october

My sister will be back in about 6 weeks time for her wedding. I am psyched! I miss her. My mum will be heading down under with my aunt tomorrow for my sister's graduation. I hope everything goes on well.

In the meantime, I have been planning a lot of things to do when she gets back. Typical!

I need to be at a beach.Badly :-/ I love the rain and all here but it's not like being at a beach and diving into the ocean water.........and getting tanned and burnt at the same time. Yusuf hasn't even step foot on a beach! It's been way too long!

I haven't been sim-ing which is weird. Been wanting to do it for sometime but my daily routine has changed so drastically over a period of a couple of months.It's crazy. I'd go to sleep on my bed and wake up on Yusuf's bed the next morning. Half the time, I cannot recall what's happened the night before. It tends to get scary :-/

ときどき

I sometimes feel like this......

And then.......

All of a sudden......

And........

天国

It's been months since I became a fulltime stay-at-home mom and I am telling you, it's pretty tough. I am just lucky that I don't have to worry about house chores like washing the clothes or mopping the floor. Still, it's pretty tough coz I have know where Yusuf is and what he's doing and when he is awake, I'd be sure to not pay attention to anything other than him.

He's turning 9 months soon and I am still having sleepless nights. I am just thankful that I am able to be with him around the clock coz I know that many moms have to work and they'd worry about their children being at the daycare centers or if they'd have to leave their kids at home with their maids. You just can't trust people these days. I don't trust people. It's our kids, not theirs. There is no guarantee that they'd be watching what your kid does.

A number of kids have died from careless mistakes made by the people who take care of them. Yes, they also include parents. Maybe I am just being paranoid but either ways, I don't think it's something you could just take lightly. I mean HELLO? Kids are people.........

Anywho, my routines have changed over the last few months or so only because Yusuf has grown and developed a lot of new personalities. He's very eager to stand up and Shu and I are trying our best to create an environment for him to be able to practice standing up. Soon, I'm gonna have to take him to the playground >_< I can't wait! He's been wanting to interact with other babies these days.

There's one baby girl living on the ground floor at our condo and he seems to like that girl. Always waving at her and calling out to her whenever we take him for walks downstairs. He needs friends and definitely a sibling or two :D

trying out stuff on the camera

It's a regular digital camera. I am not that enthusiastic about photography :p

fighting dragons and having fun while it lasts

I said that.......
Once.........some time ago.......
I forgot that I did........
Maybe its coz I am fighting a different type of dragon these days.........
Still........
I am having fun........

^_^

精神层面

It's been a long while since I managed to sit down and just write. It's been a very VERY busy several months. It was Ramadhan and then Syawal and the travelling. The funny thing is, Yusuf seems to not mind.

We spent 6 days in Terengganu. It was fun. Hari Raya there is always fun. It does get tiring at some point but I guess we don't feel it much coz that would be the only "balik kampung" journey for us. We got home and chilled for a bit. Met up with my family and all. And then, we decided to go see my grandma at my dad's hometown coz one of my aunts haven't met Yusuf. It was all good fun but you can see that everyone is getting older and although we do pretty much the same thing we do every time we head down south, it's different this time around. We are no longer the "kids".

Anywho, our trips down south would always mean we would make a stop at the Johor Premium Outlets before heading back. Managed to get Yusuf some clothes. After that, we headed over to Malacca. The initial plan was to stop by for some Assam Pedas Daging Tetel . But of course, since Shu was on a long leave, we decided to go into Malacca town instead and looked for a real restaurant to have this signature dish.

It was my first time eating assam pedas and it was seriously pedas. I am not into spicy food but Shu is the exact opposite. He chews chillies. The food was great but the time we spent looking for restaurant was not as expected because Shu asked someone he knows for directions. The dude said "It's not that far. It's just around the corner" which was actually about 1 kilometer of walking distance from where we parked. It was dark sooner than we thought and before we realized it, Yusuf needed to be fed and bathed. Shu's back up plan was to spend the night in Malacca town.

The funny thing about the plan was that only Yusuf and I had extra clothes. Shu and Mar needed to get new ones. Luckily, there was a thrift store just across the street from our hotel so we did a little last minute shopping just to survive that night and the day after. It was fun. We visited a museum. Did some sightseeing. Snapped some photos. It was fun.

Shu eventually extended his leave which was great timing because the following week, Yusuf turned 7 months old and Shu turned 28 years of age. We had some nice dinner on Shu's birthday. Oh yeah, that very same week was the time we visited Aquaria just because I wanted to see the sharks. Yusuf seemed to like the tiny, fast swimming fishes. It was a good week.

Yusuf's energy level has increased tremendously that I am having a hard time keeping up with him. He's practicing to sit and he can move around really, REALLY quickly. We actually got him an inflatable pool just so that he can sit around in the lounge area knowing that he won't injure himself when we have things to do in the kitchen. His crib can no longer contain him. His legs would come popping out from the sides every now and then.

All and all, I am glad that he is not a passive baby. I am an active person. Growing up, I had always been an active person. Shu is also an active person. Someday, we hope that we can start playing badminton or tennis or squash with Yusuf...........or go running!!!!! I still have my skateboard. My dad gave us his old fishing rod. We should all probably get scuba lessons someday..............the list goes on and on.

P.S. The Aquaria trip this time actually helped me figure out how to counter my fear of fish ^_^

君だけを

For a while, my routine was sim-ing and then,it was ps3 gaming and then, it was anime watching........and drawing and writing in between but then.......it has now some to just browsing and liking fb statuses since I no longer have the luxury of doing anything else only because I make it so. I don't want to not spend my every waking hour without Yusuf when he is awake.

He'll be 6 months old on the 21st and he is getting to be quite the drama king. He has preferences. He knows who he wants to hang out with. He knows what he wants to do and what he wants to see. We can't leave him alone on the bed AT ALL coz he'd get from one end to the other in a matter of seconds. Yes, he has a crib but he still sleeps with us on the bed. He's been sleeping with us on the bed since forever. I made him that way. At some point I am beginning to doubt if the queen size is gonna hold the 3 of us at all.

I spend my days rolling with him on the bed. Sometimes, I'd take him out for walks around the neighborhood. Sometimes, I'd carry him around the house. I've tried getting him acquainted with felines but he's not there yet. He's fascinated by lights and sounds. We've already started feeding him since he's always drooling watching us eat at the dining table. The only problem is he prefers his biscuits over his rice porridge.

I've been having his leftover food for breakfast several times this week alone coz he refuses to eat. There are times when he'd finish up 2 biscuits at a time. Other times, he'd fight and struggle trying to not eat or drink. I don't force him. The only thing I have been worrying about him since he first came into this world is his temper. He gets it from both me as well as Shu. I hope he won't embrace that as much as he gets older.

July

Ramadhan is so far so good. Tarawikh prayers would always depend on Yusuf and how he is coz he doesn't have a pattern. He's sometimes asleep and he sometimes need me around. His right eye got bitten by an unknown insect this morning. Just under his outer brow is red and swollen a little. The doctor said its definitely an insect bite but its external. I hope it heals quickly.

Yusuf has recently began eating and its funny how he prefers the rusks over the rice porridge. We have to feed him immediately or he will refuse to eat. There was this one time when my mum fed him and he got angry coz my mum didn't give him enough. The food he refuses to eat from time to time are usually eaten by myself :p

We recently went back to Terengganu. It was an awesome 4 days.Finally, Yusuf was awake and we took him on the beca. It. Was. AWESOME. Hahahaha!!!!

We need to move away from the city ^_^

prayers

This year has been a very trying year. First the heat, and then the haze (which isn't seem to be getting any better).

But of all the things that has been going on, there are 2 babies who desperately needs our help (prayers).

One baby (whose name is not allowed to be mentioned) was recently diagnosed with cancer. He's only 8 months old (if I am not mistaken) I was crushed when I heard the news. I've been crying a lot when ever I think of him. I've never met him though but the thought that he has to go for chemotherapy at a very VERY young age always gets to me. I hope he isn't in any pain. He's just a baby.

The other baby is a 2 year-old girl who was adopted but her paperworks were never done properly. At the age of 2,she still does not have a birth certificate. To make it worse, it turns out that she had a bit of an accident with hot water some time ago and I discovered that her foster parents did not take her to the hospital because she doesn't have a proper record here in Malaysia. I hope she's ok. I hope she'd find better people who are more responsible to care for her.

On the brighter side of things, my sister came home last week and she brought her recently converted friend with her. He's a nice guy and is good with kids. He seems to get along well with Yusuf. He's finally spoken to my mum about marrying my sister. I hope things will go well for the both of them.

In fact, I pray and hope that things will go well for everyone.

I'm also praying for it to rain. I hope it would rain for a few days to help with the haze. My house has been all closed up because I don't want Yusuf to inhale any of it since he was born with frail lungs. Although he's strong now, I don't want him to get sick because of this.

sunlight

We took Yusuf to his follow up (check up) at HKL yesterday.The appointment was set at 2pm but we got there earlier coz we weren't sure where the building was and what we had to do.Shu dropped us off at the pediatric building and parked the car elsewhere coz the place was PACKED. He parked all the way at IJN :p

I got Yusuf registered and weighed and measured and then we waited for our turn. There were so many people but there were a lot of doctors on duty and plenty of room for everyone. It turns out that the doctor who checked Yusuf was the doctor who came to see him the morning after he arrived at HKL.She was aware of Yusuf's condition and she thought Yusuf seemed very healthy. Alhamdulillah.

However, we asked her about what Yusuf's pediatrician said to us last week about Yusuf's head growth. There a growth chart used by the hospital in Bangi and HKL have their own chart. So after doing a bit of measurement and comparison, we decided to get Yusuf's head scanned anyways just to be safe. We were referred to the radiology department to get an ultrasound scan done on Yusuf's soft head.

Alhamdulillah, everything seemed alright eventhough Yusuf was crying so loud and hard through it all coz he was sleepy and in shocked when we placed him onto the hospital bed. After the scan, we headed back to the clinic area to get the printed photos sorted out and explained.

While waiting, I was distracted by the babies and toddlers around me. There were 2 sets of twins and a very tiny 4 month old baby. Yusuf seemed rather big compared to the 4 month old baby beside me.The doctor said its coz he is fully breastfed so he is healthy and strong. Then again, Shu said the baby I was looking at looked small but he/she weighed just 1kg less than Yusuf's current weight :p

After 2 hours, we finally were able to leave. I just so thankful to know that Yusuf is alright :)

never growing up?

Oh Hello Avril! Never thought I'd see you again the way I first did back when I was 16 ^_^

waka waka

I've been fasting. Replacing and trying and hopefully succeeding at puasa sunat. So far,it's been 3 days. I skipped a day. So far so good. I still have a long way to go. Gosh! I think I have been trying to repay and replace debts (with God) since forever! This just shows what kind of person I have been :-/

It's been so hot. I know that eventhough 33 degrees Celsius isn't as bad as most other places in the country, I do feel it coz I keep getting thirsty throughout the day.I almost drank this morning forgetting that I was fasting. Yusuf hasn't been able to cope with the heat.

Ok,wait. Yusuf never had been able to cope with heat. He sweats ALL THE TIME and then he'd get restless. He hasn't been wearing socks or bootees and mittens anymore. In fact, he's been wearing minimal clothing to help him not sweat. I've been drinking lots of water to help him. I just wish there was something I could do about the heat.

Shu got the car tinted super dark. The air conditioner in the room doesn't seem to help much. I'd set the aircond temperature at 22 degrees and the room temperature would only go down to about 29 degrees max. Hah! The sun sets in a way whereby the red light of the sun setting would glare directly into my room. This makes the room hotter than its supposed to.

We usually have every possible door and window opened just to get some air flow in the house. After 6pm,the house gets pretty warm coz we'd have to close everything up so that the mosquitoes won't get in. I need to fix some screen doors badly.

The cool thing about this house is that we'd have random insects coming in and out which is also a bad thing coz some of them can sting. I DO NOT LIKE FLYING INSECTS THAT CAN STING! >.<

Yusuf's hospital trip

I don't know how to explain it but I think it's coz my son was born with a condition, Shu and I became very VERY overprotective over him. People always say "It's ok,he's gonna be fine" Well,I don't think we would wanna risk anything. It's hard enough to go through 10 days (or more) after birth without being able to hold him and just watch him from outside the incubator in the NICU. I've decided to not risk anything when it comes to him.
I will take care of him.
I will feed him even when I am tired.
I will entertain him.
I will pray for his well being.
I will learn to understand him in times when we are unsure of what's happening with him.
I had cousins who says things like "Our kids were all born early and spent 6 weeks in the incubator" Well, my son was born with lung infection and there were times when he couldn't breathe. He was constantly on the oxygen support so I don't think that our situations are in the slightest bit similar in any way.
I told Shu that I don't trust daycares and even with a maid, I wasn't about to let her juggle between taking care of Yusuf and doing housework.
I've had times when I would come out in the middle of bathing just to feed him coz he's crying. There were occasions when I'd be praying and he cries so I'd stop and calm him down and then start praying all over again.
I'm not complaining. I'll do it for his sake.Until he is stable enough and strong enough, I'll be on my toes for him.

awesome possum

Weekends are usually fun but tiring coz sometimes we'd wake up super early in the morning just to make the most of it and then we'd be out all day and then we'd be home by nightfall. Other times, we'd just laze around at home and play video games or clean the house or maybe just run out to get some groceries.

Speaking of groceries, I am yet again OBSESSED with groceries.  It's weird that growing up, my favorite time spent with my mum would always be grocery shopping and I could memorize the items and aisles. Now, I seem to still love doing it but lately, I've began making lists of the price of things we'd buy and compare them between the hypermarkets/supermarkets around.

I used to be obsessed with laundry but eversince we got someone to do it, I kinda not do it much anymore. I should get back into the habit of cleaning my clothes myself. It liberates my soul. Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!

When I was pregnant, I used to have problems sleeping at night and sometimes, my cure or rather thing to do to past time is to clean the toilet floor. It's weird.........

wedding bells?

OOOH! LIFE!!!! >.<

Despite the chaos this country has been going through, I do pray that what ever the outcome may be,it is for the best. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and I pray that we all have faith in God.

Speaking of everything happening for a reason, I did receive some good news about some people I love getting pregnant. It is wonderful news! I can't begin to express how happy it makes me feel inside!!!

Also, Yusuf recently got a new cousin who is all the way in JB ^_^ Can't wait to see her!

And last but not least, I do pray that this will indeed end well for I always feel that something good such as marriage is a sacred thing to do. I do hope that my parents will find the light in all of this. It is always a happy moment to receive new family members.

house hunting?!!

Hahaha! Lately, we've been looking at houses AGAIN. My husband is looking for a house with a bit of land. No, won't be selling off this condo. We would most likely rent it out. Anywho, we were in Nilai the other day just lookin' around thinking that I might have to move for my new job and all. I love some of the houses. They have very unique designs and layouts and DUH it definitely is cheaper than here! But of course, I had my eyes on the 1.3 million Ringgit house :p It comes with a swimming pool!!!!

We're still looking.........and then, we got side tracked........by the idea of getting a bigger car since our current car is all full of stuff. We have Yusuf's stroller occupying 60% of the boot and Yusuf's car seat in the back. I love our current car but then, we thought.......how about getting a Hummer?! WOAH!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Insanity strikes! I ain't payin a 6 liter SUV road tax! The idea of a bigger car is a good plan but not the Hummer.

It's been weird for me lately especially since I began getting attached to a certain TV Show. I watch cartoons and animes. Not TV Shows. Waiting for a new season sucks. It's like being stuck in space until the new season is released. How the hell did I get here?!!!!

I FINALLY managed to get a haircut!!!!! I thought it would take forever that my hair would end up all over the place when ever I walk around the house.It's short now. Also, the post pregnancy hair loss is annoying me.

It's been really, really, really warm these days. Lately may not be as warm as before but it is warm and it just so happens that my son does not do well in warm weather. He's all red and sweaty and he'd get all annoyed. He bathes 3 times a day and just before bed, we'd have to make sure he is wiped clean with warm water before getting his last diaper change for the day.

The past few weeks have been pretty tiring and fast moving. I hardly leave the house on weekdays. Oh wait, I never leave the house on weekdays.My life is basically revolved around my son.And yet again, I am being spoiled by Mar.She makes sure I eat rice at least once a day coz I have to feed Yusuf. I must say, breastfeeding has motivated me to eat healthier food these days. I'm still a junkaholic but not as bad as before.

I was hanging out with one of my husband's nieces back when we were in Terengganu. She likes Yusuf a lot and they converse with another from time to time.She said she wanted to trade Yusuf with her youngest brother so that she can eat Yusuf. It was funny. She was doing a bit of writing with me. Maybe next time I should bring a whole lot of papers and some toxic-free crayons and we can all have a good doodle time together. Me and all of Yusuf's cousins. Yeah, we should do that...........

PCTFD

Ya know......with all the elections coming up and stuff,I feel like I get more and more annoyed by FB. I mean yeah I am aware that when it comes to elections, campaigning is definitely something unavoidable but when it gets a bit too much, it gets annoying.

Here's how I see it. This event affects everyone coz it could make a drastic change especially when it comes to helping out the needy and of course, knowing that our tax is well spent. I have my stand and I know which direction I would want my country to head to. And yes, I do talk about it with my family and all but let's just  face it, even within a family, not all of us are looking at this the same way and its fine coz I respect their opinions and point of views.

And yes, we have supporters who are campaigning online and stuff. I totally think that its definitely a step up from how it's been done before. Kudos for that. Yey! And again, not everyone is seeing eye to eye on this which is cool coz that's what makes us all different anyways.

What I don't get is that (typically) when rivals come head to head, they each have their own goals and stuff. It's up to us to either accept it or not. Having said that, I can't seem to make sense of it all when the supporters from both sides begin behaving just as bad as the other. So you say A is not a good at ruling coz he's done all this crap and so on and so forth, well, OK, it is time for a change then. But how the hell would that statement convince me when you are behaving the same damn way A is behaving!

The changes you propose are supposed to make things better but it ain't lookin' no better when you start dissing the same way.Not cool AT ALL.It's like we're deciding between 2 sides of the same coin.WTF?!

Again,it's probably a mentality issue.A major issue most Malaysians are facing. I honestly do not have anything against the candidates but I do hope that they can just tell their supporters to CALM THE FUCK DOWN! We're all in this and we're all rooting for a change and we've all been paying our taxes the same way so just please,let's not get things out of control and stay calm.

I do wonder if there would ever be a major change where social problem is concerned. Just trying to do what's best for my kid :)

random shenannigans

I haven't been quite myself lately.
I don't know if it's coz I have nothing much to do or if I have a bit too much on my mind.
Either ways,I have been drowning my so called "lost" self into playtime and bath time and feeding time with Yusuf.
He brings much joy to me.
He speaks now.........in a language which only I can understand.
He's currently in a phase where he is testing his screams. It gets pretty loud. He recently discovered that screaming in small spaces such as in a vehicle or in a department store is fun to do. Of course it is!
And he also discovered that playing with drool is so much fun especially when he is able to tilt his head forward and let his drool get all over his shirt and the arm of the person who holds him and best of all,the floor.
Sometimes, I'd feed him and at some point, he'd play around and later starts choking on his saliva and milk. Of course, I'd have to bring him upwards and pat his back till he is able to breathe again.
He loves bath time and splashing around in the tub.
He loves getting all his clothes off except for his diapers and mittens and booties.
I can tell that once he is able to get up (crawl or walk or run) I may need to put a bell on him.

death

On Sunday night,on our way back from my aunt's place in Subang,we stopped by for some food at some gas station. All of a sudden, my husband received a call from one of the guys at work. He asked where my husband was and what he was doing at the time. He asked if my husband had read the WhatsApp message he sent. It turned out that one of the boys at his workplace had passed away that evening.

It was a shocking news to not just my husband but to me as well.I still remember my husband's reaction at the time. He was out of words. He may not have been the best of friends with the boy who died but I could tell that he couldn't accept the news very well.I may not know this boy but everytime my husband comes home and talks about work,he never fails to mention this boy regardless if its a negative or a positive note.

He was only 23. He rode on his superbike on Saturday night on his way back from dinner with his friends. The accident happened on Jalan Mahameru.It was reported that a white Myvi ran into him and drove off.It was a nasty accident as the Myvi's bumper broke and one of the half of the bumper was on the road.The impact was so hard that the boy was thrown on to the road on the other side where the traffic was heading from the opposite direction. He failed to get off the road coz another  car crashed into him.

His injuries was irreparable. His right leg almost came off. His internal organs were not working that what ever the medical officers tried to put into his system did not get through.His body rejected everything-water,blood,medication.At the time,the boy remembered his father's phone number. He was taken to HKL. He couldn't survive and at almost 7pm on Sunday,he died.

Yesterday,my husband and his manager went over to see his parents and returned all of the boy's belongings. My husband said his parents were still crying.It was even sadder when his mom saw the box with her late son's name on it.I cannot imagine the pain she was going through.It was a sad,sad moment and I can't help but feel like his death was not a justified death. I know that as a Muslim,we must accept fate but I am sad.Truly sad for what's happened to the boy.

being parents

My husband once said "Usually,whenever I walk in a mall and I see parents....they're always doing weird things.But now that I am a dad,I am doing just the same weird things........." And then,when we were on the hunt for the right stroller for Yusuf,we began to realize that there are just so many kids on strollers being pushed around the mall. My husband once accidentally pushed Yusuf and his stroller into a pillar coz he was too busy looking at this one chomel baby in a stroller. What's even weirder was that I was walking ahead of them at the time and I too was looking at that same chomel baby.

Haha.........

Having a baby is like a dream.The pregnancy seemed like forever and when we (Yusuf and I) finally meet,it's like we've been the best of friends since forever.We have our own way of communicating.We understand eachother and now that Yusuf is beginning to see his surroundings,it's hard to not look at his reaction to everything.It's hard to be apart when I spend my every waking (and sleeping) moment with him.My whole world has changed from my sleeping and waking hours to my decision with work.I am constantly looking out  for him and listening extra careful (whenever I am outside while he is asleep in the bedroom) to him just to make sure he is alright.

This is by far the biggest responsibility I have ever had to carry and honestly,I've never been much of the type of person who is up for any form of responsibilities.Seriously, I am like fixated on Yusuf.I wonder if most parents are like this with their first baby.

planning ahead

We've been having a lot of talks about a second child.Well,I am in the mode of preparing myself for a second child.Not in the near future but we know for sure that Yusuf cannot be an only child.It won't be fun.

Anywho,we're praying for a girl.We already have a name for her.But in case we get a boy,we've ruled out a few names for him too ^_^

It's April!

I've recently sent in my resignation. I did it coz I can't seem to get the hang of things with my baby just yet. He needs me an awful lot and I can't seem to get as much milk out of myself as he requires if that makes any sense at all. Well,the deal is,in order for me to be away from him in long hours is that I need to have some milk pumped and stored for him till I get home and I can't seem to do that. He drinks a lot. A LOT.

People tell me coz baby boys just are that way. I can't say really coz he's only my first child.Anywho,I'll be jobless for a few months or so until I am able to get things under control. In the meantime, I am using up all my leaves.I mean ALL of it.

The other reason for my leaving is that my account is closing.It's actually more technical than that but to put it into casual words,it is closing down.That would mean that all of us shall be deployed into other accounts since it is the company policy.Having said that,it would and could mean that I might have to go back into shifts which isn't really a problem. My only concern is that I won't be able to work night shifts anymore after this.My son is my priority.

So,the best thing for me to do is to leave.

On that note,I've also began to realize a lot of things having to do with the people I work with or rather,their mentality.I don't know if my husband and I are the only 2 people I know who sees this but when we go to work,it really is just work and nothing more.But the people I work with are a bit strange in the sense that they feel like if we work together,we are considered friends.

Haha........seriously? I may have very few friends but I have my reasons.So anyway,these so called people I work with would have activities I keep having to decline invitations to coz my off days are spent with my family and that is how I like it.It's nice of them to keep me in the loop but really,I have my family.

Sometimes there would be a slight fuss about why I never join in.After a while,I guess it stops.Then,something unexpected happens.I started working a different time doing different things.Yet again,that caused another inconvenience I guess since my job no longer had anything to do with the rest of the team.I began to be the spot of bother to the mass.

Most people began speculating as to what my job role was and why I was doing what I was doing and not doing what I was doing before and so on.The best part is when they'd start complaining.It starts with A complaint. Then,it turns into a huge whining session. "Why haven't I been called up to work at this other department?" "Why doesn't the manager let me transfer?" "Why?" "Why haven't I bothered trying for the post the department is offering?"

WHY?WHY?????

Because........you guys are fucking idiots.Do I look like the manager to you?!Do I look like I am the right channel? DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR BLOODY COUNSELOR?!

I've been dealing with my manager directly all this while and I have gotten the answers I was looking for regardless if they were what I wanted to hear.......or not.At first, I played the nice person who would just sit back and listen.After a while,it gets really tiring.Same shit over and over.I kept asking why they wouldn't just go to the right people to talk about this.Hah! The answer(s) to that question would be along the lines of "Oh they won't listen" or "They'd just turn it back around against us"

Wow! I am quite surprised that I managed to put up with all that for 2 whole years! So yes,I am resigning for the sake of my son and my sanity.It's not about the money,it's not about what I do.It's the people I have to put up with.No wonder my husband almost went crazy the first day he had to deal with managing people! Of course,he is a much stronger person than I am and he is not the type to be all diplomatic about things.

I just wish I had the guts to tell them all that the answer to all of their WHY questions was "becoz.........YOU SUCK" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

what time is it?

Iiiiiiiit's AADVENTURE TIME!!!!!!

I admit it. I am an addict.

Still.......why doesn't my cellphone have a voice recorder? Weird.......

Random. I know.......

Pointless? A little......

I miss home :-/

I am in need of a little change. I am feeling creative and I need to channel it out or I will self destruct. Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I just need to channel it all out ;)

run baby run

Things have been moving pretty fast these days. Yusuf is stronger now. Heavier. So much more that I can hardly hold him up to feed him. He is longer. He can now fit into the bigger clothes he's had since he was born. He knows how to differentiate his parents from other people. He reacts to sounds and lights. Give him a bit more time and he will be able to control his head and limbs. He doesn't sleep as much as he used to. All he wants to do is get up but he can't do it on his own. He prefers sleeping on the bed with us rather than being all alone in his crib.

We have yet to shave his hair and cut his nails.I don't think he can fit his newborn baby diapers much anymore. I mean he still fits into them but it won't be long till his size changes to bigger ones. His new sleeping time has helped me get back into my old sleeping routine. I no longer stay up at night and sleep in the day.

I will miss him a lot once I start working. I really don't want to be away from him especially when he is growing up so fast :'(

Yusuf-ness

This entry will be full of pictures...............................

When Yusuf was born.This was taken in the labor room after he was cleaned.

Yusuf in the MNICU in HKL. We weren't allowed to hold him but we could clean our hands and touch from outside the incubator.

Yusuf's first day outside the nursery. Spent his first night with me in the open ward with other mothers and babies.

Shu holding Yusuf. This is their first picture together.

Yusuf's first picture with his eyes opened.

Yusuf at home, on the bed with us.

My view whenever I feed him.

Sleepin' like a baws.........

Sleeping..........

Sleeping........

BOO!

Yusuf is abah's little boy.

The day we met........

Frozen, I held my breath 
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found a home for my heart.......

I was allowed to hold Yusuf for the very first time on January 28th of 2013. That was exactly a week after he was born. I was the happiest person in the galaxy. I've been waiting for him for so long. I was longing to breastfeed him for so long. It was funny because he and I were trying to adjust to each other.He had never felt my arms before and I was learning to hold on to a newborn.

I stayed at the hospital that night because the hospital wanted me to learn how to cope with him once he gets home. It was quite an experience because I was constantly waking up whenever I heard a baby crying. It wasn't always Yusuf coz there were other babies in the ward. Other babies who were not as lucky as him coz they were all under the UV light despite being able to be with their mothers.

Yusuf recovered. Shu had been going back and forth from TTDI to HKL every single day.Our prayers were answered and Yusuf was discharged, finally. He spent his first night in TTDI and then we moved to Bangi coz my mum's house is full of cats and it may be a problem for Yusuf as he is recovering from lung infection.

My God! I remembered crying so much the night on the day I gave birth. I was so worried about my baby and all I thought about was how it was all my fault. Yusuf came out at 36 weeks of pregnancy. Most babies come out between 38 to 40 weeks. The doctor said he pooped in the womb which may have caused the lung infection in the first place.Babies would only poop in the womb before their due date coz they are stressed.

Anywho, Shu and I are just glad that Yusuf is back home with us now. We spend every single minute of the day watching him sleep and talking to him when he is awake. Shu will spoil him :) I can guarantee that.

birth

I gave birth to a baby boy named Yusuf on January 21st  2013. It was the most beautiful experience. The pain was excruciating at first but as soon as I heard his cry, all the pain was gone. My mum was right. The feeling is indescribable.

Unfortunately, Yusuf was unable to come back home with us. It turns out that he has lung infection and had to be brought to a hospital with equipment that can help him breathe. After making several phone calls, Yusuf's pediatrician was able to get Yusuf a place in HKL. He was rushed with an ambulance there at 2am in the morning. Shu followed him because I was still held back at the hospital.

Yusuf had tubes all over him. His oxygen intake was low. He couldn't even get 80% of oxygen into his body without the help of the machine. I spent the entire night crying. Shu did too. It was horrible because I was waiting for the nurses to bring Yusuf into the ward to be breastfed but instead he was taken further away. We didn't even get to hold him.

Before I was transferred into my room back in the labor room, the nurse brought Yusuf to me just for a kiss on the forehead and then he left.

Shu and I had been visiting him in the hospital everyday. Shu spends a lot of time at the hospital as I need to be confined at home. But I do go to the hospital still because I miss Yusuf and I want to spend time with him. I miss him every single day and I cry for him every night.

We've been praying for him and we just want him to be alright so that he can come home.

He's been recovering and his almost done with his antibiotics. I just want him to be ok :'(

Pain is.........

January 19th 2013 marks the day whereby I have proven myself to be an ultimate failure. I failed as a person and I failed as a friend. I was depressed and under a lot of stress and as much as Shu and I saw it coming, it was just a matter of time till we made the move. We sold Pebbles. She is no longer in our lives.

I cried so badly. I tried not to because I knew that we can no longer accommodate the cats. Space is such a problem and I hate the fact that Shu is constantly cleaning the balcony. Pebbles was Shu's best friend. If there was anyone whom she'd sit on and finds comfort in,it's always Shu. She and I are housemates and she understands the house rules. That's about it.

Every morning at about 6:30am, she'd get hungry so after prayers, I'd feed her. Then, she'd sleep the entire day till about 7pm. And then, she'd get hungry again. Sometimes, she tends to get a bit annoying like when she starts running in and out of the house and bringing dirt and dust all over the place. She tends to be noisy too at times especially when she sees bats or insects inside or outside the house.

Today, I finally had the courage to talk to Shu about it. I know that it hurts him more than it hurts me to let Pebbles go. Shu said her new owner has other Persian cats as well and she seemed to have adjusted herself as soon as she walked into her new home. Shu even called the dude up today asking about how Pebbles is doing. So far, she seems to be fine.

 As much as I was sad to have let her go, I was much more disappointed in myself for putting Pebbles through all this. Shu hated the fact that she wasn't treated as well as she deserved to be treated. It's not like we'd get physical with the cats but the fact that we'd lose our temper and start getting all angry at her is just not something she deserves.

I've never yelled at her or touched her when ever she does something wrong but I feel like she deserves a more comfortable home and that we cannot provide her such. If we didn't love her, we wouldn't have spent over a thousand bucks on stuff for her and Georg.

I was thinking to myself that if we had never met, she wouldn't have had to go through all this and I would have been able to spare myself the pain of losing her. It hurts so much more than having someone died. I was so depressed and sad that I couldn't be alone without shedding a tear. I keep seeing her around the house since I spent the last couple of weeks sleeping out in the lounge with her.

I am so sorry, Pebbles.

44 days countdown

Went to see the Gynea yesterday morning. I felt like I was gonna collapse coz I was rushing for the appointment that I didn't bother eating first. So my blood pressure was a bit low. I've put on another 600g. So overall I have actually put on about 6kg. I think the baby weighs about 1.9kg now. He may sound small but he is definitely filling up space in my tummy. I asked my Gynea about the symptoms and pain I have been going through and she said its normal. I am actually considered to be on the luckier side compared to other pregnant women. My hemoglobin count was less so I was instructed to change my supplements just until I give birth. I am after all a bit on the anemic side.

I still have problems eating red meat and eggs but so far chicken is alright. I have been desperately trying to change my sleeping routine back to the way it was because in the last couple of weeks, I have been sleeping at about 3am and waking up for Subuh prayers and then falling back asleep till just before Zuhr prayers. I am eating much less portions of food but much more frequently throughout the day.I can't sleep on the bed anymore so I have been pretty much on the couch most of the days and nights.

I think if my bodyaches don't go away after giving birth, I may need to schedule an appointment with a chiropractor :-/