It's only the second day of October but I am pretty sure I've clocked about 8km in total

 

Yeah..... I joined another 5km virtual run. Only because Safiyya wanted a medal too and this cat medal is kinda cute. So, I decided to let her join in adding the kilometers to the run. She really liked my Pyramids of Giza 75km medal but she missed that boat.

I'm planning on joining another 42km run with Shu for my next Conqueror challenge. Gonna get Halloween out of the way first.

Oh yeah, we got our Ganbatte Malaysia virtual run medals and t-shirts the other day!

I'm usually not a big fan of the color blue but I kinda like how this tee is on me 😁

Took the kids to the Zoo yesterday afternoon. They had a blast. It was humid but there weren't many people coz it was a week day. 

Today, we decided to get up early and headed over to Old Town in Cyberjaya for breakfast. After that, we went to the park for a walk around the lake.

It was good. We walked a little over a kilometer. And we went to the other side of the lake on the never ending bridge over the swampy lake 😊

Suffocate me so my tears can be rain

I will water the ground where I stand

So the flowers can grow back again

Safiyya wanted to go to the playground in Cyberjaya and she wanted the ice-cream from the ice-cream man there so we stayed over at Le Meridien Putrajaya for 2 nights just so that we can be closer to the park. I also wanted to take the kids to Smiggle to get backpacks. 

This is our second time at this hotel in just a matter of a week. The kids love the hotel coz we took a connecting room. Shu and I need our privacy. Also both rooms have bathrooms with bathtubs. Coincidentally, I got some bath bombs from Lush so they coz to fizz away in glitter.

This time around, I brought my workout gear coz I don't like to skip my routines. The best part was when I decided to join the kids swimming at the pool downstairs. I managed to do laps. Later on, we came back to the room for lunch and then Yusuf had classes till about 4pm. I did a 20-minute workout routine. After that, we headed off to the park.

It's always nice to be back in Cyberjaya once in a while. Yusuf grew up there. Shu and I bought our first house there. Now, Safiyya loves the park. It was a good quick getaway. On the day we checked out, we decided to have lunch at El Cantina in Taman Melawati coz it's been a while since we've been there. Also, we managed to teach the kids a game of pool. It was fun.

Today, Shu and I decided to move some furnitures around the house and did some major cleaning. Also, today is my cardio workout day. I am tired!

Hope

It's all I have
For the people I know
For the people I don't

For the people I may know

For the people whom have crossed my path 

I hope things get better

I hope you are well 

I hope you are recovering

I hope you are keeping safe 

Shits getting weirder as the days go by. We're like stuck in a purgatory just waiting. I don't know what we're waiting for. Our boundaries are broader now but not really. Planning is still difficult. We've basically scraped off all of our holiday plans till end of the year.

OK, maybe not. There's Halloween. I am still hoping that we'll be able to do something elsewhere, other than home. I've been working on something but I doubt if I'll ever get it done by October.

Oh yeah! My books arrived!

I've been stuck in another realm from time to time. I've also been doing a lot of art. Just random stuff here and there. PVA glue, papers, boxes,paint.

I have also developed a form of fixation on clouds. Usually, I'm attracted to plants but since we're mostly driving around, it's clouds. I'm loving the rain.

Recently, I have come to a realization that I miss painting........... 

Took the kids to the park today

 In Cyberjaya. We haven't been there in a while and the kids love the park. It's a huge park with a lake and a tiny island you can walk to over a bridge. The playground is big. It was a hot, sunny day. We had a lot of fun.

Of course, the ice cream man was there so we had ice cream and did some cycling and running and working out. Played bubbles. It was so much fun.

Then, we decided to have early dinner over at Padi House. Yusuf grew up in Cyberjaya and we used to eat there all the time. The kids loved the pond with planks you can cross over to Oldtown kopitiam on the other side. Safiyya and Ali Imran were excited to see the fish and tortoises swimming around.

It started to rain as we were dining. I miss the smell of the rain. I miss the sound of the leaves being blown away by the wind. I miss looking at flowers in bloom. I miss being in the sun. The best part of today is that I got to experience all that. I want to do this again 😊

what feels wrong but shouldn't?

 Being happy.......when everyone seems stressed or unhappy.........

It's weird coz what ever I am experiencing is not the same with or for everyone else but I sometimes let it affect me and I shouldn't coz we all have different levels of problems and maybe there are times when I am down or unhappy but other people are happy and that's ok.

Anyways.....the struggle is always there........

Finally took the kids out yesterday. They were so happy we were shopping together after so long. We also had lunch together outside. My tummy isn't having it coz it's been hurting today. I haven't been eating non-homecooked food for so long that my tummy can't take it. Maybe I shouldn't eat store bought stuff. I can't help it. We're always on the move and for the longest time, we've been at home and we decided to just cook our own food and it was the best thing ever.

I am trying to still keep my routines in check so that my body won't get into a shock or just.....ya know, fall into a form of laziness which I cannot cope with especially when it shows physically.

We visited Shu's parents today and the kids had a blast coz they really get carried away when playing with Shu's dad. They were running and screaming and laughing. It was fun.

Taking a break from home

 The kids thought we were going to the beach or the island. We can't. We'll, actually we can but I don't want to. Not yet. People are going to crowding and I am still practicing social distancing. I always had been. When the excitement dies down and everyone is at work and school, we'll go.........

I was having a conversation with Eeno about how a certain family member (or rather, a couple of members) are refusing to get vaccinations. I totally get it if you are afraid or not ready but I am against the idea of you not only mocking the act of getting vaccinated but deliberately defying the law by going around freely as though you are not putting other people at risk.

Eeno is upset that my parents are not putting a say in this. I am too. A little but not to the point of going against my parents. I set my limitations to how they set the rules for their house and I set the rules for mine. I've made it clear about me taking the kids over and stuff. I'm doing my part and I'm trying to protect my kids.

There's a lot more going on especially with Eeno but I told him to try to move out ASAP and get married and you'll deal less with issues pertaining to these sort of things. 

I've lost a lot of people from this pandemic. Some people I know, other I don't. I also happen to have a brother-in-law who is married to a doctor. She is putting herself at risk every single day. I've seen a picture of her going to work on her birthday in full PPE. She has a baby daughter less than a year old waiting for her at home every single day. Don't these people see the sacrifices other people are doing for the sake of the masses?

Fucking irresponsible! 

Mass in motion

 It bugs me to see and know that there are quite a number of drivers out there who has no clue as to why it's dangerous to overtake a 16-wheeler trailer or massive lorries at a very close range ESPECIALLY when they are moving downhill. How are you unaware of the catastrophic outcome that might bring?

Anywho, I am a professional overthinker...... Especially, before bed. I was asking Shu about the physics and mathematical equation of momentum. After that, I was asking about the difference between ammonium and sodium because......... I was trying to understand shampoos better.

That lead to another discussion pertaining to chemistry about something unstable can easily react as opposed to something that is stable. For example, oxygen, carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide. Of course, this lead to a discussion of the nuclear and the atomic bombs.

Containing something so unstable and then introducing a catalyst to create a reaction that eventually can longer be contained.

Welp, last night's discussion was fun. A few nights ago we were talking about feminists and all of the other nonsense concerning human psychology. Alpha and beta males and all the nonsense modern fictions are obsessed with. That was actually based on a photographer's obsession with wolves. Then he corrected it about what the leader of the pack actually does contrary to popular belief.

I believe that men can take better care of their offsprings alone compared to women. This triggers a lot of women. I'm not saying all women are not able to do it. I've seen some awesome women do it.

It's a simple statement like "when we (wives) die, our husband can marry another" Growing up, this triggered a lot of married women in my life. Logically, you are dead. Whether or not you approve the marriage is beyond your capability. I don't understand why you'd be concerned about the life you've left behind anymore at that point.......

Anyways, the discussion about human psychology was far longer and so much less interesting because we live in a clown world 🤡

Waiting for books from Book Depository is like......

..... Waiting....... And waiting........ And more waiting....... And they don't give you a tracking number. They just give you an estimate of arrival date. You calculate the days yourself. And if you think that you should have already gotten the books but you haven't, you can email them a query and they'll just give you an estimate date 😑 The keyword is "patience"

I wanted to read those books and it's been a month..... The reason I am in this particular position is because I couldn't find those books anywhere else online and we were in one of those lockdown modes at the time.

I'm also waiting for something from the States and it's from FedEx. They have a tracking number but the site is only updated once a week and even then, I sometimes get a tracking number for someone else's package...... And I clicked on the active link with the tracking number of my package.........

*sigh*

I seriously am holding on to the saying "good things come to those who wait" 😂

I am one of those people who truly believe in the wisdom behind things that happen.

We made plans to go back to Terengganu coz Shu and I are in need of a different place to think. Yeah, they just announced that they are opening up the islands and stuff. To be honest, I don't think we'd be going to the islands coz it's gonna be packed and even though Shu and I have completed our vaccination, I'm not gonna risk the kids.

What's funny was that the fact that the police told us that they weren't going to allow us to cross state borders still and blah blah blah..... We discovered that the burst pipe issue is still being fixed. The house is covered in pigeons and their nests and poop and....... God Damn It! I was at war with Pigeons back in our old house in Cyberjaya for the longest time.

It would have been a major problem for us anyways coz the water pressure for the pipes at the house was not gonna work properly.

So yes, we are still here....... Waiting.......

BTW, I've been having issues with some really irresponsible mofos but I won't get into that now...... 😑

I wish to know

 The fatal flaw that makes you long to be

Magnificently cursed

I get a lot of assumptions about my body weight and physical size...... I'm not always thin and I'm not super healthy. I'm just running on a feelgood mode. I sometimes forget to feed myself and I sometimes crave random things.

I'm also not a fitness trainer. I just know myself and my capacity. It's taken me quite some time to get here mentally and physically but I find that I'm happy with what I'm doing. I am aware that I tend to go overboard from time to time so I'd take a step back and readjust and I'm back on track.

I was at the store the other day trying to get a pair of pants. Leggings. Jeans. One of those..... And I usually wear an M but I felt like I I've lost quite a bit of weight so I decided to get another pair in S. 

Since it's a pandemic, the fitting rooms are not opened for use. Funny how the sales guy said that he's got a measuring tape in case I wasn't sure. I got both pairs anyways. Shu said the smaller one fit me nicer 😊

Shu is the smartest person I know and everytime we chat, I'd always learn something new about anything. Historical facts mostly. It's interesting. I'm more of a culture and language person.

Anywho, during lunch today, Yusuf asked me why I speak English a lot. My reply was

 انا لا اتكلم العربية

😁

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

 Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

Is it just me or the people who is against vaccination just strange? It's understandable if you are charged for each vaccine or if that you have concerning medical conditions that work against the survival of your health and life but....... Just declining it? It offends them if I used the "A" word (anti-vaxxers) and they insist on not anti but delaying. 

Why? I don't know. They say it's coz they have no need to travel. OK. Whatever, man. I mean, you got kids and you don't care I guess.

I woke up this morning and started crying to Shu coz I had a bad dream about losing Safiyya. I think I was overthinking about yesterday when she ran off behind the car as we were loading the car and I was starting the engine. It's my fault for not getting my priorities straight. I always make sure the kids are seated in the car before doing anything else.

Anywho, we were driving around and the plan was to get lunch. Shu wanted the kids to have a dine-in experience since it's been so long since they actually went anywhere than just being in the car. He called up our usual spot and they said the other hotel was opened. As long as we have completed our 2-doses of vaccines and have passed the 14-days quarantine post vaccination, we are allowed to dine-in.

It was strange for the kids coz they are still not used to being out and about but at the same time wanted to go to the mall. It's still off limits to kids btw......Malls.......Just dining in is allowed.

I think it's good to know that shops are taking precautions in making sure that we are vaccinated and check our digital certs at the same time before letting us in.

Our last holiday was in January and every other holiday or trips we've booked or planned after that had to be canceled. It's kind of a bummer but we also wanna protect the kids. I'm OK with staying in and watching the world from a distance. I just need some sunlight from time to time. 

Happy Birthday Shu!

 

We will always be 16.............

I Love You! 💟

There was something gloomy about how the day started...........

 I was up early because I had an appointment for a haircut at 10am this morning. As usual, I never want to be late. The kids were up early. Had breakfast. I was asleep last night till about 6:15am this morning when my alarm went off. I realized it was raining,still........since yesterday afternoon. It's been cold. I didn't check my phone till about 9am-ish coz I never know where my phone is at these days.

I was supposed to double check with the hair salon about the text messages we exchanged the day before just to be sure but instead, I saw a message from my sister. She asked for Lin's phone number. Her dad passed away the night before. My mind just went into a slight shock. I needed to get some breakfast and get ready but at the same time I wanted to call my cousin to know if she's ok.

The week had been very.........strange but not sad entirely. Well, I discovered that a friend of mine who lives in JB was tested positive for Covid. She and her in-laws. So they were quarantined themselves in a separate house away from her husband and kids who tested negative. I prayed so hard for her and her in-laws to recover because I can't bear to know her kids had to be separated from her for so long. I think that night, I received a text message from Ali Imran's school principal about their security guard who died from Covid,leaving behind his wife and kids. That was devastating news.

The next few days went by and my friend told me she was soon returning home to her kids. That's about the same time I discovered that my other friend who lives in KL/Selangor region had her kids and husband tested positive for Covid. I texted her to see what was happening. She said they were just staying in and quarantining themselves at home. Together. Around that same time, my cousin mentioned something about her parents being in the hospital.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't a Covid thingy at first. They had some difficulty breathing. Then, she said her mom recovered and was sent home. Her dad was left behind. Battling alone. He did contracted the virus but he wasn't able to breathe on his own. I texting my cousin a lot. I really thought he was gonna make it. I really thought he was gonna be okay and go home.

Uncle Lan is my dad's cousin. He's always happy and smiling as far as I can remember. There was nothing negative you could say about him. Lin and I are like good friends. She's younger than I am but we'd hangout whenever we can. I got married and she had her thing going on. We live in different states but I remember making a point to go see her and her parents this one time we were down south. It was a short visit but it was way before the pandemic. 

Anyways........I finally called my cousin after I came home from the salon and after taking a shower and all. She was crying. A lot. I cried too. And I cried some more after that.......and then, Shu told me.......Kamal sent him a text message........he said Ayie passed away.........From lung complications.......

Ayie was in our band. He was on the bass guitar. He was writing songs with us. He set up the band. It was the 4 of us. I am still trying to understand this........I cannot grasp the very thought........

A kaka what?!

 My sons (strange but entertaining) asked me if I had seen the bird Kakapo. Ali Imran said that he's been spawning these birds in his Minecraft game. He said if you look at the pictures on Google, it's buruk.......

Heh...... Sirocco, is it? I am not good with birds.

So, here I am with another episode of how I injured myself today........ This time, with shampoo......... Seriously, FidZy never learn......

For those who are curious, I was not aware of how runny my shampoo was and when I pressed the pump down it squirted vigorously onto my palm and ricochet into my left eyeball. For some reason, my right eyeball got itchy so I decided to go ahead and rub it with the back of my right hand. Congratulations to me, now I have bits of shampoo in both my eyeballs. Did I mention it's minty?

That wasn't the end of this horrific experience of mine. I was left squinting because my eyes were somewhat burning and after a while, I developed a headache from squinting too damn hard.........

*sigh*

I was telling my dad about Safiyya and her doodles and my dad was telling me about how I used to be growing up. He then proceeded to tell me how he and my mom used this technique called "Human Potential Development" Basically they'd talk to us like adults when we were still in the womb. So when they said "be whatever we want to be and they will support us", they have incorporated some constraints to avoid surprises......... 

😑

Don't ask me wtf I just wrote........ I basically became....... What ever I wanted, whenever I felt like it........ Haha........ 

So I decided to do this.............

 On the 7th, I decided to join a virtual run......only because I thought the medal was AWESOME looking! 

Yes......it's a 75 km run............I was trying to be realistic about it so I set myself to complete this run in 42 days.........I haven't run since........since.........before I got pregnant with Yusuf.......he's 8 this year.........

This postcard was sent out when I hit the first checkpoint. It's pretty cool and I really like it ^_^

Anyways,this is my progress so far........I had about 1% more to go to hit that 40% Plant-A-Tree mark but I couldn't do it. Oh yes, since it's quite dangerous to go out and about and that I am terrified of leaving the house, I can do other things like HIIT Workouts or walks or whatever and convert the timing using a chart they provided..........

I haven't taken a break since I started this and the number of days I have vs the amount of kilometers I have left is always going to bug me. Shu said that this is good motivation for me since I usually workout to maintain a certain weight, now I have an actual goal set for myself. 75 km is hard work. At least for me it is..........

How I Got Here.......

 I am blessed with unconditional support from Shu no matter how crazy my ideas sound sometimes. He always proves my family wrong when it comes to things they don't think I am capable of doing myself. I guess it's coz he's got great supportive parents whose always praying for us not matter what we have planned.

I always feel like you can do whatever you want just as long as you know the way or even if you don't know the way, there is always ways to learn. We learn new things everyday. We also relearn things that we have long forgotten. I've come to a point in life whereby I have accepted the fact that I cannot change people and their ways of thinking but I can change the way I see them instead and that changes how I would react to whatever they say.

I always tell myself (and Shu) about how I need to stay focused and on-track so that I wouldn't get caught up in the small stuff. There are a lot of things out there that annoy me or just things that I wish I could change for the better but in reality, I can't do much about it. So, I change the things that I can which makes a difference to me instead.

I'm not like super crazy happy and bubbly like it's all butterflies and rainbows everyday but I've learned that I have to give credit to myself more. I may not be able to do a lot of things but there things that I can do which most other people can't do. I count my blessings everyday and it makes me happy to know that whatever I have makes me happy.

People (family) will talk. They will always say things like you need a bigger house or you need to get a job or your kids need to learn this and that........believe me, try walking in my shoes and you'll know why I sometimes just shut myself off from the world. I like to see my kids happy doing whatever it is they like to do. I like watching Shu conquering one mountain after another from learning things that he likes and I let him do what he wants to do coz it makes him happy.

I am opened to accepting people for what they like and not judge them coz you do you!

the curious case of the pink vibrator

 Strange things happened in such a short period of time but yet, they entertain me ever so...........

For example......the title itself........I'd rather not talk about it........

On Friday night as I was forcing myself to get some sleep to get us ready for the event on Saturday, a friend of mine texted me multiple text messages. Hearing so many chimes from my cellphone charging on the chest of drawers, I got up and looked to see if it was any form of emergency. 

She wrote "I am sorry to hear about your mother......"

My reply was "What happened to my mum?"

It turned out that someone in Taman Tun who also went by the same name as my mother who also happened to live on the same road as my mother was reported to have been diagnosed with Covid.

I called my mom and my dad picked up. It was around 11:30pm at the time. My dad asked what was up because my mom was praying. I asked him if she was alright and told me what my friend told me. He laughed and said "Oh yeah.....about that. She's been getting calls all day about it......she's fine......."

So I cleared it up for my friend whom apparently got the information from her aunt who lives in Taman Tun.

On Saturday morning, we had to get up early because we were scheduled for the second dose of vaccination. Prior to that, we told Yusuf to pray that Shu and I make it through safely. It's actually a prayer I say everytime I have to leave the kids. He got sensitive and worried so he prayed and prayed for us.

The vaccination went on very quickly. Our appointment was at 10:30am but we decided to head in at about 10:15am-ish. There was a quick briefing and then we queued for our turn. The guy at the first counter asked if I got myself tested in the last 24 hours. I did. Apparently, he said that I should have done the swab test instead of the spit test because it is more accurate. That wasn't good information to find out right before getting the shot. It was a negative anyways but I took the chance to get the shot done and over with because I refuse to have to schedule for another appointment.

Due to some clothing complication with one of the ladies before Shu, I was asked to get my shot first. We were done by 10:27am. Shu had the time to video call Ali Imran's teachers for his year-end school review before getting our numbers called to complete the waiting period and sign off as completed.

We received our completed digital certificates at 10:32am. We headed out and got some coffee and food before driving home.

We got home.Took our clothes off and washed them and showered before heading over to Shu's sister's house to get the kids. We are currently trying to ground ourselves indoors for the next 14 days. 

I did not get a fever. I was tired yesterday so I slept early but I got up this morning and felt fine so I decided to workout because I've skipped 2 days. It wasn't super important but I had energy from all the food I have been consuming the day before since I got super hungry and decided to ditch my diet. I didn't do a full on high intensity workout routine (although all my routines are high intensity). I did the routine with minimal intensity just to get back on track.

So far, I am ok. Shu is ok too.  

Sing the last thing on your mind

 The last word on your breath

I'll be the one to keep you, keep you at your best
The last thing on your mind
'Cause I don't need your mess
I'll be the one to keep you one disaster less

I'll be ok..........

It's been a hot minute since I last felt anything............well, let's start with my weird-ass dreams. I've been having sleepless nights......again.........It's probably anxiety.........I'm not gonna lie, I am terrified of having the whole country open up again coz I am terrified of people as it is......It's gonna be weird but not really coz we're never usually home anyways and when we are away, there are usually people........

I have good news too in the last couple of days which I am excited about hopefully,if everything turns out as planned.

Oh yeah, my weird dreams...........Usually, dreams that stresses me out are the kind of dreams when I have to drive. The other night, I dreamt that my teeth fell out. Then the other night, I dream about some terrifying scream from a dead girl who has her throat slit opened and she's dead in her kebaya with batik sarong but she is screaming.........Last night, I had the least weird dream coz I dreamt that I met Justin Hawkins. I was ecstatic. The stress began when I decided to jam with him and we couldn't get our guitars in tune. 

So....so weird.....Gone are the days and nights when I'd dream of snakes or flight.

Was on vid call with my mum yesterday. My aunt was there and my dad and Qarim. My dad was talking about his bald head coz I told them that my hair is super long coz it's been over a year since I last had a haircut. My mum and aunt still insists that I continue lecturing...........I have dreams and Shu is helping me realise my dreams. I could do remote lectures since I doubt if I'm gonna be at "home" home.

I was asking Shu about working out after getting our second dose of vaccination. He told me about his brother's friend(s) who died. One guy probably died of Covid but he went running outside after a few days of getting his second dose of vaccination. His other friend died of Covid while her husband was recovering from the hospital (of Covid). She has a 2 year-old kid.

I am not planning to leave the house within the next 14 days after getting the second dose of vaccination. I workout at home,indoors anyways. I just want to know what to expect. If I need a longer time to recover then so be it. I am in no hurry to get back into my routines if my body isn't ready.

give me a second go

 Don't let me go alone

It's been quite a week. I am recovering from a really bad migraine. It's a long story. So many things happened so quickly. I don't know where to begin..........

I feel like time has been slipping away from me and the next thing I know it's the weekend again. My eating disorder is getting out of hand coz I think that's how I got sick last year 😕 Actually, it's not an eating disorder.......at least I don't think it is........I just have problems feeding myself the right amount of food my body needs. I think it's more of a mental disorder that I am aware of but I sometimes lose control of it.........yeah.......that's it........

I think us celebrating Eid at Shu's sister's house on Tuesday was actually the second I left the house since I went to get vaccination which was on the 10th. It's weird coz I am kinda stuck in between doing a few things all at once and I am not actually getting anywhere.

Shu and I did a second take on the vocals recording the other night. It's actually harder than it seems,trying to get my vocals on the same pitch on the 2 verses and the 2 choruses which has 2 different ways of singing. My writing is at a standstill coz I can't get my words out right.

My head is everywhere and somewhere at the same time. It's hard to explain.

It took me 2 days to get over what Cassius Rex did. No, I am not going to explain who he is nor will I explain what he did. He just pissed me off and I wasn't ok with it.

It's been a long while since I last jammed on the acoustic guitar and the last couple of days had been hurting my fingers like crazy. I miss it though........jamming.......singing..........not caring or thinking about what comes next...........

I dangle up on rooftops

Before I push you off...........

Was on the phone with my mom a couple of nights ago. She's been getting worried about things in Taman Tun because it seems like more and more people have died from Covid. Taman Tun is a small town. You really know just about anyone there. I also think everyday people die and people die from the pandemic. It's just alarming when things like this happen to the people around you even though you don't know them personally.

I keep telling her to not lose her shit now. Kak Yah has been telling her to keep it together too coz it's one thing if you are down in sickness but losing your motivation and muchness is not going to help in the slightest bit. Also, I keep saying it again and again. If you don't have any business being out and about, you probably should just stay indoors. If you do happen to be out and about amongst other human beings, it's probably a good idea to get rid of your clothes that you wore out and stuff em all into the washer and take a thorough shower before interacting with other people at home.

Why is it that people always feel the need to be outside? Even during a lockdown they feel the need to be out and about doing something absolutely petty like buying kuih. WHY? And seriously, if you have kids, the playground isn't as important as their health and safety. Just stay in.

Eid Adha is coming up. Last year, we drove back to Terengganu coz Shu's parents didn't have anyone to help them with the meat cutting and distribution process. I like going back to Shu's home. It's always so much fun. We haven't been back ever since. There's been lockdowns after lockdowns and Shu's parents are here in their Selangor home anyways. I just miss the drive and scenic views. And sunlight..........

I also am in need to get a haircut. I last cut my hair last year.........in June. Yeah, it's been over a year......I am not one to always spend so much time at the hair salon but I do it yearly coz I hate being idle and away from the kids and Shu. I can't have too complicated of a hairstyle either coz I spend a lot of time working out and doing things like swimming or soaking up the sun and salt water by the beach. I've been giving the kids haircuts anyways. My boys are growing out their hair. Safiyya needs a haircut every once in a while coz her hair gets super long and in the way. Shu has been wanting a haircut but I have been trying to convince him to grow out his hair. He has nice wavy hair. I like it ^_^

Good heavens!

 I look rather ghastly! - my thought almost every morning when I get up late and look into the vanity mirror across my bed. I need sunlight......

Anywho, Shu and I were informed that we would receive our vaccine on the same day and time

Shu's sister offered to have the kids over at her house while we were gone. We got up early...... Well, I didn't really sleep much. We got there super early. Ended up waiting in the car coz they let people in in stages. 

Once we got in, the process was rather quick. I was happy to see a lot of adults taking their parents and getting their shots as well. 

Shu was ahead of me. Funny how years ago before we married, I was teaching some nursing students here. The place have come a long way since I was here last. 

So far, I haven't felt anything strange or different about myself. In fact, I have started my workout routine again today. 

¿Qué pasa?

 Honestly, I'm not sure. I tend to freak out. Shu's doctor friends whom are on the Covid Task Force Team in KL sent a very terrifying video about the actual situation in the Klang Valley. 

It's like what you see when random videos are passed around. The store room becomes the morgue and just outside the door is the waiting area where people are waiting to get treated and there are patients being treated in the same area because the rooms are full.

They said that it's becoming a disaster zone. This problem is very real and as much as I wish I could be confident enough that we can push ourselves to survive, we also need to be vigilant around the people we care about. We need to keep our motivation up.

I've been avoiding from having to go to places like the clinic because I don't want to risk catching anything. I don't think I can go through being separated from the kids and Shu.

This is not the time to be selfish or stupid or both. 

I'm looking rather pale these days.........

 I need some sunshine on my skin. I need some warmth. I've recently developed some form of allergy of somesort. My skin itches and I have little bumps everywhere but due to my "no scratching" nature, I haven't had scars on me nor do I make things worse. They're just itchy.

Been spending the last couple of days on this event

It's so amazing! It started with this video 

https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aYomzmv_460svav1.mp4

Now, all I ever listen to is this

And this

I also have spent so much time.......well,too much time on new theories about the Egyptian mythology and Ancient Egyptian Gods.......but,that's not for here and now............Shu said I should write a thesis about it.........Maybe I will..........

mi guitarra

 

Pretty sure I was 14..........or 18...........

I was in secondary school at this time.........and that's my dad's hand adjusting the mic.......

Jamming at home in my own world..........Yup,secondary school........who took this picture anyways?!

UIA. Definitely!

RadioEdit days.........

Got out of the shower the other day

 And I found this on the bed......

Turns out, it was a delayed anniversary gift from Shu. He ordered it but Gucci couldn't ship it out any earlier coz of the MCO. It's so bright and floral at the same time. I love it ❤️

Safiyya is going through a Dora phase. I made her the Map from an empty kitchen roll the other day. 

And then, me and my scrolling, window shopping mode discovered Dora's Backpack! 

We've been doing a lot of art too...... 

And Safiyya decided to make a totem pole. Today, her surprise gift arrived for sleeping in her own room and going to potty on her own..... She's all grown up...... I'm gonna miss her 😭

Kate is supposed to be mine but I let her play with it. She's finally getting the hang of dress changing when it comes to dolls now 😊

the test result was a negative

 I'm not pregnant! 

YEY!

I think the stress is slowly creeping up on me. Things are gonna change real quick real fast...........I am slightly worried if I cannot cope. Nah.....I got this!

I was sitting out with Ali Imran during his science class today coz they had to talk about materials. His teachers are so committed but he's just not very expressive so he looked bored and I had to tell him to speak up a little and show what he was doing. I think I'm gonna have to do this more coz I don't know if he's actually present during class hours.

I was also monitoring Safiyya tracing lines to help practise writing letters. 

Holy smokes,she was asking me about Medusa today so I showed her some pictures of Medusa and gave her a little background information about the Greek mythological creature. I personally like Medusa but some photos online spooked Safiyya out a little.

Then, for some reason we kinda moved on to Googly Eyed Octopus.....

After that, we were looking at Dumbo Octopuses........

And after that, the Vampire Squid.......

I think I should go to sleep.........but OMNIA is on and I really like this song.........

she's so pretty and she's so sure

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone.......

 It's been quite a weekend. We discovered last week that in order to get banking done these days, you gotta make an appointment using what ever numbering system the banks use. So, what could have been done on Friday last week had to be done this morning. I was lucky that the lady upfront at the customer service department and the security guard were both so very helpful. A little downside to the bank that I was at is that because it is a small local branch, there were no waiting room inside and therefore I had to wait outside. It was 9am so the sun was really hot. The damn thermometer in the bank went off coz I was hot........HAHAHA! 

Geddit! HAWT!

Anywho, because we were early, Shu parked the car right up front so I went in the car to cool down and tried the thermometer again. This is a problem if you're outside in the hot sun and suddenly inside where it is air-conditioned. Well, at least I got done what I needed to get done. The people at the bank are so helpful. Actually, a lot of people have been very helpful. I'm a noob who hasn't stepped foot outside in a while.........I'd still order coffee from a cafe and have it to-go -_-

This one time, I did that coz it's automatic and the lady at the counter told me that dining-in is not allowed so it has to be a takeout :)

I used to hate that stupid thermometer where you'd have to get real close to get your temperature taken coz I didn't want to get too close to it that I could touch it...........

June is coming to an end and I am running out of time. We are running out of time. I need to get a lot done before the month is over. 

Shu's birthday is coming up. Also, our season pass is expiring soon.........

I am so nervous.........

Shu's sister finally gave birth to her twins today

 It was a planned cesarean so it was quick. Her babies are big and healthy 😊

Safiyya built a fort from the sofa today and she's been in it all day. Shu had to migrate her fort to her room coz we're all going to bed.

I think I am coming down with something. I think it was too cold last night. It's been raining late in the afternoons.

If things go according to plan, major changes are bound to happen in the next few months. I can't speak of it just yet but it makes me feel both nervous and excited at the same time.

I've been doing a lot trial-and-error with the drill set I got a few months ago. We have a lot of shells and Safiyya wants me to make her jewelries and I'm trying to make her a wind chime. I've broken a few shells and ruined a couple of drill bits along the way.

Things would be so much easier if I could stop hurting myself! I burnt my finger(s) the other day. Prior to that, I cut myself from using the serrated knife 😑 

Today is one of those days

 When you've done your workout and feel like you died and you just know that you are going to be in so much pain in the morning 😁

If my grandma was still alive, we'd be celebrating her birthday today........ 

Just like the seed , I'm chasing the wonder

 Shu and I were having coffee after lunch today and had a talk about the things that annoy him about people in general. He said that lately, he seems to be surrounded by people who complain and whine a lot. When they were working and busy and had a hectic schedule, they were complaining and whining and now that everyone's got more free time, instead of looking for a hobby or just finding useful things to do, they have more time to complain and whine.

I think they just need an outlet. It's like blogging. It's an outlet and a place for me to let out emotions in the form of words. I don't mean to harm anyone in any way and I feel like they feel the same when they complain or whine...........or rant.........

Shu's just annoyed coz he too had plans that didn't turn out the way he wanted them to but he just kept it to himself. I'd usually talk to him or write or blog about things that bothers me. I think they need an outlet. Getting a hobby is a really good start. But again, I like to write out wherever and whenever and it's therapeutic. I highly recommend it ^_^ 

I've also noticed how people have a lot to say about a lot of things but most of the time, it's just comments and nothing more. The slight problem is that they like to say it out loud as if it makes a difference at all. Again, I cannot stress this enough already. DO something PRODUCTIVE even if it is a comment or a remark or a personal opinion. Be progressive and productive. Also, dream a little. It really helps to just plan out a huge dream that seems impossible to do but until you try to do something about it, it's not gonna get you anywhere.

Things change and plans sometimes doesn't work out the way you want them to but I am pretty sure you have other plans too. Have multiple plans! Shu and I are both dreamers and we spend a lot of time talking to each other about what we'd like to achieve someday and we are opened to suggestions from each other regardless if it sounds impossible. 

Today was our 11th year anniversary of being married

 Shu got us food from Shangri-la KL and desserts and coffee from The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. We got dressed and even Safiyya had her makeup done 😊

It's been 11 years! And we've known each other for almost 20 years! Crazy how time flies. We have new adventures set up for us and there will be new challenges. The kids are old enough for new challenges. I think they can handle it 😉

I know that Michelle Branch's All You Wanted had always been our song but this song had always reflected how I feel about you ❤️ I love you, Foxburr-San! 

Can you say DELICIOSO?

 Who's that super cool exploradora?

Qarim got married on Monday afternoon. He got a call from the authorities to get it done before the lockdown coz who knows when they'd be able to get married after this. He and Izreen agreed to get it done and now they are married. It's actually not a complicated thing to get done but people like to complicate things. Shu and I told my mom so many times over that if you don't spend so much on the wedding, they can save all that money to start their life together.

Once again, I have managed to keep myself awake at night by thinking and overthinking unnecessary things like Rosie the Shark. Why? I don't know. It started with curiosity, I guess.

Anywho, Shu said that my workout posture is getting better these days. I really was working on my core strength all this while. I wanted to stay toned and maintained a certain body weight. I'm happy where I am today. I think I managed to lose about 5kg since March 2020. 

I have new projects to work on during this lockdown so I hope I am occupied enough. Shu and I have been jamming to the Power Rangers theme song. I'm gonna just say this though..........I don't know how Hetfield plays the riffs and sings without losing the tempo. Shu's guitar solos have improved so much over a period of just months. He plays Justin Hawkins' solos for God's sake! I'll upload it onto my IG jamming page once we are confident enough to record it ^_^ 

The studio is a mess. It usually reflects the state of my mind but I just can't seem to be bothered enough to get it cleaned up. I really need to rearrange this space badly!

Woke up today and Shu told me my friend's mom passed away

 She was battling Covid in Serdang hospital. Her dad recovered though. I asked her about the burial procedures and she said it was done accordingly. The saddest part is that my friend lives in the south and her parents and family are here in KL. She said she's OK. I hope she is. I hope her family is OK too. 

Hello there and welcome to the 2nd year of the 2-week lockdown!

 I hope this means that they have an actual plan to slowing down people movements and boosting up the vaccine distribution. I'm gonna keep my cup half full. I believe in wisdom behind things happening. I lost my muchness yesterday but even though I haven't pulled myself back up entirely, I am feeling more like myself today 😊

Anywho, Shu and I were talking about stuff today. I have come to a point of acceptance whereby I truly think that if I were to die, no one in my family would give a shit or know that I died until...... Whenever........

I'm not mad or whatever. I just think that it's always been this way and they really couldn't care for things other than themselves. I also think that they lack gratitude.

I also think that they hate the fact that despite me putting up a facade of being the dumb blonde in the family, I make sense when shit happens and they can't accept the cold hard truth.

I hope my brother gets married on Monday and I hope he's happy. After all, that's what really matters ☺️

Boating

 When I say I like to pile things up onto my plate, I really do mean it. In a matter of about an hour, I have learned more things that would keep me up and busy in the next couple of days....... I hope.......

Once things are actually moving, I'll update it somewhere. For now, I am super psyched because I am actually learning something new 😊

This MCO is boring the living crap out of me, I'm not gonna lie. I've started working out again after about a month of break. I was in pain in the last couple of days but my body is used to it now. I injured my left shoulder slightly from a side plank but other than that, I'm good.

Shu has been talking to me about our finances because I think it's important that I know what's going on. He used to think it would worry me unnecessarily but I know that one of these days, I'm gonna have to know things myself.

I haven't left the house in a couple of days already. I've been trying to convince my plants that if they don't buck up, I'm moving them back into the pot of soil.

Safiyya came home from playing outside today and told me that she wants a bird........ Like a pet bird....... 😑 I'm not keen on the idea of keeping a bird locked up in a cage. She's gonna have to just befriend one outside from the wild.

Ali Imran is obsessed with Witherzillas and Witherstorms....... I don't know what he's talking about and it worries me.

Yusuf had been talking to the phone while playing Roblox with his cousins. Again, everytime he shows me something, I honestly have no clue what I'm looking at.

Yey, FidZy!

Today, I realized that Ali Imran and Yusuf are in 2 different schools in 2 different districts. So, the public holiday today only applies to Yusuf's school and not Ali Imran's. He missed his class anyways......

Yey, FidZy!

I hope Safiyya won't fall off her bed tonight.......

😕

How's it going?

 It's been a hell of a year........ I finally finished reading the Quran........on my own.........I know, I know........some people get it done within a month. Well, I am not eloquent enough to be reading with a group. I might slow people down. However, I am not like إقرا level either. Also, I read the الكهف every Friday. It's ike 12 pages long and I never get it done in one seating..........

Anywho, apart from me trying to not scream out loud to MKN to just STFU about telling us how to live our lives, I just wish they'd just do their job and actually get things done............

We had to cancel 3 of our holiday trips and it's coming up to June. Dude, I am and have been staying at home. What are these people doing anyways?

I swear there was a point to this entry........

Oh yeah!

My mom got vaccinated some weeks ago. Shu and I are waiting for our turns.........

In 2020, I learned how to build a house and waterproof bathroom tiles. I also learned a lot about woodworking.

In 2021, I learned to make coffee at home.....barista style. Shu got me the grinder and a manual coffee machine and all........Recently, I have been learning how to sail a boat. Boating 101,basically. I am just gonna keep myself occupied and try focusing on something just to get by until.......well, until things get by...........

We are in the planning stages of building a house. One, from scratch and the other is just a matter of interior decorating and fixtures,I hope.

Seriously, by 2022, if shit doesn't get better,I'mma learn how make a damn rocket and fly myself away from this planet yo!

October 23rd 2018

 Sometimes, I want to say things not because I want a reaction but just because I cannot contain it. Most of the time, I am unprepared or simply not anticipating a reaction at all but I get it anyways because I decided to say something.

October 18th 2018

 This world lacks romance. I hate this world. I cannot live here. 

My dad turned 62 the other day

 

This is him cutting the cake we sent him with Hamza and Suhaila coz the damn MCO does not enable us to cross district borders. We video called him and my mum though.

I'm not sure if I understand just WTF is going on right now. We have somewhat of a lockdown but not really. Case numbers are...... Well, just numbers at this point in time. I don't know if it makes any difference at all, really. Schools are closed but malls are opened.

Oh! We discovered a new variant of covidiots! They wear masks and gloves while going around public places. They touch pretty much everything and with the same glove they've been touching things with, they also touch their faces.

So yeah...... Case numbers....... What's that? 

Yesterday was Eid

 With all that's happening, people are having a hard time celebrating. But I still see and hear a lot of fireworks everywhere around us. That's a good sign. A lot of people get emotional on this day for some strange reason.

Last night, my mum forwarded a text message to me which she received from Tasha. Well, Tasha had always been considered as part of our family since she came to our house when she was 9 years old.

She's an only child. Both her parents were always busy with work. They used to take her to the mosque. That was where she met my grandmother. Then, my grandmother introduced her to us and she started hanging out with us.

I babysat her all the time growing up. We got along. She even followed us to UK this one time. It's funny coz her parents just let her go with us.

Anywho, she was telling my mum about how thankful she was to have ever met us and that we let her be part of our family. I still think of her as a sister. Shu used to fight with her and my sister when they were kids. It's so funny every time I remember those days.

I hope everyone is doing well these days. Selamat Hari Raya to everyone ❤️

metronome

 There is something magical about the Hummingbird. Everytime I pick it up, it makes such magical sounds and I'd record awesome samples. The playbacks on my phone is surreal.

Things are brewing and everyone is losing their minds.........on different levels. I keep telling myself that this is the first time this generation is dealing with a pan-ass-demic. From vaccine disputes to death rates and now we have numbers. They seem meaningless because people need to survive. We are running on backup plans after backup plans. It's getting quite exhausting at some point.

We need solutions. Suggestions have been put forth but we need something done.

The only way I am staying sane in the midst of all this chaos is to focus on what is truly important to me which is Shu and my kids. If I ever lose myself in the crazy world of never ending pain, I'd break. I do my part to help however I can but I can only do so much because I am limited to my capabilities and resources.

The new routines I have developed over the course of about a year has done wonders for me. We cannot lose our muchness for if we do, we might lose ourselves completely.

Sometimes, it seems like I pull myself away from this world which seems selfish but this world has done nothing to help me in times of need. I owe nothing.

Ali Imran turned 6

 Last week, it was Ali Imran's birthday. We planned a birthday celebration for him. Coincidentally, his cousins came over so we had an actual party.

It wasn't as elaborated as we hoped but he was happy. He didn't even eat the ice-cream cake even though it was oreo flavoured coz he doesn't like ice cream 😑

On Friday in the same week was his cousin's birthday so we went over to their house. We'll, the kids did. We came by later. I think they are getting bored.