dash
Thursday, September 10, 2020
Hard Rock Hotel Penang
Monday, September 07, 2020
Where I'm at
A lot of people have a lot opinions or perception towards me. A lot of people also don't understand how my mind works. What you see in pictures are just as is. What I write about are just is. I have my interpretation about other people too. I think it's normal.
The one thing that I seem to never learn is that I am naive when it comes to human interactions especially online. I always think everyone I come in contact with has good intentions and that they truly want to be friends with me. That's not the case. I still can't seem to tell if people are just using me or just lying to me.
It's true when people say that animals have instincts and they act or react based on just that but people have different intentions and they sometimes manipulate situations. Shu always tells me that I need to watch out before I get hurt. How?
If I say something nice to someone is only coz I mean it and they should take it just as it is. There is no need for underlying meanings. Well, at least that is how I usually take things anyways. I don't know how to dig deep about other people coz I just don't know how to and most of the time, I'd like to think it's more of a personal space thing.
As it turns out, there are really bad,sick people out there. Shu is looking out for me as he always does. I really hope that my kids won't get online with these crazy mofos.
Sunday, September 06, 2020
To kiss in cars in downtown bars was all we needed
You drew stars around my scars and now I'm bleeding
Saturday, September 05, 2020
The Secret Garden AURORA
You seem lost within your body and your mind
A beam of light can still remind you who you are
Wounded by the world
Your fragile nature needed shelter
In the night we made a sanctum
Out of mind and out of sight
Won't you let me take you there?
Won't you let me take you there?
Let me take you into the garden, into the garden
I'll be there, painting the flowers, give them color
I'll be there
Listen to the anthem
Hear the flowers like their hymn has healing power
Take my hand and breathe in, the colorful
Won't you let me take you there?
Won't you let me take you there?
Let me take you into the garden, into the garden
I'll be there, painting the flowers, give them color
I'll be there
Let me take you into the garden, into the garden
I'll be there, painting the flowers, give them color
I'll be there
Try to heal the heart of mind
In the garden we find
Try to heal the heart of mind
In the garden we find
Inside, inside
Friday, September 04, 2020
We were in Legoland just before the Merdeka weekend
Thursday, September 03, 2020
Monday, August 31, 2020
Bitch Lasagna!
I am just about to have had it with Dewan Bahasa! Bitch! I'm talking to you!
WTF is EKSESAIS?! WTF IS THAT?! Just WHAT?! Also, WTF is PREBIU?! Have we ran out of words? Or have people just started accepting stupidity?!
Bitch, I got sick during SPM trying not to fail my damn BM paper! It was a second language to me and it was hard! I studied HARD for the damn thing! I twisted my tongue trying to speak Bahasa Melayu Baku! Imagine, I can hardly get my vocabulary together and I had to do that doing a speaking test?!
DON'T COME AT ME WITH YEET! That ain't a word in my dictionary!
We can't get shit straight anymore,can we?
This is UNACCEPTABLE!
Thursday, August 27, 2020
The Lakes
Is it romantic how all my elegies eulogize me?
I'm not cut out for all these cynical clones
These hunters with cell phones
Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die
I don't belong and, my beloved, neither do you
Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry
I'm setting off, but not without my muse
What should be over burrowed under my skin
In heart-stopping waves of hurt
I've come too far to watch some name-dropping sleaze
Tell me what are my Wordsworth
Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die
I don't belong and, my beloved, neither do you
Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry
I'm setting off, but not without my muse
I want auroras and sad prose
I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet
'Cause I haven't moved in years
And I want you right here
A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground
With no one around to tweet it
While I bathe in cliff-side pools
With my calamitous love and insurmountable grief
Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die
I don't belong and, my beloved, neither do you
Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry
I'm setting off, but not without my muse
No, not without you
Monday, August 24, 2020
Today is Shu's birthday
I decided to bake him a cake. I've never baked a cake before. All I have are lessons from all the YouTube videos I've ever watched.
This entire musical and the movie gives me so much love
Friday, August 21, 2020
It's been a long while since we actually went to Cyberjaya
Took the kids to the park. I can't think of anything to do that doesn't involve going around crowded places. Travelling is a definite NO coz of the public and school holidays. That's not how we roll. We'd usually wait till everyone is at work and in school and then we'd go on a holiday. Besides, Yusuf has been sick. Ali Imran is coming down with something too. Shu's dad said that maybe it's something that Yusuf picked up in school coz his classmates seem to be sick too. He doesn't have a fever or anything. Yusuf was born with extra sensitive lungs so we are a bit cautious. He's been coughing a lot. No wheezing though. Ali Imran had been sneezing and his nose had been stuffy which irritates him and eventually leads him to cry and gets everything stuffy-er.
I have allergies. Tell me something new. I realized that I have a bad bruising behind my left knee when I got home from the mall yesterday. WTF?! IT hurts like I hit myself but I am pretty sure I did NOT hit anything.
Anywho, Shu got me one of those hiking 65 litres rucksack backpacks. He said that if we're gonna change how we travel to the island,we're gonna have to pack light. Packing light is NOT something I am good at. This would be interesting considering at how I packed the last time we went to the island. I packed like a dumbass. If there is one thing I did learn from the last trip is that I seriously do NOT need that much makeup. In fact, I don't think I should bother since my skin tone is gonna change so drastically that none of my base makeup is ever gonna match me anyways. I know, petty. I am trying. I really am.
I have also been staying away from frantic phone calls from my family coz I really don't need more drama in my life. I just hope I'll remember Qarim's engagement date. I cannot recall the date right now.........erm.........yeah.......Wait, what was I supposed to bring him again?.............Erm..........I really hope I do not need to buy any clothes for that occasion.
Shu's birthday is around the corner. I am hoping to be able to bake him a cake. I've never tried. Hah!
I cannot get this song out of my head
Drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar
"I rent a place on Cornelia Street"
I say casually in the car
We were a fresh page on the desk
Filling in the blanks as we go
As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead
Leading us home
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours
We bless the rains on Cornelia Street
Memorize the creaks in the floor
Back when we were card sharks, playing games
I thought you were leading me on
I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street
Before you even knew I was gone
I turned around before I hit the tunnel
Sat on the roof, you and I
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
Walk me back to that apartment
Years ago, we were just inside
Barefoot in the kitchen
Sacred new beginnings
That became my religion, listen
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
Oh, never again
And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
I don't wanna lose you, yeah
I say casually in the car
Tuesday, August 18, 2020
My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift
Monday, August 17, 2020
Shu is now writing songs with me ^_^
This is so much fun!
Last week had been chaotic unnecessarily. Seriously, it was not called for AT ALL. Some people just don't know where to draw the line about how far they can interfere in someone else's lives but this time most of us think that she's gone far enough.
I've made it clear about where I feel like they have put me. I'm the outsider who abandoned ship. I am the one who doesn't know what is really happening. I am the dumb blonde who doesn't know much about anything. I have no clue about real world problems and struggles coz I don't show it and therefore I don't know. What is it that you want from me now? Is this a political race now? Suddenly every vote counts?
Or you just want someone to vent out to? I had always been a listener. I may not be able to provide solutions for every damn thing but I can listen to your problems and try not to get absorbed into it.
I honestly think that there are limitations as far as getting involved in someone else's finances is concerned. Yeah.......I'll just leave it to that. Sometimes, things are not as chaotic as you think. Also, I firmly believe that things always happen for a reason. In this case, it's not physics but I am sure that things are still under control. We really don't need chaos.
That's the problem with people who are obsessed with conspiracy theories. They tend to dwell on the problems but not provide solutions. There will always be a problem. There are also ways to overcome it or handle it. Dwelling on it and always talking about it isn't a way to solve it. Some things are just written in stone is going to happen. Still,that doesn't mean we cannot think about here and now and today. After all, right now is where we are at the moment.
Maybe if they just take a step back and not try to get involved in other people's lives,they'll live a happier life. They can actually live for once.
Monday, August 10, 2020
You've Got A Friend In Me
I feel like of all the people in my family growing up, my dad was the only one who ever acknowledged who I truly was. He said I am a hedonist and that things that make me happy may not be conventional but as long as it makes me happy, I'll be alright.
Yesterday, we were at Taman Tun just hanging out. My dad was showing me some PRS guitars he liked on his phone while I was jamming away on the Ovation. He had always been a Paul Reed Smith guitars fan for as long as I've known him. He was talking to me about his co worker asking him how much the guitar costs and if he was planning to make money out of it.
I told him, first of all.........different guitars sound different. Depending on the wood and shape and materials used. We were talking about acoustic guitars of course. And secondly, if it's a hobby,it doesn't matter if he's expensive or cheap as long as you are happy with it. And he said to me ,"Only a good friend will tell you that" I truly believe that nothing is stupid if it brings you pleasure or happiness.
Shu is a watch person. I don't care if he buys expensive watches coz he likes it. I am an acoustic guitar person. Always had been although I don't have a particular brand or make that I like, the Epiphone Shu got me was a pink Hummingbird Pro with built-in pick up and it's made of solid wood. Playing that makes such a difference in comparison to my old Morisson or the junior Epiphone Shu got me earlier (which I travel with)
Anywho,our studio is finally ready. Mic is in and we have a U-Phoria UMC202HD Behringer 2 line mixer hooked up to my laptop. I have about 4 samples to work on. Rashid said that if he ever comes around,he's gonna bring his guitar and an amplifier coz we only have one. This is awesome. I'm hoping that Simon will bring his classical Spanish guitar around to record some samples that we can eventually work with.
Shu's dad once asked why we had so many guitars and if they sound different. The answer is Yes. Single coils and humbuckers sound different. Acoustics sound different too. Looking at how my progress with electric guitars is kinda slow, the Mega Distortion pedal I have should be good enough for an idiot like me to work with.
Saturday, August 08, 2020
The Lion, The Witch and the audacity of this bitch!
Hahahahaha!!!!!
Was talking to Shu about people online and how they feel the need to comment all the damn time. The fact that they feel like they actually have the rights to cross the damn line just cause they know they are not gonna get punched in the face saying shit. I don't know why things are so out of control sometimes.
The very reason I decided to stay off grid online and on social media is this. Some people like to treat status updates like an open diary and not actually addressing the person they are having problems with. Typical. Others are just the same people who feel like they need to say something to every post. Sometimes, I feel like "NO ONE ASKED FOR YO DAMN OPINION!" Some are just down right negative people. Negative about their posts. Negative towards other people. WHY?
Lately, what shocked me the most is people passing remarks about me IN REAL LIFE. And these people don't know me nor do I know them. I was telling Shu that back in March, when we were on the islands, there were this group of ladies who probably was at some family day event so they were hanging out in groups together with their husbands and kids by the pool. I was waiting for the kids at the table next to them. Just watching the kids and making sure they don't do anything dangerous. Ya know,minding my damn business.
They kept looking at me like this was high school and I did something bad and the whole school knows about it. I didn't know who they were. It was the first time this happened so I wasn't sure about what I was supposed to do. Shu came back from the hotel room and I told him about it and he said just ignore them. So I did. Actually, he told me to stare back but I'd never do that coz I am just non-confrontational by nature.
It's weird coz I am not some celebrity or some Instagram model with millions of followers. I'm just me and I was minding my damn business and living my life. I don't know why but I feel like it had something to do with how I dressed. This seems to be an issue it seems.
When I was waiting for Shu to get the car at the jetty back on mainland during our recent trip to the island, I was waiting at the playground with the kids. I wore a black dress and I had my sunglasses on. There was a lady that passed by and stared at me and said ",Oh,She's Malay........" So what if I am? WTF does that even mean? It didn't bother me so much this time coz at this point, I figured that some people just can't keep their opinions about other people that they don't know to themselves and there is nothing I can do about it.
So that is where we are at right now. Living among people who feel the need to comment and pass remarks about other people they don't know. Not just online,mind you. I don't think it will bother me but it's wild to think that someone like me who is a nobody still gets mean things said to me. I can't imagine if you are a public figure. I always feel like progressive comments are good in order to help other people move forward especially in the world of creative content creation. This is not helpful especially when you (the people who comments negative shit) are not even creating anything.
Thursday, August 06, 2020
Isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me
Tuesday, August 04, 2020
Delicate
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink
Phone lights up my nightstand in the black
Come here, you can meet me in the back
Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you
Oh damn, never seen that color blue
Just think of the fun things we could do
'Cause I like you
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
Yeah, I want you
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Delicate
Handsome, your mansion with a view
Do the girls back home touch you like I do?
Long night, with your hands up in my hair
Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs
Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share
'Cause I like you
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
Yeah, I want you
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Delicate
Are you ever dreaming of me?
Sometimes when I look into your eyes
I pretend you're mine, all the damn time
'Cause I like you
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Yeah, I want you
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
'Cause I like you
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Yeah, I want you
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Delicate
Sunday, August 02, 2020
I first visited this state as an outsider and a visitor
Then,after we married, Shu and I headed off to Redang Island for the first time. I didn't want to leave. If you have ever seen photos or paintings of a paradise island getaway where the sky is blue and the sea is blue and the sandy beaches are so white,this place was exactly that. That was when I realized that I am a beach person.
After that, we have been visiting the island every year..........well, except for 2017 coz I gave birth to Safiyya and I almost died and it took me so long to recover. Our kids are molded and made into beach people. All of their initiation were made at the beach on this island.
This year, we drove back for Aidil Adha. We usually don't. The traffic is usually bad and we'd be on the road for hours. It truly was just that. It took us 9 hours to get back to Shu's parents' house. Usually, we'd spend about 3 hours on the road depending on how fast we're going. It was insane but worth it.
The kids were asleep in their carseats in the back. I stayed up keeping Shu company. I could have been pulled over and tested for drugs looking at the way I was partying in the car past midnight to 3am to 5am. Yeah,it took us an hour to get from the toll booth to Shu's parents' house. The drivers in the other cars were tired and sleepy as hell so I put on some awesome music and danced in the passenger seat since our car window isn't tinted. Some people were entertained.
The kids and I had a blast. It was tiring but worth it. We helped Shu's dad fix his car. We also helped Shu's parents with the qurban meat. I spent hours cutting fresh meat. I really love knives and meat cutting...........ok,that wasn't meant to make me sound like a psychopath.
The kids enjoyed motorbike rides with their grandpa. They played with their cousins. We had a blast. I know, I already said that.
I hope we'll do this again coz I love being in Terengganu.
Thursday, July 30, 2020
Tuesday, July 28, 2020
Monday, July 27, 2020
epiphany
Keep your helmet
Keep your life, son
Just a flesh wound
Here's your rifle
Crawling up the beaches now
Sir, I think he's bleedin' out
And some things you just can't speak about
With you, I serve
With you, I fall down
Down
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out
Out
Something med school
Did not cover
Someone's daughter
Someone's mother
Holds your hand through plastic now
Doc, I think she's crashin' out
And some things you just can't speak about
Only twenty minutes to sleep
But you dream of some epiphany
Just one single glimpse of relief
To make some sense of what you've seen
With you, I serve
With you, I fall down
Down (Down)
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out
Out
With you, I serve
With you, I fall down (Down)
Down (Down)
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out (Out)
Out
Only twenty minutes to sleep
But you dream of some epiphany
Just one single glimpse of relief
To make some sense of what you've seen
Have you ever felt.....
I'm usually just a background...... And I am never good enough..... No matter what I do......
Sunday, July 26, 2020
Was at my parents house last night
Anywho, Rashid is trying to sell off his Epiphone Les Paul. I haven't got much details of it but he's selling it off with the hard case. It's a beauty but an idiot like me is not worthy of such thing.
Saturday, July 25, 2020
Everytime I am away from home after a long period of time
I sometimes find myself going through a mental block. Sometimes, it is so taxing that it breaks me down and makes me cry. I would sit in quietness and stillness and try to find what or who my focus is on in that moment. It gets a lot at times.
However, I discovered that when I returned, Taylor Swift released a new album. As I was listening to the tracks, I found a certain relief in myself. It was as though some of her songs were the damper I needed to slow things down for me instead of crashing down and break.
Friday, July 24, 2020
My brother shared this song and it hit me really close to home
You're on your own
So what, have you gone blind
Have you forgotten what you have and what is yours?
Glass half empty, glass half full
Count your blessings not your flaws.
You've got it all
There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown
You're in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be King again.
You don't get what all this is about
You're too wrapped up in your self-doubt
You've got it all
You lost your mind in the sound
You're in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be King.
There's method in my madness
There's no logic in your sadness
You don't gain a single thing from misery
You've got it all
You lost your mind in the sound
There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be King.
You've got it all
You lost your mind in the sound
There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown
You're in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be King again.
Thursday, July 23, 2020
Is it just me
Most houses come with a standard 2-car parking space. And most condos have visitor parking spaces.......for visitors........I find it strange that this becomes a common problem and still it cannot be addressed accordingly. Home owners would not only park their cars at their assigned parking spaces but they would also park their extra cars at visitor carparks............
Typically,people would rather not pay for parking and park illegally along the roadside as opposed to just paying the damn parking and not be a nuisance at shopping malls. I find it very strange because,if parking is expensive..........get an Uber......or Grab.......or whatever. You'd rather take the risk of losing your car by parking at an uninsured,questionable space and possibly become a nuisance to others rather than paying for a secured parking space.