What a way to end the year

 This had been an amazing year. We moved which was a major event. We adopted cats. Befriended cats. We spend most of our time by the beach. I began to sail. It was tough but worth it. Met loads of amazing people along the way. I decided to get more committed to the club which is very unlike me.

I am ever so thankful with everything. I know that there were some downs along the way like the monsoon and the flood. I wish I could do more for everyone.........

Oh yeah, I joined a blood drive for the very first time. It was exciting. I've been wanting to do it for so long.

One of the things I plan to do next year is to sail more and be a better skipper. I need to spend more time sailing whether it's going to be on my own boat..... Or not.......... 

Team Foxburr

 Shu had been sailing with me.

This was when we sailed together for the first time last week. Shu was the crew while I was at the helm. I was trying to figure out what went wrong when we were reaching and running. I keep messing up. Also, I wasn't aware that Shu's never been on crew before so I was having a hard time figuring out what I was doing and not realising that I should also be giving commands about the jib sail and center board.

We sailed again yesterday.

This was us setting up the boat. Safiyya is part of the crew since she's always with us when I used to go sailing in the mornings. 

There was a race later that day. The Laser and Optimists were getting ready. We just sailed outside their circuit so we don't interrupt the race. 

I think we did much better this time around. I still need to work on the reaching and running but I think, after the first debriefing the other day, we did so much better. 

Coach said Shu needs to be at helm control the next time we sail...... Probably next week. He just needs to understand both positions better but honestly, I think we can gauge who will be doing what if we ever make it to the race day...... 

Sailing partners

 On October the 19th, coach briefly said in the passing that I am a qualified sailor.......

On June 4th, Shu signed me up for a weekend open day for the sailing club over at Duyong Marina Resort. I was windsurfing for the first time. I was learning how to understand the wind and balancing the board. I had no idea what I was doing. 

Then, I decided to sign up for the certification course. It's a 3 part course. Again, I had no idea what was doing but I just wanted to sail. Coach set me up for the Laser 470. I was confused with the ropes for the most part. It was difficult because I was overwhelmed with so much information in such a short time.

I continued to learn and practice sailing. I swear I was on the verge of breaking down and I was so afraid if coach was gonna give up on me. I was so close to actually making it. I just needed more time on the boat.

One day, I decided to try setting up the boat myself. Coach told me to come by an hour early. Coach Mus arrived to grant me access to the storage room where the booms and sails were kept. I attempted to set up the sails myself with Shu and Coach Mus. I made a few mistakes which were pointed out when Coach Rani arrived.

I attempted to set up the sails again the following day and tried to understand and remember which rope goes where. I also did a lot of studying at home (textbook, Google and YouTube) My sailing got better. Tacking was better and we did a lot of S turn practices. It was tensed but it taught me a lot. Especially NOT to freak out every damn time.

Coach said I can sail on my own now....... It's just that........ Sailing the 470 meant that I would be needing a crew. A sailing partner. 

Today, we have one attending his first lesson 😊

Shu. My partner in crime since forever. He's probably a better sailor than I am coz he understands things better and he's not the freaking out type 😁

Lesen L

 After a little over a month of not sailing from being sick to the coach being busy with SUKMA and all, I was finally sailing again. I kept telling myself that I had to focus. I have to observe the tell-tale. I have to understand what I was doing. It was OK for a bit until I tried tacking again........

I have this coordination problem when I overthink. Just like jamming on the guitar. Just like driving. Everytime I think more than I should, I'd mess up. I found myself not knowing where the tiller extension was at and then, I'd freak out.

Of all the times I was practising tacking, I think I only managed to get one turn correctly. I made it such that the radius and distance between the boat and bouy were almost perfect. I need to get back to that state of mind.......

Also, I realised now that if I am sailing the Laser, I am probably going to have to focus on speed because....... It's a race boat....... I've come to terms with that...... 

My parents came to visit

 Shu got them return flight tickets just to get my dad out of the house. The last time he was here was about 12 years ago when Shu and I got married. My mum had been wanting to come visit since forever but she couldn't just leave my dad behind. My brothers are working so there's no one to look after him.

Anywho, they flew over on Saturday. Took them out for lunch at the place where I go for my sailing classes coz my dad wanted to see the area. There were a lot of construction tapes because I think they are repairing the decks. He only got a glimpse of the boats. Also, the sailing team were all away for SUKMA so the area was pretty empty.

Then, we headed home coz the kids wanted to show them around the house. We went out for dinner somewhere Yusuf really hates but there's proper food for everyone and the place was pretty cozy.

My mum spent the rest of the night with the kids watching Ghostbusters Afterlife. The next morning, we headed off to the beach because my dad was in major need of a soak in the sun. He was having a good time...... It got too hot for my mum that she had to get some shade because she started hyperventilating........

After a few hours, we headed home to clean up and rest. Later in the afternoon, we took them on a boat ride across the river to the market. They had a blast. We'll, I always love being on water. The weather was great on our way there.

I don't know what's going on with the weather these days but we were lucky enough to have made back across the river in time before the storm hit that evening. The wind was so strong and the waves were getting rough.

We had dinner at home that night.

The next morning, the boys had to go to school so everyone got up early. Came back with some breakfast and I took a walk with my mum around the block. She had no sense of the surroundings so I showed her........on foot.... Later, we got everybody into the car to get some keropok from a nearby shop for them to take back to KL.

We got ready at home and sent them off to the airport. Managed to get coffee and after they headed into the departure hall, we headed off to get the boys from school.

It was a short trip because my dad had to go to work when he got back. My mum said she's planning to come back with my aunt and uncle and my brothers........ I hope they don't mind the rain coz I think monsoon is coming early this year......... 

Sometimes.......I don't realize how fast time flies..........

 Sometimes, I'm still stuck in a moment in my mind...........and then, I'd wake up and see that years had passed. What ever memory I have about a person or an environment or anything about anything is sometimes shocking to me because I don't realize how much time can change a person or a situation.

Especially since I live far away from the people I know........I'm always on the move doing something somewhere and then when the weekend hits, I'll stop and think what the hell happened to everything.......

I have no idea what I'm saying at this point. In fact, I don't even know who or what I am addressing.

I was chatting with my brother, Rashid, the other night. I like to send memes to him or stupid things like how I wore a top hat with bunny ears and I was playing my guitar and I captioned the picture "Slash Bunny from Guns N Posies" No one will get it coz only a handful of people I know listens to Guns N Roses...........

Anywho, I always forget how far away I am and how far away I have been in the past few years and I can hardly remember when I saw him last.........other than the few video calls I usually have with my mom. He was telling me about his new job. I'm so happy to know that he's doing something skillful and not stuck in a professional line. I don't have anything against professionals. I just think that skills usually go a longer way and learning new skills are always rewarding.

I sometimes look back on photos from my cloud drive and realize how tiny my kids were and that now, they are old enough to make up excuses -_- Sometimes, I have a hard time keeping track of their vocabularies because they keep learning new things everyday.

Right now, Shu and I are facing a new challenge with our kids. They can't tell if they are being bullied or that their friends are trying to be funny. It's hard because sometimes they'd come home and tell us about their day and we'd pick up some bits and pieces about their interactions in school which isn't the most polite thing to do. I'm trying to tell them to stand up for themselves and that it's ok to tell people off if it bothers them but I don't know if they understand what I'm talking about.

I've always been bullied growing up and sometimes, I don't realize that I'm being bullied because I don't understand other kids and why they do what they do. I've always tried to be the diplomatic one and I must admit, not everyone can understand what I say. Maybe it's the language. Maybe it's the vocab. Maybe it's just upbringing. I don't know. I understand why I am sometimes bitter about certain things but I really want to spare the kids these emotions because it can really eat you up inside and it can really affect your life as you grow older.

At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love

 

I was 16 and I was never the dating type and my mom insisted that this was my song when I met Shu........

Well, it's been 21 years since then...... And we have been married for 12 years now....... 

Abschiedsbrief

 Try pronouncing that as you sing a Deutsch song...... As a non-native speaker........ 😂

It's been a long week. We made a quick trip to KL to shop. Well, I needed to replenish my coffee and the kids wanted to go to Toys 'R' Us. The main objective was to get Shu's clothes coz he wanted a specific brand and we knew the one place that could cover all grounds.

Yup, we headed south....... Not south south but souther than east of KL.......

This seems to be our home whenever we come here. The kids love it. I don't mind the spa here and we don't have to worry about parking when heading out to the mall. So much win.

We couldn't go to our favourite park in Cyberjaya coz the weather here was raining all day and night. I was living in a hoodie. Not complaining. It's a change because where we currently live, the weather bounces back and forth from 25 degrees celcius in the evening to 32 degrees celcius in the day.

Made a quick stop to see my parents in Taman Tun. Met my brother Azim whom I had not seen since the beginning of the pandemic. He hugged me and immediately caught on to the scent of Dirty....... Hahaha...... I forgot how much he used to be obsessed with that scent back when he used to visit my sister in Sydney.

My dad was trying to get rid of some of his stuff so he gave us some paragliding rope and carabiners........

Made it back in time for Independence Day celebration...... We got up later than planned coz we had been driving all day the day before but we did manage to park and walked so far to where the celebration was held. It was worth it.......

We had a blast........

Oh yeah, one of the other goals to our trip to KL was to visit Shu's sister over at her new house. She had really done up the place and it looked awesome! We hope to get her contractors to come work on our house soon....... We have quite a lot to work on......... 

Shu's birthday

 It was Shu's birthday and we really didn't have any real plans so, we played along with whatever we could think of. 

The highlight of the birthday celebration was the island trip. We've never been to Pulau Kapas. The trip was a blast. We did a day trip coz we really didn't plan anything. Also, Shu said it's not the kind of island you'd wanna spend a night at. So, we packed up some clean clothes and a basket of food for picnic and headed over to the jetty in Marang. 

We've been spending a lot of mornings in Marang throughout the week. After sending the boys off to school, we'd get some food for a breakfast picnic. I love mornings by the beach. 

Oh yeah, Shu also took Safiyya and I to Pinehill Garden. Unfortunately, the grapes were not in season but the view was neat. 

On the night of Shu's birthday, we decided to use the barbecue grill we had lying around and cooked up some dinner outside. We managed to get aged beef and some sausages for the kids. Got some pizza for the kids too. It was pretty fun 😊

Paka

 I've been so sick and while I'm struggling to fully recover, I've also been so sick of everything around the house. I've come to the point of getting so sick of the smell of my shower gel.

I've been proposing for a vacation or trip especially to the beach....... I am fully aware that I live by the beach. I just needed a new view. Some fresh air. Away from human beings. I swear, I thought us moving here meant that we were gonna finally get some peace and quiet. There is an event happening EVERY WEEKEND. I'm not exaggerating. We'd avoid the drawbridge area on Saturdays just like how we avoid shopping malls.

We've also been looking for new places to call our common spots just so that we can relax. Apart from discovering a new favourite island, we've also discovered a town about an hour away from where we live that has this nice quiet place. The kids enjoy both the pool and beach area and although the sands are not as silky smooth as island beach sands, it's totally fine. We just need to watch out for jellyfish and stuff.

There's a roadside shop that sells mee Siam which has quickly become a favorite of ours. I've never been a soup or broth person but this place made us drive back for it. That says a lot.

We finally made a stop at the Cat Park on our way back. The kids were ecstatic. The cats there were so clean and fat. They're super friendly too. We have two kittens living with us right now but Shu and I are not fully convinced that they can be trusted to be in the house for now so the kids are only allowed to play with them outside. Yusuf had been wanting a pet cat for the longest time. Shu and I are always the ones who end up having to clean up after them 😑

Our overnight trip was short and unplanned but that's the fun part. We used to do this all the time. Just pack up a backpack and drive off somewhere...... Anywhere....... It's a hell lot better than being stuck in traffic just to get somewhere like we used to do while living in KL.

You know the lyrics and I know the melody

 So sing along and write a song about you

I was supposed to have gone for a sailing class last Saturday but I cancelled coz I was feeling a bit off. After that, I got a bit sick. I was going to get some meds at a local clinic but I had to test myself for Covid before going. If I tested negative, then I'd proceed to the clinic.........

Well....... I tested positive for the big C. I was quite shocked considering that I hardly ever go anywhere. I think I must have contracted it from Yusuf coz he was a bit sick a few days prior to the day I did the test. It's very strange coz I wasn't feverish or coughing.

The next day, I started having muscle throbs. Mostly on my neck and it started going up the the back of my head. That sucked big time. I had a hard time sleeping. I couldn't sleep for about a week. I was on meds that I'd never take unless it was an absolute emergency. This was the emergency. The paracetamols and painkillers weren't working. I had to take something stronger in conjunction with the paracetamols.

I hated it. The pain. The meds. All of it. I only took the heavy meds like 3 times. I was pushing myself to get better because being this sick was really unproductive and a huge waste of time. I hardly could leave the house coz I'm asleep till noon. Shu was in much better condition. He was on cough meds and some paracetamols here and there.

It's been a whole week since that week and we're still unwell health wise. We've tested negative last week but the headaches and coughs just won't go away. I couldn't get up for sailing class this morning coz my headache was severe and I felt it throughout the day.

I've worked out twice so far and although I didn't fail to complete the routines, I didn't feel like it was a good workout 😑 I really need to get better........ 

Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?

 My mom called me at about 11pm one night. Worried. I thought there was an emergency. It was more like I was the emergency. It turns out the video call I had with my sister and her kids a few days prior to that, I was in a tank top and I was steaming some clothes while talking to her. One of the things she commented was how thin I was and asked if I was sick. I told her I was fine. Just working out and practising a good diet with intermittent fasting. 

Anywho, she told my mom I was looking thin and sick and my mom called me asking if I was alright -_-

I am. I'm also tanned from all the sun. And the weather is getting colder these days...........

I have a theory. Since the Earth shifts its core about 8 minutes every year, I am guessing we are probably off by months at this point in time. Therefore, the weather is off by months too. That's why July is looking like early monsoon. Still, it's just a theory.

We got Cleo and her kittens back yesterday. They've been at the boarding house for weeks because we've been in and out of town and there were too many people at home that I felt having the kittens asking for food and not knowing how to go to the washroom properly would cause a lot of problems. It turns out that them being at the boarding house caused just as much problems. The girl who took care of them said that the entire pack was out of control. They were constantly fighting with other cats and they tend to eat other cats' food..........

From today's observation, Shu and I have concurred that only one kitten is the odd variable. I bathed all the kittens including Cleo today while the sun was hot. I put some meds on Penelope (the one who had an eye infection) *sigh* She was fine before we moved her to the boarding house. She was healthy. That crazy black and white brother of hers scratched her face while he was looking to fight her over food one day and now, her eye is infected again. I had been taking care of her and I'll be looking after her now. 

I was wondering why Cleo was angry this afternoon. Shu thought she was losing her mind. Actually, she kinda is but just over one problem. Her black and white kitten. When we feed the family, he's always angry almost as though he's bullying the rest of them to make sure all the food is for him alone. That sucks though coz the 4 kittens whom are usually hanging out together just won't bother getting food for themselves. One of them would stay and fight back. It's weird coz there's plenty of food for everyone. Even Cleo would get upset and just sit at the side. So tonight, Shu and I decided to separate them. 

I took some food for Cleo, Penelope and one of her sisters and put them far away from the crazy black and white kitten. They were eating peacefully together. The other 3 kittens were eating at the same spot that crazy kitten was at. Then, one of them moved away under the car so I took some food and gave it to her. I have a feeling that black and white kitten has to leave. He's not playing nice with the rest of the pack. Not even his mother. I'm gonna see what Cleo thinks about having him removed tomorrow.

For most people, they are just cats. For the kids and I, well, Cleo is ok. She gets a bit strange sometimes coz she'd hunt for birds and eats them which is weird considering Shu and I used to raise Georg and Pebbles. Special breed,domestic cats with a very controlled diet. Cleo is different but because she's as such, I don't worry about her too much if we're out all day and she gets hungry coz she's capable of taking care of herself..........

If plants and animals could talk.......

 They'd have a court restraining order against me by now. I seem to be drawn to touch most plants and a lot of animals I could possibly touch. I do love iguanas but they run away whenever I approach them 😑 

The jelly fish and random weird tropical fish seem to be attracted to me. I am mostly terrified of them. However, I have made progress when it comes to swimming in the ocean it seems. We recently spent a few days on an island. Not our usual island. This place is more quiet and very much less humans. It's relaxing this way........

Anywho, we spent a lot of time in the water at the beach. This one morning, we spent about 5 hours just swimming and playing sand. My dad said I'm gonna get super tanned from the amount of time I spend at the beach eversince we moved here. Well, he's right.

So, this beach....... There's a lot of baby black tipped coral reef sharks in the water and they swim with us. Sometimes, they'd come really near to us and then swim away. They've never actually attacked anyone and so far, we're not the only ones who swam with them in the ocean. The bigger ones are far off at the deeper parts where the corals are and still, people go snorkeling there.

The strangest fish were the blue hued ones with spots...... Almost orange - ish spots. They were a bit crazy. They bit my toe as I was floating on my back. Yusuf said they bit him too. Weirdos.........

My broken pieces don't fit in

 I crashed. It's been a while. It's been a long while. I think it's just pressure. I think it's an accumulation of stress.

I wish I could just wake up one day and just "get over it". I've been battling this for so long. It's always back and forth.

I am trying to get over something that happened over 20 years ago. In fact, it's probably a lot longer than that. I am aware of the contributional factors. I thought I've addressed them and it's all gone and forgotten.

I was wrong. I can't fix this. I can never fix this.

I'm so sick and tired of listening to psychologists and counselors telling me shit I already know. I know what my problems are. I can't make it go away. I have been suppressing memories. It's making me forget so many things along the way. 

So far, I've clocked more or less between 6-7hours of sailing lessons.......

 I'm too big for the Optimist so I have to sail the Laser. I was told we were sailing the Laser 430 but the main sail had a 470 printed on it. Either ways, I was happy.

I have no basic sailing experience whatsoever so I was absorbing new information as much as I could and as quickly as possible. Imagine learning to drive a car but you have absolutely no idea what or how it works. Whatever the hell I read helped but only by about 5%.......maybe less.....

I am still trying to remember the ropes and the safety checks. So far, I can set up the jib sail although I am not fully confident that I did it correctly. I still need help setting up the main sail because there's a lot that goes into it from the boom to the gooseneck and the halyard and eventually feeding the rope through the main control.

I realised that I tend to panic and over think. The boom accidentally hit my jaw on the first day of school. The wind picks up every now and then. It also changes directions so quickly that sometimes the mast tilts too much that I begin to panic. 

My worst point is controlling the Tiller Extension. Everytime I tack the boat, I could never hit the 90 degrees mark. I was doing so bad that I did a 360 degree turn. That's a big fail. I think I am a good crew though. I find leaning and pulling the the mast while the wind is strong makes me happy.

I have a class tomorrow afternoon. I hope I'll do better. I hope the wind will be forgiving. I hope I won't capsize or fall overboard 😬

Yesterday.......

Was our 12th year anniversary of being married. We had plans to go fly out of town but had to cancel all of them for a few main reasons.

One was monkey pox........

Two...... MAS had been making headlines at f*cking up flight schedules. We made reservations about a month ago but didn't want to risk wasting all our time, energy and money in trying to have a good time but either having to cut our holiday short or having mess up everything on the way.

So, Shu made a reservation for lunch yesterday. We went to KBB Steak and Burger in town. I'm on diet. Beef is my top most priority and having good meat is a win. It's not as expensive as Jibby East but their meat is good. Lunch is a good time to go unless you like dining in on a full house. Make a reservation whatever it is. You won't regret it.

Later on, we decided to head to the beach because it's a way of life.

Our holiday is being rescheduled but we're OK with it. It's better to be safe and happy then just rushing everything. I like taking my time.

Happy 12th year anniversary, baby!