living it

Way before Shu and I were married, I did come over to his house here, in this state. It was my first time ever here and I loved it. It was monsoon and the rain never stopped and water levels rose. It was cold and wet and I was having so much fun. I stayed for about 5 days. I remember thinking to myself that "I could totally live here".

After we married, we only ever came back when we were off or there was an important occasion or a long holiday. His old place was by the river. It wasn't really near the town area and everything seemed far. The internet connections and phone service was a little off. It was not the most ideal time and place to be here.

We came back often coz we were always on the islands. Our kids grew fond of the beach and the ocean. We were always on island holidays without fail. And then, his parents sold the old house and moved closer to the beach area. Shit got so much funner after that. We could just take the bike out to catch the sunrise by the beach. It was so peaceful and nice.

After a few years, we decided to just bite the bullet and moved the family out here. He bought the house from his parents and we moved everyone out here. We haven't looked back. It's been a few years now and our kids have slowly picked up the dialect but our BM is still atrocious. We're working on it.

Today, Shu took me out to the beach just before sunset. We wanted to sea how the waves are doing coz it's supposed to be monsoon season already. Shit's been weird and the weather hasn't been the usual. We just stood there by the beach and watched people fishing. Families having picnics. It was just so nice.

Looking back, I remember talking to some people who thought they knew me. They said I could never live out here. I was born a city girl and I could never leave the city life behind. I did. And I am enjoying every second of it. I do go back to the city to shop and maybe take a look around but I will miss home and the beach. 

I also feel a lot free-er here that there are no traffic and skyscrapers hovering my view of the sky. I can breathe and I have been doing a lot more art and writing ever since we moved out here.

Geng Raya 2024

 I think despite everything that's been happening, we've had a pretty successful Ramadhan and Eid. It's been so hot back at home but for some reason, everything had been very smooth sailing for us. We've been taking it easy and things had been pretty laid back for us. We had no problems overcoming minor problems which was close to nothing and everyone whom we thought would cause us problems haven't been causing problems. We kept things simple and we had a happy month ^_^

I've always hated travelling by car to KL but things had been really great. We went shopping. Got all the things we needed. We met everyone we set out to meet this year. It's been a blast! I think we've checked off our list of things to do and all there is left to do is to head home and move forward. I need to get my studio back in shape. I also need to work on courses. Hopefully, I can get my resume together and soon, I can have a new schedule. 

I try to set goals as I go along and so far, I just need to cross the marks in fulfilling those goals because it's just about waiting for the time to arrive. Everything else I should have done in order to get there has already been done. It's just about waiting now. 

Oh yeah, I need to see how our car is doing in the workshop. I really like our old car. Sure, it's a 3.7 litre 4WD but the leather seats with built-in heating and the sunroof and the subwoofer surround sound is just something I don't think I can get from the newer cars today. Also, I hate having to adjust myself to new dimensions of driving new cars. I don't even like driving.

My parents came to visit

 Shu got them return flight tickets just to get my dad out of the house. The last time he was here was about 12 years ago when Shu and I got married. My mum had been wanting to come visit since forever but she couldn't just leave my dad behind. My brothers are working so there's no one to look after him.

Anywho, they flew over on Saturday. Took them out for lunch at the place where I go for my sailing classes coz my dad wanted to see the area. There were a lot of construction tapes because I think they are repairing the decks. He only got a glimpse of the boats. Also, the sailing team were all away for SUKMA so the area was pretty empty.

Then, we headed home coz the kids wanted to show them around the house. We went out for dinner somewhere Yusuf really hates but there's proper food for everyone and the place was pretty cozy.

My mum spent the rest of the night with the kids watching Ghostbusters Afterlife. The next morning, we headed off to the beach because my dad was in major need of a soak in the sun. He was having a good time...... It got too hot for my mum that she had to get some shade because she started hyperventilating........

After a few hours, we headed home to clean up and rest. Later in the afternoon, we took them on a boat ride across the river to the market. They had a blast. We'll, I always love being on water. The weather was great on our way there.

I don't know what's going on with the weather these days but we were lucky enough to have made back across the river in time before the storm hit that evening. The wind was so strong and the waves were getting rough.

We had dinner at home that night.

The next morning, the boys had to go to school so everyone got up early. Came back with some breakfast and I took a walk with my mum around the block. She had no sense of the surroundings so I showed her........on foot.... Later, we got everybody into the car to get some keropok from a nearby shop for them to take back to KL.

We got ready at home and sent them off to the airport. Managed to get coffee and after they headed into the departure hall, we headed off to get the boys from school.

It was a short trip because my dad had to go to work when he got back. My mum said she's planning to come back with my aunt and uncle and my brothers........ I hope they don't mind the rain coz I think monsoon is coming early this year......... 

Shu's birthday

 It was Shu's birthday and we really didn't have any real plans so, we played along with whatever we could think of. 

The highlight of the birthday celebration was the island trip. We've never been to Pulau Kapas. The trip was a blast. We did a day trip coz we really didn't plan anything. Also, Shu said it's not the kind of island you'd wanna spend a night at. So, we packed up some clean clothes and a basket of food for picnic and headed over to the jetty in Marang. 

We've been spending a lot of mornings in Marang throughout the week. After sending the boys off to school, we'd get some food for a breakfast picnic. I love mornings by the beach. 

Oh yeah, Shu also took Safiyya and I to Pinehill Garden. Unfortunately, the grapes were not in season but the view was neat. 

On the night of Shu's birthday, we decided to use the barbecue grill we had lying around and cooked up some dinner outside. We managed to get aged beef and some sausages for the kids. Got some pizza for the kids too. It was pretty fun 😊

Let everything happen to you

Beauty and terror
Just keep going 
No feeling is final

I have made peace with my parents. It's weird because I was feeling awkward and for my dad, well...... He's never been the one to express his feelings very much. As for my mum....... I have been telling her how I feel about a lot of things. I'm not a good liar and my honesty is sometimes not for everyone. My mum likes to sugarcoat things and I am not like that. 

All and all, that day when my dad was losing his mind and I had my cousin calling me out of nowhere asking about my dad, I called my mum later that day. Spoke to my brother, Eeno briefly. 

I've been battling depression all my life and it's the little things that people ignore or don't say that could actually make all the difference. Let's just say I texted my dad in all honesty and I told him he's not a bad parent. He and my mum were both trying and that whatever happened to us growing up already happened and I take it as part of growing up. 

Now, we're talking a lot more. Also, I bet he doesn't think I'm an asshole anymore. Well, I was never against my parents. I was just unhappy and it was accumulated over the years. A lot had been going on and when you are 14 and trying to deal with so many things, you'd get really depressed. Failing school. Always alone. Always bullied. Almost getting sexually assaulted. And the people who were supposed to have your back were too busy so you just carry on. Dead or alive. 

Anywho, our family has expanded since May 21st. Cleo gave birth to 6 kittens. We've all been playing our part in trying to keep them safe and healthy. It's working so far. Shu and I are still getting used to Cleo coz she's a stray and she's about 3 years old and she eats birds 😳 among the other things she eats. She's very intelligent and she's easy going. I tell the kids to talk to her from time to time. 

What can you do when you are deeply, madly, truly in the moment?

 What can you do when you know who you wanna be isn't perfect?

But I'll still be okay

It's been a hell of a ride............It started pretty slow, just us packing small things, one room at a time. And then, the movers came and everything was gone within a few hours. The next thing we knew, we were in a whole messy house with no furnitures. We had to rush to beat traffic to get to the hotel. Had dinner and everything and slept........which I still couldn't do coz I have been having sleepless nights.

It's not the coffee. This happens every time I have to change my eating schedule. It's been a week but I really can't seem to cope. Also, I was probably under a lot of stress that I was not aware of. Oh yeah, I also happened to have injured my ankle and my knee ON MY LEFT LEG! Shu said no working out for a few weeks until I recover fully..........Well, I feel recovered already :)

I was worried about Cleo (the cat) and I was worried about driving and moving furnitures.........I am a professional overthinker. Shit get so messed up in my mind easily. I have to schedule a dentist appointment and I haven't done it coz I haven't been able to think straight -_-

At least I have my desk for my laptop now, with my gaming chair and all........And Mr J staring down at me while I type. This is fun. The house is a mess but I am trying to ignore it until the right time to worry about it comes. 

My aunt called me today! I am an asshole niece. Actually, I haven't been in touch with family members much coz I have so much to do and decide and think about. My cousins text me once in a while and I do kinda keep in touch with them. Safiyya had been watching Disney's Encanto. EVERY. DAMN. MINUTE! I love that movie and I have watched it over 6 times already. Our driving playlist will always consist of We Don't Talk About Bruno and Columbia,Mi Encanto and What Else Can I Do? and Surface Pressure and Waiting On A Miracle and All Of Us.............well, my personal favorite is Dos Oruguitas by Sebastian Yatra ^_^

Anywho, I really should sleep......I haven't been waking up to my alarm in the last couple of days coz I think I couldn't hear my alarm go off. 

I want to drive away with you

I want your complications too
I want your dreary Mondays

Wrap your arms around me, baby boy

Meetings with Eeno gets funnier and stranger everytime. He'd usually starts the conversations about things pertaining the family like problems with my mum and my sister. I am aware of the things he speaks of but I cannot go beyond certain boundaries for many reasons. For instance, it's not my reception my mum is planning for. It's his. And as much as I agree with a lot of the things we stand for when it comes to many things, I don't think I can push for a confrontation. I can suggest things but he's gotta tell it how he wants it to be.

Family is just complicated. I stay away for many reasons and I am aware that I am always the last person they contact when it comes to anything (coz my mum calls Shu more than she'd ever call me). It's never bothered me. I am also aware that they think Shu is a successful person and that I am just married to him. Again, it doesn't bother me. Just don't tell me how to live my life. Don't tell me how to raise my kids and don't tell me things I already know because if it's a problem, I'm working on it and if it's not, it's just not.

I have also come to a point in my life whereby planning ahead means planning what I wanna do with Shu and the kids. It basically doesn't concern anyone else and I like to just make a decision and pack up and just go for some random road trip somewhere. I don't need to tell anyone what I'm doing or where we're heading.

Anywho, I've been doing a lot of arts and craft in the studio. I have only managed to clear out the floor today. I think I've been going through a mental block. Can't seem to do anything creative these days. Not sure if it's stress. If it is, I am unaware of what the source of my stress is.

I miss looking at snakes. They make me so happy.

Lately, I've been a beacon for bugs. Like random bugs. Sometimes, they'd bite me and my blood reacts very strangely. Sometimes it looks like I am bleeding under my skin. Sometimes, it swells up. Sometimes it itches for weeks. A lot of bugs like to hang around me too. Like that time when we went to the park in Cyberjaya, there was a tiny moth that followed me all the way to the car. It wanted to stay on my arm. When I am at the dining table at home, usually after dark, there's been several occasion whereby this tiny green bug would sit on my leg or my arm. It doesn't do anything. It just sits there.

After so long, Shu decided to take us to a mall we haven't been to in a long while. Actually, he needed to get a couple of pairs of jeans and I needed to get stuff from La Senza. There was a huge Hamley's store and Safiyya found herself a huge singing Princess Petals pony -_- I found a Joker figure to add to my collection. It was fun.

I've been gathering footages from 2016 about how our boys grew up in The Royale Chulan Damansara hotel. It's so funny. We spent almost the entire year there and if we were to accumulate the amount of money we spent living there, we could actually pay for a downpayment for a house! Hahahaha!!!! Good times!   

Eeno got married today!

 My mum called me a couple of days ago as I was waiting for Shu to get Yusuf from school. I was in the car. I had just rained so heavily. Out of the quietness, my phone rang and it was my mum. She said "I have something to tell you......" Usually, my thoughts would be "What did I do now?" Turns out, she wanted to tell me that Eeno was getting married......on the 11th.......at 11am.........So,my immediate response was "Sale Day! Great!" It was funnier in my head........

Anywho, the day arrived and I have another sister (in-law) I love it! I have 2 new sisters (in-law) this year! This is so awesome!

Earlier this week, I was tagged by Ili on IG. She was expressing how much she appreciates girlfriends like me and a few other girls from school. We've known each other forever. She was saying how much she appreciates us for being more supportive instead of bitching behind her back and stuff. I've known Ili since we were about 8 years old. She and her sister, Dini are like family to me and my family. We used to hangout till sunset and her mum used to have to phone our house to get them to go home for dinner and stuff. It was hilarious.I was sad when her mum died coz I've known her forever.

I'd never say or do things that I wouldn't want to be done to me coz it really hurts and it's non-productive or helpful in any way. Also, I am a believer of karma,big time. I digress. Yeah, we've known each other since we were kids. I just couldn't reply much coz I am not good with social media especially Instagram. I also don't spend that much time browsing stuff like IG or whatever. I like to spend time learning new things so I am most likely on YouTube watching some how-to video.

Oh yeah, it's also been a busy week coz Yusuf is back in school so our day starts before 6am and by 7pm,we are usually done with dinner and by 9pm, I am already tucked in bed. I decided to workout earlier in the day instead of 3pm-ish coz that way, I'd have more time with Shu and the kids. Besides, Ali Imran finishes school at about 1pm so after that, it's lunch time and things get hectic again.

I cannot imagine what school days are gonna be like if Shu doesn't get up and cook everyday. I don't think I can get anything done without Shu, honestly. It's just hectic coz we've been out of it for a long while and now,we have to resume our schedule just like before and we're kinda like trying to pick up the pace still.

Safiyya will be going to school next year and it's gonna be even more hectic unless she's being a good sport and actually wants to get ready for school -_-

The best part about today's family gathering.....

..... Was when my aunt insisted that I conformed to a color for Qarim's "engagement" ceremony.

I insist on wearing black because 90% of my clothes are black.

We started our day super early. Well, I hardly slept last night. No idea why. We got home at around 11pm last night. We were at Aimi's house lighting up fireworks and sparklers. It was so much fun.

We jammed a little on my acoustic guitar when we got home coz I couldn't sleep. I've been writing again. Lyrics and songs. I miss this feeling :)

Shu and I were already having morning coffee at about 7am this morning. Shu put on some Hari Raya songs on the amplifier. We performed our prayer together and quickly got ready coz our rendezvous point was at Aimi's house and we thought we were running late.

Turns out, we were early. So, while everyone else was praying, Shu, Safiyya and I had breakfast. I brought my own coffee coz I am an addict. Our annual event would usually consist of "Salam" and photo sessions.

Then, at about 1pm,we went home. Showered and got ready to go to Taman Tun. I was so happy to see everyone there. My uncle was there. My aunt was there. Anas and Jaja were there. My brothers were all at home. Wani came back later with Simon and the kids. I haven't seen them in a long while.

Selamat Hari Raya peeps! 

Our comrades. 

USS

Universal Studios Singapore was AWESOME! You have to be there and experience it yourself!

The Singapore trip was tiring but it was super fun!

The currency exchange was a bit painful but you gotta keep it out of your head to enjoy yourself. The best way to deal with it is to change the amount of cash you are planning to splash there and everything else will fall into place.

I know,shopping at the duty free airport with my mum and aunt and uncle went way overboard but it was super fun to do. Especially when we splurged on chocolates!Hahahaha!

Oh yeah,Shu got me a new pair of Charles & Keith. UBER NICE! I've always wanted a pair of heels like those! My husband has an awesome taste when it comes to shoes! I SUPER LURVE IT!

My cousin's wedding we attended was fun. Met up with my family and everyone had a blast.

finding time

I have been going through some crazy shit in the last couple of weeks.I work from midnight till 9am.So basically my Mondays are Tuesdays.In early November,I have been doing an awful lot of OTs.Like SHIT LOADS.The pay is good but my health was going down the drain as well.I'd throw up ever so often.I'd get severe headaches.I don't know if it's coz of my working hours but I was getting pretty sick.

I got sick every other week.Finally,on the recent Monday,I was dragged to the hospital and I was given a jap.My SME told me to leave after I threw up about 6 times within 4 hours.Shu came by and took me to the hospital.It's crazy.I'm not pregnant.I don't seem to have any other symptoms relating to any severe disease or illness.I was just purging everything in my system.

My mum thinks I should get some other job that doesn't require me to stay up that late.I kinda think I like my working hours.I get to do more things during the day.Of course,if and unless I can find some other company that would pay me just as much,I would probably consider it.Still,I'm getting used to it.

Yesterday,I had like a series of unfortunate events.I got home and everything was fine.I realized that Shu let himself in as I was dozing off.The next thing I realized,I was up because it was hot.I got up to check the fan and the aircond switches.They were all on.I thought there was a power failure or a power trip.Shu got up and checked with the management and he found out that the stupid landlord of our failed to pay his fucking electricity bills on time.We gave the agent (who claimed to have given him) the bills last week.

Our next best plan was to crash at Shu's mum's empty house over in Bangi coz when we checked with the TNB people,they said that the landlord just paid the damn bills and that the electricity would come back around by 10pm.WTF?!I start work at midnight!How the fuck do these people expect us to stay in the house when even the fans weren't working?!

Later on,we just headed to Bangi and then off to work.The next morning,as I was leaving my workplace,a stupid car decided to double-park.I had to get out tail first and it was so fucking hard to do!I did it anyways.Didn't scratch my car ^_^ Still,the guy is an idiot.I don't know if that was worse than the other day when I got home from work and found some random car parked at OUR PARKING LOT!WTF?!

The doctors have been telling me to stay calm and not let my stress level get the best of my health.Seriously,how the hell am I supposed to do that with all this shit going on?!I live among morons.Can't help that.

I enjoy my 4am lunch breaks with Shu.Those would be my happy times.I enjoy my weekends with him.Most of the time,we're not conscious by the time we get onto the bed.So yeah.......sorry,mum.No kids just yet :p

Shu is right.I really need to work on controlling my stress level.I seem to get annoyed at every other person on the road.I get annoyed with every other thing I come across.What's wrong with me?!Oh yeah.........I enjoy sim-ing very much ^_^

My folks cameby last weekend with Aunty Intan and Farah and Faizal.Mum just wanted to see the new place and my dad is hooked to the Middle-Eastern restaurant downstairs.I'm glad everyone enjoyed themselves.Azim wants to come hangout and go swimming some weekends.Not this weekend though.I have to work.Shu is working till Saturday afternoon.

buka-ing puasa-ness

My folks said they were gonna come to the house for breakfast today (Saturday).I didn't think my grandma and my uncle were gonna turn up as well.Shu did invite my uncle but I didn't expect my grandma to come along.It was probably the worst flights of stairs she had ever had to climb up but she's always wanted to come to our place and now she has ^_^

Shu and I are just suckers for home cooked food.OUR home cooked food.We just want to cook no matter what.We also enjoy grocery shopping a lot.I think Shu might have been influenced by me coz I'd go crazy in a grocery store/supermarket/hypermarket/markets in general :p

Today,Shu and I prepared 4 dishes.1 of which turned out disastrous but edible nonetheless.Shu cooked salted fish Kai Lan.And then,I helped him prepare squids in soy sauce.I wanted to make crispy fried shrimps and our last minute addition to the menu was the sweet and sour fish (nuggets)<---that didn't turn out so well.Azim was the first one to complain.Haha!

Everyone prayed in the rooms.We told my mum to bring a couple of prayer mats coz we only have 2 of those.My mum and my uncle lurves the place.They said they wanna come again to just hang out (without my grandma and my dad).Maybe next time I should just throw a random tea party ;)

Azim wanted to sleep over so we told him to bring his things along.We took him out to Kampung Baru coz we do that a lot.Left the house at about 11pm and got home at about 2am.Of course,I made sure he ate so that we won't have to worry much about sahur later.He said that Kg Baru was like some downtown whereby people could get shot.Well,my brother doesn't get around very much.Anywhere hectic is a downtown to him :/

house guests #2

Shu's folks were at our place for dinner last night.We cooked some noodles.They came with Kak Long's 2 kids and their maid.They lurved our place.Shu's dad took photos and stuff.They stayed for Isya' prayers and had some coffee before they left.That was awesome and unplanned and I could so do it again ^_^ Yup yup!

Of course,later last night,we also went for a midnight movie ^_^ We took a chance and watched The Last AirBender.I've been a huge fan of the animated series on Nickelodeon.I have a thing for beautiful drawings and animations :D

Ok,if you read any further it might just spoil the movie for you so if you haven't seen the film you might not wanna read this.

I think the kid who played Aang looks scarily similar to the animated version Aang.The only thing that sorta got me dissatisfied with the movie version Aang was the fact that were hardly ANY funny side to the Avatar.I was expecting Katara to be portrayed by a native american instead of a white chick :/ Of course,Dev Patel played Prince Zuko and I personally think he did a good job.I think scenes when the benders use their elements to fight were awesome.The effects as well as the actors doing the right style of martial arts.That was really awesome.

At first,I really thought the only good reason to watch the movie was Jackson Rathbone.He portrayed Sokka which is actually not an easy thing to do considering that Sokka is a very comical character in a very anime-ish way.Of course,the story went on a bit slow.I think some important scenes were missing and some scenes which were important were not paid enough attention to.Some scenes shouldn't be dragged on so much :/

Over all,I'd say I enjoyed the movie ^_^

Family Gathering

Today was the first family gathering for Shu as my husband.Haha!I still need time to digest that I'm married!Hahahahaa!!!!

Anyways,we were at my grand uncle's ex-wife's house over at Lorong Gurney,KL.Her house is AWESOME!!!I mean poolside party?!For real?!Hell yeah!

My aunties and uncles and cousins and grand aunts were there.It was really nice to see everyone coz usually I'd only see them once a year and I've already seen them 3 times this year ^_^

Yeah,my dad's family lurves having massive family gatherings and for the first time ever,my sister wasn't able to make it and I was there with Shu <3

P.S.:-I'm on the house computer now ;) I lurve this Unifi shit!