Delicate

This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink

Dive bar on the East Side, where you at?
Phone lights up my nightstand in the black
Come here, you can meet me in the back
Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you
Oh damn, never seen that color blue
Just think of the fun things we could do
'Cause I like you

This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
Yeah, I want you
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink

Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Delicate

Third floor on the West Side, me and you
Handsome, your mansion with a view
Do the girls back home touch you like I do?
Long night, with your hands up in my hair
Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs
Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share
'Cause I like you

This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
Yeah, I want you
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink

Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Delicate

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep
Are you ever dreaming of me?
Sometimes when I look into your eyes
I pretend you're mine, all the damn time
'Cause I like you

Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Yeah, I want you
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
'Cause I like you
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Yeah, I want you
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Delicate

Hrafnsmál by Einar Selvik

I first visited this state as an outsider and a visitor

Before Shu and I were married,he took me back to Terengganu during one of my semester breaks. I bought a one way flight ticket and packed a whole suitcase of clothes. This must have been about 11 or 12 years ago. I remember it was monsoon season. It was so beautiful. It was just rain. Non-stop. I loved it so much.

Then,after we married, Shu and I headed off to Redang Island for the first time. I didn't want to leave. If you have ever seen photos or paintings of a paradise island getaway where the sky is blue and the sea is blue and the sandy beaches are so white,this place was exactly that. That was when I realized that I am a beach person.

After that, we have been visiting the island every year..........well, except for 2017 coz I gave birth to Safiyya and I almost died and it took me so long to recover. Our kids are molded and made into beach people. All of their initiation were made at the beach on this island.

This year, we drove back for Aidil Adha. We usually don't. The traffic is usually bad and we'd be on the road for hours. It truly was just that. It took us 9 hours to get back to Shu's parents' house. Usually, we'd spend about 3 hours on the road depending on how fast we're going. It was insane but worth it.

The kids were asleep in their carseats in the back. I stayed up keeping Shu company. I could have been pulled over and tested for drugs looking at the way I was partying in the car past midnight to 3am to 5am. Yeah,it took us an hour to get from the toll booth to Shu's parents' house. The drivers in the other cars were tired and sleepy as hell so I put on some awesome music and danced in the passenger seat since our car window isn't tinted. Some people were entertained.

The kids and I had a blast. It was tiring but worth it. We helped Shu's dad fix his car. We also helped Shu's parents with the qurban meat. I spent hours cutting fresh meat. I really love knives and meat cutting...........ok,that wasn't meant to make me sound like a psychopath.

The kids enjoyed motorbike rides with their grandpa. They played with their cousins. We had a blast. I know, I already said that.

I hope we'll do this again coz I love being in Terengganu.

Yesterday, Shu surprised me with this

 He said it's a belated anniversary gift ❤️

AURORA Greenpeace Action All Areas

epiphany

Keep your helmet
Keep your life, son
Just a flesh wound
Here's your rifle

Crawling up the beaches now
Sir, I think he's bleedin' out
And some things you just can't speak about

With you, I serve
With you, I fall down
Down
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out
Out

Something med school
Did not cover
Someone's daughter
Someone's mother

Holds your hand through plastic now
Doc, I think she's crashin' out
And some things you just can't speak about

Only twenty minutes to sleep
But you dream of some epiphany
Just one single glimpse of relief
To make some sense of what you've seen

With you, I serve
With you, I fall down
Down (Down)
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out
Out

With you, I serve
With you, I fall down (Down)
Down (Down)
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out (Out)
Out

Only twenty minutes to sleep
But you dream of some epiphany
Just one single glimpse of relief
To make some sense of what you've seen

Have you ever felt.....

Like you've been invisible for the longest time and then...... Suddenly, you are seen for the first time and you don't know what to do or what to say......

I'm usually just a background...... And I am never good enough..... No matter what I do......

Was at my parents house last night

My mum told us that my dad is currently unemployed. The company had to make a mutual separation agreement with him and a few of the flight instructors coz there won't be any new students for the time being until shit gets sorted out globally thanks to this pandemic. My dad wanted to tell us but he didn't know how so my mum told us.

Anywho, Rashid is trying to sell off his Epiphone Les Paul. I haven't got much details of it but he's selling it off with the hard case. It's a beauty but an idiot like me is not worthy of such thing.

Everytime I am away from home after a long period of time

I always feel the need to unload and unpack especially emotional and mental baggage. It's strange because sometimes it takes me a long time to actually find stability especially when I don't have enough time to unwind and routine picks up almost immediately.

I sometimes find myself going through a mental block. Sometimes, it is so taxing that it breaks me down and makes me cry. I would sit in quietness and stillness and try to find what or who my focus is on in that moment. It gets a lot at times.

However, I discovered that when I returned, Taylor Swift released a new album. As I was listening to the tracks, I found a certain relief in myself. It was as though some of her songs were the damper I needed to slow things down for me instead of crashing down and break.

My brother shared this song and it hit me really close to home

You're alone
You're on your own
So what, have you gone blind
Have you forgotten what you have and what is yours?
Glass half empty, glass half full

Well either way you won't be going thirsty
Count your blessings not your flaws.
You've got it all

You lost your mind in the sound
There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown
You're in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be King again.
You don't get what all this is about
You're too wrapped up in your self-doubt

You've got that young blood, set it free.
You've got it all
You lost your mind in the sound

There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown
You're in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be King.
There's method in my madness
There's no logic in your sadness
You don't gain a single thing from misery

Take it from me.
You've got it all
You lost your mind in the sound
There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown

You're in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be King.
You've got it all
You lost your mind in the sound
There's so much more, you can reclaim your crown
You're in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be King again.

Is it just me

or do people like owning a lot of cars and not have enough parking spaces to park their cars at their homes which results to them parking their cars in public spaces which can sometimes be a nuisance?

Most houses come with a standard 2-car parking space. And most condos have visitor parking spaces.......for visitors........I find it strange that this becomes a common problem and still it cannot be addressed accordingly. Home owners would not only park their cars at their assigned parking spaces but they would also park their extra cars at visitor carparks............

Typically,people would rather not pay for parking and park illegally along the roadside as opposed to just paying the damn parking and not be a nuisance at shopping malls. I find it very strange because,if parking is expensive..........get an Uber......or Grab.......or whatever. You'd rather take the risk of losing your car by parking at an uninsured,questionable space and possibly become a nuisance to others rather than paying for a secured parking space.

Jumped from Coheed and Cambria to this

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Conquer a ladder then slip on a snake

I really think that loiterers and window shoppers suck. They take up space and head counts and when people who actually need to get something from the store (s), we'd have to wait and wait only to have someone come out empty handed coz they just wanted to take a look around. WTF?!

I know that quarantine isn't an everyone thing but still,this pandemic isn't over. I hate talking about this coz I know that our lifestyles and life choices are different from one another but there are things just down right pisses me off. 

There are reasons why I chose NOT to go to certain malls even before this chaos started. It's crowded and full of people unnecessarily just coz they want to hangout and look around as opposed to actually buying something. I plan my shopping trips just coz I hate crowds and depending on how much I really want something,I usually am able to hold off or try to get stuff online.

Speaking of online shopping, I am annoyed by how long we have been waiting for our packages to arrive. It's been months and they are local postage. WTF?! 

Wow! This turned out to be a rant!

My mind is elsewhere but I cannot bring myself to focus on that now..........I am currently going on a mixed emotional roller coaster and it is driving me crazy. Some part of me wants to stay in bed and never get up but the rest of me needs to get stuff done around the house and my mind seems to have a lot of things to say and nothing to say at the same time.

Lights' Second Go has been playing on repeat and I cannot understand why.............

This guy is giving me life!

I am still in love with this song ❤️

For a while I thought I fell asleep
Lying motionless inside a dream
Then rising suddenly I felt a chilly breath upon me
She softly whispered in my ear

Forsaken, I have come for you tonight
Awaken, look in my eyes
And take my hand
Give yourself up to me

I waited painfully for not to fall again
Trying to silence the fear within me
Out of the night and mist I felt a stinging kiss
And saw a crimson sting on her lips

I have to know your name
Where have I seen
Your face before?
My dear, why don't you be afraid?

Forsaken, I have come for you tonight
Awaken, look in my eyes
And take my hand
Give yourself up to me

Take me far away
Close your eyes
And hold your breath
'Til the ends of the earth

Forsaken, I have come for you tonight
Awaken, look in my eyes and take my hand

Forsaken, fly away with me tonight
Awaken, renew my life
Now you are mine
Give yourself up to me

FidZy against The World : Episode 1

Here's a little background about me and what I used to do. I used to teach diploma students English (in preparation for MUET). I know,VERY NERDY of me. I have nothing against the students. I have major issues with the system.

For many years now since I quit my job (including lecturing), my mum had been trying to get me back to teaching English. She'd send me job openings about universities wanting English teachers. She'd also push me to doing my masters so that I can teach Bachelors Degree programs.

To be honest,I have been holding back on doing my masters coz I am just having way too much fun doing things I like. I have the materials for my research already. Not sure if they are still relevant but if I could just sit and take the time to write a damn thesis,I'd have my masters degree in no time. Ok, I am just not in the mood for it now.

But back to the job opening, I have a problem getting into a system whereby you as a teacher has the mindset of kids with bad English come from certain areas. English is NOT their first language. It's not most of our first language. In case they haven't realized, kids grow up in households speaking languages like Malay, Hokkien,Cantonese,Mandarin,Tamil,Urdhu and so on........

What I'm getting at is that back in uni,we had to do Arabic as a graduating requirement. Our lecturers were well aware that most of us do NOT speak Arabic at home. They don't come into class with a certain mindset that discriminates non-Arabic speaking students from those who are already fluent Arabic speakers. In fact,the Arabic speaking kids are more than open to help us learn Arabic and pass our papers. If we lack the basics,they'd tell us to do the right thing by quitting that class that semester to not ruin our scores and help us work on the basics before attempting a class.

Similarly, you cannot set an expectation towards students especially if they are not even speaking English as a first language. Some of us grew up speaking English and we had a whole lot of practice and exposure to the language. You can't expect these kids to pass an exam within a short period of time and then penalize them and label them as though they are bad students. It's a language class. You as the educator need to get with the damn program!

HELP THEM!

I was thrown into teaching a class with absolutely zero teaching training and capabilities. I had a syllabus guide and some materials to work with. Out of my own effort, I gauged the kids by having them write out an open topic essay just to see what exactly I was dealing with. All I can say is that these kids needed help and more time to get their basics straight before attempting the test.

Here's what I intend to do. I'm gonna teach basic English for pre-university students as well as anyone who needs help getting the basics of English FOR FREE. I also have experience in teaching English to working people while I was working with them. I'd totally teach FOR FREE.

Redang Island snorkeling trip

Yusuf is big enough to go snorkeling in the deep sea but Ali Imran and Safiyya are still too little to snorkel so that meant that following the activity schedule by the hotel would be a hassle.

Shu decided to charter a boat that would take just the 5 of us. This also meant that we could leave at anytime we wanted and not wait for anyone else.

Safiyya enjoyed the speedboat trip. Ali Imran enjoyed feeding the fish. Yusuf had a blast snorkeling. We even got to swim with the turtles. I touched them and they were so friendly.

I miss these songs from her

We spent an entire week in Laguna Redang Island Resort

I am emotionally drained. I cannot explain this. Not yet.

However, since our 10th year wedding anniversary was in June and that traveling was still up in the air after the MCO, Shu decided to push our anniversary vacation to July.

Here's how it all began. A week before the trip, I was on this pill coz....... Well, I can't explain exactly what it's for. But it basically messed up my entire hormonal system.

Anywho, that led to a point in my mind that I was not in good shape. Physically. Eventually, it pushed me to over work my workout routine and limit what I was eating.....which was already minimal at the time anyways.

That led me to a horrible eating disorder. On Sunday, we were on our way to the East coast to stay over at a hotel on the mainland before catching a ferry to the island the next morning.

Something went wrong and I spent the entire evening throwing up. The next day, I forced some food into my system just so that I could get my shit together and not throw up on the boat.

We eventually made it to the jetty and boarded the boat. The whole SOP thingy is still a bit weird and confusing for me. We wore our masks. I am The queen of overpacking and decided to bring 2 guitars coz I didn't like busking alone.

Along the lines of overpacking, I also managed to make some horrible decisions in not packing enough t shirts to go with shorts I brought. The dresses I decided to bring needed specific inner wear which I also did not check or bring. This terrible packing was done by me over the course of 3 days before the trip.

I know...... I'm an idiot!

We got to the island and discovered that due to the whole social Distancing thingy, we had no way of getting a ride to the reception lobby so we went on foot. The weather was a bit cloudy that day.

At this point, we realized that we are familiar to the hotel staff already coz we were just here in March.

We got to our room and changed and had lunch and then headed to the beach. We managed to get some sun over the next couple of days. OK, we got a whole lot of sun. I totally dig it. I was looking so pale that all my bruises and cuts from all of my clumsiness were showing.

Speaking of clumsy, I successfully managed to bump my shin on the bottom part of the door while exiting the boat. Way to go, FidZy! This bump stayed on for a few days and everytime I tried to get lotion onto my legs, it would hurt.

Alongside that, I also got some serious bug bites which caused some swelling and bruising. I kept telling myself not to scratch or it would bleed. Yey!

Our room was facing out to the sea which was nice. Busking out on the balcony was awesome. For a while I thought I was having some tuning and pitching issues. I am so used to the resonance from jamming in our studio space back at home that playing outside threw me off the course. We persevered anyways.

We had a great time but for some reason I could tell that the staff were undergoing some stress issues. I think it's cause by the whole SOP. Either ways, I think they were great. They could use a hug too.

Daydreamer AURORA

White, silicon eyes, watching storms, sitting quiet
Reading books in the heat of city lights
Bored, everyone's bored
When I'm restless, put me under the night life stars
And I will feel grounded

I know I'm just a girl
But can I change lives?
If I am nothing, if I am trying, I think I can
I step on broken glass, and dream of soft clouds
When feelings are heavy they become all we are

And we become night time dreamers
And street walkers, small talkers
When we should be daydreamers
And moonwalkers and dream talkers
And we become night time dreamers
Street walkers, small talkers
When we should be daydreamers
And moonwalkers and dream talkers
In real life

The quiet lust belongs to all of us
And drives us closer into the madness
Of the world, of a girl
(And it suits me just fine)
'Cause everyone dies, and nobody loves
And somebody dies right now
I hear the quiet, sweet music that no one sings

And we become night time dreamers
Street walkers and small talkers
When we should be daydreamers
And moonwalkers and dream talkers
And we become night time dreamers
Street walkers, small talkers
When we should be daydreamers
And moonwalkers and dream talkers
In real life

All I ever know is what I dream about when I'm sober
Never turn away from love
Before the love, you have me sober
All I ever know is what I dream about when I'm sober
Never turn away from love
Before the love, you have me sober
Nothing can die while we are here
Nothing can die while we are here
Nothing can die while we are here
Nothing can die while we are here

Then we become night time dreamers
Street walkers and small talkers
When we should be daydreamers
And moonwalkers and dream talkers
And we become night time dreamers
Street walkers, small talkers

When we should be daydreamers
(Nothing can die while we are here)
When we should be daydreamers
(Nothing can die while, nothing can die)