So brown eyes, I'll hold you near, 'Cause you're the only song I want to hear

 A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

My sister and Simon visited last weekend. They brought Hamza and Suhaila with them and the kids had a blast playing with their cousins. They haven't seen each other in such a long time. It's always been on video calls and it's just not the same.

My sister was telling me about the therapy she's been going to and how it's turning out. It's not hypnosis but it's like alternative healing. She said that growing up, all of us had been instilled with so much fear that it has become muscle memory and that at any point we came across a situation we needed to confront something that somewhat triggers a memory from the past, we'd react in a certain way. She said it could also be like sickness............

I dunno about those things but I feel at peace with myself and everyone around me these days. I don't want things to change only to make me go back to a place where I don't wanna be anymore. The only thing we can't seem to change at least not immediately is helping our brothers.

I have 4 brothers and they are stuck in a place whereby they need to grow up and experience life but my parents are not allowing them to leave. It's really bad for their mental and overall development especially into adulthood. They have plans to move out and get married and call their own shots but my parents (especially my mum) is not allowing them to do so.

I wasn't kidding when I said I grew up with a mom who constantly wanted to make decisions for me. Even when I was supposed to go out on a date with Shu back when we were 16, she'd be the one to tell me the moment I get home from school that I was going on a date with Shu at the mall and that she'd send us there. She was constantly pestering me about not having a social life and a boyfriend the moment I started secondary school. She's been pushing me to do my degree and become a lecturer which I never became one coz I want to call my own shots.

I purposely missed my convocation coz I just didn't want to go............

She's still annoyed with the fact that I have a bachelor's degree and I am not making any effort to pursuing my studies or just lecturing today.

She'd get involved in everyone's life,like literally.

Well,I have no idea why I come across people like her a lot in my life. Why are you not married? Why are you not pregnant? Why don't you have more kids? Why are you not working? Why are you working? Who's gonna take care of your kids?

Shu and I have this annoyance towards people who are pessimistic about anything,really. If you have so much money,shouldn't you help the people who need money?

Firstly,we don't tell people everytime we help anyone in anyway.

Secondly, Shu worked really hard for everything that we have. We both made sacrifices that people don't know about to get us to where we are. If you need advise,we are more than willing to help you out. We help whenever and where ever we can.........but you really need to stop pestering and freeloading. 

Shu was telling me about this group of people of just asks for free things with no remorse or shame. We had our down times when we had nothing but we didn't ask for free stuff. We picked ourselves up and worked on a different path with lessons learned. We should never encourage people to just ask for whatever and give them what ever they want or possibly need.

There had been several occasions whereby I come across elderly people whom should be at home resting but instead are working several jobs to make ends meet. They'd have a day job and then they'd do odd jobs in the evening like washing dishes at restaurants or trash can diving for aluminium cans and plastic bottles to be recycled. They are not begging. They are not asking for money from anyone. They are working several jobs.

We've been there too. Shu's worked several jobs for many years and now he is able to slow down a little and take time off.

I have been waiting for this.......

 And we finally got to watch it.......... And my heart went........... And Ejen Karya......... And General Rama........ And Rahul, Rajesh and Razman......... And then Nikki and gang.......... And then Ejen Ridzwan and Dos........... And Ali used his mom's gasing weapon in the end!!!!!!.......... Ejen Hisham needs more airtime! 

Durch den Monsun

 We made it! There and back again! Hahahaha!

I am so happy we decided to go back to Terengganu during the monsoon season coz I really wanted the kids to experience monsoon season. The first time I ever stepped foot in Terengganu all those years ago was during monsoon season and I loved it so damn much! It's been a while since it poured this way during monsoon.............I had plans to stop by at a coffee shop over in Kemaman (Coffeedential) but that was a no go coz the flood was quite bad and about 7000 people were relocated due to the flood......... :-(

The kids enjoyed their time with Shu's dad who took them on the scooter along the beach near the house. Ali Imran really enjoyed himself and everyday the kids begged to go to the beach. We arrived on Saturday. Late coz we took our time to drive. Shu discovered a coffee shop (Kedai Koffie) along the way so we stopped to grab a cup of coffee and headed off to Shu's parents' house.

Got up super early on Sunday morning coz Shu planned to catch the sunrise and had breakfast or picnic but Mr Sun never showed up and we ended up driving along the beach over at Seberang Takir Miami Beach. We hungout and took photos (which I will update in this post later coz pix are in my phone) We ended up having breakfast near the airport area at a place called Warung Ibu. I had my morning coffee and the food was awesome! Later,we went home and showered and freshen up. Shu,Safiyya and I headed over to the Bus Station in town. We were looking for band tee shirts but most shops had already closed down for good and the shops that were opened hardly had any band tees........I kinda feel like I already knew this but for some strange reason I forgot......... :-/

It got pretty cold when it rained at night. I remember us going out to do laundry at one of those self service laundry places and I swear I was in my fleece pyjama top coz it was cold. Shu got us Ejen Ali comics and cards to keep us occupied while waiting. Yes, me included ^_^ He got me the one with the holographic Ejen Karya pack <3

Monday was fun. We hungout at the beach again in the morning. Took more photos and the kids wanted to get into the sand so we let them. I hae to remember to always have a trash bag with me whenever we go to the beach especially during the monsoon season coz a lot of trash gets washed up from the sea and they are not from the locals. I realized that I have a thing for driftwood........hoarder alert! We had lunch before we pushed off but we made sure to stop by at the museum coz I wanted to go to the Kampung Budaya. I am a sucker for cultural studies and language and my kids are kinda obsessed with ships so it was a win-win situation. Our tour guide was awesome. There were other tour guides over at the Rumah Nelayan who taught me that we can fry crackers with sand. There was no demo coz it had a schedule but I asked how it was done anyways.........new experiment coming soon!

I am totally going back to Terengganu. Usually,when the islands open in March but who knows. Shu wants to explore a new island and the kids just want a speedboat ride. I am going back to Kampung Budaya when all the activities are up and running again. I hope everyone who is going through the monsoon season with floods and relocations are ok. My prayers are with you <3

I was angry at my dad when I wrote this

 

The more that you say, The less I know, Where ever you stray I'll follow

 I was looking back at our photos throughout the year 2020. Despite the pandemic, we had a pretty good time. My prayer was somewhat answered. I wanted to homeschool our kids and now they are and I know that I cannot cope. Not fully.

We visited Legoland 3 times. Usually, it's just in January coz it's Yusuf's birthday and that is his happy place. The 2 babies have now caught on and everyday they beg to go to Legoland. Luckily, they had a promotion going on coz of the pandemic and lack of tourists so we bit the bullet and got the annual passes for all 3 parks. Honestly, we don't ever go to the waterpark anymore coz the kids enjoy the theme park and doing activities at the hotel lobby. Oh yeah,we totally danced at the hotel lobby with the pirates twice! we managed to join in the zumba one afternoon. The kids love it so much ^_^

We also, managed to hangout at Redang Island twice this year. Ok, once was before the pandemic lockdown but we did manage to celebrate our late anniversary in July. Spent an entire week there. We need that length of stay everytime we visit now coz I can't imagine rushing for a 3 days 2 nights stay anymore. We brought our guitars along this time around.

We were in Hard Rock Penang. Full board stay and rented a guitar. Everytime we visit Hard Rock regardless Penang or Desaru, we usually rent guitars. This time, Shu rented me the Alex Kapranos touring guitar. I was ecstatic! I have never played a Telecaster before. I will never get used to Fenders but seriously, I liked it so much! I mean, come on, Alex Kapranos! I was crazy about him and Franz Ferdinand throughout my uni years!

Speaking of Hard Rock, we did stay over at Hard Rock Desaru too this year...........I am pretty sure we were there twice this year. The second trip was awesome coz we were practising social distancing so we booked the duplex room with a private pool and brought our own guitars. I kinda think I like that room so much better than the standard room. Maybe it's coz our kids are bigger now and we need space. They need space too.

Our last trip to Legoland was fun coz we booked the Kingdom Suite so everyone had space. The room was meant for 4 adults and 4 kids but since there's only 5 of us, we had ample space to move around.

Earlier this year, I was going crazy trying to put up with the kids' school schedule coz it was also supposed to have been Safiyya's first year of school. Then, the homeschool began. I found myself sitting in for Mandarin classes with the babies and then Arabic classes with Yusuf. Erm, Safiyya was not up for neither of it (school and homeschool). Shu was handling most, if not , all of Yusuf's homeschooling coz I was taking care of the babies. There was no way in hell I would have been able to keep up with Yusuf's classes. He had 4 classes a day towards the end of the year.

We moved..........Shu and I started writing songs........well, I started writing songs again but I managed to get Shu onboard with it. We have a proper studio now for all our guitars and our inspirations and my nonsense...........

Oh yeah, I started working out this year. Now, it's a routine and I am able to keep track of my weight. Finally! Shu and I also started changing our diets. Less carb. I especially enjoy cooking with Shu at home coz we won't have this time to do this otherwise.

I hope Shu's plan to retire early or taking a break from work comes through. I look forward to doing random things with him when the kids are at school just like we used to do when we were dating ^_^

We explored a new mall this weekend

 Something we haven't done in a while. We had a rough idea on what we needed to get. Yes, we overspend........ On things we probably didn't need........ OK, not as much as need.........

I think I found a new restaurant that has a menu that suits my taste in food ^_^ 

Managed to get Safiyya that dress I've been wanting to get her since April. Her size was sold out online at the time. Yusuf got a sleep top and a hoodie. He has grown out of his Pikachu hoodie. Ali Imran and Safiyya got free popcorn and we were given free cookies at one of the stores.

Yeah, there was a Toys R Us and it was one of the first things Safiyya noticed upon entering the mall so the kids made sure we made a "quick" stop there before leaving.

We also managed to get some groceries and Shu got his favorite tea.

I'd say it was quite a successful trip........ 

The Yin Yang Dragon

 Was on text messages with my sister last week. She kept pushing the idea of PTSD to me and I was like WTF is that?! It's strange how she and my mum always thinks that I have some sort of mental problem and that I need to get help. I told my sister that I had depression which was accumulated over the years. It caused me so much pain and eventually I lived with anxiety and had panic attacks from time to time. 

A lot of things may have caused my depression but I was slowly getting help and after talking to a few people and researching ways to overcome my issues, I am finally now at peace with myself. I told her about the psychologist I was talking to. I was talking to Shu. I have learned to let go and move on. I did recommend my psychologist to my sister. She then went on to tell me that she has PTSD and is seeking help. I told her that I am all for it. I don't want to know what the issue is coz I really don't think I can help but seeking help can do a lot for her.

We grew up in the same household but our memories differ from one another. I still believe that my mum favours my brother over me. I still think that she isn't quite happy with my life choices but I can't change her. I can't change my dad either. I do know that my therapy and hard work have prevented me from getting into a lot of fights with my dad. Let's not forget that he kicked me out once just before I got married years ago.

Anyways, what I was getting at was that if at any point we feel the need for a psychological therapy, we probably do need it. There is nothing wrong with trying to get help. We probably went through a lot growing up and usually when you are little, things are so much worse than it really is because you are so small and the world is so big and you don't know or understand everything. We still don't know everything now but I am sure if you think about it, it wasn't as bad.

I used to get beat up with a leather belt or rattan stick or just hit or slapped with my parents' bare hands. I probably deserved it at some point coz I remember getting into fights with my brothers. I don't remember my sister getting the same treatment though........but I don't hold it against anyone. My parents weren't very encouraging towards me and what I liked compared to my other siblings or friends but I found my way around it and eventually wrote songs. 

I write whenever shit gets out of hand. I write poetry, lyrics, fictions, journal entries, songs..........whatever I felt like writing. I never cared if they were good or bad. I just wrote. Also, picking up music was one the best things I have ever made in my life. I would learn new songs on the guitar or teach myself the keyboards. Sing in different languages. 

If there was one thing I felt that could make a difference in anyone's lives it's encouragement and courage. If you are a child and your parents don't encourage you to be better (not beating and yelling at you for not being good enough), you will fall into darkness (like the Yin Yang Dragon). If you are getting the right encouragement, you will shine. Sometimes, you need a little more help so don't be afraid to ask for help.

I hope my sister finds the right help. In fact I hope anyone out there who needs help seeks help and gets the help they need. Don't be afraid :)

This song hits close to home...... For me at least..........

 

That Arizona sky burning in your eyes
You look at me and, babe, I wanna catch on fire
It's buried in my soul like California gold
You found the light in me that I couldn't find

So when I'm all choked up
But I can't find the words
Every time we say goodbye
Baby, it hurts
When the sun goes down
And the band won't play
I'll always remember us this way

Lovers in the night
Poets trying to write
We don't know how to rhyme
But damn we try
But all I really know
You're where I wanna go
The part of me that's you will never die

So when I'm all choked up
But I can't find the words
Every time we say goodbye
Baby, it hurts
When the sun goes down
And the band won't play
I'll always remember us this way

Oh, yeah
I don't wanna be just a memory, baby, yeah

So when I'm all choked up
But I can't find the words
Every time we say goodbye
Baby, it hurts
When the sun goes down
And the band won't play
I'll always remember us this way, oh, yeah

When you look at me
And the whole world fades
I'll always remember us this way

Often times I feel like my words are not worthy to be heard

 Also, I often find myself coming across comments which does not appear to be helpful in any way or form at all. Most of the time, it isn't on my site and therefore, I would hold back my comments on stating how I feel about having someone comment on a dire situation in the most unhelpful way.

I do wonder why people do such things...........I guess the easiest thing for anyone to do,really,is to not be helpful at all..........just as long as they can say or write something..........Very strange..........

Tonight, my husband and I had a long discussion about people in general and doing and being obsessed over things they do not fully understand or just not understand at all.

It started with us liking Metallica. It was the very reason we became friends back when we were 16. At the time, I don't know why but there was a massive hate circulation towards "Black Metal". I am now convinced that what ever it was people were talking about back then was not black metal or anything at all. It was one of those unclear understanding towards one thing and then further on having that one thing related to another and then eventually just categorizing an entire genre of music.

Anywho, we were laughing about how we love Metallica growing up and that eventhough we were kinda obsessed with their music, we weren't getting sucked into what ever it was they were saying in their lyrics or preaching or whatever..........coz to us, music is music. Hell,we still play Metallica everytime we jam together these days. This goes with any song we listen to,actually. 

For me, sometimes a song seem to fit the exact emotion or experience I am going through at a time. Therefore,it becomes relatable.

So, our discussion came from 2 perspectives. One is from a religious point of view and the other would be from a language point of view. Religion is very complex and needs a lot of guidance and referral points. Of course, to people who do not share the same religion following, it would be a very vast discussion. However, if you were to look at things from a language point of view, I think the basic understanding of anything you say is to first understand what exactly you are saying. 

Why would you wear things with statements you don't understand? Tee shirts with phrases or words you don't understand. It makes no sense. It goes the same for songs. Sometimes, I come across kids and adults alike singing songs and not being able to explain what it is they are singing. It gets disturbing when they sing out loud explicit things or sexually inappropriate things that you wouldn't say in public. Vulgar,if you may............It's.......strange.........to me,at least..........

It's more likely weird for people like me because I do not have much human interactions with the world. I don't understand people very well. Why they do what they do. Why they say what they say. What they mean when they say something. It's all complicated to me but I try my best to put my best behavior forward and I try very hard to have a positive perspective towards everyone. 

We also discussed the dangers of this crazy online world we live in. Anyone can be a threat. I need to be more vigilant about my social media life...............And my husband goes FBI on those he think might put me or my kids in danger..........

I've been playing this non-stop

 

Legoland, 3rd time this year (updated)

 This trip was a blast. Shu had some meetings over in JB area so we headed down there early on Friday morning. The kids had no idea coz we didn't want to promise them anything in case things weren't going as planned.

The reason we decided to stay here was because we didn't have to leave the hotel area to get anything or drive anywhere for anything since everything we needed was there. The kids played around the hotel lobby area while Shu attended his meetings. 

Yusuf and I danced the zumba at the activity stage area. It was fun but we were the only hotel guests dancing. The rest were the staff dancing and cheering for the instructors on stage. 

Safiyya saw this in the hotel lobby and looked like she was reconnecting with old friends.

Food here is good and their staff provide great service. Coffee is good too ;)

I love the wallpaper!

We decided to stay in the Kingdom Suite this time around so that we could have some space.........

We were the second family in the park the next morning. There was an opening dance ceremony in the main entrance area and we totally joined in the dance. Safiyya was there for Lego Friends but unfortunately, Andrea is no longer around so there were only Stephanie, Olivia,Emma and Mia. There was a Lego Pirate and a Lego Chef and a Lego Amigo (for next year's Cinco De Mayo)

They increased the height limit for kids at the Boating School ride. I had to take Yusuf on the boat and then took Ali Imran later while Shu took Safiyya on the boat ride. The Dino area was closed. I was at the Kingdom area briefly but there wasn't much going on there. The boys went to the Lego Technic car building activity center while I walked around coz Safiyya was getting sleepy from playing at the playground.

The boys were super happy to see the Lego Ninjago puppet show again. Safiyya was a bit scared. She and I sat front row and danced to Lego Friends after the Ninjago show. We totally know all the songs and dance moves by now. The babies discovered popcorn and wanted to eat just that all day. I really like the coffee at the Legoland kiosk just outside the main entrance.

Oh yeah,took Yusuf on the Lego Technic roller-coaster ride. Twice. Safiyya drove at the Jr's Driving School for the first time. She didn't like it much but she got her driver's license. 

The kids really like the Pirate Show over at the Hotel Lobby area. We watched the show 2 nights in a row. We danced with them to songs like Baby Shark and Shakira's Waka Waka. I totally know the moves coz we played Just Dance Kids too ;)

My favourite part of every Legoland trip will always be Sealife Malaysia. I love the seahorses. They are so magical to watch. I love them so much! The kids had already memorized creatures like the Chocolate Chip Starfish and the Lion Fish and the Clown fish. They love watching the stingrays and the jellyfish.

Anywho, managed to meet up with Liyana on Sunday before heading back to KL coz Shu had one client meeting him in the area near her house. Yusuf seemed to get along with Zahra so much that he decided to be penpals with her ^_^ It was really nice hanging out at CBTL with you,girl! I haven't been out with anyone (other than dates with Shu) outside of KL since the CMCO. It's nice to actually meet someone in person and just hangout.

Anger isn't the only emotion I am capable of projecting

 I am not angry. Not anymore. I haven't been angry in quite a while. I am mostly disappointed. I was a little upset. I was hurt but I am not angry. I am disappointed at how you are still not capable of getting your shit together like a fucking functioning adult. I expected more. So much more. I was under the impression that you of all people would have a better take at things. But honestly, you are just one part of the equation.

This is an accumulation of a lot of things. I cannot quite put my finger on what exactly made me decide to do what I did. I would see it as a better reaction than to just burst out in flames. I have been putting so much time and effort over the years to being able to control my state of emotion and spiritual. I am not about to lose my shit over something so stupid and dumb like this. I am however going to continue this what seems to look like an abandonment of responsibility to some. I am putting myself first in this case. 

However, I still am trying to express my accumulated annoyance. The only problem with trying to explain things that have been long forgotten is that I would have to revisit places in my mind I no longer wish to go to. I was contemplating on going down that route but I think I have changed my mind.

I like being where I am. Happy. Content. Safe. Loved. Appreciated.

come back to me after peace restores

 Often times I find myself being too forgiving towards other people........I don't know how I come to be this way but I do know that there are people out there whom have known me since forever. They think it is OK to say anything to me. They think it is OK to say or do mean things to me and then eventually thinking, expecting me to pick myself up and be OK with everything after that. 

It's as though my feelings do not matter. I guess it doesn't. They would have otherwise thought about what they were about to say or do before actually doing it. 

I am not one to not forgive but there are times when it does upset me. Most of the time, I would cry and then slowly pick myself up. However, I don't think this privilege extends to everyone. Not anymore. Not this time. 

I am human. I have feelings. I get upset. I have every right to disconnect myself. I need peace and quiet. The longer I linger the worse it becomes and the higher chances of me not being able to forgive. I always find a way to forgive and move on but I don't usually forget. Having said that, things that really hurts me usually are more difficult to forget.

I cannot seem to understand why people in general no longer know where to draw the line about being close and being hurtful. 

Feel some hearts, I wouldn't lie
I got memories that travels my mind
Fear not, fear not
When you go, I got pieces of your hate in my soul

Told my husband I was going to put on a song about sex

 He knows me so well. He didn't even freak out coz I totally put on Gentle Earthquake by AURORA. Hahahaha!!!!!

I find myself at my most natural state of mind when I listen to AURORA. It could be just one song being over played or an entire playlist.

My current go-to is Soulless Creatures.

BTW, this monsoon season has got me on my toes. I'm outside on the balcony almost every night trying to save my plants from drowning. I can't remember the last time I watered them. 

I am in the process of propagating my monstera plant. They live indoors. In water. Their brown leaves are from when we accidentally (actually, we didn't realize it sooner) had traces of soap in the water they lived in. Those poor creatures. I hope they will strive to survive.

I am not complaining about the rain but my plants need sunshine. At least in the mornings. I hope they won't die. 

Today's date was fun

 The kids were over at Aimi's. Shu's parents and sister were there so there were a lot of people at their cousin's house. Shu told me to get ready coz we had some time to ourselves so I did.

Had brunch at Wolf and Turtle coz it's a favorite place of mine. 

Then, we went to get some decor and storage stuff for the kids. Made a "quick" stop over at Daiso coz I wanted to get them cat ears for my mum since she wants them too eversince our vid call last week. It was a Halloween thingy but she wanted one too. 

Any who, they were out of it and it's all about Christmas now so I got her some reindeer antlers instead. Also, I am not one to be given the liberty to shop especially at Daiso. We got more stuff........ It was somewhat expected.

Later we got smoothies coz I was determined to get something healthier than coffee. We also got fruits coz........ Well, it's fruits........ And we need em. 

Aimi had a barbecue over at her place so we had dinner there. The kids had way too much fun that they didn't even nap.

Safiyya really likes the lights we got her ❤️

Through The Eyes Of A Child

 World is covered by our trails

Scars we cover up with paint
Watch them preach in sour lies
I would rather see this world through the eyes of a child
Through the eyes of a child

Darker times will come and go
Times you need to see her smile
And mothers' hearts are warm and mild
I would rather feel this world through the skin of a child
Through the skin of a child

When a human strokes your skin
That is when you let them in
Let them in before they go
I would rather feel alive with a childlike soul
With a childlike soul

Hey-oh, oh, hey
Oh, ay
Ah-ah, hey
Oh, ay
Hey-oh, oh, hey
Oh, ay
Ah-ah, hey
Oh, ay

Please don't leave me here

Disappointment is

 The anti climatic ending of the Egyptian Netflix series Paranormal! GOD DAMN IT! لماذا ا؟!
It was already sad when شيراز died ....... Then they decided to add something stupid like......like .......
Nevermind.....

Anywho, Shu and I spent time talking over the last couple of nights about what we're thinking and what we're going through. This unclear state of emergency is really confusing and frustrating at the same time. I still cannot bring myself to fully understand just what exactly the situation is like. Are we at the state of emergency? Why are malls and banks still open? I don't know what other people are doing but I am still in quarantine.........My kids are too.........but there are families who dine out still and I really don't know what guidelines are anymore at this point.

Shu said that he feeling a little less of himself lately. He said he is becoming more forgiving than his usual self. Although I cannot fully understand what he meant, I think it's coz we now have more important things and people we love and care for to consider and we take consequences into consideration. Staying sane is one thing but losing yourself can be daunting. I breakdown from time to time but I still try and am able to pick myself back up. It's just a matter of time that determines how often and how long it takes me to get back on track.

I also told Shu that maybe growing up, he's usually the one who doesn't really think much about consequences with the actions that he takes. I had always been the one who would have to consider consequences because I usually get bullied and I wasn't physically able to take on others due to my size........erm........tiny-ness..........But even then, people had always been mean to me and it's usually verbally. Classmates, teachers,family............Now, I face people whom I don't even know and they don't know me and yet they still say mean things to me.

You would think that I would grow to hate people and start doing bad things in order to retaliate. I didn't though. I still pray for them. Hoping that they would find whatever it is they are looking for and hoping that they would eventually be happy. In the meantime, I cannot change myself just because you feel or think that I need to but I won't be apologetic about it. Not anymore. And I will never try to not be myself just because I want to fit in. I've been doing it for years and it truly amounts to nothing but sleepless nights and depression.

I hope Shu finds what he is looking for. I hope he will be happy when he does ^_^

So many souls that lost control Where did they fall?

 Under the water we can't breathe, we can't breathe

Under the water we die
Under the water there is no one watching
Under the water we are alone
Then why do we jump in?
Why do we jump in?
Under the water we die

So many souls, that lost control
Where did they fall?
Into the deep, what do they seek?
Where did they fall?
Where did they fall?

Hearts will dream again
Lungs will breathe in
Wash away the sins
It's where it begins
Feet won't fail you now
Arms won't let you down
Wash away the sins

Under the water we can't be together
Under the water we die
Then why do we jump in?
Why do we jump in?
Under the water we die

So many souls that lost control
Where did they fall?
Into the deep, what do they seek?
Where did they fall?
Where did they fall?

Hearts will dream again
Lungs will breathe in
Wash away the sins
It's where it begins
Feet won't fail you now
Arms won't let you down
Wash away the sins
It's where it begins

Hearts will dream again
Wash away the sins

These are confusing times

 Shu and I are somewhat bummed out and confused about what exactly is going on. It's not a full on lockdown but only 2 people are allowed in cars when driving around. Shu said even though shits not affecting his business so much, it gets annoying that they keep telling us to keep social distancing ourselves but have places like banks opened just until 1pm. Wouldn't that make people crowd the banks even more coz they need to get shit done ASAP? That would definitely NOT help with social distancing.

I am running out of ideas of things to do to pass time. I have my workout routines. I have a very controlled diet. I have jamming sessions. I do art with the kids from time to time. The babies are begging for homework. They are getting bored. I had plans to go over to Spotlight to get some art supplies but that doesn't seem like a plan now. The first time the country went into a lockdown, Spotlight had a very crappy delivery service. I keep waiting for packages to arrive coz shopping online is all I ever do these days.

Well, I have my plants to tend to. Still, I am waiting for the rest of the decking to arrive coz the balcony is not fully done. 

Shu and I are jumping from one show to another on Netflix. Last night, we discovered Paranormal. It's an Egyptian supernatural series. They speak and write Arabic. And I love Egyptian Mythology. We've only watched 3 series so far. It gets weird sometimes. But I think I would stick to this for a while.

Oh yeah, we watched Over The Moon yesterday afternoon. I loved it. 

One moment more and I’m holding onto you For dear life

 

When you reach out, I move in
A little premonition on my skin
Can you feel the storm that’s rolling in?
Do you hear a new love whispering?

One moment more and I’m holding onto you
For dear life
And now that I’m sure I am holding onto you
For dear life

A deep blue night comes creeping in
The candlelight is flickering
So used to feeling all alone
Now here comes something I don’t know

One moment more and I’m holding onto you
For dear life
And now that I’m sure I am holding onto you
For dear life

You are everything to me
You’re everything to me

One moment more and I’m holding onto you
For dear life
And now that I’m sure I am holding onto you
For dear life

You Make Me Wanna Die

 

Take me I'm alive
Never was a girl with a wicked mind
But everything looks better when the sun goes down

I had everything
Opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night

Then your eyes
Your eyes
I can see in your eyes
Your eyes

You make me wanna die
I'll never be good enough
You make me wanna die
And everything you love will burn up in the light
And every time I look inside your eyes
You make me wanna die

Taste me drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
When there's a blue moon on the rise

I had everything
Opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night

Then your eyes
Your eyes
I can see in your eyes
Your eyes
Everything in your eyes
Your eyes

You make me wanna die
I'll never be good enough
You make me wanna die
And everything you…

Mood today: Here's To Never Growing Up

 

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs
With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love
I got a bottle of whatever, but it's gotten us drunk
Singing here's to never growing up

Call up all our friends, go hard this weekend
For no damn reason, I don't think we'll ever change
Meet you at the spot, half past ten o'clock
We don't ever stop, and we're never gonna change

Say, won't you say forever stay
If you stay forever hey
We can stay forever young

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs
With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love
I got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk
Singing, here's to never growing up

We'll be running down the street, yelling "Kiss my ass!"
I'm like yeah whatever, we're still living like that
When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups
Singing, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up
Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up

We live like rock stars, dance on every bar
This is who we are, I don't think we'll ever change
They say just grow up, but they don't know us
We don't give a fuck, and we're never gonna change

Say, won't you say forever stay
If you stay forever hey
We can stay forever young

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs
With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love
I got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk
Singing, here's to never growing up

We'll be running down the street, yelling "Kiss my ass!"
I'm like yeah whatever, we're still living like that
When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups
Singing, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up
Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up

Say, won't you say forever stay
If you stay forever hey
We can stay forever young

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs
With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love
I got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk
Singing, here's to never growing up

We'll be running down the street, yelling "Kiss my ass!"
I'm like yeah whatever, we're still living like that
When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups
Singing, here's to never growing up

Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up
Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up
Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up
Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up