Late night hotel balcony talks

 Everytime we are on holiday somewhere away from home, Shu and I like to let the kids mellow down in bed with the lights dimmed low. Usually, it's after an entire day of activities like swimming or playing by the beach. Sometimes, we'd have coffee. Sometimes, we'd just sit outside and talk in the dark. It used to be us smoking something but we don't do that anymore........

Last night's talk was long and pretty good. We'd be married for 12 years this June and every year, we try to always be on the same page and be as transparent as we can to one another. I am usually brutally honest with a lot of things but my problems are usually emotional and just me trying to understand other human beings. Shu deals with real problems and he used to think that in order to not let me freak out or over think, somethings are just better left unsaid.

That's gonna change. I need to fucking grow up. I can't spend all my money on coffee and toys -_- and other random nonsense that only makes sense to me...........

Well, it's not a money related problem that we talked about last night. I think we're ok with that.

I seem to be facing problems understanding people, in general. People that are related to me and just people who know me. Sometimes, I have people like my cousin who'd just text me about whatever. I am the type of person who would personally text someone if I needed to ask something or say something on a personal level. It's just better that way. I also like to express things that make me happy and share the experience however I can.

I am aware that we spend a lot of our time away from home in a year. Sometimes, we're away from home every week. Sometimes, every month. It's just a way for Shu and I cope with our mental stability. A different environment. A different ambience. A different atmosphere. We don't have "friends" to have an actual "social" life. I don't know about Shu but I usually find it difficult to connect or understand people in general. I find that I am more productive when I am on my own in the studio or just dancing with the kids or working out.

I love walking along beaches and wetting my toes in the scorching hot sun. I enjoy collecting random shells or whatever and sharing it with my kids.

Last night, I told Shu that I cannot understand the signs or signals that people are sending me. I don't know if they are unhappy with themselves or if they are unhappy with what I am doing with my life or how I choose to spend my time. Either ways, Shu told me a few things that made me think a little differently about how I am perceiving all these signs. One of it being the age gap. Older people have different ways of trying to confront me. Other people are just deflecting their shortcomings by picking on every little thing I do. 

I've said this before. I like spending my time and money and energy on doing things that make me happy and the things I do may not make other people happy and that is OK because we are not the same. They make decisions which I would not choose to make but I don't think of it as a problem because that's not my call. Some people cannot accept or tolerate this and thinks that I must do what they would do.

I have come to a point in my life whereby if you were to tell me something and that is what you truly believe in doing, I'd say "you do you!" And I am happy for them. No resentment. No hard feelings. The problem is not everyone is on the same page. I really can't help them.

Anywho, the other thing we talked about was my band, RadioEdit. We were living in a different time and we had different things to deal with in our lives. Ayie was married and had a kid. Kamal was working but lived on his own. Rashid and I were university students who were living with our parents and had curfews. I spent all this time thinking that I let they guys down (Ayie and Kamal) by walking away just like that. We never actually spoke about things. 

I, for one was very much aware on how much we were spending on jamming studios. Kamal and Ayie were talking to Shu but not to me. It was weird. Maybe because I was the only girl in the band? Maybe because I was to naive and stupid to understand real world problems. But I found out from Shu last night that Ayie was actually thinking of quitting anyway because he found an actual job with a stable income for the family. The rest of us never understood that because we weren't married with kids.

Now, Kamal is beginning to sound like Ayie back in the day. I just happen to have a supportive husband like Shu and my kids are old enough for me to do the things I want to do coz they have their things to do themselves.

We had awesome materials. We worked on them real hard. Now that Ayie is no longer with us, I am more than happy to actually do something with all of the stuff we've written together. I am in it to see just how much it's worth and I am splitting equal parts with Kamal, Rashid and Ayie's family. There are millions of bands out there but I am not doing it for the fame and glory. I am not seeking any approval from anyone. I just enjoy doing it and I want to savor it for as long as it lasts. We are not the same people we were back then but we had our music. That was our connection.  

minus-one?

Hahahahaha!

I've always thought I sound a wee bit like a mouse everytime I sing.......which is probably......true!

Hahahahahaha!!!!!

I have no idea how everyone else keeps up with me!

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Anywho.......we just got out from an awesome recording studio somewhere in Damansara Perdana.Excellent,EXCELLENT equipments!I mean,seriously......those mics!TOTAL AWESOMENESS!!!!

Ok....ok.......words........

We started recording at around 10pm-ish.Played the songs according to the playlist we discussed just before we started recording.Maya was the first song on the list coz it was our ballad.I never realized how distracting and tough it is to record with the headphones on when it captures EVERY sound in the room......including my bandmate's whispers!After a while,we decided to just record everything live WITHOUT the vocals.......

Tough!VERY tough!

I can never pay attention without singing so I sorta did but it wasn't into the microphone.

Then again,I messed up pretty much most of the lyrics tonight.That sucked.I forgot to sing the 2nd verse.Distracted.I kept looking for Shu!He went downstairs for a bit and didn't get back up and then I realized that the doors downstairs were really secured.Someone's gotta open it from the inside.That was what kept him.He went to get me some water <3>

AWW.........

Anywho,after I stopped messing up my parts from not singing,Kamal,Rashid and Ayie began messing up their parts as well.I was actually giving myself a pat on the back for not messing up my riffs and that was when it happened.We were ALMOST at the end of Wake Up and Kamal stops playing and said he totally messed up.Rashid was screaming out coz he said that was the best he's played all night.

*sigh*

We did the entire song 3 times......oh,4 times,I think!Hahahaha!Batak's computer had errors for one of the recordings so we had to do it all again.It all turned out pretty well in the end.The end product was awesome.Now,I gotta try recording my vocals to complete the songs ^_^

Subang Jaya,Tropicana,Kota Damansara,Uptown DU,TTDI

First and foremost,Shu's guppies have babies now!YEYNESS!!!!!

Well,we were supposed to go jamming at about 10pm-ish last night at Blues Bred.Since Kamal's car broke down,he needed help to get around so he called Shu.We went ahead to get him at his workplace in Tropicana.Then,we drove him back to his place toget his guitars and stuff and then we headed straight to the studio.

Rashid was already at the mamak there when we arrived.Ayie arrived shortly after we got there.Sat down for a bit and had some drinks and stuff.At about 10:30pm-ish,we headed up to the studio.Foundout that the band playing in the studio at the time wanted to play till 11pm so we did more waiting around.

Tried to get our guitars tuned while waiting.My E string machine head is a bit loose.That was pretty fucked up.But then again,I hardly touch the guitar (even for minor servicing!) when I don't need to use it since I don't even own an amp.SHEEEEESH!And I call meself a guitarist?!

So yeah,we finally managed to practise.For most of our songs,we don't need much practise.For Mental Vacation however,eversince Rashidinsky changed the tempo/beat every other time we played,we have a hard time playing the default way.It's even harder to play when I keep fucking up the damn words to the songs!I can't think when I sing or I'm just gonna screw up every word I say!

For example :Instead of saying "so this is how it feels.....to let it go......." I ALMOST said "so this is how it feels......to fall in love......" and I was gonna sing it like a show tune :/

Anywho,after jamming,Shu and I were supposed to meet up with my folks for a bit so we did.Headed over to a mamak in TTDI and had some more drinks with my folks and Azim.After that,we sent Kamal back to his place in Kota Damansara and we headed home.

I think we only slept at about 3 or 4am >.<

Long night.......very long night..........

clumping up

Got a call from Kamal today about some sponsors for the recording of our very first EP.It's awesome to know that people appreciate what they've heard even though it had been jamming sessions in the last couple of weeks.I'm curious to know what the details are.

Yesterday,we (Shu and I) got a text message from Kamal saying that there will be a photoshoot for our EP and stuff.That's great news.So,we're finally getting recognitions and stuff.Kool.

I know that I haven't been working hard enough for the band lately.I've been too occupied with the new place.I've been shopping for things for the house and making endless lists of things we need.Kecik is kinda upset with us too these days.I want to take him with us.I want to take him and Snow Bear and Bedah.I'm gonna make sure the kitties have their awesome scratching pole and beds and Bedah is getting a new house and house mate.

Now that Shu have secured a photographer for our wedding day,that's just one of the many things off my back.I have to go see the wedding planner soon.I have been so caught up on the private party plans.Emailing and replying emails and checking emails and stuff.It's really getting to me.

I have less than 2 months till my wedding day.I don't know what I'd do without my mum :) And Shu has been MY backbone through all of this!Thank you so much!

suddenly time is moving a little too fast

While my folks were busy trying to figure out the best words to be printed out on our wedding invitations,I was thinking a bit too much about our party and YES,our little photographer problem.I need to go see the wedding planner ASAP coz I really can't do this shit!

Ok,I admit it.I was spending time (a whole lot of time) doing music.I was jamming,meeting people and busy talking about getting the band publicity and even thinking about going into mainstream.

For 2 weeks in a row,we've been jamming and the session we had last was the longest by far.We got home at about 1am.I think we were jamming for over 2 hours and there were a whole lot of people watching us practice.

One of Kamal's friends does gigs and he's brought up some bands in history.He saw us play last week and wants to know how serious we really are with the industry.He told us to write our biography and stuff and he's gonna help us set up a web page.Also,last night,he had someone over from Converse (yes THE Converse) to watch us play just to see if we can get ourselves some gigs several times in a month.She liked our songs and she wants to see the lyrics.

Oh yeah,Kamal's friend said he's trying to get one of our songs into an upcoming movie.Like a soundtrack maybe.

Hurmm.......

Anywho,Shu and I finally had our time off from this whole wedding thingy and hungout the way we used to on weekends.It was fun but tiring.........erm......that was caused by super high heels actually :p I had a blast.I'm still laughing about one incident that happened to him when I was staying with him some months ago.CANNOT STOP LAUGHING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!

band update!

Went to see Kamal at a mamak a while ago just before Shu went to work.Kamal said those dudes who came to see us jam last night has a proposal for us.Bottom line is that we'll be heading into the studio in Setiawangsa this Saturday to do a track by track recording of ONE of our songs.One of these dudes organize gigs and stuff so if all goes well after the recording,we might get ourselves a good deal of 2 gigs a month.That's really awesome!

Actually,they want the song Maya for an upcoming movie project or something BUT Kamal said we shouldn't let it go just yet.That's our ballad.I did expect this song to be in a movie like a soundtrack or something but we have to see what kind of deal we're talking about here before jumping into any decisions.

infected

After yesterday's incident,I felt so much better this morning.RadioEdit had a brief meeting this morning over breakfast then we headed off to the lrt station.Shu,Rashid and I were in Shu's car and Ayie and Kamal were in Kamal's car.Our plan was to have our photoshoot on the streets in Central Market in KL.We all got onto the train from Taman Bahagia,looking like some rombongan.

Got off at Central Market and we had a few shots at the station itself.Later on,we headed downstairs and wondered around before heading into the market area.It was funny coz everyone weren't really on the same page.We headed into the market.Everyone just scattered around for a bit.Shu had to get a tape for his camcorder.Ayie went to put his bag at the locker.Rashid and Kamal just went around looking at stalls.

Then,not long after lunch,I started feeling sick.I went to the washroom again and again.I kept throwing up.I was so sick.Shu and I decided to take a cab and headed to the hospital.At first,we planned to go to DSH but later on,I decided to go to UH instead.

I got out of the cab walking like a zombie heading into the emergency entrance.Got onto a wheelchair.I felt like crap.I was given a plastic bag which I later threw up in.Well,that happened when I was already on the bed.My aim was off.Eeeeuw!I felt like crap.I looked like crap.The doctor took some blood and put me on drips and I slept.

When I woke up,I was moved somewhere else.Shu was beside me the whole time.He was anxious to know the results for the blood test and the urine test.He's been so worried about me.I was annoyed of being sick.This time around,I was there at the emergency room in UH for a better reason AND I wasn't admitted.

After waiting several hours,my test results finally came back.Everything was negative EXCEPT the urine test.It turns out that I had a urinal infection.That sucked.That caused me to throw up and stuff.Totally not a good experience.My folks didn't really know what happened to me until almost 6pm when my mum called.Rashid didn't really know what happened.He and Kamal were at the ice cream parlor having ice creams when Shu and I took off.The only thing Kamal knew was that Shu was taking me to the hospital.

I'm glad to have not been admitted to the hospital.I'm glad it wasn't anything serious.I am so thankful to have Shu with me the whole time.The hospital isn't the best place to hang out but he waited till I got discharged.Now,I have a whole bunch of medication to sort out from 2 different hospitals and the family clinic.

Could this be Kecik's wish to get back at me for making him take all those awful medicines?

longing for peace

Ever gotten up on the wrong side of the world and you don't really feel like yourself?That happened to me today.I wanted to do everything and nothing at the same time.That sucked coz I couldn't be myself anywhere.All of that ended after jamming tonight.Thank God for music!

Actually,music didn't really change anything.It just let me vent out all my energy so that I have nothing to waste my miseries on.

The thing about being the vocalist (especially during jamming sessions) is having to endure the smell of the microphones at the studio.It smells bad.Really really REALLY bad.Also,having to put up with lyrics and voice control along while making sure I'm playing the right chords with or without distortions.

I totally forgot a pre-chorus to a song we're so used to covering tonight.That was weird.Didn't get the chords mixed up so much though.That's good coz usually there tend to be a few times when I'm really REALLY messing up a song by playing the wrong chords and stuff.We tried playing Deep Purple's Highway Star and Kamal said we might cover that song.

The studio we jammed at tonight had some twinkle thingy at the drum set.Rashid kept including that sound in our songs and it ruined some of the feel to the songs we played.Towards the end of the jamming session,Shu tried making use of the keyboard and I freaked out coz I heard some strange sounds and I kept thinking that I was causing it.

It was fun but a little tiring coz the studio was in Subang.On our drive back,there was a traffic jam on that road at Kelana Jaya.A Rexton was seen lying on its back across the left lane.I have no idea WTF happened but it must have been driving at high speed or something coz the LDP is a straight road.So irritatingly straight that I cannot comprehend why a traffic jam can occur ever so often on that road.

Anywho,eversince Shu and I went bowling last week,we've been trying to get my brothers together for a game of bowling or something.Maybe we'll do that next weekend.We asked Kamal if he'd like to come along.He said he might.He said he's not good with sports involving the upper part of the body like pool or table soccer.Bowling included.He also said he'd like to try out rugby.Shu and I are very delighted to teach him.We're always short of people to play rugby with.

sunrays through the clouds

Another rainy day.Another time getting soaked in the pouring rain from having to run to the car.Another lepak session with Lina-san after Mazlan-sensei's class.

It was funny how I bumped into Israr and asked if it's safe to run to the car with all the lightning and stuff.I don't trust my slippers (coz I doubt if the bottoms are rubber) I might have been the perfect conductor for the highly charged electricity to earth!

No,I was NOT struck by lightning and condemned to doom!

WTF?!

I am officially screwed.NOT LITERALLY!Got up this morning and felt like the whole world is gonna come down on me.It didn't.Except for the part where I realized how crappy my performance is for certain classes,I think my day turned out pretty well.

For starters,Mazlan-sensei did NOT kill me for NOT showing up for class last week!I have a particularly good reason for that.NOT an excuse!

I enjoyed Nadia's presentation.I don't have the guts to do what she did for her presentation!Kudos to Nadia-san! ^_^ No,I did NOT volunteer to present for next class.Not up for it.And NO,I do NOT volunteer.It takes too much effort.

Haha!

Was talking to Lina about men and infidelity and how stupid they are when it comes to doing what's right. *sigh* It's hard to speak to people who haven't the slightest idea what they are talking about.With weak understanding and poor arguements,they can never make me understand what it is they learn and what they fail to comprehend. *more sighing*

And then,my mum was crying after watching the clip of that 15-year old kid who got beat-up by his seniors in school.Keywords:unbecoming,uncivilized,lack of civic consciousness.Failure in education system?Maybe.But what exactly shapes the mentality of the society?How do you educate people who cannot be taught anymore?

For example,the difference between someone who is educated and someone who is not,someone who wants to be educated and someone who refuse to be educated.Upbringing.The word justification is very subjective.Maybe different people have different ways in justifying themselves.

Some people feel like violence is a solution.Some people don't.At one end,my sister and I thought boarding schools are fucked up coz the kids are pressured into getting themselves "disciplined" but actually they are not.That isn't entirely true.I came from a day school.The kids are still fucked up.

I remember my disciplinary teacher back in school told us all that we are a bunch of cowards for having to bring our "gang" along when it comes to confrontations and shit like that.Why risk getting yourself and your future for one stupid minor problem?Why not make an everlasting impact to that other person?Why not call upon Hell Girl?<---NOT a solution.

I think the objective of getting even is to come out as the winner WITHOUT losing anything.I am almost done thinking of all the shit that goes about in this world I live in.Like the other day in the news when all these so called "rempits" beat the shit out of a dude.Having to deal with such creatures,you have to at least try to see things the way they do.I can't.I am not one of them and I refuse to see what they see.To me,they are as unbecoming as any human being can be.I am not helping at all.I know.

On the not-so-brighter side of the world,went to see Kamal at the hospital but he was alseep so my mum,my brothers and I just left the tin of bicuits with a note at his side and left.I hope he gets better SOON!RadioEdit CANNOT afford to lose THE guitarist!

theater fest@UNITEN

I am really not up for classes.Especially with the results I got today.I've been studying but maybe I didn't study hard enough.Maybe I read all the wrong things.Maybe I got confused.Who knows.


I'm really tired and sleepy now.


Got up earlier than usual for class today.Started the day off by helping Shu catch Kecik.He crossed the road and almost got hit by a car.My mum was wondering why Shu was running across the road.Should have known better.That little orange furball has knowledge of the world across the road now!It wouldn't be so worrying if he's actually careful when crossing roads.The thing is,he's not.He is completely oblivious!And cars on that road would speed like crazy.


Anywho,Shu ended up not going to class coz it turns out that he hasn't got any.Except for that lab session he missed this morning coz he couldn't get up on time.He had trouble sleeping last night.He called me up on my cellphone while I was asleep at about 1am.Gave him a wake up call at 6:45am and he was already up.Apparently,Kecik woke him up at 6:30am-ish coz he wanted to go out.Thinking that he sounded wide awake,I went back to sleep and got up at 8am.There were no messages on my cellphone.I assumed Shu fell asleep.He did.He just got out from the shower when I went downstairs to iron some stuff.


Had breakfast with my folks for a bit and then Shu,Ash and I left for campus.It's pretty cool to be early for classes again.I've been trying to get out from the whole mess with the finance unit.I don't ever wanna have to go through that shit ever again!

Didn't miss any classes today!Sugoi ne?!

Hung around with Shu and helped him clean up his place while waiting for nightfall<---kikikiki (laughing like Kururu) The play began at 8:15pm-ish but since it was raining......well,with the lightning and all,we decided to stay in till the weather subsided.Had dinner at UP10 and then Shu escorted me home till the KJ lrt station,then we went our seperate ways *sob sob*

Funny news I got from mum when I got home.Kamal had been admitted to the hospital near my house.He didn't tell anyone.Not even Aunty Intan coz he said he didn't want to worry his mum :/ He actually went through a surgery!No wonder he didn't reply my text messages yesterday.Well,until he recovers,there won't be any basking or jamming sessions for RadioEdit.