I can't sleep.......

I keep thinking about when I was just sitting there,watching my grandma. It looked like she was asleep. The fans blew the cloth covering her,making it look like she was breathing. I was waiting for her to wake up. Then it hit me,she wasn't going to.

People came from everywhere. I don't even recognise or knew them. It was weird. Some even asked if I was that little girl whom she used to take with her where ever she went. I said "yes" but I didn't even know who I was talking to. I only knew people who were close enough to be considered family.

I never knew her contributions. She was and will always be my grandma. That's all I ever knew. I probably messed up as a grandchild but I remember spending so much time with her at her old house in PJ that I dreamt about that place a lot.

I know she remembered me that one time.

The worst thing about life is......

Losing the people you love......
I lost my grandma last night.
It was horrible.
She was always the one who'd let me have anything I wanted.......
I loved her house.
I dreamt about her house so much.
I used to spend so much time with her.
And then,she started to forget.
It was hard.
But there were times she'd remember.
She did remember me.
She smiled at me.
She held my hand and took me into the kitchen area......
Today's funeral was hard......
But we were all there for her......
I kissed her and said goodbye......
I told her I'd see her soon.....

So we were at the National Heart Institution on Friday night......

My grandma was rushed to the emergency over there late that afternoon. Docs called my mum and said that her heart beat was dropping and her eyes were shut. Turns out she had a heart attack. She's never had a heart attack history. She got the attack twice. The options the doctors provided were either to give her medication whenever it happens or have surgery for her 3 blocked arteries. At her age, surgery doesn't seem like a good move.

She's stable now. Still at the hospital.

It's sad enough that she is suffering from a bad case of Alzheimer's and that she has a hard time remembering who we are. I was heartbroken to see her in so much pain last week :'(

Chanel@One Utama

I am so hooked to the eye shadow base and the make up base.It's so awesome!I am very picky with colors but make up bases (and eye shadow bases) are really neat things and very hard to find coz sometimes the brands I find irritates my skin and I can feel it on my skin which is so not good.

The jeans over at Original Fake looked awesome ;)

Anywho,I woke up to my cellphone ringing.Shu called me to tell me that my grandma got mugged at the traffic light near my house.It must have been noon-ish.In broad daylight.Indian guys.2 of 'em.They broke the car window on the passenger's side and took my grandma's bag and ran across the street to his bike and left.She lost about MYR6K.The window costs MYR350.It took the shop a long time to clean up every piece of glass in the car.

Shu and I realized that we really love cooking especially in the weekends ^_^ Mum usually hates it coz she won't be able to use her kitchen till we're done so the timing must be just right :p

suimen no tsuki

Had dinner with my grandma and Qarim and my cousin Anas Bananas.I was falling asleep every other second.Qarim was being himself while Anas and my grandma did what they do best-talk.Most of the time,I don't like listening to my grandma coz she tends to go overboard with her jokes which aren't funny and might just offend other parties.

Tonight,I decided to just go with the flow.I found out quite a lot of things about my late grandpa (my grandma's 1st husband) The sorta thing that makes me wonder if my mum or my aunt knew about. My grandma told us the story of her eldest sister.How she came to be the way she is now.

I was told that she saw her husband and her kids getting shot in front of her during the Japanese occupation.That's not quite how it all went down.She got married twice coz her first husband was accused of being a traitor and got shot.Her second husband died and she was found under a bridge all covered in mud and slugs and she didn't recognize anyone at all.Not even her sisters or her mum.She's still alive.She's just not living in the present time.

My family history (from my mother's side) has a number of not-very-convincing point of view towards men.They betray.They hurt the women in my family.It's always the ladies who has to get everything done.In fact,it kinda happens in my dad's family as well.My sister and I are the only 2 girls in my family.I'm weaker than my sister.Even though she'd get heartbroken at times,she'd cry and then get over it and move on.I'll always try to be there for her whenever she does.

Also,I found out tonight that my cousin got kicked out from his dad's house back when he was 13.He called my grandma in the middle of the night asking her to come get him down the road from his house.Strange how I never knew about that.I personally never liked my aunt's ex husband that much but I never knew he'd do that to his own son.

My grandma spent the entire time advising all of us which I find quite comforting coz she'd just trying to look out for all of us.She's been through a lot.I kinda feel bad for not being nice to her at times..........