Pain is.........

January 19th 2013 marks the day whereby I have proven myself to be an ultimate failure. I failed as a person and I failed as a friend. I was depressed and under a lot of stress and as much as Shu and I saw it coming, it was just a matter of time till we made the move. We sold Pebbles. She is no longer in our lives.

I cried so badly. I tried not to because I knew that we can no longer accommodate the cats. Space is such a problem and I hate the fact that Shu is constantly cleaning the balcony. Pebbles was Shu's best friend. If there was anyone whom she'd sit on and finds comfort in,it's always Shu. She and I are housemates and she understands the house rules. That's about it.

Every morning at about 6:30am, she'd get hungry so after prayers, I'd feed her. Then, she'd sleep the entire day till about 7pm. And then, she'd get hungry again. Sometimes, she tends to get a bit annoying like when she starts running in and out of the house and bringing dirt and dust all over the place. She tends to be noisy too at times especially when she sees bats or insects inside or outside the house.

Today, I finally had the courage to talk to Shu about it. I know that it hurts him more than it hurts me to let Pebbles go. Shu said her new owner has other Persian cats as well and she seemed to have adjusted herself as soon as she walked into her new home. Shu even called the dude up today asking about how Pebbles is doing. So far, she seems to be fine.

 As much as I was sad to have let her go, I was much more disappointed in myself for putting Pebbles through all this. Shu hated the fact that she wasn't treated as well as she deserved to be treated. It's not like we'd get physical with the cats but the fact that we'd lose our temper and start getting all angry at her is just not something she deserves.

I've never yelled at her or touched her when ever she does something wrong but I feel like she deserves a more comfortable home and that we cannot provide her such. If we didn't love her, we wouldn't have spent over a thousand bucks on stuff for her and Georg.

I was thinking to myself that if we had never met, she wouldn't have had to go through all this and I would have been able to spare myself the pain of losing her. It hurts so much more than having someone died. I was so depressed and sad that I couldn't be alone without shedding a tear. I keep seeing her around the house since I spent the last couple of weeks sleeping out in the lounge with her.

I am so sorry, Pebbles.