for him to check) ;)

Had a good lepak session with Lina today.It was raining super heavily and I was freezing the whole time.Cold weather takes up a whole lot of energy coz the body is trying its very best to keep us warm.That's why I love running in the rain........

Anywho,I've been thinking about a lot of things and so many things gets messed up in my head.I was trying so hard to find a way to convey these mixed thoughts and feelings I've been keeping to myself for so long.I finally sorted them all out into words.The timing was just perfect.I was talking to the right person at the right time and that lead me to asking so many more other questions about where I'm headed with all these big decisions I am making or I am about to make.I wouldn't say I've got it cleared out already.I am still trying to find the best solution for this particular emotional landslide.

Either ways,I'm gonna have to come to a decision in the end.I am still going to be the one to call the shots at the end of the day.I just can't decide now.I'm tired and my mind is still full of thoughts from Lina and my mum as well as the judgements I've made.

laughing out loud alone

Hahahahahaha!

In case you were wondering (Mr Foxburr) THIS was what I've been laughing at all night long :D

I am,yet again,at the verge of insanity.It's only Monday for crying out loud!Let's not talk about work shall we?.........

I have the purrfect subject in mind:Kecik! aka Little Psycho........

Of all the cats that's been living here at my house,he is the first and probably the only one who likes water.It's weird.He'd jump right in whenever he sees any bathroom doors opened in the house!And (like myself) he lurves getting soaked in the rain.It's no wonder he smells really bad compared to Fei Mao!

And he tends to get all crazy at times.He's so out of his mind that you can't even touch him without getting bitten or scratched!There are times when he'll be chasing his tail and wrestling with it all around the floor.That's just funny.He gets scary when he grabs Ravi (his stuffed dog toy) and drags him all around and attacks it again and again like it's some sort of anger management therapy.

Anywho,I can't imagine him doing his own little lion dance........oh wait a minute......I can........

99.5% there! ;)

I am supertired right now.Got up really late this morning.I think Shu called me 6 times but I didn't get up.Finally,at about 11:30am,my mum unlocked my room door and told me to get out of bed.

The thing is,of all things for me to do on Saturday mornings is having to get up at 6:45am and hit the shower!And of all things to happen during class yesterday was having to squeeze in 2 lessons at one go.I don't mind the part where I had to get under the car to take out the rear absorbers.Actually,I don't mind having automotive classes at all.I just got tired later in the day.

Took my aunty out to the mall coz she wanted to get her PC and she (like myself) has no time to do leisurely things during the week days.A promise is a promise.Shu and I took her to the computer store and finally she got herself the computer she wanted at a reasonable price (thanks to Shu's negotiating technics ;)

She then insisted on having a drink with us.So we did.After that we rushed back to clean ourselves up and get ready in time for the kenduri over at Aunty Intan's place.It ended at about 11pm-ish........well,we (Shu,myself as well as my brothers) helped clean up where ever that needed cleaning up.

Anyways.......got up and finally got dressed at about noon-ish today.Headed straight for aunty's place coz she needed help setting up her PC.At the same time,we had to get there before she left for the airport coz Anas Bananas was leaving for Penang at about4pm-ish.

After a quick lunch with my aunty,Anas and Aunty Maz,Shu and I decided to head over to Gloria Jean's at The Curve coz Lin's sister-Yan,is working there.I thought I should just go over to say hey to her.Spent some time there on my notebook,getting some work done.Then,we were gonna just stroll a little bit before going home but something happened..........I heard drumming and cymbals.........there was a lion dance performance!I grabbed Shu and ran straight for the stage area!It was awesome!Later on,as we walked some more,we heard more drumming upstairs.Yamaha BeatSpot had some blessing ceremony going on in front of the shop so we stayed on to watch.We headed over to Ikano for a bit.Got into a card designing shop.Hah!We got some pretty good ideas on our wedding invitations cards from there :p

Anywho,we walked some more and heard drums and different form of cymbals.There was a Dragon dance/blessing ceremony happening upstairs.That was fun.I've never seen a Dragon dance before.
I'd say my Chinese New Year isn't so bad this year..........well,not as bad I supposed.We did get home in time to catch a breather before the jamming session at 8:30pm.Ayie shall not be performing with us looking at his father's condition.We agreed that he should prioritize him more than anything should he is not able to carry on anymore.In the meantime,Shu will be our sessionist for the grad night which by the way,shall be happening this Friday at
Palace of The Golden Horses!

I am so very worked up on this show coz eventhough we know our songs well,anything can happen and we must all take really careful steps in getting there.We'll be jamming over at LabRat in Shah Alam on Thursday night.
Until then,hopefully all goes well with everyone..........may the year of the Ox open some new doors for us all ;)

happy birthday Aunty Intan

It's been 2 years since Izwan passed on.Aunty Intan still cries remembering him.She cried still during the kenduri tonight while we recited the Yasin.Kamal,Farah and Faizal just won't show how much they miss their littlest late brother.Seeing all those familiar faces of my juniors from school reminds me of the day Izwan died.Minus the part where Kamal was sitting alone outside on the couch staring blankly into space.I still see Izwan in my head.When he's hanging out with us.With his guitar at the studio.When I picked him up from his house that morning for him and Rashid's band's BOTB soundcheck.I didn't see him before they burried him.I'm glad I didn't.I want to remember as how he was back then.Alive and happy and living life the way any teenager would.

back at xanga now ^_^

www.xanga.com/quellegondiel

I just wanna scream and lose control

Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and runaway

I am trying so hard to get by this but I can't.I'm gonna have to face it.If not now,maybe later.I can't keep running away like this forever.I can't keep avoiding from having conversations or discussions regarding this matter.I AM PART OF IT.This is big.Especially for my folks.I don't know why I am so afraid.Maybe I'm just nervous.The clock is ticking and a lot of things need to be done.Maybe I just can't cope with the pressure.All I did was make a really huge decision and now,I have more little decisions to make.And it is all accumulating into one huge lump and it is causing me a whole lot of headache!

at a kopitiam somewhere in Bangi.......

Take a WILD guess which kopitiam I'm at lah!Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!


I doubt if I have fully recovered from my fever.Turned up for Arabic class and Hariz was making us all laugh out loud.My lecturer didn't.He actually asked if Hariz found the Arabic language funny and he said yes.I'm still doing alright in that class.I think Dr. Wejdan kicked Raqib out.I pity the dude (Raqib).He's gonna graduate and he's having all these problems still.


I am counting the scratches on my hands and legs (maybe even my neck!).Thanks to Kecik,I was screaming out loud when Shu sprayed the anticeptic onto the cut on my finger coz the pain went all the way down to the nerves.Shit!That was painful!

I know this sounds strange.......

......but we just had to do it.Our kitten is not even 4 months old and his world had always been within the house compound.He knows nothing beyond the walls.He's seen my other cats climb over to the world outside.The one he only gets to see through the little hole through the gate or those window-like grills out front.

The reason Shu and I won't let him out is because he hasn't quite figured out his sense of directions and knowing Kecik,he has this tendency to just jump out to nowhere which is dangerous coz cars tend to drive by really fast in front of my house.We're just worried if he jumps out and a car comes out of nowhere unable to break in time.

So what we did was,we hooked him up to the harnest we got him some weeks ago and took him out for a walk just to get him used to the road outside.I know he was a little irritated by the strap around his body and all but we can't afford to lose him.He has this habit of running into holes or under parked cars.It scares the shit outta me whenever he does that.

Of course,the other thing that scared me today was leaving Kecik at home with my niece and nephew.They are not even 6 years of age and eventhough they love cats,from the looks of how they were "playing" with Kecik,I had this horrifying picture of them getting a little too rough for Kecik.

Fine.Call me paranoid.I can't help it!

Oh yeah,met Fadzrul over at the gas station.I was at the counter with Shu and I was laughing out loud at something at the counter when suddenly,I heard a familiar voice saying "Tengok tuh......bukan nyer dia perasan pun kita......" Damn!And it was his birthday too!I know!It totally slipped my mind!The reminder alarm went off this morning but I think I must have shut it off coz I was sleepy.He said he too would be getting married by end of this year.Hopefully,our dates won't clash.....not with Ili's wedding either!

I was built with GPP

You can tell can't you?......

I thought I was gonna end up spending another day under the sheets this morning.I had a slight temperature and my head hurt.Nope.That didn't happen.

Shu finished to get his work done.He's been working on it all night and he needed to get it to his supervisor's room by 5pm today.I went ahead to UNITEN with him since I needed to return a book and extend the period of some books I borrowed from the library there.Also,Shu managed to get some books on Islamic Banking from his economics lecturer for me ^_^ I think she used to work at IIU.

Anywho,had dimsum for dinner and we managed to get home just before 7:30pm.

The cool thing about long drives is that the both of us manage to drive ourselves crazy by singing silly tunes or coming out with crazy ideas........like gate crashing our own wedding!SUH-WEET!

scratches

If you look closely,I have scratches in my arms.Some on my legs.Maybe some on my neck or even my face.Having a kitten who is completely oblivious to the strength he has when it comes to playing,I'd just have to put up with all these scratches.It worries Shu sometimes coz he'd always come running with some antibacterial cream or spray everytime I get scratched.This morning,I was scratched so much more by Kecik's hind-legs coz it was his first time taking a bath and he was shocked by the shower and the fact that he's all soaked.Yup,these scratches are definitely painful.So much more than the ones I used to get.

had dinner with mum and Qarim and Azim and Shu today.....

We had a really weird and not-very-pleasant topic of discussion while eating.My mum and how much she hates my step-grandpa.I understand why she hates the dude.I'm not very fond of how he treats my grandma too.Well,the thing about my mum is that she got kicked out from the house while she was in university all those years ago........erm........alongside other things.......I just hate it that my grandpa doesn't give my grandma cash (eventhough she's working) when he actually has millions invested in banks outside the country.

Like Raqib said,the men in my family tree just never seem to be on the right side<---I wonder what the left side is like........

*sigh*

Ok,back to here and now.I have been avoiding my mum whenever she asks me to go look at wedding dresses and stuff.Seriously,my mind thinks as far as 2 weeks ahead.There's no saying what will happen tomorrow.What more a few months?I'm just saying that I am not about to scout around for something that isn't really 'here' yet.

As far as I am concerned,I am in love with him.Always had been all this while.He proposed and I said yes.As far as both of us are concerned,we are engaged.That's what we tell everyone anyways.No,we are not married.Not yet.If everything goes well then we shall marry by end of this year (or something).What ever that happens in between which is beyond my control cannot be helped.

Anywho,Kamal called me to tell me the plans for this weekend's meeting and jamming session.He wants to try get us started on the demo recording already.I'm gonna have to work harder at recovering ASAP.Also,he told me about some dude from a tv show who is interested to check out our band page over at myspace.Erm.........well,good luck with that.The page is pretty empty as far as I know.Unless Kamal or Ayie or Rashid posted some stuff up already which I never knew of.

Hahahaha!I am ever so nervous about our upcoming performance!But like they say,the show must go on!This one is for the late Izwan Ikmal Arif!You are forever remembered :/

u-huh?

War is the reciprocal and violent application of force between hostile political entities aimed at bringing about a desired political end-state via armed conflict. -Wikipedia-

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/war
–noun
1.
a conflict carried on by force of arms, as between nations or between parties within a nation; warfare, as by land, sea, or air.

2.
a state or period of armed hostility or active military operations: The two nations were at war with each other.<---I think only one nation is at war and the other is just the victim
3.
a contest carried on by force of arms, as in a series of battles or campaigns: the War of 1812.

4.
active hostility or contention; conflict; contest: a war of words.

5.
aggressive business conflict, as through severe price cutting in the same industry or any other means of undermining competitors: a fare war among airlines; a trade war between nations.

6.
a struggle: a war for men's minds; a war against poverty.

7.
armed fighting, as a science, profession, activity, or art; methods or principles of waging armed conflict: War is the soldier's business.<---It becomes the soldier's business only in defense mode.

8. Cards. a. a game for two or more persons, played with a 52-card pack evenly divided between the players, in which each player turns up one card at a time with the higher card taking the lower, and in which, when both turned up cards match, each player lays one card face down and turns up another, the player with the higher card of the second turn taking all the cards laid down. b. an occasion in this game when both turned up cards match.

9. Archaic. a battle.–verb (used without object)

10. to make or carry on war; fight: to war with a neighboring nation.

11.
to carry on active hostility or contention: Throughout her life she warred with sin and corruption.

12.
to be in conflict or in a state of strong opposition: The temptation warred with his conscience. –adjective

13.
of, belonging to, used in, or due to war: war preparations; war hysteria.

memories

I was cleaning up the stuff in my room,clearing the floor a little.Been having books and papers lying around all over for the longest time.Took out that big old box file where I'd usually stuff whatever papers I can't put elsewhere.Then,I came across a folder full of cards people gave me over the years.Birthday cards mostly.Most of them were dated the year 2002 onwards.I never thought I'd find what I found after all these years.Haha!I found cards from Shu!

The first card he sent me was a birthday card.I was only 16 at the time.My brother,Eno,was in KYSM and he used to mail me cards and stuff.He sent me a birthday card and he made my other brothers sign the card as well.Somehow,there was one signature whose name I never knew of.The message was "Happy 'Bird'day" and the name written under the signature was Shuhairi.It was weird coz apart from Eno,I don't recall anyone else I knew from that particular school.

Anywho,among the other cards I found was a Hari Raya card where he signed as ShuHellree.Must be the Metallica influence......or something........hahahaha!Oh!On my 18th birthday,he sent me a card with a picture of us standing in front of the school hall (KYSM) If I remember it correctly,I performed there that night.I think I sang an acoustic cover of Michelle Branch's All You Wanted.Hahahahaha!!!!!

Oh yeah......there was also a good luck card for SPM and a get well soon card.He pasted medicines in white packets in the card so that I'll get better!He also sent me a Harry Potter bookmark and a couple of handmade cards,one with a picture of Michelle Branch pasted on it.And lastly,there was an anniversary card.It's so chomel!

And about 4 years later...........I got a few more cards from him!Yey!

Kecik!Dah Maghrib!Bangun sembahyang!

Hahahahaha!That kitten's been sleeping since afternoon!Earlier in the day,he'd be running around the house with Fei Mao and the other cats.About 2 nights ago,he found Shu sleeping on the floor in the lounge and he comfortably made his way on top of Shu's tummy and slept till morning.

I am sick.I've been having this sore throat for over 3 weeks now but I haven't got time to get myself to a doctor coz it would cost me time and cash.Couldn't get up for the morning class today.Shu and my mum insisted that I go to the clinic immediately after breakfast.I did and I was told my tonsil is swollen.

*damn it!that so means no more ice blended mochas for me for at least the next few weeks*

Anywho,I've been sleeping and almost throwing up every now and again.Shu left at about 5pm-ish coz he has an exam tonight.

Meanwhile,Rashid is lost somewhere in Tanjung Malim.I have no idea wtf happened.I think his bandmate Azim forgot to mention that he's not at the main campus is Gombak but at the matriculation center over in PJ and my brother drove all the way to Gombak and got lost on his way here.

look,cry,think,take action,get sick.......etc.......

Everyone's been commenting about how tired I look these days.Truth is,I am.Classes are killing me.I admit it.Especially Arabic classes.Lina said that the intensity of the class tends to get me (as well as most other people) a little bit on the not-so-sane side.Shu said this to me the first time I went to get him after a dose of Arabic class.

Apart from that,I have Kecik to worry about.I discovered an unknown lump on the bottom side of his body and it worries me.He's not even 4 months old.

I have yet to hear (and see) my bandmates-Kamal and Ayie.The last text message I got from Kamal was about Ayie's dad having lung cancer.Therefore,the jamming sessions (as well as band meetings) for the weekend was off completely.I was at UKM at the time.

Reality check,I have tonnes to say about how I feel regarding the big event that has not yet taken place but everyone is praying that it will.Let's get real.It has NOT taken place so ANYTHING can happen from now till then.I'm not saying that I have doubts about him or this whole thing.I'm just not the type of person to think that far ahead regarding big decisions about my future.

Honestly speaking,it scares the shit outta me.And yes,it is one of the many things that's been keeping me up at night.I have been kinda distant these days.Spacing out ever too often.

I love him but I don't think that is enough to comfort me now.Then again,love was said the one thing that is strong enough to rescue us all.Who ever said that was wrong.The world is still at war.Fucking human beings!Fucking idiots!