Hello old friend

I neglected you long enough. I forgot just how much joy you bring me just by looking at you and touching you. I will have you repaired and I will have you played again. I am determined to get you ready by this year.

Nevermind that I don't have an amplifier or a distortion pedal 😒

I ❤️ this song:Mongol by Omnia

Ϻиний хайртай морь
Хамтдаа хамтдаа бид ниснэ
Ϻиний морь
Тад дундуур давхина

Салхи татуулан хурдалсаар
Хамтдаа хамтдаа хамтдаа бид
ниснэ

Ϻиний хайртай хайртай морь

mood today

And she's going on a journey Always walking down the road

With a tiny rope and a bag of stone
And all heartbroken wishing bone
She's going in, she's going home
Oh this little golden knight, fighting every day
Behind the light, behind the light

Walking faster down the street
Red eyes and no shoes on her feet
Going on this journey, determined to complete
This is farewell, this is goodnight
The last time she will see the daylight
See the daylight

And she's going on a journey
Always walking down the road
And the water is always calling
"My little child, please come home"

That's when she went away
Away from the light of day
Standing by the riverside
Patiently waiting for the tide
To come along, to come along
The waters going through her feet
And on her body wind so cold and sweet
So cold and sweet

And she's going on a journey
Always walking down the road
And the water is always calling
"My little child, please come home"
And the stars were brightly shining
When she reached out they were gone
And the water started calling
"My little child, please come home"

Feel the water in her body, water's never going out

Feel the water in her body, water's never going out

Feel the water in her body, water's never going out

Feel the water in her body, water's never going out

Feel the water in her body, water's never going out

Feel the water in her body, water's never going out

Feel the water in her body, water's never going out

Feel the water in her body, water's never going out
And she's going on a journey
Always walking down the road
And the water is always calling
"My little child, please come home"
And the stars were brightly shining
When she reached out they were gone
And the water started calling
"My little child, please come home"
When a shiny light hit her eye
And she turned around and climbed
Towards the sky
Towards the sky...

I'm a child with an animal soul I don't belong here I don't belong anywhere

I can remember everything used to be warm
Lying inside the bodies of our mothers
I can remember light coming through her skin
And the first time I took my breath as she wrapped me in

Funny how we're free to walk around
Still our feet are forced to walk the ground
Even when we die we're deeper down
Down, down, down

As I am stumbling past every word, every answer
Moving around my mind like a beautiful dancer
I am here to tell what makes me hollow
In a world of hate we are forced to swallow

The animal in me

Although isolation had always been my way of life and that my sister thinks I am most likely to come out of this quarantine like myself, it gets a bit repetitive for me.

I try doing different things everyday like scrapbooking and playing the guitar and singing. Some things are still the same. 

I have started working out everyday which is nice but for some reason, my appetite has dropped.I can't say if it is caused by working out or that I am having a mild anxiety attack.

I still love it when it rains. 

My mind has been drifting back and forth in between daydreaming and being fully awake. I keep finding myself in thoughts from just a glimpse of memory I had from a time in my life. It's very strange. 

I have tried writing a lot. Lyrics. Poetry. Thoughts. Anything. I have also attempted to write new songs. Shu thinks I should record my old songs from when I was 16.

I need to rearrange a lot of words.

I am missing avocado toasts from Wolf and Turtle 😭

AURORA did a thing for us! ❤️

This song is stuck in my head now

Today's vibe :Deep Purple

Specifically, Burn!!!

Hun går ferilisseræna féressu

Hun går férilisserana irsser
Ruriguere
Ruriguere
Lissiræna hun går
Fîri lisinof
Fîri lisinof

Lost in a concrete jungle

These past couple of years had been very strange for me. I seem to find myself trying to fit in all over again. It's as though I cannot understand why things are the way they are here where I live. It feels as though I am out of place in a place where I have been living all my life. Does this even make sense?

There is like a sense of longing somewhere which is not here. I have tried being myself and I have tried not being myself just to see which version of me appeals most to the people I interact with. It sounds like a social experiment but I have not been interacting with many human beings.

I feel like a child on his first day of school. Trying to be nice to everyone but my efforts go unnoticed because I am somewhat afraid to just be myself. I would like to think that freedom is the feeling when you are drenched in the pouring rain but it makes you so happy that you dance and jump and run because you feel alive. This behavior is not common for people who perceives me the way they think they know me.

I would sometimes close my eyes and take a deep breath just to let myself be somewhere else for a little while. Then I'd open my eyes and I am here where I was before.

Why do people think quality living is living in a vertical space in a crowded place where there are pollution and destruction and chaos but by having things such as extra parking spaces and infinity pools and gymnasium and saunas,you are essentially living the ultimate city life. People own cars which cost the price of a house which can go really fast without realizing the roads are broken and cracked and full of holes and cars.

What is "prime" location? The only meaning it brings to me is congestion and hectic. Unnecessary cost of pretty much everything and nothing is quality. They label things as organic and healthy but all you are paying for is something that could cost a fraction of the price. It makes no sense.

There is no kindness or politeness or manners. Everything and everyone is fast moving.Everything must be here and now. Whenever the car slows down in heavy traffic,you could see the different types of plants that grow naturally and healthy. They make me happy. Children doing weird quirky things make me happy. I do not have many adult friends and it probably is for a good reason considering I grew up with most of my friends being felines.

When the last tree has fallen and the rivers are poisoned,You cannot eat money oh no.....

Just like the seed
I don't know where to go
Through dirt and shadow, I grow
I'm reaching light through the struggle
Just like the seed
I'm chasing the wonder
I unravel myself
All in slow motion

You cannot eat money, oh no
You cannot eat money, oh no
When the last tree has fallen
And the rivers are poisoned
You cannot eat money, oh no
You cannot eat money, oh no
You cannot eat money, oh no
When the last tree has fallen
And the rivers are poisoned
You cannot eat money, oh no
Oh no

Suffocate me
So my tears can be rain
I will water the ground where I stand
So the flowers can grow back again
'Cause just like the seed
Everything wants to live
We are burning our fingers
But we learn and forgive

You cannot eat money, oh no
You cannot eat money, oh no
When the last tree has fallen
And the rivers are poisoned
You cannot eat money, oh no
You cannot eat money, oh no
You cannot eat money, oh no
When the last tree has fallen
And the rivers are poisoned
You cannot eat money, oh no
Oh no

Feed me sunlight, feed me air
In a place where nothing matters
Feed me truth and feed me prayer (dancing around a shooting star)
And every cell remembers
Feed me sunlight, feed me air (that have taken us this far)
I see images of killer whales
Feed me truth and feed me prayers (sleeping in a desert trail)
Dreaming of a parallel world where nothing ever hurts
Dreaming of a parallel world where nothing ever hurts

You cannot eat money, oh no
You cannot eat money, oh no
When the last tree has fallen
And the rivers are poisoned
You cannot eat money, oh no
You cannot eat money, oh no
You cannot eat money, oh no
When the last tree has fallen
And the rivers are poisoned
You cannot eat money, oh no
Oh no

February 17th 2020

Well, my birthday was on a weekday and that usually means it's not a good time to be out and about because we have a routine to stick to and getting up early is compulsory. However, Shu insisted on celebrating even if it's just a small celebration.

So we woke up early, sent the kids to school and we headed into the city coz he said there's this place he wants to take me to but it's a surprise. We got there and parked the car and then discovered that it's non-halal.

Good thing there was a coffee shop right next to it. Coffee in the morning is always a good thing for me. The shop didn't have much food so we decided to walk to KLCC from where we were.

Morning walks are fun just not in the middle of the city. It got sunnier as we moved. There were construction sites everywhere. Typical KL.

We finally made it and we had early brunch because we didn't want to be late for the kids. It was fun. We had Dotty's. My sister told me about the branch in Taman Tun but I'll never go there. I had a good time :)

That night, everyone got ready early for a birthday dinner. Again, he said it was a surprise so I had no idea where we were going. It was a place close to home. Food was awesome!

Laguna Redang, 10th year visit

Before anything, we already have plans to return this year. We've been coming back here since we first got married (before Yusuf).

This year, Safiyya is old enough to appreciate the pool and beach sand. She and Ali Imran are not the swimming in the ocean getting soaked type. Yusuf is already snorkeling. I am still terrified of fish.

I could have sworn the same fish had been trolling me for years. According to Shu, it's a Parrot Fish. Doesn't matter what it's called, it scares me every damn time I'm in the water.

The island just opened after being closed during the monsoon season. I was desperate to get out in the sun because city life was really pushing me back into depression and I do not miss being depressed.

It rained one time but I never realized how happy I was getting soaked in the rain. I used to run in the rain and being in the rain by the beach was awesome.

The next day, the weather started picking up. That was great 😊

I know that now is the time when people have so much to say

But I just want to talk about how much I love snakes because they are so cute. I keep falling in love everytime I see them and they make me so happy.

We recently ended up in Malacca because we were so sick of hanging around the city. Shu asked what our plan was and I had no plans so yeah.........

It was awesome and wholesome.

We ended up at the Malacca Butterfly and Reptiles Sanctuary in Ayer Keroh. We saw butterfly eggs.The kids fed the koi fish and guppies. We saw American Alligators being fed. We saw Emu eggs and crocodile eggs. We played with a 5-year old ball python.

They had an Anaconda! I am terrified of Anacondas! They have the cutest kingsnake and rat snake ever!

My personal favourite is the red-tailed rat snake. I spent time just looking at the babies and they were calling to me.

Was talking to the caretaker named Mr Rizal (I think that was his name) about snakes and feeding them and taking care of them and he was recommending either the kingsnake or the rat snake or even the ball python coz they don't grow too big. I don't have a problem with feeding live animals to these predators because that's their nature.My only concern would be keeping a steady temperature for their living spaces.

I have been thinking about getting a pet snake forever. I was thinking of the cornsnake because they are so cute.

Oh yeah!We saw the poison dart frog.It is so cute that you just wanna kiss it and take it home! (And then die of poison)

Anyways,I'll post up pictures later coz they're in my phone ^_^

🤘🏼

In Another Life

I think I have found my new spirit animal

The thing about social media.........

It's one thing to have a social media account. It's a whole other story to commenting or thinking that by saying something you are participating in something. It's alright to just observe,really. And only say something that would or could help with progress or development within a certain topic. I find that there are some who just loves to hate on people. Maybe it helps them get by their shortcomings.

I am more annoyed of those who pry. Insinuating certain negative thoughts but not wanting to be direct about them. If you have a problem,you should resolve them.If the problem is with other people having the time and money to do things or go to places that you want to go but can't,it's a problem you have with yourself.

What ever people spend their money and time on is entirely their rights to do so.How much money spent is also their rights.The more you say shit like "Oh,you can afford that,unlike me or the rest of us....." Well,here's a reality check for you.Yes,we can afford it.Yes,we decided to do it.What ever you have to say will not change anything,really.

Here's a tip,though.......Save Up.I don't know what you spend your money and time on most of your days but I honestly don't care.

What ever I want to post about anything that I do is my right. You can hate on it and get all upset about not being able to go or do what I do.It's not going to make any difference at all.

I like to spend my time finding ways to do what I want to do next and how to do it.If I see someone with a big house,I'm only interested to know how that person is able to get there.I'm not gonna sit around gossiping and speculating about how that person is able to afford things.It's a waste of time.

Shu and I were talking about all the bullshit around us

Let's start with fucking activists who doesn't understand what being an activist is about. You have a cause. Most of the time it's a good cause. But not everyone is on the same boat coz we have different point of views. That's not what pisses me off though. It's when you get us stuck in one of your speaches and then when we don't support you coz we have our reasons, suddenly you give us shade. Seriously bitch?!

I was harassed for about a month by Greenpeace. They talk to me about their cause and I am totally all for it. The moment I said I'm a stay at home mom and I'm not earning, the conversation cuts short. So it's actually not about the cause, it's about having fucking monthly salary so that you can fucking cut it on a monthly basis. Should I be wondering why this needs to be a continuous support money-wise? So spreading recycling cause or use less plastic is absolutely useless if you don't have a stable paycheck.

Later on, another group approached us. I mistook them for UNICEF. It turns out they are for child refugees. Sign the petition? OK. No monthly paychecks? Oh we cannot be friends.

I told Shu that I'mma be flaunting all of my high-end shit and shopping bags in my fucking expensive shades and tell them I can't help them coz I am not earning. Sorry 🙄

Get your fucking perspectives and priorities right.