Sing the last thing on your mind

 The last word on your breath

I'll be the one to keep you, keep you at your best
The last thing on your mind
'Cause I don't need your mess
I'll be the one to keep you one disaster less

I'll be ok..........

It's been a hot minute since I last felt anything............well, let's start with my weird-ass dreams. I've been having sleepless nights......again.........It's probably anxiety.........I'm not gonna lie, I am terrified of having the whole country open up again coz I am terrified of people as it is......It's gonna be weird but not really coz we're never usually home anyways and when we are away, there are usually people........

I have good news too in the last couple of days which I am excited about hopefully,if everything turns out as planned.

Oh yeah, my weird dreams...........Usually, dreams that stresses me out are the kind of dreams when I have to drive. The other night, I dreamt that my teeth fell out. Then the other night, I dream about some terrifying scream from a dead girl who has her throat slit opened and she's dead in her kebaya with batik sarong but she is screaming.........Last night, I had the least weird dream coz I dreamt that I met Justin Hawkins. I was ecstatic. The stress began when I decided to jam with him and we couldn't get our guitars in tune. 

So....so weird.....Gone are the days and nights when I'd dream of snakes or flight.

Was on vid call with my mum yesterday. My aunt was there and my dad and Qarim. My dad was talking about his bald head coz I told them that my hair is super long coz it's been over a year since I last had a haircut. My mum and aunt still insists that I continue lecturing...........I have dreams and Shu is helping me realise my dreams. I could do remote lectures since I doubt if I'm gonna be at "home" home.

I was asking Shu about working out after getting our second dose of vaccination. He told me about his brother's friend(s) who died. One guy probably died of Covid but he went running outside after a few days of getting his second dose of vaccination. His other friend died of Covid while her husband was recovering from the hospital (of Covid). She has a 2 year-old kid.

I am not planning to leave the house within the next 14 days after getting the second dose of vaccination. I workout at home,indoors anyways. I just want to know what to expect. If I need a longer time to recover then so be it. I am in no hurry to get back into my routines if my body isn't ready.

give me a second go

 Don't let me go alone

It's been quite a week. I am recovering from a really bad migraine. It's a long story. So many things happened so quickly. I don't know where to begin..........

I feel like time has been slipping away from me and the next thing I know it's the weekend again. My eating disorder is getting out of hand coz I think that's how I got sick last year 😕 Actually, it's not an eating disorder.......at least I don't think it is........I just have problems feeding myself the right amount of food my body needs. I think it's more of a mental disorder that I am aware of but I sometimes lose control of it.........yeah.......that's it........

I think us celebrating Eid at Shu's sister's house on Tuesday was actually the second I left the house since I went to get vaccination which was on the 10th. It's weird coz I am kinda stuck in between doing a few things all at once and I am not actually getting anywhere.

Shu and I did a second take on the vocals recording the other night. It's actually harder than it seems,trying to get my vocals on the same pitch on the 2 verses and the 2 choruses which has 2 different ways of singing. My writing is at a standstill coz I can't get my words out right.

My head is everywhere and somewhere at the same time. It's hard to explain.

It took me 2 days to get over what Cassius Rex did. No, I am not going to explain who he is nor will I explain what he did. He just pissed me off and I wasn't ok with it.

It's been a long while since I last jammed on the acoustic guitar and the last couple of days had been hurting my fingers like crazy. I miss it though........jamming.......singing..........not caring or thinking about what comes next...........

I dangle up on rooftops

Before I push you off...........

Was on the phone with my mom a couple of nights ago. She's been getting worried about things in Taman Tun because it seems like more and more people have died from Covid. Taman Tun is a small town. You really know just about anyone there. I also think everyday people die and people die from the pandemic. It's just alarming when things like this happen to the people around you even though you don't know them personally.

I keep telling her to not lose her shit now. Kak Yah has been telling her to keep it together too coz it's one thing if you are down in sickness but losing your motivation and muchness is not going to help in the slightest bit. Also, I keep saying it again and again. If you don't have any business being out and about, you probably should just stay indoors. If you do happen to be out and about amongst other human beings, it's probably a good idea to get rid of your clothes that you wore out and stuff em all into the washer and take a thorough shower before interacting with other people at home.

Why is it that people always feel the need to be outside? Even during a lockdown they feel the need to be out and about doing something absolutely petty like buying kuih. WHY? And seriously, if you have kids, the playground isn't as important as their health and safety. Just stay in.

Eid Adha is coming up. Last year, we drove back to Terengganu coz Shu's parents didn't have anyone to help them with the meat cutting and distribution process. I like going back to Shu's home. It's always so much fun. We haven't been back ever since. There's been lockdowns after lockdowns and Shu's parents are here in their Selangor home anyways. I just miss the drive and scenic views. And sunlight..........

I also am in need to get a haircut. I last cut my hair last year.........in June. Yeah, it's been over a year......I am not one to always spend so much time at the hair salon but I do it yearly coz I hate being idle and away from the kids and Shu. I can't have too complicated of a hairstyle either coz I spend a lot of time working out and doing things like swimming or soaking up the sun and salt water by the beach. I've been giving the kids haircuts anyways. My boys are growing out their hair. Safiyya needs a haircut every once in a while coz her hair gets super long and in the way. Shu has been wanting a haircut but I have been trying to convince him to grow out his hair. He has nice wavy hair. I like it ^_^

Good heavens!

 I look rather ghastly! - my thought almost every morning when I get up late and look into the vanity mirror across my bed. I need sunlight......

Anywho, Shu and I were informed that we would receive our vaccine on the same day and time

Shu's sister offered to have the kids over at her house while we were gone. We got up early...... Well, I didn't really sleep much. We got there super early. Ended up waiting in the car coz they let people in in stages. 

Once we got in, the process was rather quick. I was happy to see a lot of adults taking their parents and getting their shots as well. 

Shu was ahead of me. Funny how years ago before we married, I was teaching some nursing students here. The place have come a long way since I was here last. 

So far, I haven't felt anything strange or different about myself. In fact, I have started my workout routine again today. 

¿Qué pasa?

 Honestly, I'm not sure. I tend to freak out. Shu's doctor friends whom are on the Covid Task Force Team in KL sent a very terrifying video about the actual situation in the Klang Valley. 

It's like what you see when random videos are passed around. The store room becomes the morgue and just outside the door is the waiting area where people are waiting to get treated and there are patients being treated in the same area because the rooms are full.

They said that it's becoming a disaster zone. This problem is very real and as much as I wish I could be confident enough that we can push ourselves to survive, we also need to be vigilant around the people we care about. We need to keep our motivation up.

I've been avoiding from having to go to places like the clinic because I don't want to risk catching anything. I don't think I can go through being separated from the kids and Shu.

This is not the time to be selfish or stupid or both. 

I'm looking rather pale these days.........

 I need some sunshine on my skin. I need some warmth. I've recently developed some form of allergy of somesort. My skin itches and I have little bumps everywhere but due to my "no scratching" nature, I haven't had scars on me nor do I make things worse. They're just itchy.

Been spending the last couple of days on this event

It's so amazing! It started with this video 

https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aYomzmv_460svav1.mp4

Now, all I ever listen to is this

And this

I also have spent so much time.......well,too much time on new theories about the Egyptian mythology and Ancient Egyptian Gods.......but,that's not for here and now............Shu said I should write a thesis about it.........Maybe I will..........

mi guitarra

 

Pretty sure I was 14..........or 18...........

I was in secondary school at this time.........and that's my dad's hand adjusting the mic.......

Jamming at home in my own world..........Yup,secondary school........who took this picture anyways?!

UIA. Definitely!

RadioEdit days.........

Got out of the shower the other day

 And I found this on the bed......

Turns out, it was a delayed anniversary gift from Shu. He ordered it but Gucci couldn't ship it out any earlier coz of the MCO. It's so bright and floral at the same time. I love it ❤️

Safiyya is going through a Dora phase. I made her the Map from an empty kitchen roll the other day. 

And then, me and my scrolling, window shopping mode discovered Dora's Backpack! 

We've been doing a lot of art too...... 

And Safiyya decided to make a totem pole. Today, her surprise gift arrived for sleeping in her own room and going to potty on her own..... She's all grown up...... I'm gonna miss her 😭

Kate is supposed to be mine but I let her play with it. She's finally getting the hang of dress changing when it comes to dolls now 😊

the test result was a negative

 I'm not pregnant! 

YEY!

I think the stress is slowly creeping up on me. Things are gonna change real quick real fast...........I am slightly worried if I cannot cope. Nah.....I got this!

I was sitting out with Ali Imran during his science class today coz they had to talk about materials. His teachers are so committed but he's just not very expressive so he looked bored and I had to tell him to speak up a little and show what he was doing. I think I'm gonna have to do this more coz I don't know if he's actually present during class hours.

I was also monitoring Safiyya tracing lines to help practise writing letters. 

Holy smokes,she was asking me about Medusa today so I showed her some pictures of Medusa and gave her a little background information about the Greek mythological creature. I personally like Medusa but some photos online spooked Safiyya out a little.

Then, for some reason we kinda moved on to Googly Eyed Octopus.....

After that, we were looking at Dumbo Octopuses........

And after that, the Vampire Squid.......

I think I should go to sleep.........but OMNIA is on and I really like this song.........

she's so pretty and she's so sure

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone.......

 It's been quite a weekend. We discovered last week that in order to get banking done these days, you gotta make an appointment using what ever numbering system the banks use. So, what could have been done on Friday last week had to be done this morning. I was lucky that the lady upfront at the customer service department and the security guard were both so very helpful. A little downside to the bank that I was at is that because it is a small local branch, there were no waiting room inside and therefore I had to wait outside. It was 9am so the sun was really hot. The damn thermometer in the bank went off coz I was hot........HAHAHA! 

Geddit! HAWT!

Anywho, because we were early, Shu parked the car right up front so I went in the car to cool down and tried the thermometer again. This is a problem if you're outside in the hot sun and suddenly inside where it is air-conditioned. Well, at least I got done what I needed to get done. The people at the bank are so helpful. Actually, a lot of people have been very helpful. I'm a noob who hasn't stepped foot outside in a while.........I'd still order coffee from a cafe and have it to-go -_-

This one time, I did that coz it's automatic and the lady at the counter told me that dining-in is not allowed so it has to be a takeout :)

I used to hate that stupid thermometer where you'd have to get real close to get your temperature taken coz I didn't want to get too close to it that I could touch it...........

June is coming to an end and I am running out of time. We are running out of time. I need to get a lot done before the month is over. 

Shu's birthday is coming up. Also, our season pass is expiring soon.........

I am so nervous.........

Shu's sister finally gave birth to her twins today

 It was a planned cesarean so it was quick. Her babies are big and healthy 😊

Safiyya built a fort from the sofa today and she's been in it all day. Shu had to migrate her fort to her room coz we're all going to bed.

I think I am coming down with something. I think it was too cold last night. It's been raining late in the afternoons.

If things go according to plan, major changes are bound to happen in the next few months. I can't speak of it just yet but it makes me feel both nervous and excited at the same time.

I've been doing a lot trial-and-error with the drill set I got a few months ago. We have a lot of shells and Safiyya wants me to make her jewelries and I'm trying to make her a wind chime. I've broken a few shells and ruined a couple of drill bits along the way.

Things would be so much easier if I could stop hurting myself! I burnt my finger(s) the other day. Prior to that, I cut myself from using the serrated knife 😑 

Today is one of those days

 When you've done your workout and feel like you died and you just know that you are going to be in so much pain in the morning 😁

If my grandma was still alive, we'd be celebrating her birthday today........ 

Just like the seed , I'm chasing the wonder

 Shu and I were having coffee after lunch today and had a talk about the things that annoy him about people in general. He said that lately, he seems to be surrounded by people who complain and whine a lot. When they were working and busy and had a hectic schedule, they were complaining and whining and now that everyone's got more free time, instead of looking for a hobby or just finding useful things to do, they have more time to complain and whine.

I think they just need an outlet. It's like blogging. It's an outlet and a place for me to let out emotions in the form of words. I don't mean to harm anyone in any way and I feel like they feel the same when they complain or whine...........or rant.........

Shu's just annoyed coz he too had plans that didn't turn out the way he wanted them to but he just kept it to himself. I'd usually talk to him or write or blog about things that bothers me. I think they need an outlet. Getting a hobby is a really good start. But again, I like to write out wherever and whenever and it's therapeutic. I highly recommend it ^_^ 

I've also noticed how people have a lot to say about a lot of things but most of the time, it's just comments and nothing more. The slight problem is that they like to say it out loud as if it makes a difference at all. Again, I cannot stress this enough already. DO something PRODUCTIVE even if it is a comment or a remark or a personal opinion. Be progressive and productive. Also, dream a little. It really helps to just plan out a huge dream that seems impossible to do but until you try to do something about it, it's not gonna get you anywhere.

Things change and plans sometimes doesn't work out the way you want them to but I am pretty sure you have other plans too. Have multiple plans! Shu and I are both dreamers and we spend a lot of time talking to each other about what we'd like to achieve someday and we are opened to suggestions from each other regardless if it sounds impossible. 

Today was our 11th year anniversary of being married

 Shu got us food from Shangri-la KL and desserts and coffee from The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. We got dressed and even Safiyya had her makeup done 😊

It's been 11 years! And we've known each other for almost 20 years! Crazy how time flies. We have new adventures set up for us and there will be new challenges. The kids are old enough for new challenges. I think they can handle it 😉

I know that Michelle Branch's All You Wanted had always been our song but this song had always reflected how I feel about you ❤️ I love you, Foxburr-San! 

Can you say DELICIOSO?

 Who's that super cool exploradora?

Qarim got married on Monday afternoon. He got a call from the authorities to get it done before the lockdown coz who knows when they'd be able to get married after this. He and Izreen agreed to get it done and now they are married. It's actually not a complicated thing to get done but people like to complicate things. Shu and I told my mom so many times over that if you don't spend so much on the wedding, they can save all that money to start their life together.

Once again, I have managed to keep myself awake at night by thinking and overthinking unnecessary things like Rosie the Shark. Why? I don't know. It started with curiosity, I guess.

Anywho, Shu said that my workout posture is getting better these days. I really was working on my core strength all this while. I wanted to stay toned and maintained a certain body weight. I'm happy where I am today. I think I managed to lose about 5kg since March 2020. 

I have new projects to work on during this lockdown so I hope I am occupied enough. Shu and I have been jamming to the Power Rangers theme song. I'm gonna just say this though..........I don't know how Hetfield plays the riffs and sings without losing the tempo. Shu's guitar solos have improved so much over a period of just months. He plays Justin Hawkins' solos for God's sake! I'll upload it onto my IG jamming page once we are confident enough to record it ^_^ 

The studio is a mess. It usually reflects the state of my mind but I just can't seem to be bothered enough to get it cleaned up. I really need to rearrange this space badly!

Woke up today and Shu told me my friend's mom passed away

 She was battling Covid in Serdang hospital. Her dad recovered though. I asked her about the burial procedures and she said it was done accordingly. The saddest part is that my friend lives in the south and her parents and family are here in KL. She said she's OK. I hope she is. I hope her family is OK too. 

Hello there and welcome to the 2nd year of the 2-week lockdown!

 I hope this means that they have an actual plan to slowing down people movements and boosting up the vaccine distribution. I'm gonna keep my cup half full. I believe in wisdom behind things happening. I lost my muchness yesterday but even though I haven't pulled myself back up entirely, I am feeling more like myself today 😊

Anywho, Shu and I were talking about stuff today. I have come to a point of acceptance whereby I truly think that if I were to die, no one in my family would give a shit or know that I died until...... Whenever........

I'm not mad or whatever. I just think that it's always been this way and they really couldn't care for things other than themselves. I also think that they lack gratitude.

I also think that they hate the fact that despite me putting up a facade of being the dumb blonde in the family, I make sense when shit happens and they can't accept the cold hard truth.

I hope my brother gets married on Monday and I hope he's happy. After all, that's what really matters ☺️

Boating

 When I say I like to pile things up onto my plate, I really do mean it. In a matter of about an hour, I have learned more things that would keep me up and busy in the next couple of days....... I hope.......

Once things are actually moving, I'll update it somewhere. For now, I am super psyched because I am actually learning something new 😊

This MCO is boring the living crap out of me, I'm not gonna lie. I've started working out again after about a month of break. I was in pain in the last couple of days but my body is used to it now. I injured my left shoulder slightly from a side plank but other than that, I'm good.

Shu has been talking to me about our finances because I think it's important that I know what's going on. He used to think it would worry me unnecessarily but I know that one of these days, I'm gonna have to know things myself.

I haven't left the house in a couple of days already. I've been trying to convince my plants that if they don't buck up, I'm moving them back into the pot of soil.

Safiyya came home from playing outside today and told me that she wants a bird........ Like a pet bird....... 😑 I'm not keen on the idea of keeping a bird locked up in a cage. She's gonna have to just befriend one outside from the wild.

Ali Imran is obsessed with Witherzillas and Witherstorms....... I don't know what he's talking about and it worries me.

Yusuf had been talking to the phone while playing Roblox with his cousins. Again, everytime he shows me something, I honestly have no clue what I'm looking at.

Yey, FidZy!

Today, I realized that Ali Imran and Yusuf are in 2 different schools in 2 different districts. So, the public holiday today only applies to Yusuf's school and not Ali Imran's. He missed his class anyways......

Yey, FidZy!

I hope Safiyya won't fall off her bed tonight.......

😕

How's it going?

 It's been a hell of a year........ I finally finished reading the Quran........on my own.........I know, I know........some people get it done within a month. Well, I am not eloquent enough to be reading with a group. I might slow people down. However, I am not like إقرا level either. Also, I read the الكهف every Friday. It's ike 12 pages long and I never get it done in one seating..........

Anywho, apart from me trying to not scream out loud to MKN to just STFU about telling us how to live our lives, I just wish they'd just do their job and actually get things done............

We had to cancel 3 of our holiday trips and it's coming up to June. Dude, I am and have been staying at home. What are these people doing anyways?

I swear there was a point to this entry........

Oh yeah!

My mom got vaccinated some weeks ago. Shu and I are waiting for our turns.........

In 2020, I learned how to build a house and waterproof bathroom tiles. I also learned a lot about woodworking.

In 2021, I learned to make coffee at home.....barista style. Shu got me the grinder and a manual coffee machine and all........Recently, I have been learning how to sail a boat. Boating 101,basically. I am just gonna keep myself occupied and try focusing on something just to get by until.......well, until things get by...........

We are in the planning stages of building a house. One, from scratch and the other is just a matter of interior decorating and fixtures,I hope.

Seriously, by 2022, if shit doesn't get better,I'mma learn how make a damn rocket and fly myself away from this planet yo!

October 23rd 2018

 Sometimes, I want to say things not because I want a reaction but just because I cannot contain it. Most of the time, I am unprepared or simply not anticipating a reaction at all but I get it anyways because I decided to say something.