FidZy against The World : Episode 1

Here's a little background about me and what I used to do. I used to teach diploma students English (in preparation for MUET). I know,VERY NERDY of me. I have nothing against the students. I have major issues with the system.

For many years now since I quit my job (including lecturing), my mum had been trying to get me back to teaching English. She'd send me job openings about universities wanting English teachers. She'd also push me to doing my masters so that I can teach Bachelors Degree programs.

To be honest,I have been holding back on doing my masters coz I am just having way too much fun doing things I like. I have the materials for my research already. Not sure if they are still relevant but if I could just sit and take the time to write a damn thesis,I'd have my masters degree in no time. Ok, I am just not in the mood for it now.

But back to the job opening, I have a problem getting into a system whereby you as a teacher has the mindset of kids with bad English come from certain areas. English is NOT their first language. It's not most of our first language. In case they haven't realized, kids grow up in households speaking languages like Malay, Hokkien,Cantonese,Mandarin,Tamil,Urdhu and so on........

What I'm getting at is that back in uni,we had to do Arabic as a graduating requirement. Our lecturers were well aware that most of us do NOT speak Arabic at home. They don't come into class with a certain mindset that discriminates non-Arabic speaking students from those who are already fluent Arabic speakers. In fact,the Arabic speaking kids are more than open to help us learn Arabic and pass our papers. If we lack the basics,they'd tell us to do the right thing by quitting that class that semester to not ruin our scores and help us work on the basics before attempting a class.

Similarly, you cannot set an expectation towards students especially if they are not even speaking English as a first language. Some of us grew up speaking English and we had a whole lot of practice and exposure to the language. You can't expect these kids to pass an exam within a short period of time and then penalize them and label them as though they are bad students. It's a language class. You as the educator need to get with the damn program!

HELP THEM!

I was thrown into teaching a class with absolutely zero teaching training and capabilities. I had a syllabus guide and some materials to work with. Out of my own effort, I gauged the kids by having them write out an open topic essay just to see what exactly I was dealing with. All I can say is that these kids needed help and more time to get their basics straight before attempting the test.

Here's what I intend to do. I'm gonna teach basic English for pre-university students as well as anyone who needs help getting the basics of English FOR FREE. I also have experience in teaching English to working people while I was working with them. I'd totally teach FOR FREE.

life!

Woah.....it's been forever since I was able to sit down and just blog.Well, I'm not exactly doing that right now since I kinda am at work and just sitting around. Yes, I have recently started working again. Not at the same place I used to work at. Not even doing anything close to what I was doing back then. In fact, I am doing something I never thought I'd be doing ^_^ Considering my qualifications and certifications, I am working with numbers this time around. Cheque books and bills and excel sheets. Haha!

I am not doing this full time. Not yet. I don't think I can do anything full time other than taking care of Yusuf. He is my full time job. I just love being near Shu and Yusuf both at once. So, here I am ^_^

It's April!

I've recently sent in my resignation. I did it coz I can't seem to get the hang of things with my baby just yet. He needs me an awful lot and I can't seem to get as much milk out of myself as he requires if that makes any sense at all. Well,the deal is,in order for me to be away from him in long hours is that I need to have some milk pumped and stored for him till I get home and I can't seem to do that. He drinks a lot. A LOT.

People tell me coz baby boys just are that way. I can't say really coz he's only my first child.Anywho,I'll be jobless for a few months or so until I am able to get things under control. In the meantime, I am using up all my leaves.I mean ALL of it.

The other reason for my leaving is that my account is closing.It's actually more technical than that but to put it into casual words,it is closing down.That would mean that all of us shall be deployed into other accounts since it is the company policy.Having said that,it would and could mean that I might have to go back into shifts which isn't really a problem. My only concern is that I won't be able to work night shifts anymore after this.My son is my priority.

So,the best thing for me to do is to leave.

On that note,I've also began to realize a lot of things having to do with the people I work with or rather,their mentality.I don't know if my husband and I are the only 2 people I know who sees this but when we go to work,it really is just work and nothing more.But the people I work with are a bit strange in the sense that they feel like if we work together,we are considered friends.

Haha........seriously? I may have very few friends but I have my reasons.So anyway,these so called people I work with would have activities I keep having to decline invitations to coz my off days are spent with my family and that is how I like it.It's nice of them to keep me in the loop but really,I have my family.

Sometimes there would be a slight fuss about why I never join in.After a while,I guess it stops.Then,something unexpected happens.I started working a different time doing different things.Yet again,that caused another inconvenience I guess since my job no longer had anything to do with the rest of the team.I began to be the spot of bother to the mass.

Most people began speculating as to what my job role was and why I was doing what I was doing and not doing what I was doing before and so on.The best part is when they'd start complaining.It starts with A complaint. Then,it turns into a huge whining session. "Why haven't I been called up to work at this other department?" "Why doesn't the manager let me transfer?" "Why?" "Why haven't I bothered trying for the post the department is offering?"

WHY?WHY?????

Because........you guys are fucking idiots.Do I look like the manager to you?!Do I look like I am the right channel? DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR BLOODY COUNSELOR?!

I've been dealing with my manager directly all this while and I have gotten the answers I was looking for regardless if they were what I wanted to hear.......or not.At first, I played the nice person who would just sit back and listen.After a while,it gets really tiring.Same shit over and over.I kept asking why they wouldn't just go to the right people to talk about this.Hah! The answer(s) to that question would be along the lines of "Oh they won't listen" or "They'd just turn it back around against us"

Wow! I am quite surprised that I managed to put up with all that for 2 whole years! So yes,I am resigning for the sake of my son and my sanity.It's not about the money,it's not about what I do.It's the people I have to put up with.No wonder my husband almost went crazy the first day he had to deal with managing people! Of course,he is a much stronger person than I am and he is not the type to be all diplomatic about things.

I just wish I had the guts to tell them all that the answer to all of their WHY questions was "becoz.........YOU SUCK" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

saying goodbye

2 years is most probably the most commitment I have ever given when it comes to work. All seems good on the surface but I am slowly decaying of boredom. I don't know if I did it all myself or if it is someone else's fault but I just need to get away from all this and do something completely new. I feel like my mind cannot expand being there. The same people I encounter would be talking about the same old things no matter how many times I've suggested solutions for them even though I didn't have to.

I seem to have that effect on people. Everyone just stops by at my cubicle and start talking to me about their problems regardless if its work related or personal. At times, I really don't mind but if you come back over and over with the same problem, it tends to get annoying. If a lot of other people have managed to move on, why can't you? I must admit, getting sick and getting things done from home has given me a lot of space for myself and not have to get engaged with annoying conversations anymore.

Again, I am not sure if my decision to leave is solely based on my boredom of working in an office environment or if it is caused by other individuals. Sometimes the lines are blurry. I have my own problems to think about and I just refuse to be found. Hahahaha..........Does that even make sense?

All I know is at this point, I can clearly see that I have absolutely no interest in the world of IT and computers. Most of the time, I know the things regarding computers only because they relate to the things that I do. I am just not interested in getting certificates like ITIL or CCNA. If I was interested in them, I would have gone ahead and spend the last 6 years of my life getting a degree in IT :-/

rant

How would you justify the shit I am in right now..........no wait, the shit I deal with and have been dealing for over a year?

I have been dealing with this shit and it is high time I put my foot down. If I had it my way,I would have had them both fired. Sure,we'll be a bit shorthanded but haven't we been this way all this while? What difference would it make anyways?

Firstly,I would propose the idea of getting of the both of them. Then,I would recommend solutions.This would mean,I would either need to suggest new members or find ways to dealing with the short-handedness.

When I say too many variables makes things complicated,this is what I meant.I'm not saying quantity is not a good thing.If the quantity can ensure productivity and progress,it is most definitely a good thing.Seriously,in the reality of it all this is highly unlikely.

I personally do NOT recommend hiring students because they are unreliable.ENTIRELY.

I am currently dealing with 4 students right now and I seriously do NOT want them in the team.

I suggest that we get rid of them once and for all and hire people who may not have skills YET but at the very least shows up for work.

It's all about the attitude.

speak up and make a difference

It's almost impossible to understand what's happening sometimes. I really think that maybe if people started speaking up,you'd actually get somewhere.Even if it means that it's gonna take time to actually change anything,at the very least,you've let someone know this.Most importantly,you've talked to someone with the power to help you change things for the better.

If you talk among each other,among people with the same point of view,the same group of people who just keeps saying the same thing again and again but doesn't really make a move to change things,you're just gonna be stuck there,the same place,facing the same problems,being in the same position,annoyed and tired.

I'm not perfect.I'm not smart.I'm just a push over with too much pride to not be able to make it through.I can work hard if I must.I can do it if I want to.With the right attitude and mindset,I can be the best I can.

to-do list

We sent my car to the workshop this morning.Shu knows this guy in Kajang/Semenyih so we drove there after work today.Shu drove my car with the broken front bumper and I drove his car.When we got there,the shop was still closed so he parked my car and we drove off for a bit looking for breakfast.We ended up in Nasi Ulam.Been a fan of that place in the last couple of weeks.Got back to the shop and decided on what to do with my car.Got a quotation and we agreed with whatever.

Left for home.Got home and cleaned up for a bit.Fell asleep at about noon.Got up about 12 hours later.I have no idea why we were so damn tired but we were.Got ready and headed out to get some food.We ended up in Kampung Baru again this week.After that,we drove over to BK in Mutiara Damansara coz I wanted them yummilicious Hershey's Sundae Pie.Hung out around The Curve area for a bit.It was passed midnight at the time.

Got home at about 2am-ish.Now,we're trying to find a good movie to download ^_^

Need to follow up on what's happening with our house coz as far as we are concerned,we've done all the paperwork we needed to do.Will have to call up that real estate agent first thing Monday morning.Shit,we've got loads to do on Monday! -_-*

weekend at home

Haven't done this in a while.It's weird to be here around this time of the night.

Hahahahaha!!!!

It's been a long week.The training yesterday night ended the week nicely especially after that idiot who stopped in the middle of the road cost my front car bumper!My husband said this would be THE time to make my car over.

We finally picked up his car from the office parking lot.His car was covered in spider web and there was a huge beetle on his wiper.I tried to move it by poking it but it hissed at us so we let it stay there.We drove to Sri Kembangan to service the car.Managed to repair the tire.

I have a report to prepare and more materials to improve the training content.

craziness in Chevronville

Its been a long crazy week and the worst is over.I no longer have to worry or anticipate anything.All should go back to normal from here on.

There has been some things that may have freaked me out and I might have overreacted at some things in some ways.After a good weekend away from things at work,I should be able to start work on Monday fresh.Not default.Just reset :p

I just want to have fun.I don't like worrying.I don't like not liking what I do.

We should rock the way we always do ;)

Rock on!

tired of being nice

The past few weeks had been fun but sometimes,I get tired of being nice or hardworking.I'm tired of being the one who'd do just about anything coz I can only do so much.Sometimes,I'd step back and think "what about them?what are they doing about this?" This may not be as important to me as it is to most other people around me but I sure act like my life depends on it.Its strange coz I'm not like this and now I am.It's ironic how I am the person I once said I never wanted to be.

I never believe in limitations but I can only take so much of this.

If nothing changes in the near future,I'm gonna have to put my foot down.

AL approved!

Can't wait for this weekend!YEYNESS!!!!!!

My brother is back from the states.I only met him for a hang out for good few hours.We went out for a lepak session at a mamak.Yesterday,Shu's family came by to the house for lunch.We didn't cook coz we haven't gotten our gas tank installed yet.Haven't been cooking at all.

Been needing to go out to get stuff.........to my disappointment,the MUFE Rock For Ever limited edition collection is not here YET!I wonder if it would ever come coz that's the sucky part about being at this part of the world.And then......I forgot that I wanted to get a whole lot of other stuff from them :/ Yes,I am a sucker for Make Up For Ever!HELL YEAH!

Got an eyeliner from MAC last week.It's not water proof *sob sob*

Anywho,Shu got me a top.I got meself a book:Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter ^_^ I'll be doing some reading since I don't have any games to play in the office.We had a party last week.Shit loads of pizzas.I can't eat much.Spent the entire 9 hours doing nothing but surfing the net.It was Christmas eve!

This year had been a blast!Looking forward to what's installed for the new year :D

I'm afraid of airplanes but I really wanna go for the trip coz........well..........it's a break we are in much need of ^_^

insured

My car is insured now.Paid almost a thousand bucks for it coz I wanted to get my wind screen insured as well ;) Still...........I haven't gotten around to getting the damn road tax renewed coz it is such a hassle to get all the paperwork done so I've been pretty much driving around with a dead road tax :p I know......it's been a month already.

If I ain't so busy working,I'll be sick.I was on MC for so long and eventually,my mum and Shu threatened to get me hospitalized coz my cough went on for more than a week.I am so sick of cough mixtures.I hate gargling the stupid throat medicine coz I tend to choke on it.I hate pee-ing coz it smells aweful from all those antibiotics I've been taking.It's been a pretty miserable week.My throat still have not recovered but I'm trying to ignore it.

House cleaning and laundry are still my favorite weekend past time ^_^

bleeding tonsil and dying fishes

It started with a minor flu.........I was sneezing every now and then.Weird.I usually don't have a sensitive issue when it comes to allergies.Maybe it was the aircond right above my head at my cubicle.Since I start work at midnight,I'd usually bring along and wear a hoodie.I guess this time the hoodie wasn't good enough.I was sneezing and then I had a minor case of runny nose and then I started coughing.Just a little bit.My throat got worse.I asked my SME for some time off coz I needed to get myself checked.Now,I'm grounded at home with bad fever every now and again.My sleeping time is off and I can hardly fall asleep when I am supposed to.

My throat itches which causes bad coughs would keep me up all day.Sometimes,I can't even breathe and sometimes it hurts so much that my whole body aches.I really want to get better soon coz I can't seem to get much done in this condition.It's gonna be the weekend and I really don't want to be the reason my husband has to stay home coz our usual weekends consists of a 10-hour outing.This is not looking good.

I left my car at my workplace the way I usually would during emergencies like last month when I started throwing up so much within 4 hours of working time.My husband rushed me to the hospital and I left my car at the office.I think I left it there for almost 2 days.Well,I left my car on Wednesday morning at about 4am coz that's usually my lunch break.I only went to get it some time in the afternoon today.

Oh yeah,we are very concerned about sudden many deaths of our guppies.WTF went wrong?!

officially HP

Shu has joined the HP team!YEYNESS!

The only set back we gotta work with at the moment is that his shift starts at 9am till 6pm while I start work at 8pm till 5am.So yeah,we don't see much of each other on weekdays.However,the best part is that Shu is already working at the new HP campus.I'll only be moving there with my team in December (I think)

No,we're not supporting the same team.Our managers are different.I just got a head start.That's all.Thanks to my seniors,I got my claims already!YEYNESS!!!

I can't wait to move to the new place coz they have a gym there so I'm gonna make sure I'll make full use of the place ;)

Good Morning,World!

I'm not used to sun light anymore.Weird but not so weird.I used to be nocturnal.Hah!

My eyes used to only hurt when I drive at night coz I hate the damn road lights.Now,my eyes hurt when I see sun light.

Strange...........

I am looking forward to seeing people this weekend...........

I'm still looking forward to October 4th coz that's when Shu has his induction in the pagi and starts work later at night ^_^

YEYNESS!!!!!!!!!

between days and nights..........

Ever since I start work,my life cycle has been shifted upside down.As the rest of the world are preparing to go to sleep,I am on my way to work.The parking spaces are always empty coz while I am pulling into the parking space at home,everyone else is about to leave for work.I've gotten the hang of it.I just can't sleep at night anymore.

So far,I have no complains regarding everything.I just wanna learn and I'm pushing my limits as much as I can.Everything is new to me.It's like I've started a new chapter in my life.I wouldn't wanna jynx anything so I'm not gonna pass remarks or comment on anything.Not yet.

while Fashion Week is on..........

We were celebrating Hari Raya.It was quite a rush coz we only spent 4 days in Terengganu and I have already started work.I work from 9pm to 6am local time.It's quite a change and I've been absorbing so much that my brain was running on OT.

I had a blast anyways..........during Hari Raya,that is.I have no kampung.I was chasing cows and blowing up mercuns.It was all fun ^_^ I was hanging around with Shu's sister Aina and littlest brother Azizi.Managed to see Kak Long and Azura before we left at the airport.

Managed to lepak a while with Shu's cousins Fakhri,Hafiz,Ikhwan and Mutaqim.I lurve Shu's grandfolks' house they live in.It's this old skool wooden house.I lurve it so damn much!That was also the place I was chasing this cow in the semak.It was minding its own business but I just wanted to see a cow up close.Freaked at the point when it spotted me.

Note to self:Cows does NOT ONLY go after people in red :/

We wanted to pack up a whole lot of fire crackers but we didn't want to risk it coz we were gonna take a flight home.Hahahahahaha!I was crying on the plane home coz there was a turbulence.I HATE TURBULENCES!!!It was probably NOT as horrible as it would have been on a boeing 737.

Aku cium lantai sebaik sahaja kapal terbang mendarat!HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!

roses are red.....violets are blue.......

.....fuck you,whore!

No,i'm not mad at anyone.I'm just totally bummed out right now.With myself,mostly.It really sucks to not know what to do.Not just when it comes to work but life in general.Is there a purpose for my existence?It's not even about doing anything right anymore.It's just me trying to figure out what I should do.What should I do?

P.S.Ignore the title and the first line.It's an excerpt from 500 days of Summer.It was one of those movies that gives me strange vibes.NO,it's not the latest movie I've watched.Shu and I went to watch Despicable Me yesterday.It was hilarious.SO much better than Date Night!<---I know,they're not even in the same genre!

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!

Oh yeah,Shu totally pushed me into auditioning as a TV presenter the other day coz TV3 opened up a booth and stuff so he told me to go ahead and give it a shot and I did and it was..........different.So much more difficult than it seems when people do it :/

did what I do best at the best time in the bestest way ever

Hahahahahahah!

And I am still laughing (out LOUD) about it :p

I got lost.It was the first time I drove to work and I got lost.The best part was that I did NOT get lost on my way THERE.I got lost ON CAMPUS itself!After class,I figured that there shouldn't be any problems at all to get out.I took a wrong turn and accidentally got into the wrong side of a one way street.This happened still WITHIN the campus grounds!

It got worse as I made my way OUTSIDE the campus gates.My first turn to the right was correct.Everything was fine right up till the point I got to the biggest junction traffic light.I was gonna turn right but then there was a huge lorry that came straight through where I was gonna turn.That got me puzzled thinking that I wasn't even supposed to turn right there.Weird though coz there was a road.A proper road.

I went straight ahead and ended up in some kampung area.There was no kampung on my way to campus.Finally,I decided to call Shu coz we were supposed to meet up halfway before going home.He told me to turn around.Then,it got better but not as I hoped it would be.I was on a highway that lead me straight to Kota Damansara.

Earlier that day before I left the house,Aunty Intan was at my place and she was telling me about a faster way to get to my work place through Kota Damansara.That must have been it.I was on it and it really was fast.

So yeah,I got lost but learned a new route which is awesome ;)

butterflies in my tummy

Got up this morning and the first text message I retrieved from my cellphone was from Shu saying that his folks are coming on the 17th of next month to see my folks.For a while,I thought it's April already.

It's strange how we've been having this conversation about us getting married and all.At first,the conversation was only between Shu and I.It was just us getting lost in eachother wanting to take this amazing thing we share one step further.Then,things became serious from the day he spoke to my father asking for my hand in marriage.Eventhough my mum was already planning for preparations and all,she said she wanted to wait till she comes back from the states when Shu's folks finally comes over to discuss what needs to be prepared and all.Now,they are finally coming and we are one step away from deciding when we can finally tie the knot.

Here's the thing,as much as I always oppose every little thing my mum's planned,I have no clue what the procedures are.I have no idea what needs to be done.I have no idea what to prepare.I'd speak to Shu and he'd explain to me what is what and why such things are required.My assignments are finally done and now,this is all that's left for me to think about (apart from revising for the finals of course) Shu once told me that he often wonders what it's like to anticipate the meeting of his folks with mine.Now,he knows...........
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Was late for campus this morning.Had to send my assignment to Dr. Wejdan's office coz it's about 2 weeks overdue.Thanks to Shu's nephew who not only speaks Arabic but has a string of contacts who are Arabic experts who helped me A LOT with my homework,I managed to get my work done and learn a thing or two at the same time.SUH-WEET!


Managed to stop by at Dr. Salim's office to see if he got my paper.I think he was asleep.Haha......


The first dude Shu and I bumped into this morning was Israr who asked out loud if I got up late for class or something.That was funny coz he asked about Shu and the moment I said "he's my fiance actually",he immediately held out his hand and said "oh,fiance!I'll have to shake hands with!" I think that sorta surprised Shu for a bit coz he's heard of Israr from me since we were and are classmates afterall.Haha!

I am currently worrie about Kecik.Something happened to his lower lip and I think he is in pain.Shu and I shall be taking him to the vet tomorrow after my Automotive Skills exam.Hopefully,Kecik will recover.Inspite of being still,he still has the cheek to chase,play around and eventually kill a baby mouse.That mouse was so cute and it was screeching in pain!BAD KECIK!