Pain is.........

January 19th 2013 marks the day whereby I have proven myself to be an ultimate failure. I failed as a person and I failed as a friend. I was depressed and under a lot of stress and as much as Shu and I saw it coming, it was just a matter of time till we made the move. We sold Pebbles. She is no longer in our lives.

I cried so badly. I tried not to because I knew that we can no longer accommodate the cats. Space is such a problem and I hate the fact that Shu is constantly cleaning the balcony. Pebbles was Shu's best friend. If there was anyone whom she'd sit on and finds comfort in,it's always Shu. She and I are housemates and she understands the house rules. That's about it.

Every morning at about 6:30am, she'd get hungry so after prayers, I'd feed her. Then, she'd sleep the entire day till about 7pm. And then, she'd get hungry again. Sometimes, she tends to get a bit annoying like when she starts running in and out of the house and bringing dirt and dust all over the place. She tends to be noisy too at times especially when she sees bats or insects inside or outside the house.

Today, I finally had the courage to talk to Shu about it. I know that it hurts him more than it hurts me to let Pebbles go. Shu said her new owner has other Persian cats as well and she seemed to have adjusted herself as soon as she walked into her new home. Shu even called the dude up today asking about how Pebbles is doing. So far, she seems to be fine.

 As much as I was sad to have let her go, I was much more disappointed in myself for putting Pebbles through all this. Shu hated the fact that she wasn't treated as well as she deserved to be treated. It's not like we'd get physical with the cats but the fact that we'd lose our temper and start getting all angry at her is just not something she deserves.

I've never yelled at her or touched her when ever she does something wrong but I feel like she deserves a more comfortable home and that we cannot provide her such. If we didn't love her, we wouldn't have spent over a thousand bucks on stuff for her and Georg.

I was thinking to myself that if we had never met, she wouldn't have had to go through all this and I would have been able to spare myself the pain of losing her. It hurts so much more than having someone died. I was so depressed and sad that I couldn't be alone without shedding a tear. I keep seeing her around the house since I spent the last couple of weeks sleeping out in the lounge with her.

I am so sorry, Pebbles.

53 days and counting

My tummy isn't that huge according to most people but I feel like I am gonna pop real soon. I've heard stories from friends and family about how they did not see the baby coming and the next thing they know, they were rushing to the hospital. I kinda like to not panic or freak out coz I know myself better than anyone and when I do freak out, things could get messy.

My butt hurts. Maybe its coz my pelvic is expanding and so my bones are moving, making way for the coming baby. I am estimating the baby would weigh about 2.5-3kg. I read that the bigger they are, the more pain. Well, labor is pain. It is said to be the most painful of all pain one could ever imagine. I try not to think about it.

I have been trying to keep myself occupied with small chores around the house like cleaning the dishes and doing laundry and ironing clothes. On better days, I would vacuum the floor. I have problems sleeping at night in the last couple of weeks.I can't sleep on the bed anymore so I have been pretty much falling asleep on the couch. My legs hurt when I sleep on beds. No idea why.

I've been watching a lot of animal documentaries lately. They keep me happy. I have been missing my cats. Georg, especially. He's always doing something funny. Pebbles does a lot of strange things. Speaking of cats, we saw 2 kittens downstairs under the abandoned car near the dump area of our house. They look really cute and they must be cold and hungry. Maybe I should bring some food down the next time I ever go down. God knows when that would be.

Anywho, I am still obsessed with laundry and it frustrates me when my clothes does not dry when I want them to :-/

I need to get the baby clothes washed and packed by next week. I should get my overnight bag ready just as much. I have a check up next week and it MIGHT be my last. I am just bracing myself and hoping for the best.

funny purring sounds

Georg and Pebbles have been getting it on a little too much these days. They have been driving us insane. Us, the people they live with. Us, the only 2 human beings in this house!

AAAAARGH!

I didn't think mating season would be so difficult to deal with!

There's fur all over the place! The make a whole lot of noise! Sometimes to the extent of us not being able to fall asleep AT ALL!

I sure hope the neighbors won't start complaining or both of them kittehs will have to hit the road!