Late night hotel balcony talks

 Everytime we are on holiday somewhere away from home, Shu and I like to let the kids mellow down in bed with the lights dimmed low. Usually, it's after an entire day of activities like swimming or playing by the beach. Sometimes, we'd have coffee. Sometimes, we'd just sit outside and talk in the dark. It used to be us smoking something but we don't do that anymore........

Last night's talk was long and pretty good. We'd be married for 12 years this June and every year, we try to always be on the same page and be as transparent as we can to one another. I am usually brutally honest with a lot of things but my problems are usually emotional and just me trying to understand other human beings. Shu deals with real problems and he used to think that in order to not let me freak out or over think, somethings are just better left unsaid.

That's gonna change. I need to fucking grow up. I can't spend all my money on coffee and toys -_- and other random nonsense that only makes sense to me...........

Well, it's not a money related problem that we talked about last night. I think we're ok with that.

I seem to be facing problems understanding people, in general. People that are related to me and just people who know me. Sometimes, I have people like my cousin who'd just text me about whatever. I am the type of person who would personally text someone if I needed to ask something or say something on a personal level. It's just better that way. I also like to express things that make me happy and share the experience however I can.

I am aware that we spend a lot of our time away from home in a year. Sometimes, we're away from home every week. Sometimes, every month. It's just a way for Shu and I cope with our mental stability. A different environment. A different ambience. A different atmosphere. We don't have "friends" to have an actual "social" life. I don't know about Shu but I usually find it difficult to connect or understand people in general. I find that I am more productive when I am on my own in the studio or just dancing with the kids or working out.

I love walking along beaches and wetting my toes in the scorching hot sun. I enjoy collecting random shells or whatever and sharing it with my kids.

Last night, I told Shu that I cannot understand the signs or signals that people are sending me. I don't know if they are unhappy with themselves or if they are unhappy with what I am doing with my life or how I choose to spend my time. Either ways, Shu told me a few things that made me think a little differently about how I am perceiving all these signs. One of it being the age gap. Older people have different ways of trying to confront me. Other people are just deflecting their shortcomings by picking on every little thing I do. 

I've said this before. I like spending my time and money and energy on doing things that make me happy and the things I do may not make other people happy and that is OK because we are not the same. They make decisions which I would not choose to make but I don't think of it as a problem because that's not my call. Some people cannot accept or tolerate this and thinks that I must do what they would do.

I have come to a point in my life whereby if you were to tell me something and that is what you truly believe in doing, I'd say "you do you!" And I am happy for them. No resentment. No hard feelings. The problem is not everyone is on the same page. I really can't help them.

Anywho, the other thing we talked about was my band, RadioEdit. We were living in a different time and we had different things to deal with in our lives. Ayie was married and had a kid. Kamal was working but lived on his own. Rashid and I were university students who were living with our parents and had curfews. I spent all this time thinking that I let they guys down (Ayie and Kamal) by walking away just like that. We never actually spoke about things. 

I, for one was very much aware on how much we were spending on jamming studios. Kamal and Ayie were talking to Shu but not to me. It was weird. Maybe because I was the only girl in the band? Maybe because I was to naive and stupid to understand real world problems. But I found out from Shu last night that Ayie was actually thinking of quitting anyway because he found an actual job with a stable income for the family. The rest of us never understood that because we weren't married with kids.

Now, Kamal is beginning to sound like Ayie back in the day. I just happen to have a supportive husband like Shu and my kids are old enough for me to do the things I want to do coz they have their things to do themselves.

We had awesome materials. We worked on them real hard. Now that Ayie is no longer with us, I am more than happy to actually do something with all of the stuff we've written together. I am in it to see just how much it's worth and I am splitting equal parts with Kamal, Rashid and Ayie's family. There are millions of bands out there but I am not doing it for the fame and glory. I am not seeking any approval from anyone. I just enjoy doing it and I want to savor it for as long as it lasts. We are not the same people we were back then but we had our music. That was our connection.  

Hole Celebrity Skin

It will always be a favourite album of mine <3

Also,it used to be my band's warm up song.

Rashid and I love the album still. One day,he picked up the guitar and we started sing Northern Star. My mum hates that song. She said it sounded like the singer was dying. Hahaha!

Later on,we started singing Malibu.

Awesomest awesomeness ever!!!!

minus-one?

Hahahahaha!

I've always thought I sound a wee bit like a mouse everytime I sing.......which is probably......true!

Hahahahahaha!!!!!

I have no idea how everyone else keeps up with me!

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Anywho.......we just got out from an awesome recording studio somewhere in Damansara Perdana.Excellent,EXCELLENT equipments!I mean,seriously......those mics!TOTAL AWESOMENESS!!!!

Ok....ok.......words........

We started recording at around 10pm-ish.Played the songs according to the playlist we discussed just before we started recording.Maya was the first song on the list coz it was our ballad.I never realized how distracting and tough it is to record with the headphones on when it captures EVERY sound in the room......including my bandmate's whispers!After a while,we decided to just record everything live WITHOUT the vocals.......

Tough!VERY tough!

I can never pay attention without singing so I sorta did but it wasn't into the microphone.

Then again,I messed up pretty much most of the lyrics tonight.That sucked.I forgot to sing the 2nd verse.Distracted.I kept looking for Shu!He went downstairs for a bit and didn't get back up and then I realized that the doors downstairs were really secured.Someone's gotta open it from the inside.That was what kept him.He went to get me some water <3>

AWW.........

Anywho,after I stopped messing up my parts from not singing,Kamal,Rashid and Ayie began messing up their parts as well.I was actually giving myself a pat on the back for not messing up my riffs and that was when it happened.We were ALMOST at the end of Wake Up and Kamal stops playing and said he totally messed up.Rashid was screaming out coz he said that was the best he's played all night.

*sigh*

We did the entire song 3 times......oh,4 times,I think!Hahahaha!Batak's computer had errors for one of the recordings so we had to do it all again.It all turned out pretty well in the end.The end product was awesome.Now,I gotta try recording my vocals to complete the songs ^_^

Subang Jaya,Tropicana,Kota Damansara,Uptown DU,TTDI

First and foremost,Shu's guppies have babies now!YEYNESS!!!!!

Well,we were supposed to go jamming at about 10pm-ish last night at Blues Bred.Since Kamal's car broke down,he needed help to get around so he called Shu.We went ahead to get him at his workplace in Tropicana.Then,we drove him back to his place toget his guitars and stuff and then we headed straight to the studio.

Rashid was already at the mamak there when we arrived.Ayie arrived shortly after we got there.Sat down for a bit and had some drinks and stuff.At about 10:30pm-ish,we headed up to the studio.Foundout that the band playing in the studio at the time wanted to play till 11pm so we did more waiting around.

Tried to get our guitars tuned while waiting.My E string machine head is a bit loose.That was pretty fucked up.But then again,I hardly touch the guitar (even for minor servicing!) when I don't need to use it since I don't even own an amp.SHEEEEESH!And I call meself a guitarist?!

So yeah,we finally managed to practise.For most of our songs,we don't need much practise.For Mental Vacation however,eversince Rashidinsky changed the tempo/beat every other time we played,we have a hard time playing the default way.It's even harder to play when I keep fucking up the damn words to the songs!I can't think when I sing or I'm just gonna screw up every word I say!

For example :Instead of saying "so this is how it feels.....to let it go......." I ALMOST said "so this is how it feels......to fall in love......" and I was gonna sing it like a show tune :/

Anywho,after jamming,Shu and I were supposed to meet up with my folks for a bit so we did.Headed over to a mamak in TTDI and had some more drinks with my folks and Azim.After that,we sent Kamal back to his place in Kota Damansara and we headed home.

I think we only slept at about 3 or 4am >.<

Long night.......very long night..........

so many things happened today that I have no idea where to begin!

Got up this morning for a photoshoot.RadioEdit's photoshoot but unfortunately something came up and the whole thing is postponed to after my wedding.Shu and I dropped Rashid back home and drove off to Shah Alam to meet up with our photographers.Had brunch and went back home.Ili (Illyn Virgobiru) came by just after we got home.Was talking to her for a long while in my room till it was time for me to get my ass downstairs for some Yasin reading session and tazkirah.I enjoyed myself ^_^ Ili's been snapping photos and stuff.She and her mum (Aunty Nani) had been really helpful.I was just tired coz after the whole thing was over,I managed to grab some food and get ready for mengaji coz my ustazah was already at my house.Yes,I was late.I helped Ili get all the hantaran gifts downstairs and headed upstairs to recite the Quran one last time before the even tomorrow morning.MORNING!After that I just hung around downstairs for a bit with my aunt and Ili and we talked and stuff.After maghrib Ili left coz her husband was already home and he asked her to get something to eat on her way back to Bangi.

I am tired.Way tired!I couldn't even recite al-fatihah properly!WTF?!

radiator problems

We (Shu and I) so freaked out when we were at the traffic light coz we heard a sound like someone's water broke!Well.......probably a car's water bag broke......which would most likely be the radiator.Of course,Shu's car did have some problems with the radiator earlier this year but he managed to seal it off.Well,the whole damn thing probably needs to go now.The car temperature gradually went up and eventually,we decided to let it cool off and hungout at the warung.Later on,Shu got a bottle of water and filled up the radiator tank but there was water dripping.....no,more like raining under the car....if that made any sense at all.Well,yeah.It was the radiator.We managed to get home but we're gonna have to get it fixed or replaced first thing tomorrow morning (which is anytime after this actually.....)

)*.*(

Hahahaha!!!!!

Anywho,our wedding invitations finally arrived.The ones for the reception.We were busy filling up what ever needed to be filled up and writing down names on them as well as the envelopes and carefully checking lists,making sure we didn't miss out anyone's names.We'll continue tomorrow.What ever deliveries we can do shall be done ASAP.

NOW I'm nervous.We have 5 weeks left and I have yet to make sure everything is in place.Well,the wedding planner called up my mum one morning just to tell her that he was so happy to know that I agreed to having inai on my fingers.Haha!I told you he's super enthusiastic!

I've been having muscle cramps from the badminton game yesterday.SHIT!I can hardly walk properly!

It's been crazy.The last 24 hours had been super intensed (for Shu) so he and I and my 2 brothers decided to hit the mall through the storm.Hahahaha!My brothers thought I was losing my mind which occasionally happens.We hung out for some drinks and food and headed for the game arcade.We sucked at every game we played but we kept on playing anyways.It's weird but Shu said that the Para Para Paradise 2nd Remix was not functioning properly.Hurmm........Of course,I insisted on trying out this whacked out Japanese game which involved throwing a bunch of balls to a huge screen.I like that game but the balls kept getting out of control and bounced everywhere.

I just had a yelling session at Snow Bear coz he was chewing off my Ugla!And he was acting weird between my bed and the wall.To prevent him from making a mess on my vanity table,I decided to kick him out immediately :/ Kecik is fat and so is Bedah.

Telang Usan Hotel,Kuching,Sarawak,Borneo

I cannot believe we actually spent the weekend in SARAWAK!To think that it started with Azim,Shu and I joking around on New Year's eve,we actually managed to go and it was awesome!I wish we stayed on a little longer coz seriously,despite the food being a wee bit expensive,I had a blast!

We arrived on the 8th.Got to the hotel at about 4pm-ish.It was too early to not do anything so Shu got us (Azim,Rashid and I) all together and we headed straight for town.We actually went to Waterfront since we didn't want to go too far away from the hotel.Also,we were on foot so we could only go as far as our feet (actually,Azim's) could take us.

*My brothers (especially Azim) aren't the adventurous type to go out and about and explore*

Finally,we decided to have dinner by the river.The view was awesome but the price was mad.Now we know!Scheißer!AND!..........We also did NOT know just how dangerous the place was.Well,apart from Shu's dad's warnings about people getting mugged around that area at knife point and stuff,I found out from my sister that the gangs there are the type who'd simply kill anyone if they wanted any girl.

*It's a good thing I was dressed like a Nyonya jual sayur most of the time ;)*

We did a little more walking after that and got back to the hotel at about 8:40pm-ish.It was kinda good that we were already back by then coz kit started pouring soon after we started lounging about in front of the TV.Yes,even though we got 2 rooms to ourselves,we spent most of the time having a slumber party in just one room.

Oh yeah,Cikgu Sansei called.He was asking about our plans and stuff the next day coz he wanted to come over and take us around.

*It's really3 good to see him again after ALL THESE YEARS!Shit!It must have been over 12 years since I last saw him!He was teaching in my primary school back then.Became really good friends with my dad.In fact,he used to join my dad go on bicycle rides every other afternoon.I'm not talking about the regular main road bike rides.They'd go up forest hills and stuff.Totally off-road stuff.So yeah,it was really great to see him again coz all the while,he'd only be on the phone with my dad.

Anywho,my former teacher met us at the hotel early on Saturday morning.We had some breakfast and then the whole lot of us got into his family car and he took us all the way to Serikin which was like an hour drive away.Serikin was at the borders of Kalimantan and on weekends,people from everywhere would go there to shop for cheap stuff.Mostly Indonesian made things.The atmosphere was crazy but fun.Loads of people selling loads of things.I enjoyed trying out food stuff like crackers which cannot be found in KL.I got hooked to this cracker which looks like one of those onion crackers with the stripes but instead of tasting savoury,it has this balanced sweet taste and it's in black and white instead of brownish.ME LURVES THEM LOTS!

Next,we went to Tasik Biru which is a lake where people used to dig up gold.My teacher said that there is still gold down in the lake but not much left.The place was beautiful!The view was breathtaking!I'm gonna have to upload a picture for this one to actually show how beautiful the place was.

*Yes,I'm an awesome self-proclaimed photographer.Yumi liked most the photos I took :p*

We drove to the little town of Bau to get to a Muslim restaurant called Siti Cafe & Catering for lunch.The food was good and there was this HUGE pregnant cat lying on one of the tables.It was so huge that it couldn't even get up.Hahahaha!KAWAII!

Then,we went to Joong's Crocodile farm.The people who ran the place must have been completely mad!There were shitloads of crocs crawling in several areas and the walls which were holding them back were not as high as I would imagine them to be (in order for us to feel safe) Well,let's just say that crocs have really3 strong tails so if they were to get into a fight or something,they could really break the brick walls.......or something........

Anywho,we walked around and waited by the sitting area to watch the crocs getting fed and stuff.As we were waiting,Shu,Cikgu Sansei and I were looking at the crocs slowly moving into the water submerging and swimming around and stuff.It was then that we realized that when crocs stay still in the water,they'd look like floating logs and the moment they submerge into the brownish river water,we'd never guess they're actually there.We thought about this after looking at the photos of Bujang Senang earlier and how that 19 feet long crocodile ate up a whole kid!

There were also some other creatures at the farm like otters and bear cats and barking deers.......

After a long walk around the park,we headed over to Satok where there's this weekend market happening.I lurve that place!You can buy anything (just like Serikin) but with more food stuff.Rashid wanted a tee so much so we were hopping from one stall to another trying to bargain for a good price.We had drink and ate a little at the food out front.Shu finally got to try the Laksa Sarawak.I was drinking shitloads of H2O coz I was beginning to dehydrate.

*Actually,just before Satok,we were actually back in Kuching but most of the museums we wanted to go to were closed so we made some quick stops at places nearby like the fish museum and the memorial park*

Satok was our last stop for the day.Cikgu Sansei drove us back to the hotel and by the time we got there it was 7pm-ish.That was ONE LONG DAY!We got up at 7:30am and we've been walking all day long.Still,that wasn't our last outing for the day.Shu wanted to have seafood and we did see this place at the top of a multi-storey parking lot called Top Spot.The food was awesome!We walked there coz it was within walking distance and then we were done eating at about 10pm-ish.The walk and the climb up the stairs got us really hungry.

I was totally knocked out not long after we got back to the hotel.Usually,I wouldn't be able to sleep at least after about 3 hours of the last meal but that night,I just couldn't keep my eyes opened anymore.

We were rushing the next morning trying to get to the museums which were closed the day before ON FOOT!Then,we also wanted to get on the little boats to get across to Fort Margherita and be back at the hotel in time to check out.We got to the airport super early coz I needed to confirm my brothers' flight since they were both on stand by.So yeah,my brothers were practically cursing for making them run up hill and up the stairs to the fort IN THE HOT noon!Hahaha!

When we were about to check out at the hotel front desk,Cikgu Sansei called to ask if we could hang around a little while coz he and his family were coming from Satok and he got my folks some stuff.We waited and he came and we finally got to meet his wife and kids.They must have been married for about 6 years already and only now we got to meet the family.They are really nice people and they wanted my folks to go over to the their place once their house is ready.

They have an awesome single storey house with 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms with land area on the side.My former teacher said that his house wouldn't be so far from the school he teaches at or the school his wife teaches at and it's not far from Kuching or the airport.

*Mind you,it took him 3 hours to get to our hotel from the place he's currently living at!*

I had a blast.Our flight home was funny too.In fact,the 4 of us had been making fun of quite a number of people in the plane but I'm just gonna save that for another entry ;)

I am super tired and in need of sleep...........

out and about

Had one of those late night lepak session at the mamak with my sister my 3 brothers.It was fun.Haven't done that in a long while.I was telling a story about a movie and after I was about 80% done,Rashid asked me if I had seen the movie.Aiyo!

We had a hard time laughing out loud in the car coz we were talking about horrible subtitles in English movies and surprisingly,Azim and Qarim came out with some of the worst I have ever heard.

Oh yeah!Qarim so came clean about his new girlfriend.Nevermind the fact that she looks like a goodie two shoes (in the picture on his cellphone),I was more worried if she was one of those freakos like that girl he liked before back in his school.Well,from what he's told us,the girl ain't that type of person.That's good.Coz I'd be worried if she can't lay back and hang with us.AND......she's a Scorpio.Haha!

My sister just realized that she's become this boring person from all the books she's been reading.Like right now,she's reading a book about the Russian cold war.WTF?!I have a strange feeling that all her years of debating has something to do with it.Oh well........

While Azim is busy shuffling with jumpstarts and stuff,Rashid just got himself a white shirt today coz he said his band is going for a mafia image and he's gotta wear a white shirt with suspenders!I actually picked up this nice one for him but he insisted on getting a black one :/

Yes,we all agree that Snow Bear is somewhat human :p

waking up to nothingness

It feels gooooooooooood!

I've been waking up superlate.On Thursday,Shu and I got up and thought we ought to do something which we did but I just can't remember what it was we did.........oh yeah,my appointment with the dentist!Then,on Friday,Rashid,Shu and I drove Qarim back to his campus in Perak.We left home at about 5pm-ish and got home at about 9pm-ish.......or was it,10pm :/

Yesterday,Shu took me out for a movie treat.We watched The Fourth Kind.It was pretty freaky but it was a cool movie.We were walking around,in and out of shops.Last night,Shu took Azim and I to Uptown Kota Damansara.All of us got ourselves a t-shirt each.I wanted that Japanese band Loudness tee for the longest time and I finally got it!Shu's tee was a skull faced Statue of Liberty.Azim got a tee called The Killers with Adolf Hitler on the drums and Bush on the guitar.I don't think my sister would like that very much :/

Shu woke me up early yesterday morning to give Kecik a wash.We managed to scrub him which didn't make him very happy but not long before the day was over,he was all dirty again.Nowadays,we'd find Ghost chasing Kecik all around the house.It's so funny coz he's really tiny and Kecik is really big and he'd be jumping onto Kecik's head and all.It's pretty entertaining.

Bedah and Fei Mao has immunity in the house so those little kiddies can't hurt them ^_^

karaoke-ing with Shu and Azim

Hahaha!While Qarim and Rashid and my mum were out for a movie which Azim is underage for,Shu and I were assigned to take him out to the game arcade but since we told Azim about our karaoke craze every now and again,he's been wanting to go but has no clue how to get about doing it so today,Shu and I took him and we sang 8 songs!He had fun and I am glad we took him out coz I know that we haven't been spending time with Azim much these days.

BTW,his friend-Hamizan- fell into the drain along the front of my house.He said he was trying to avoid a car as he was walking to the mosque for Friday prayers but he missed a step and fell right in.Luckily,he did not break anything.His legs were just covered with scars and probably some minor bruising.I was so afraid if he'd bump his head or something.So,my dad jumped into the car with Shu and got him and then mum took him to the clinic nearby.

In the meantime,Shu and I are really3 doing our best at getting Kecik to STAY OUT OF TROUBLE!He has made it into Rashid's black list since he peed on the dude's guitar bag earlier today.Rashid calls him BODOH everytime he sees Kecik around the house.My contingency plan is to keep all room doors closed upstairs so that he won't be able to get in and pee where ever.

*sigh*

infected

After yesterday's incident,I felt so much better this morning.RadioEdit had a brief meeting this morning over breakfast then we headed off to the lrt station.Shu,Rashid and I were in Shu's car and Ayie and Kamal were in Kamal's car.Our plan was to have our photoshoot on the streets in Central Market in KL.We all got onto the train from Taman Bahagia,looking like some rombongan.

Got off at Central Market and we had a few shots at the station itself.Later on,we headed downstairs and wondered around before heading into the market area.It was funny coz everyone weren't really on the same page.We headed into the market.Everyone just scattered around for a bit.Shu had to get a tape for his camcorder.Ayie went to put his bag at the locker.Rashid and Kamal just went around looking at stalls.

Then,not long after lunch,I started feeling sick.I went to the washroom again and again.I kept throwing up.I was so sick.Shu and I decided to take a cab and headed to the hospital.At first,we planned to go to DSH but later on,I decided to go to UH instead.

I got out of the cab walking like a zombie heading into the emergency entrance.Got onto a wheelchair.I felt like crap.I was given a plastic bag which I later threw up in.Well,that happened when I was already on the bed.My aim was off.Eeeeuw!I felt like crap.I looked like crap.The doctor took some blood and put me on drips and I slept.

When I woke up,I was moved somewhere else.Shu was beside me the whole time.He was anxious to know the results for the blood test and the urine test.He's been so worried about me.I was annoyed of being sick.This time around,I was there at the emergency room in UH for a better reason AND I wasn't admitted.

After waiting several hours,my test results finally came back.Everything was negative EXCEPT the urine test.It turns out that I had a urinal infection.That sucked.That caused me to throw up and stuff.Totally not a good experience.My folks didn't really know what happened to me until almost 6pm when my mum called.Rashid didn't really know what happened.He and Kamal were at the ice cream parlor having ice creams when Shu and I took off.The only thing Kamal knew was that Shu was taking me to the hospital.

I'm glad to have not been admitted to the hospital.I'm glad it wasn't anything serious.I am so thankful to have Shu with me the whole time.The hospital isn't the best place to hang out but he waited till I got discharged.Now,I have a whole bunch of medication to sort out from 2 different hospitals and the family clinic.

Could this be Kecik's wish to get back at me for making him take all those awful medicines?

longing for peace

Ever gotten up on the wrong side of the world and you don't really feel like yourself?That happened to me today.I wanted to do everything and nothing at the same time.That sucked coz I couldn't be myself anywhere.All of that ended after jamming tonight.Thank God for music!

Actually,music didn't really change anything.It just let me vent out all my energy so that I have nothing to waste my miseries on.

The thing about being the vocalist (especially during jamming sessions) is having to endure the smell of the microphones at the studio.It smells bad.Really really REALLY bad.Also,having to put up with lyrics and voice control along while making sure I'm playing the right chords with or without distortions.

I totally forgot a pre-chorus to a song we're so used to covering tonight.That was weird.Didn't get the chords mixed up so much though.That's good coz usually there tend to be a few times when I'm really REALLY messing up a song by playing the wrong chords and stuff.We tried playing Deep Purple's Highway Star and Kamal said we might cover that song.

The studio we jammed at tonight had some twinkle thingy at the drum set.Rashid kept including that sound in our songs and it ruined some of the feel to the songs we played.Towards the end of the jamming session,Shu tried making use of the keyboard and I freaked out coz I heard some strange sounds and I kept thinking that I was causing it.

It was fun but a little tiring coz the studio was in Subang.On our drive back,there was a traffic jam on that road at Kelana Jaya.A Rexton was seen lying on its back across the left lane.I have no idea WTF happened but it must have been driving at high speed or something coz the LDP is a straight road.So irritatingly straight that I cannot comprehend why a traffic jam can occur ever so often on that road.

Anywho,eversince Shu and I went bowling last week,we've been trying to get my brothers together for a game of bowling or something.Maybe we'll do that next weekend.We asked Kamal if he'd like to come along.He said he might.He said he's not good with sports involving the upper part of the body like pool or table soccer.Bowling included.He also said he'd like to try out rugby.Shu and I are very delighted to teach him.We're always short of people to play rugby with.